Creativity While Quarantined – Creative Life Midwife

Coffee Shops, Third Spaces and Intentional Conversations

November 24, 2021 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Through the window of Dagny's, a coffee shop in Bakersfield, California, friend's magically appear and inspire creative sparks in one another.

I am a lover of coffee shops, especially locally owned coffee shops where creative people gather to connect, to converse and to create community. Most of the time artists and solopreneurs work from their home spaces so having a “third place” helps us to feel like we are a part of something bigger than ourselves. The phrase “third places” was started by sociologist Ray OldenburgRay Oldenburg and refers to places where people spend time other than their home (‘first’ place) and work (‘second’ place). They are associated with being locations where we exchange ideas, have a good time, and build relationships.

I used to be a regular at a coffee shop in Bakersfield called Dagny’s. Even as local other coffee shops started and succeeded, I still favored Dagny’s. I would go there and “hold court” meeting up with people on purpose and by surprise. Friends would bring their friends and the conversation would take tangent turns and I could literally spend hours with changing groups of friends coming and going.

I remember once talking to a brand new friend about the premiere Stravinsky’s “Rites of Spring” in 1913. Her eyes got huge, “I have only known dancers who know this story!”

When the pandemic started, I knew I would run the risk of missing the conversations I most loved to have at Dagny’s: intentionally more deep than the average complaints about weather or politics and gripes about the coffee they were out of or the limited bagel supply.

I love deep conversations on specific guided topics.

I started something called “Coffee and Intentional Conversations” in March of 2020 with no end date in mind. We first met for an hour a day six days a week, now we meet twice a week for an hour.

We have a core group of friends who are diverse ethnically, we have different beliefs and live in different places. We don’t talk politics because we don’t want to bring our divisions to the table, we want to bring our connections to the table.

I have often wondered if the group would continue. I considered stopping it several times, thinking it had run its course and yet people continue showing up. I continue kicking our hour off with a “warm up and introduction” question and on Tuesdays we usually have a topic with questions and sometimes we listen to a poem and engage with meaning and stories from that poem. On Saturdays, we most often play games or have free flow, engaging discussion games like two-truths-and-a-lie or “ask me anything” where we ask each other questions we have wanted to know about each other, but never seemed to have the chance to ask.

Basically, we talk about what I would talk about with people in person except we have zoom screens rather than tables and coffee cups.

We have forged deep bonds during a time that is trying at best – and we have had breakthroughs, deep conversations and encouragement that is unique and exceptionally helpful.

What is your favorite experience in coffee shops or “third places”?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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What have you learned from reading so far this year?

February 16, 2021 by jjscreativelifemidwife

What is the most recent book you read recently because you wanted to experience personal growth? In the beginning of the year, self-help and goal setting and improvement books fly off the shelves and out of publisher’s warehouses.

While this may seem like a simple question, sometimes the books that help us grow may be unexpected. Let’s consider different factors and allow possible answers to surprise you.

This week I finished several books. I finished “The Practice” by Seth Godin and “The Nickel Boys” by Colson Whitehead.

When books become friends, they become lifelong companions.

Reading Godin’s book again is like having a reunion with an inspiring friend. I first read him years ago when i was new on the entrepreneurial, transformational creativity path. What I enjoy about his work is he is aligned with me AND he challenges me to think, act and grow better – with purer intention and awareness.

When I finished “The Nickel Boys” a novel about two young men in a 1960’s reform school in Florida completely opened my eyes. I read and actively enjoyed this book so much that I was known to blurt out joy by saying “Oh, this man can write!” or in dismay, “No, I can’t… I can’t keep reading this right now… no,” and walking away for three days until I felt restored enough to face reality.

At the end of the book, I wanted to fill up the trunk of my car with copies of this book and give it away to people who I know would read it because while we – as white people – can use words like “white privilege” sometimes don’t get it because we can’t quite get it clear. This novel helped to clarify not only white privilege, but the heart of Martin Luther King’s message as lived by a group of young men – while at the same time using language effortlessly and not needing to paint violent details.

One book: obvious personal development. Another book, fiction based on history, quieter and also deep in my core soulful personal development.

Taking a moment to move into a political direction: feel free to step off the post AND please tell about books you have read.

I don’t usually get political here on this blog, but I am about to do so briefly. If you do not want to deal with anything political today, I understand and invite you to simply comment about the above material and know if you are curious, this blog post will stay here for you to consider.

On the same day I am writing this, reports from the New York Times are telling us a woman named Amy Cooper fulfilled her judge appointed goals after being a typical “racist Karen” when she falsely reported a black man on a 911 call for threatening her because he asked her to follow the law and put her dog on a leash instead of allowing it to run freely in Central Park in New York City.

After she was arrested, she went to court and the judge requested she attend five sessions of therapy and proclaimed better. The educational course of study was specifically about racial bias.

To read an article that summarizes what happened, please visit this article from the New York Times.

What if the course of study included literature, film, art & heartfelt conversations?

I wonder what would happen if the educational course of study included reading and reflective writing? I wonder what would happen if Ms. Cooper and others read some books and wrote about what the books meant to her and how she would choose to live those books?

Perhaps we could put people who behave like she did with reading a book, watching a movie, looking at an art exhibit and then reporting back to the world how she grew from those experiences and how she will live differently as a result.

What might happen then?

Maybe we could entrust that reporting to her therapist would make a difference.

With well written, topical works would perhaps be influential upon people like Amy Cooper – and people like us witnessing the broken system and help us move one another and the system into a more aligned place – would learn more than just shouting and flailing and constantly standing on one end of the “us vs them” continuum.

Please share in the comments your book & reading recommendations PLUS any relevant conversation.

Julie Jordan Scott is the Creator of the Radical Joy of Daily Consistency Course which helps people practice consistency and completion daily in order to experience a more incredible life experience. She also founded the free, private facebook community for writers and creative people at all levels of experience: the Word Love Writing Community. Join us!

Gratitude: It doesn’t always look like you expect it to –

February 13, 2021 by jjscreativelifemidwife

This morning I was scrubbing the toilet. Round and round I went with the brush, round and round and round.

I remembered when my son was little and the only way I could get him to allow me to wash his ears was to make it into a game. First we would play the game of washing his hands in the kitchen sink. We would dunk them 100 times in the water and then dry them with a washcloth. We would then get another clean washcloth and wash his ears with gusto and joy, he would be laughing and squirming and I would be grateful for making up this game, otherwise his ears would have gotten horrible and I would have felt like a neglectful mother.

I am grateful I am still able bodied to scrub the toilet.

I am grateful I have a toilet to scrub.

I have had an intentional relationship with gratitude for a while now, but at first, it was not entirely wanted. I didn’t believe gratitude was all that useful.

I knew about people who went on and on about “an attitude of gratitude” and usually they looked about as plastic as the Barbie my daughter played with every once in a while.

Then I hit one of my first rock bottoms on the way to a long sequence of rock bottoms.

I started tracking my gratitude every day and posting it on a now defunct social media meets goalsetting website. I did this for 500 days. Now I use gratitude as the closing to my daily writing practice and teach the same method in the writing workshops I lead.

Ending one’s writing practice with gratitude brings the end of the session to an upswing, something that is often a necessity if the writer has processed a lot of garbage and grit and not-so-pleasant stuff – like most people face when they scrub the toilet.

I’m going to ask you about gratitude – and I want you to pause before you throw down the first thing that pops into your mind.

What are you grateful for that is underneath what you usually say.

If you are grateful for your child, think about what annoys you about the said child and consider what about that annoyance can you claim as gratitude.

If you are grateful for your home, think about a chore that you don’t like so much and think about what about that chore is actually a blessing.

If you are grateful for the sunshine outside your window, remember the last time you got caught, unprepared for the weather – and what brings a smile to your face from that memory.

Now jot one or two of those items in the comments.

Gratitude, when expressed from your deepest gut places, is immensely transformative.

Why It May Benefit You To Consider Tree Hugging Now

February 12, 2021 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Why Hug a Tree?

Remember when we used to be able to hug people without thinking about risking our health?

That’s one reason why hugging trees feels so good right now.

I remember in 2019 regularly attending First Friday, an event in Downtown Bakersfield on the First Friday of every month. Art galleries and businesses downtown would be open and artists would line the streets, performers would be out and “my people” would inevitably either be showing their wares or circulating or performing.

I was guaranteed to hug and be hugged, smile at others and smile back, sing and laugh and play and be silly and for now, anyway.

I don’t have that on the First Friday of every month right now.

What is available is plenty of trees to hug, even in cities.

Yes, what I do have is an abundance of trees to hug.

Trees are in parks, they line many streets and parking lots. They are in my yard and in the yards of friends I can wave to and talk to outdoors from a safe distance.

When I hug a tree, I focus on one thing: feeling and experiencing a hug. On any given day I may also focus on healing for myself,for the rest of the world, the specific tree I am hugging, the neighborhood.

Specific health benefits of tree hugging

When you are tired, you allow yourself to feel the reciprocity the tree offers, just like the reciprocity humans offer. It isn’t exactly the same AND it is powerful in its own right.
You may receive positive energy from the tree, enough of this energy to find myself giddy and laughing.
Cardiovascular health and even obstetrical outcomes are improved when we utilize parks, green spaces, and hugging the trees within as noted in this research from Pennsylvania scientists.

In observing the tree, you will also notice how the branches bend and stretch. These may ignite associations in you like they do for me in my business and my life.
The scents from the trees serve as an up close and personal aromatherapy. You can feel myself relaxing as youhug the tree. Stress relief comes.
Matthew Silverstone noted in his book, Blinded by Science, evidence confirming trees and their healthful benefits includes their effect on mental illnesses, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), concentration levels, reaction times, depression, and the ability to alleviate headaches.
“Nature Deficit Disorder is real! Families need nature in urban areas, reports the New York Times . Tree hugging creates a deep connection point for urban nature, especially during times of Covid.

What I have learned in 52 consecutive days of Tree Hugging:

Since I started hugging trees every day for more than 50 consecutive days, I have never walked away from a tree hugging experience and felt worse. I always felt better.

When I focus on what I can do: I am able to hug trees, even with the pandemic, rather than what I can’t do – I can’t responsibly hug people who aren’t in my household. After hugging a tree, I re-discover joy, I open to what is present in abundance, I tune into what feels better.

How to Hug a Tree Most Easily

There are infinite reasons to hug a tree. What is yours?

When Showing Up Isn’t and IS Enough: Try This On

February 6, 2021 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Sometimes I don’t manage to do all I would like to do and yet, I am always grateful when I show up and when I try. It reminds me of what Brene Brown says, “The willingness to show up changes us, it makes us a little braver each time.”

I have a long history of giving up before I start, so showing up and following through has been infinitely important as I have been soldiering through lately, trying to keep my chin up and my eyes high even when I would rather close my eyes and lean back on my recliner as if there was nothing else to do.

For this lunar cycle I made up a fun affirmation I plan to continue into the next one: “Following through is flowing through and I deserve to flow where I am going.”

What I have found is when I stop showing up, I have forgotten I deserve to feel good.

Somewhere along the course of not showing up, of showing up for others and not myself, of showing up with one easily removed toe-dip into the water I decided to agree with the lies I am unworthy.

Usually these “You aren’t was worthy as you think you are!” lies get loud as the day wears on and it is obvious I won’t come close to reaching my tendency-to-be-high goals and aspirations for myself.

Today, I remembered the potency of such lies – and while I remember “Following through is flowing through and I deserve to flow were I am going,” I also recognize lowering my expectations and showing myself a healthy dose of compassion is sometimes much more important than powering through or ignoring my desires at all.

Showing up and not quite reaching our own expectations is NOT letting ourselves off the hook, it is allowing our humanity to show.

I am human and sometimes that means I don’t reach the heights a super-human might reach. Comparing myself to impossible to reach goals is as harmful to comparing my swimming speed to an Olympic medalist.
I tried – and while some sage characters in popular movies may assert, “There is no try, there is only do” there are many ways trying – showing up and taking action – is doing.
Being a “winner” may mean the bar is set too low. Try that one on for size – and open your arms and heart to continuing and starting and continuing and starting and continuing.

Doesn’t it feel better to be compassionate with yourself by looking at the reality – it is fantastic to have inspirational goals – and showing up even if they aren’t reachable yet is sometimes the very best action possible.

Julie Jordan Scott is the Creator of the Radical Joy of Consistency Course which helps people practice consistency and completion daily in order to experience a more incredible life experience. She came to this conclusion after almost dying and coming back to true healing by writing 377 consecutive haiku… and a lot more along her way to building that streak! To find out more about this program, visit this link, here.

Subtract Anxiety, Add Peace

February 4, 2021 by jjscreativelifemidwife

I wrote a poem today.

I wrote into my phone, in the driveway. It is perhaps more a “pre-poetry jot” then a full fledged poem.

It felt good to write no matter what “it” is.

A tall cottonwood behind a chain link fence at sunset. Title is "Learning from Transition Into Dusk. Staying Calm even when it isn't easy)

Last night I took a sunset walk at the Panorama Vista Preserve. I wanted to walk and I wanted to take photos like I used to, just for the joy, and I wanted to experience the transition from light to darkness.

It was during this walking time I wrote bits of a different poem in my head.

Experiencing natural transitions are soothing and make transitions I am experiencing with my health feel more normal as well. The transition from feeling healthy, full speed ahead to “something is going on but I cannot label it or know what’s next” uncomfortableness would very easily drive me into a higher level of anxiety – which isn’t good for my body and healing in any way.

I sat on a bench facing east during sunset, which is strange for me. Usually I stare at the sun as she moves out of sight, but I was enjoying watching birds fly as dusk settled. Birds whose names I don’t know who prefer low to the earth shrubs, a hawk cruising for a meal, and two loud ravens flew past. As the sun disappeared under the horizon, the burned dust smell of the Southern San Joaquin Valley rose once again making me wish I had an adequate way to capture it in words.

I’m still working on holding “scent of dust” or a better way to say it is I am waiting for the words to reveal themselves to me. Even better than that is the scent of dust is working on me rather than me working on it.

As I turned to leave the preserve I thought, “hmm. No rabbits are out yet.” In 2020, rabbits were a nearly constant companion on my walks here.

I also noted the gorgeousness of nightfall with a grand cottonwood tree, fenced into the yard beside the preserve.

It reminded me of my mass (tumor, growth). I can feel it, I can see it on the outside of my body, but I can’t get close enough to my own interior to know the impact it may have on my life.

I didn’t fall into worry or anxiety with these thoughts, I simply admired the cottonwood and with great self love, gave myself more moments of compassion. Stepping back into my car, I smiled softly.

As I drove toward home, a rabbit sat beside the road. She didn’t hop away, didn’t appear scared, she simply sat as I drove past as if to say “We’ve got this. No need to be afraid.”

I wrote to my primary care doctor and received a response. Today my personal challenge is to call the surgeon and check on the referral for the MRI. Keep the energy moving toward healing. Continue to assemble to the team with love rather than fear.

In my mind’s eye and deep in my heart, I will stand with the cottonwood in admiration without the need to get too close yet.

Ralph Waldo Emerson & Quirky Goals Go Together

January 11, 2021 by jjscreativelifemidwife

“Self trust is the essence of heroism.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don’t you love it when you decide to do something and the rewards far outshine what you had originally believed they would be?

I love on-line challenges. They have helped me to grow and develop in so many directions. I love leaping into them and learning new things, meeting new people, sticking my foot out where I didn’t think it could go.

The Joy of Getting More than You Expected

What I didn’t realize is how rewarding it would be to do something “just because” – and then try it out – and then continue – just because. Not because your boss is telling you to or your partner would be mad if you didn’t, but just because you were enjoying yourself.

It reminds me of the heroism Ralph Waldo Emerson mentions: self trust is at the essence of heroism because when you act on your own behalf, no one is applauding, no one is praising you, no one is standing in awe of your strength in helping them or saving them from an enemy or from themselves.

Turns out, though, that when we are heroic on our own behalf not only do we get expansive results, so do the rest of the world.

Lately I have been going out into parks and sometimes parking lots to hug trees every day.

I know, I know – this sounds like a strange activity – but it is the pandemic and I am not getting nearly as many hugs as I usually do and I am not giving as many hugs as I usually do and trees are there, waiting to be noticed.

A lot of people are lonely for their friends and hugs. Once people started to hug trees, they would discover they are actually a great human substitute. In some ways, hugging a tree is even more profound than hugging people.

A year ago I was waking up and writing short poetry everyday for 377 consecutive days.

It isn’t a quirky goal if it works!

In doing that activity – some saw it as a wacky endeavor, I built up so much self-trust I feel like I can conquer almost any obstacle. Every day, before noon, I found something that fascinated me or at least didn’t bore me, snapped a photo with my camera, and wrote a poem about it.

It became a part of my everyday ritual like sliding my foot into my pant leg every day.

If I put both legs into one pant leg, I wouldn’t be able to walk. If I didn’t write my poem – life wouldn’t feel as good. If I don’t hug a tree, I lose out. The trees around me are much stronger than I am. I like to imagine they are happy when I hug them, but I am clearly getting an enormous amount of joy from them – and building my self-trust one hug at a time.

And now, You: Prompts for Contemplation, Writing or Creativity

Take a moment to consider your relationship with self-trust. How would your life change if you trusted yourself more fully?

What lessons have you learned from self-trust in the past or right now?

Take a moment to respond in the comments or feel free to use the questions as a journaling prompt.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Radical-Joy-of-Daily-Consistency.png

Discovering Uniquely, Wonderfully You

December 9, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

I’m re-reading Randy Pausch’s book “The Last Lecture.”

I am sad to report I didn’t remember much from it beyond his brick wall quote that goes like this:

“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.”

A brick wall image with the quote by Randy Pausch about why brick walls are here - the quote is also in the essay,.

Brick walls and the creative process

I don’t remember him writing his thoughts about his creative process or making of his famous lecture. I hadn’t realized a driving force behind his script came from asking himself what he saw as his personal uniqueness.

He didn’t want his lecture to be about his cancer and his pending death. That wasn’t unique to him, he mused. Instead, what made him unique was his approach to reaching his goals which came about because of who he was as a child.

I found myself recalling the many times I have asked people about their own uniqueness and an almost equal number of times people cannot put a finger on what makes them unique. They might share their circumstances – survivor of cancer, holder of a skillset they share with many other people, owner of an interesting turn of phrase or rare accented language.

All of those traits on their own are sared by others.

The Challenge of Seeing Ourselves as Unique

A group of unique people are gathered, honoring the Margaret Mead quote about every person being unique and special.

What is unique about you includes how you look at life, specifically blended with the actions you have taken over your life. Your uniqueness adds perspective on any given subject: the pandemic, the recent election, where you live with whether you like crunchy or creamy peanut butter.

We are on the verge of a New Year. There is no other time so perfect for a fresh exploration of your uniqueness.

Mix up some of your qualities and begin to see the narrative of your uniqueness rise up. I have started this process myself, but I realized as I started to make diagrams I needed more time for insights to rise up as well as using a variety of different strategies.

The first responses I list are usually very familiar and actually not very unique at all. I’ve noticed the same pattern with my coaching clients: their first attempts may be lackluster and dull.

Take a piece of paper and write the qualities you possess. You don’t need to use a list format, you may instead use a mindmap or simply write words and doodle images in random placements.

Don’t immediately proclaim your uniqueness. Take a day or two to consider as many qualities as possible so that you may determine which are stand-out qualities. Think about the subjects you talk about that make people perk up and want to know more: sometimes it is these things which seem everyday and ordinary to use which are most fascinating to others. Consider childhood scenarios where you were recognized as special by your teacher or peers or by a coach.

Uniquely me, in process. Where will it go? I am not sure AND it is so important to practice with different methods and processes.

Like Randy Pausch, I am going to look back into my memory for what made me feel alive as a child. Immediately I think of the “television network” I created in my basement, “WJAJ” where I had my own show – a cross between “The View” and “The Tonight Show” with one host and many guests (all portrayed at the time by me.

Be sure to jot down what comes up, too. Then step away and let your thoughts sit overnight. Return the next day to your list of qualities with fresh eyes.

What do you see now? What do you feel now?

Name and Claim Your Uniqueness

Amy Gentzler shares her story like this: “Only recently have I realized that being different is not something you want to hide or squelch or suppress.”

Experiment with naming your uniqueness. Then leverage it to make a positive difference in the world.

Guidance through life coaching would will help you gain clarity about what makes you unique as well as clarify your life purpose. I would be happy to hop on a phone or zoom call with you – simply go to my Facebook page and click on “Book Now” so we may arrange at time to connect. +

Julie JordanScott helps creative entrepreneurs transform from decent and “fine” into a shifted, remarkable when they choose to make one small shift to inspire a renewed life of fulfillment, hope, satisfaction and whatever their desire may be underneath their previously ordinary life.

In Doubt of Your Ability to Focus Purposefully?

November 16, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Like many, I have had to get used to having my entire family underfoot during this pandemic. It used to be I would have complete days to myself to work on my business and create courses, content and sometimes even write for pure pleasure.

These days, I have gotten grumpier and less fun to be around.

Today, I was ready to give up until I decided to use one of my own writing prompts to figure out how to stay focused and purposeful.

You can do the same thing.

How can you be more focused, even when circumstances are less than optimal?

Here’s what happened for me: I looked back toward a writing prompt I wrote last week for my coaching clients. I knew it would work!

It started with a quote from poet Muriel Rukeyser that went like this.

“In time of crisis, we summon up our strength. Then, if we are lucky, we are able to call every resource, every forgotten image that can leap to our quickening, every memory that can make us know our power. And this luck is more than it seems to be: it depends on the long preparation of the self to be used.”

From that quote came this prompt:

An autumn scene is the background for a writing prompt directing purpose and focus to summon the creative muses.

Here’s what I wrote in 5 minutes:

I remember as early as middle school when I sat in the back of the room typing away at a typewriter, banging on and on about my passion for music. There I was on a manual typewriter with the clanging return bell and my wild push back with my left hand – music, music, music.

I remember earlier, actually, in elementary school, we had a box for our student newspaper. One day I sat and wrote poem after poem after poem about my classmates. I would write one and submit, write another one and submit, write another and submit.

It was exhilarating.

Back then noise didn’t bother me. In fact as an adult I would spend Sunday mornings in sports bars, writing, while my children were at church. I loved church but I loved writing freely, even in loud bars, more.

So why is it right now I can’t seem to get writing done when it is too noisy in my house, which is where we all are given this pandemic?

It may be because here in the house I am responsible. If something happens, I am the one who feels compelled to jump up and “make everything better.”

I am the “go to for instant solutions.” I am the guide, the champion, the always willing to wake up out of a solid rest in case of a crisis because for Mommies there really isn’t much of a rest.

5 minutes of writing yields results

From there came possible mindset solutions that invited me to take different actions in the future:

Solution?

Give myself a break for continuing to do my work in the world. Trust everyone here can take care of themselves in case of a crisis, big or small.

In fact, each person in this house will be a better human if I sit back, do my work, and be more grounded in my own mission than constantly worrying about theirs. Figure out the noise canceling headset.

I am now free to choose to have a strong, focused week because our audiences are out there, wondering where to find their next inspiration.

After all, during this time, what do we know, most of all?

We have the power to look within and find solutions there, even with limitations other people have chosen on our behalf.
We are strong and powerful in all circumstances.
We can do this, whatever this particular “hard thing” may be!

Let’s have a productive, focused week. If necessary, return to this rescue writing prompt. Heal those negative, naysaying energies.

Find a supportive creative writing community in our private facebook group

How would your writing productivity change if you received varied, niche driven writing prompts daily – also fiction, poetry, entrepreneur, copy writing and video prompts are offered, join the Private Word-Love Writing Community on Facebook by clicking here.

Julie JordanScott lives in Bakersfield, California in a house too small for quarantine life. She leads discussions on Zoom and is polishing her most recent memoir and some poetry for soon-to-be publication. If you would like her to speak to your group over ZOOM until travel is available again, she would be happy to talk to you about that OR maybe you are looking for a slightly quirky, very open hearted, compassionate and tender Creative Life Coach. She would love to speak with you soon.

Tenderness, Longing & a Vulnerable Confession

October 9, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

“True tenderness is silent and can’t be mistaken for anything else.”

Anna Akhmatova

I didn’t know how much I was longing for tenderness until synchronicity knocked on my door because I gave myself an assignment. I couldn’t disappoint other people, I couldn’t hide this material that poured out of me.

But the confession part, must I share that, too?

Must I share the longing?

I remember slight flickers of longing: my mother’s hand on my forehead, a nurse in the hospital after a particularly trying episode, my friend, Linda, covering me with a blanket after I fell asleep on the sofa. Well, she thought I was asleep but I was awake and fully immersed in feeling her tenderness.

I remember toward the end of my brother’s life he had a stroke. I brought lotion to the hospital and gave him a massage so I could feel how death was encroaching on the left side of his body. I would not be able to explain what I felt in his skin, his muscle, his sinew as I touched it, tenderly.

With my children, especially when they were small, I was tender. I remember welcoming their tears, not silencing them. I felt and expressed tenderness to the women refugees I helped as they made their way back to their families.

I wonder if some of the tenderness I express is my longing made into form through me?

I am discovering as I write. I imagine as I share this, raw and unfettered by editing and revision, a part of me will become angry for being so transparent and vulnerable, yet isn’t longing naturally clear and rough at the same time, slightly uncomfortable and on the verge of shattering experience?

Maybe it tenderness was an everyday experience, it wouldn’t feel as sacred nor would it feel as frightening.

Or perhaps, maybe, there will be a time when it becomes ordinary and I can report back to you about my findings, like a researcher on foreign soil noticing nuances unimaginable until witnessed, first hand in hushed quiet.

Maybe the first step is you, reflecting back to me your experience of tenderness as one who offers tenderness or one who offers tenderness.

-@ – @ – @

100 Days of Wonderful Words: prompts for many genre, all written uniquely for each particular audience so the writer may use similar content, sculpted accordingly. Image is mixed media art materials and words.

This blog post was conceived from a Writing Prompt I wrote as a part of the 100 Days of Wonderful Words that may only be found at the Private Word-Love Writing Community on Facebook. Join us to be inspired by seemingly ordinary words through the end of 2020 in a writing place where we hold space for vulnerability and healing from past writing hurts.