Five years ago today marks the end of my “Before Valley Fever Era”, Near Death and Beyond. It feels eerie to realize how little documentation I have from those days—especially for someone like me, who usually captures everything.
Between September 23 and November 27, 2019, I didn’t upload a single photo to Flickr.
Today, the detective in me returns to the evidence left behind, scanning this big, empty gap in my timeline, wondering, “What was happening?”
On this day in 2019, I went to Kaiser – the HMO I belong to. My doctor diagnosed me with walking pneumonia and possibly Valley Fever (Coccidioidomycosis, a lung infection caused by inhaling fungal spores). I felt terrible, but it hadn’t even crossed my mind that it could be something as serious as Valley Fever.
In addition to getting the prescribed Valley Fever medication, I went to my favorite health food store and grabbed a super green smoothie and a shot of some healing tonic. I only know this because of photos on my phone that I never shared.
I also took a picture of Emma wearing her Shakespeare Festival t-shirt. Just days before, I attended a networking event. I was barely present but still valiantly showing up, trying to play along.
I had a headshot taken around that time—it looked fine, but even then, I knew it didn’t quite capture me. Now, I understand why. I recall bumping into my favorite floral entrepreneur, Amanda Klawitter of House of Flowers. I was barely coherent, apologizing for my demeanor, trying so hard to “be better,” whatever that meant to me back then.
Looking back, I realize I’ve always been someone who tries their hardest, who doesn’t want to let others down, who worries about appearing weak, all while carrying the weight of the world in my DNA.
The fact that I went to my doctor at Kaiser at all is remarkable. Historically, I was so focused on nurturing others that pausing to address my own breathing difficulties felt like an anomaly.
Five years ago today, Samuel was off at UNLV, and Emma was home in Bakersfield with me. We had no idea that a much larger event was just around the corner—one that would make lung diseases like mine a shared experience across the world.
What were you doing on October 3, 2019?
With Love,
Julie
Creative Life Coach & Muse Cultivator
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