Creative Life Midwife

Inspiring Artistic Rebirth

How Stream of Consciousness Writing Makes Everything Better

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How Knowing What You Want (Even in the “Little Things” helps with more than you might think) … and putting your desire awareness in the forefront of your subconscious mind helps with even more than that

What my morning writing practice told me:

It came up over and over during my morning writing practice.

What do I want? What are my true desires right now?

I spent five minutes to investigate via writing, stream of consciousness style, the most basic of what was happening right then, what happened yesterday, and what was the plan for today:

I am doing my morning writing practice. Is this what I want? Yes, it is good to be here again

I had a conversation with Marifran yesterday. Was that what I wanted? YES. Definitely.

I went to that pizza place yesterday. Did I want that? Meh. That was an “I settled for that.”

Today I am doing double open mic duty. Yes, I definitely want that.

Today I wanted to be outside and walking before 6 am. Did I make it? I was outside at 6:03 and had a marvelous time before coming here to write with Rob who is working on his screen play. Stakes, he reminded me of stakes. Did I want that? 

I wanted to be outside and I was close to being on time so that was a win. 

Did I want to work with Rob? I was looking forward to working with Andrea so was surprised when Rob appeared  – and was immediately engaged and reminded “What are my stakes?” in my own writing projects.

 Even though I didn’t realize I wanted that, now I see the desire is always underneath, to connect and be inspired.

Were my wants all met and did I only do what I believed I wanted? 

No, they weren’t all met and no, I didn’t only do what I believed I wanted and YES I am satisfied, content and ready to face the day with much more happiness – and devotion to following my desires, finding the place where my desires and wants in the moment match my vision for the day and my future.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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I finished! The book is done!

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Haiku 3/37

Sleep in Saturday

Slanted light slips through the space

Lean back on pillows

———–

I woke up at 7:05 on Saturday morning, which for me is luxurious. Most mornings I’m happily working in my office downstairs by now, often co-working with someone in Europe at this time of day.

Yesterday I completed the final section of the book during a co-working session with a woman named Sara. I co-work with two different Saras.

This Sara works in tech and her tasks are often in sharp contrast to mine. All I knew was I was very close to finishing and needed one more session to hopefully complete these last revisions.

I scheduled a co-working session based on who was available among the people I knew (I know this makes zero sense to people who don’t use focusmate but I have a list of favorite people. Lately I have perused my favorites and chosen from then instead of being assigned to random co-working partners.)

It was a completely ordinary and beautiful and fulfilling and remarkable 25 minute session.

Now the next phase begins on the way to getting this book on its way to “the world”.

This morning as I leaned back onto the pillows I had carefully arranged before journaling and meditating, I saw the light come into the window and I felt that same feeling as when I reported to Sara “I finished the conclusion. The book is done.”

Ordinary excitement from deep inside.

Another day is here. I am here. You are here.

All is well.

Happy July

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch IGTV exclusive videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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Haiku: Leaps to Steady the Course

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I was doing my best to stick with my normal routine this morning but had very little success due to connections not working. I did some testing – all appears to be well now but I also felt strongly I was meant to go for a haiku field trip.

I ate my breakfast and headed out to Liberty Loop Trail, 12 minutes from my house and a part of the Walkill River Preserve like the Wood Duck trail.

I was reminded how a change in scenery, even quite brief, changes so much.

Bridge over the Walkill river with this Haiku written on it. Haiku 6/37 Yellow pike lifts, leaps black shoes hover above ground scales flop, meet water

I’m now sitting at the Winding Waters trail where an AT thru hiker just moseyed by, also. I have seen quite a few hikers this morning as the Appalachian trail intersects with rhe Liberty Loop.

Many are wearing shorts and I temporarily halt the Mom in me from saying “are you wearing repellant? There are ticks around here!”

Both of these trails are flat and easy loops – perfect for this sticky weather.

If you wonder how I got to be such a good fish identifier, google is magic, as is my bird call app which just informed me within 1 minute 9 different birds were singing alongside me. Later I will listen to each of the 9 and continue to practice listening more faithfully.

I knew a fish 🐟 was jumping near me, shallow jumps – so I was primed to spot this grand leap. So I googled and found “walleye” which they also told me is also called a yellow pike. There is a lot of fishing here and they stock the river with these….seeing as I’ve only managed to catch one fish in all my years of living, all fish ought to feel safe around me. 🐠

The first year I wrote haiku was also the first year I saw a fish leap like the Yellow Pike did, today. I believe it is something about practicing close, quiet attention and presence.

I did not want to do much of anything today, but the devotion to writing haiku every day because you might be looking for it dragged me up and out of my doldrums to be on the Liberty Loop Trail and experience these moments of haiku with you.

Do you ever use apps to identify the nature around you?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch IGTV exclusive videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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Welcome to Summer Expansion & Your Next Chapter: The Preface

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I didn’t realize how long I have been away from my blog.

I left at the same time I started a 5 day a week, 5 hour a day job after more than twenty years as a creative entrepreneur and freelancer. It was quite a shift to work every Monday through Friday on a contract with an educational institution.

While I am grateful I did so, I am also even more grateful to be back for a time of expansion with you.

I have finished my draft of my book (with a working title) “Living the Haiku Life” which will be going to beta readers next week for the first round of revisions based on other-readers-insights.

The Primary Focus of the Summer Expansion will be sharing a daily haiku with inspirational narrative.

These are the building blocks of the Living the Haiku Life Book and are a part of that celebration. I hope you will return daily in July to continue spreading the joy and experiencing self growth in the process.

Expansion doesn’t have to be a struggle. It may be as easy as an inhale – and an exhale.

Let’s begin now.

Haiku 1/37 Summer 2023

Three birds sing one large,
one melodic, one dainty
Welcome to the porch

Sometimes it is the invisible that matters most.

This morning I took notes before this haiku made itself clear to me. I watched a watery, cool morning breeze play with my hair and the leaves of the bushes in front of me as I rock on this front porch, so different from the Alta Vista front porch.

Last night I had a sacred moment, a time of honoring, with a skunk who took cover in the plants beside the porch to the left of where I am sitting now. What a dear one. They skittered when I turned into the driveway, on an emotional high from spending a good chunk of time with the grandbaby where we sang along to Carly Simon, Jackson Browne and danced with the GoGo’s as we sang.

There is almost nothing more precious than a baby shaping her lips to make the just right sound – and being so thrilled with the result her entire body quivers and leaps as a result.

In July I’ll be sharing haiku from exactly where I am because by the time we are complete at the end of the month days, I will also be complete with my braided memoir which tells the story of how haiku saved my life (across 377 days that time!) after I almost died from Valley Fever & Sepsis in Fall, 2019.

Returning and being in a completely different place seemed so glaringly obvious – and just right.

I am so grateful to share this time with you!

Woman (Julie Jordan Scott Julie JordanScott) seeming to burst through a broken wall on an abandoned home.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch IGTV exclusive videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.


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Planting the Seeds of Love: Overcoming Resistance to Encourage Growth

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Hands touching rich, dark soil and a young seedling showing a nurturing energy

Early in the day, everyday, I start with writing practice. Today, it led to something rather extraordinary.

I was reminded as a theater director and writing teacher, facilitator and coach, how much I value process work. Sometimes that is where the gold is found even more so than the final product.

Today, I am going to be transparent and bold, sharing with you my process of drafting wrestling with my thoughts through words. What you will read is the question I asked at the end of the “Mining for Writing Gold” process I created and use.

I always end with asking a question of myself and then free flow writing for five minutes. This time, it was longer than five minutes because I knew there was more there for me to explore.

My hope is you find value in witnessing the process. I’m also wondering if you ever enter into loving, open-hearted conversations with yourself? Maybe you view your inner conversations differently. I would love to hear more, hopefully after you gain some gold nuggets from my process.

What are the seedlings – the sprouts – to overcome my struggles that seem so inherently cooked into me?  I can’t see or taste or notice them in me and yet they are there, like a virus or allergen that makes me sick at times.

I find myself wanting to go elsewhere. I want to look up quotes or google something. I don’t want to just sit with the imagery and the question I carefully crafted. I will stay. I will ask myself the question again.

What are the seedlings, bravely pushing through the rocky soil of resistance – the invisible destructive force, not the airy, gracious force I also say is there yet I don’t always act as if that is the case. I stay in the unripened state, the inert, filled with great question that sits in the core of the seed, not yet initiated into the seedling stage.

It is the potent question and the belief there is healing medicine within the answering of the question, the living the question where the seedling grows.

Giving space for the answer to rise – the seedling then, is the question + space + light + nourishment + belief – 

I take my hands away from the keyboard. I am onto something.

I am going to pause for a few moments and re-read, allowing the seedling I have just managed to create to bring more to us, right here right now,

The seedling grows when it is surrounded in love: the air it breathes, the water that brings it nourishment, the space around it is drenched in love. 

Once a coaching client asked me, “What does love mean?” and I had no idea what to answer.

From the perspective of the seedling:

Love is staying with me, not turning away frustrated when you don’t understand what I am trying so hard to tell you.

Love is bringing me your innermost secrets, your uniqueness – not holding back. How can you be afraid of me, a little seedling, when all I want to do is make this world a better place – just like you.

Love is witnessing the people we meet not at the surface, but at their core. Love is seeing the uniqueness of each one and the similarities we share. Honoring the uniqueness and delighting in the connections.

Love is being willing to set down the rushing agenda to be with the mindful agenda where we both find value in mutual restoration.

Second part: how to nourish the medicine within the seedlings as they grow and become stronger?

I went longer than five minutes. 

The second part may come up later. We’ll see.

Woman (Julie Jordan Scott Julie JordanScott) seeming to burst through a broken wall on an abandoned home.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch IGTV exclusive videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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Tradition: Every Sunrise a New Beginning

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Morning sunrise photo from Northwest New Jersey

My tradition of watching sunrise on New Year’s Day began twenty years ago today. 

On that day it seemed sort of extreme: Mom of little children, cavorting in the earliest light of the sun. Now my babies have (for the most part) flown the coop and sunrise, on New Year’s day, remains.

This was also my first New Year’s Morning in New Jersey since the 1970’s. 

To say sunrise 2023 was phenomenal is an understatement.

This morning I chose to watch sunrise on an open field two miles from where I live in. The field is just east of the intersection of Possum Glen Road and Unionville Avenue in Wantage, NJ.

Tradition calls me to spend at least 20 minutes with the sunrise, admiring the light and walking around the field. I have spent some sunrises in my car, some out and about – but right now, I knew I wanted to be “with” the sunrise, close to it.

2021 New Year’s Image

Dawn is such a beautiful time and as often happens, I wanted to use the experience to coax both my soulful and my creative spirit into creative play. I didn’t remember to bring a notebook, so I decided to take photos and listen and put what I was experience into memory.

At first I basked in birdsong: birdsong I did not recognize. I listened to a bird duet. One would sing and then the other seemed to sing back. I smiled and looked up at my invisible companions.

Far away, I could hear my geese friends but none were visible.

My geese friends have been known to fly by my bedroom window in the early parts of the day, before the roads get busier and the minor hustle and bustle of rural New Jersey begins.

I enjoyed watching as the dark sky got brighter and the sun crested the mountain in front of me.

Sussex Borough is in high country, so there are lots of hills and different heights for the sun to reach up and over. It was a glorious view. I decided to walk to see what I could of the cemetery. At first I didn’t notice there was a path that would lead me there – but once I did, those of you who know me well knew I had to get a closer look. This is not a currently-in-use cemetery, it is a falling apart cemetery I love, deeply.

I walked back toward the field and I noticed tall grasses/flowers past their prime and decided to take a quick video, but at first it was blurry, which lead to more questions.

I wondered how to make the video more clear which lead to a simple experiment.

I poked the screen and immediately there was a clear screen. I laughed and thought about the ephemeral nature of hopes and wishes. Unspoken, I thought, without our breath and intention, clarity stays out of focus. 

I kept hearing the geese but there were none nearby. I wished I could take a video of them, flying but, oh well. I decided I wanted to type what I had noticed into my phone while I stayed in the field with the sun and the weeds and the small invisible birds. 

Naturally as I was halfway through the second sentence of writing into my phone I heard the geese, very close and they kindly gave me enough time to notice and even get my video camera ready to take the video.

I started filming before I could even see them.

Oh, my heart – my heart was beyond words thrilled. I didn’t bubble over in laughter because I was so in shock at the wonder of the view.

“Happy New Year, Goose Friends!” my heart said as they flew in a circle, playfully, no “eeyore thanks for noticing” energy, instead purposeful, connected, “Happy New Year” flock of geese laughter energy. To see the moment, a link to my Instagram Reel:

What a phenomenal New Year’s Morning. So much better than staying in bed, late.

This eccentric tradition directed me to start the morning and the year on my feet, outdoors, blissful, aware, appreciation overflowing. Looking back I wonder if this sunrise love on New Years Day inadvertently spilled into watching so many more sunrises – and even inspired the beginning of my 377 Projects.

Back at the keyboard now, later in the day, my hands are literally buzzing in excitement of the several hours old memory.

Two questions for you to respond in the comments: do you have any unusual traditions?

How did you begin 2023?

May your year be blessed, abundantly.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch IGTV exclusive videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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Creative Life Midwife with Julie Jordan Scott Weekly Highlights October 8, 2022

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I have not made it through a month of blogging for several years, so while I was trying again there was a part of me that wondered how far I would get.

Success = Affirming My Abilities after time in a dark tunnel of “not so much.”

I am pleased to say that today is the first day I am doubling up and that is only because yesterday got away with me while I was busily working on other aspects of my business: course creation and networking, primarily. 

My daughter was due early in the evening for an event and she came earlier than expected so…. I missed. This morning, one of my first tasks was completing the missing day and here I am with my Saturday recap, just as I expected to do each week.

Favorite 3 Posts this Week (with Links)

Highlights for me this week include learning how incredible Beatrix Potter is and weaving her story into two blog posts. The Beatrix Potter post about repurposing is a new favorite.

I was also pleasantly surprised by Thursday’s inspirational post. It wrote itself during a daily morning writing practice and has been getting favorable reviews from many readers.

Next Week’s Content Plan

Question for Creativity and Contemplation: How will doing something slightly scary change your life this week? Image is of a door opening behind the question.

The plan for next week includes stepping into a multi-passionate approach because I have discovered over time how helpful it has been to me to explore life through a variety of callings rather than “niche down, niche down, niche down” which I know fits for most people. I have finally concluded staying focused on passion itself is the best for me.

I also plan to write at least two posts that require courage from me. I added this journaling prompt in yesterday’s blog post. It is one I will visit personally. I invite you to do the same if you are having challenges with staying the course over the upcoming days and weeks ahead.

What is your plan for content next week?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch IGTV exclusive videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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Pause to Consider: How Willing Are You to Be….

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In my years of life and creativity coaching, I’ve witnessed one of the biggest barriers to achievement comes when a person confesses they want to do something but don’t know how to do it, are nervous about asking for help and might not even know who to ask or how to ask how to do whatever that “thing” is.

The second barrier is often… an unwillingness to be a beginner or get a part of what they want to do wrong. The results become IT rather than the experience.

The natural question to ask oneself then, on a scale of one to ten, how willing are you to be bad at something you have a strong desire to try? Can you be passionate and detached at the same time?

When I was in middle school, there was a required gymnastics portion of our gym class. I was excited to try the parallel bars but I knew it might be something I couldn’t do very well. I waited until the very end of class and my patient and probably insightful PE teacher offered to help me when all the other girls went into the locker room.

I wasn’t good on that first attempt.

I never tried again.

Pulitzer Prize winning author of “Understanding Creativity – A Journey Through Art, Science and the Soul” Matt Richtel writes of a shift that happens starting in the fourth grade when we internalize rule following and peer pressure that doesn’t allow us to try new things, to experiment. It is like setting aside our creative muscle like I set aside my gymnastic muscle for fear of looking even less athletic in front of my peers than I already did.

I wasn’t willing to be bad or worse than I already was at any aspect of gymnastics. This from a kid who two years earlier had spent an entire Saturday mastering the monkey bars at the neighborhood park. Between those two years, I stopped being willing to be bad and work through being bad to be better. Not great, but better.

How willing are you to be bad at something you really want to “get right”?

How willing are you to be bad at something publicly?

This week, take some time to consider what you are willing to do badly in order to get better. 

What small experiments might you try to begin to flex that needlepoint, cardio, writing, painting, dancing, French speaking self? What passion is your heart calling you to bring to life with passion and yes, detached from the outcome.

This first step isn’t making a declaration of what passion you want to explore, it is about considering, reflecting and opening up the treasure chest you haven’t been willing to explore… yet.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch IGTV exclusive videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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How to Wake Up Everyday With Content You are Proud to Publish

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This simple 5 step or less technique may become your best way to create consistently good content you are proud to publish.

Start an evening or end-of-the-work-day writing practice. It is a simple and meaningful formula that will fill your content with helpful, interesting stories/information/transformations.

  1. Write a question, by hand, in a small notebook. This question may be something you are struggling with and/or what your clients/subscribers struggle with, too.
  2. After you write the question, note three to five gratitudes, in writing, in the same small notebook. Experiment with re-writing the question in a slightly different way after writing your gratitudes.
  3. Within an hour of waking or arrival in your workspace, pull out the notebook and write for five minutes in response to the question. If you get stuck or writing stalls – which is rare because your subconscious mind has literally doing your creative work all night long for you – write about your gratitudes as a back up plan.
  4. Bonus: Add your question to a closing thought of the work day or conversation before you sleep. Post the question on social media before the end of the day or before bedtime. If you have a partner, ask them what they think about the question. Fall asleep with a healthy curiosity.
  5. Wake up with content ready to go. When you tap “publish” you will be proud.

Try this as an experiment for at least three to five consecutive days. Please come back and let me know how it goes for you.

If you already have a writing practice, see how this might augment what you are doing now. Tell me about it in the comments.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch IGTV exclusive videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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Trust: How Practices and Imperfection Lead to So Many Insightful Gifts

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This morning I sat at my desk intending to write in the same, highly practiced way as I do on most mornings. I met with my focus mate partner – for those who don’t know, Focusmate is a co-working environment online that helps people transform their to-do’s into ta-da’s while supporting another person doing the same in either 25 minute or 50 minute containers. 

“I am going to complete my morning writing practice,” I told my new friend’s smiling face and she reported her tasks back to me. We wished each other well and I started writing.

What I wasn’t expecting was to be visited by memories, Kahlil Gibran, Daniel Pink and experience divine healing in the midst of it.

I knew Dan Pink would be present because I had been meditating on his sentence since I read it yesterday in his new best seller, “The Power of Regret.”

The sentence was “Some beliefs operate quietly, like existential background music.”  

The overall theme of the writing was to be trust, a word that has been known to invoke a churning feeling in my gut. My friend Laurie Smith’s 28 Days of Flow Challenge had thrown down the word gauntlet and feeling brave, I stepped into the circle to wrestle with it.

Here is what I wrote:

Trust:  some days, most days to be honest, I don’t trust much of anything or anyone, much less myself. There was something Brene Brown says in “Atlas of the Heart”  about living disappointed instead of risking disappointment. Over the years, I have lived more disappointed than I have  risked disappointment.

When I visit my patterns of trust, I realize the bruises of opting out of trust started very early. I don’t want to sound like I am blaming because I am not claiming victimhood, I am exploring what happened. I am examining what the facts are without reconstructing a false narrative based on my opinions.

I think about what was happening in my young parents’ lives when I was a little one and I think “I don’t know how they did as well as they did. A cross country move with four children under the age of 7 with Mom pregnant setting up in a new location with a newish company. All the expectations for success…. once John was born with Down’s syndrome… the guilt and the grief and the fourteen month (fifteen sixteen month) me battled the lack of trust with refusing to learn to walk. 

If I didn’t walk, they would have to carry me. They would have to pay attention and lift me up to the places I couldn’t crawl, right? 

I didn’t trust for my safety and perhaps because I couldn’t trust I would receive the love I yearned for and practical love through action which I needed in order to continue my little life.  

Before language set in fully, I determined being the ultimate protector and caretaker was what I needed to be in order to survive.

This was  imprinted upon my innermost psyche:  If I take care of others well, we will all stay safe. 

This might have been my unspoken but definitely believed mantra – the existential background music, so now that my two younger brothers are dead, I have been proven lacking.

I have been proven lacking again. And Again. And again.

The adult, intellectual me says how flawed this belief is as we are all finite creatures. The spiritual side disagrees, saying “our souls are infinite, my brothers have gone nowhere”. The petulant side claps back with “oh yeah, if they’re here why can’t I shake and scold them for leaving me, for not fighting harder, what did I do wrong so that they didn’t fight longer or better?”

Kahlil Gibran ambles in and says a version of his lesson on Children:

“Your brothers were not your children any more than your children are your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.”

I realize in a flash or a glimmer of a flash I can trust life’s longing, the divine heartbeat, because each circumstance I have lived so far has proven itself to be a guide as much as I hated some of those situations and circumstances, as much as I wanted to vomit the moments from my existence – eventually the gratitude for them turned over in the soil as mulch, to be fragrant and helpful to my personal ecosphere.

I am sitting with that. 

Hands off keyboard.

This morning I danced. I said I would dance so I danced in front of the mirror to Nat King Cole’s L-O-V-E twice. I trusted and acted.

I did my lymph exercises in the room of the manse I designated for dance and exercise. I trusted myself to do this, too. It isn’t a habit or a practice yet, it is an intention I am doing my best to fulfill.

Before I sat to write I moved. And I laughed as I danced and I breathed deeply as I moved my lymph system purposefully and it all felt so good, something I wanted to do yesterday but hadn’t built my self-trust ladder sturdy enough yet and now, apparently I have. 

Today at this moment I have trusted and acted on purpose.  Today at this moment my trust is enriched as even white bread may be enriched with nutrients. 

Self-trust is an ultimate nutrient.

The little me can go back and trust her parents who she knows were doing the best they could do.  They didn’t need my assistance, I offered my  assistance with love, even as a toddler. Perhaps part of my assistance was a prayer for love, but it was birthed in love nonetheless as was I.

I was birthed in love, even if my birth wasn’t planned or convenient or even if my parents actively attempted to prevent my conception. I am a gift from life’s longing for itself. I can reference more sacred texts and embrace this.

After dancing and exercising and trusting myself to walk toward feeling better,  I simply engaged with trust at the urging of my friend Laurie Smith and Kahlil Gibran showed up to offer healing.

I can’t think of anything to be much cooler than that.

What has been your favorite moment so far this morning?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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