Grief – Page 2 – Creative Life Midwife

Ordinary Adventures in Mindfulness & Caregiving

July 4, 2022 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Plants and nature symbolize mindfulness in the every day. Passing a fragile yet full of potential plant from one hand to another is indicative of everyday ordinary adventures in mindfulness and caregiving.

Mindfulness in Everyday Life

“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness.”

Jon Kabat-Zin

I am aware I am feeling disgruntled today. It started when I woke up and realized I had less than an hour until I needed to facilitate a meeting I didn’t really feel like facilitating.

I took a deep breath and moved forward, anyway.

Not what we think of as mindfulness and yet, mindful.

This is not what I would call quintessential mindfulness AND there are aspects of it that ARE mindful which may be constructive to point out.

Recognition of how I was feeling. Disgruntled. Didn’t feel like doing what was on my to-do list.
First action: a deep breath. I stopped mindlessly scrolling and took the action that would help me move forward to facilitate the meeting.
When I got dressed, I actually practiced balancing. One foot in my shorts. Hold. Second foot in my shorts. Hold.
Sat at my desk and was the first one to the zoom room meeting.

After the meeting I needed to focus on caregiving tasks. With that came more aggravation. Within the caregiving I offered myself attempts at self-compassion and compassion for the other person. None of this segment felt mindful EXCEPT….

I was as aware of my feelings and my responses to those feelings.
I was able to calm myself from being more angry and cranky.

Reflections in Mindfulness

I notice as I retell the story, the awareness and the kindness I am showing to myself by not making my emotions the enemy, not making the person I am caregiving for the “bad guy” and recognizing these are the current circumstances which I have the power to process through using writing as a tool I am doing is also mindful in its own way.

I allow myself to flop back in my chair in response to the a-ha’s of discovery from this exercise. I smile at myself and with myself.

I remember a quote I saw last night, another from Jon Kabat-Zinn. “Mindfulness is a way of befriending ourselves and our experience.”

Mindfully beginning again…. (and again.)

I am starting to write again. I can feel my spine straight up, not leaning against the back of the chair. The light is blocked by the lacy curtains. I notice I ought to get out my dust mop and dance with the dust bunnies after I finish writing. My breath is filling my lungs and my lungs are singing in reply. It is Monday. It is the 4th of July. Samuel isn’t here. I miss him and am aware he gets upset at sentimentality so I will leave that thought to sit beside me without needing to pick it up and share it with him.

The person I am caregiving sends me messages that are slightly upsetting. I attempt to stay calm about them and I do. I am calm as I do a bit of research and return his messages and communicate I will honor his request when I am finished writing.

Interesting: boundaries are easier with mindfulness.

Mindfulness Lessons

I was actually more mindful than I thought this morning, even though I thought I wasn’t.

Basic mindfulness does not always look like a zen garden at dusk. Sometimes mindfulness looks like having tough conversations without letting our emotions hijack us.

Tell me about your experience(s) with mindfulness in the comments. I would love to hear from you.

Hugging a cartoon tree is almost as fun as hugging a tree outside, almost. Creator of #377TreeHugs, Julie Jordan Scott, enjoys hugging a black and white cartoon tree in downtown Bakersfield.

Julie Jordan-Scott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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July: 2022 Begin Again”The Best is Yet to Be”

July 1, 2022 by jjscreativelifemidwife

I am a relentless optimist, usually. Today as we begin a new month, I am reclaiming my Optimistic Hat as will many of us in the community of bloggers in the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

Ultimate Blog Challenge banner for Fridays which will be recaps and refreshers. Today is all about goals: being and doing goals, intentions and writing goals.

Recap: The Year that Wasn’t

I had some ambitious yet also not too outrageous goals when 2022 started.

Unfortunately, my brother’s death with less than two weeks left to go in 2021 helped start everything off in a rather dark way. Two family deaths in a short time was nearly unbearable.

I didn’t factor in grief as well as the health failures of another family member in which were healing after I left California in February and came to a climax in March – when I returned for three weeks and then in May, when I returned for final stages of that healing only to find his health had slidden beyond the place where it had started getting bad.

It had become a crisis so I had to give up my sabbatical on the east coast for a time not just for standard caregiving but for crisis caregiving.

Somehow the past me knew I would be best off by setting goals differently this year.

Refresh Intention: Goals of Being + Goals of Doing

CS Lewis Quote: There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." Relax about the year so far and settle into what is next.

Goals of Being are more like the Miss Congeniality winner intentions and goals: engaging, kind but not threatening – more like the one who builds up others confidence rather than setting the bar too high for the average person.

Goals and intentions of doing focus on accomplishments, achievements, tangible, measurable tasks and the like.

I revisited my goals for the year and was thrilled when I realized my crowning glory was in the goals and intentions of being. Here are some examples:

I am consistently

Enjoy the process, whatever the process becomes
Be present to what is rather than what was or what is to be in the future.
Create small, daily goals and move forward with love toward a desired result
Practice clear, soulful communication
Do a daily self-belonging check in as a part of my work-prep session (since I have been caregiving and not business building, my work is showing tender loving care to my family member and others providing health care and service to my family member.
Playful experimentation and practicing passionate detachment about the results: I continue to write and do writing and creative experiments even while not working on building my business. This is as close to “doing” as these goals are!

Looking into July, I will be returning to my original 2022 goals and updating them on my Friday weekly recap posts here. My hope is I encourage you as well to look at your own goals and intentions as I do – with authenticity, courage and hope.

Caregiving, Grieving and the Creative Life

My professional life work includes creative life coaching, facilitating personal growth programs, classes, courses and workshops. My caregiving life this year has included several members of my family. Health, Grief, Aging, Support.

It is very difficult to schedule classes, clients, speaking engagements and live streams or set goals and intentions around this while grieving or caring for loved ones. I can barely schedule one hour ahead, much less a few weeks or months ahead.

Since April 2021 I have both grieved and taken care of others, simultaneously.

During these months I have continued to be active creatively: I’ve written a short play (it was produced in May and I was able to see it while I was in Bakersfield), I have been in a play in a new community. I have written many blog posts, poetry, completed a 377 daily challenge and while in New Jersey my primary task was working on the completion of several book projects while rebuilding my business. I have participated in other blog challenges and I hope to complete this one.

Since mid-May until now, in early July, the caregiving has taken over all other activities except for writing and creative practices in the early morning moments and late night moments. Most of the time, that is.

I don’t know if I could even attempt the Ultimate Blog Challenge without this continued attention to creativity. I am so grateful for the people who will visit in July and comment, share my work and get to know me better or get reacquainted.

I’m grateful to celebrate with you in all your best hopes, goals and intentions.

I have come to value friendships on an even higher plane since my father died and the many tumultuous chapters since then. You may have helped me and didn’t even know it. For this and other things, I am grateful you are here, reading.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

How One Moment of Listening (or Being) a Naysayer May Cause Longterm Damage

April 15, 2022 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Transfrom the words of naysayers: an ear listens and does... what? Heal the negative effects of mean words.

When I started my life coaching practice in 1999 I was amazed when people showed up at discovery calls and were ready to hire me immediately almost without a word of conversation. Now, with years of experience under my belt, I realize it is because the content I had shared over time forged the relationship ahead of our speaking.

To my long time readers, we weren’t strangers meeting for the first time. I was someone they respected who they were honored to finally meet. Back then, though, I was simply happily going about my life, not thinking of myself as anything unique or special or worthy of any extra attention beyond my daily existence.

I wondered why it was so hard for other people to find coaching clients. I didn’t arrive at discovery calls from a space of “I am so good at getting clients” because I wasn’t selling at all. I was just showing up and people were signing up for coaching in a way that felt magical.

My coach-trainer didn’t believe me when I told him how many clients I had. He literally scoffed and said, “You can’t have done that!”

How did my well respected coach and trainer’s scoffing and naysaying words do to a new, exuberant, passionate yet insecure coach?

His disbelief caused a block in creating new relationships with more people who were looking to engage with me.

This is what happens when people are naysayers whether it is inadvertent or on purpose.

What if he had said, “You have sixteen clients and you are a brand new coach? That is incredible – you are clearly getting the word out about your work and attracting like hearted people! What’s your secret? I want to know more about your success! My goodness, you are a star pupil, Julie! Do you realize how miraculous you are?

What a gift those questions would have been. Naturally, he would have said questions in his own voice because the above is more what I would have said to me back then – and what I am saying to me, now.

My coach trainer and I didn’t have that conversation though. He went on to critique me even though my success was huge.

My thought after that conversation with my coach trainer went from “getting clients is so easy” to “What is wrong with me? “

I left the final conversation I had with my trainer – a person in a position of authority who “knew better than me” scalded by his naysaying. It scarred our longterm relationship.

More appropriate to the facts of what I had achieved would have been thinking something like this: “I am an incredible rockstar bursting with hope and optimism.”

Writing about this now more than twenty years later helps me see even more clearly the cumulative damage that happened because of the conversation – the initial naysayer moment – and my continued lack of belief in what he said has marred certain aspects of building my coaching practice.

It mirrors the Dan Pink quote we started with today: “Some beliefs operate quietly, like existential background music.”

Once we allow that background music to play constantly, we run the risk of allowing it to overtake any success we have had and what we hope to achieve in the future.

Today, that belief has been excavated and may finally be decluttered from the mind and from life experience.

Give yourself time to consider past moments in time that may still be influenced by “background music of beliefs” that may surprise you. These naysaying moments may seem insignificant, but tugging at the thread of them may bring you into a new awareness that will transform your life experience today.

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Trust: How Practices and Imperfection Lead to So Many Insightful Gifts

April 8, 2022 by jjscreativelifemidwife

This morning I sat at my desk intending to write in the same, highly practiced way as I do on most mornings. I met with my focus mate partner – for those who don’t know, Focusmate is a co-working environment online that helps people transform their to-do’s into ta-da’s while supporting another person doing the same in either 25 minute or 50 minute containers.

“I am going to complete my morning writing practice,” I told my new friend’s smiling face and she reported her tasks back to me. We wished each other well and I started writing.

What I wasn’t expecting was to be visited by memories, Kahlil Gibran, Daniel Pink and experience divine healing in the midst of it.

I knew Dan Pink would be present because I had been meditating on his sentence since I read it yesterday in his new best seller, “The Power of Regret.”

The sentence was “Some beliefs operate quietly, like existential background music.”

The overall theme of the writing was to be trust, a word that has been known to invoke a churning feeling in my gut. My friend Laurie Smith’s 28 Days of Flow Challenge had thrown down the word gauntlet and feeling brave, I stepped into the circle to wrestle with it.

Here is what I wrote:

Trust: some days, most days to be honest, I don’t trust much of anything or anyone, much less myself. There was something Brene Brown says in “Atlas of the Heart” about living disappointed instead of risking disappointment. Over the years, I have lived more disappointed than I have risked disappointment.

When I visit my patterns of trust, I realize the bruises of opting out of trust started very early. I don’t want to sound like I am blaming because I am not claiming victimhood, I am exploring what happened. I am examining what the facts are without reconstructing a false narrative based on my opinions.

I think about what was happening in my young parents’ lives when I was a little one and I think “I don’t know how they did as well as they did. A cross country move with four children under the age of 7 with Mom pregnant setting up in a new location with a newish company. All the expectations for success…. once John was born with Down’s syndrome… the guilt and the grief and the fourteen month (fifteen sixteen month) me battled the lack of trust with refusing to learn to walk.

If I didn’t walk, they would have to carry me. They would have to pay attention and lift me up to the places I couldn’t crawl, right?

I didn’t trust for my safety and perhaps because I couldn’t trust I would receive the love I yearned for and practical love through action which I needed in order to continue my little life.

Before language set in fully, I determined being the ultimate protector and caretaker was what I needed to be in order to survive.

This was imprinted upon my innermost psyche: If I take care of others well, we will all stay safe.

This might have been my unspoken but definitely believed mantra – the existential background music, so now that my two younger brothers are dead, I have been proven lacking.

I have been proven lacking again. And Again. And again.

The adult, intellectual me says how flawed this belief is as we are all finite creatures. The spiritual side disagrees, saying “our souls are infinite, my brothers have gone nowhere”. The petulant side claps back with “oh yeah, if they’re here why can’t I shake and scold them for leaving me, for not fighting harder, what did I do wrong so that they didn’t fight longer or better?”

Kahlil Gibran ambles in and says a version of his lesson on Children:

“Your brothers were not your children any more than your children are your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.”

I realize in a flash or a glimmer of a flash I can trust life’s longing, the divine heartbeat, because each circumstance I have lived so far has proven itself to be a guide as much as I hated some of those situations and circumstances, as much as I wanted to vomit the moments from my existence – eventually the gratitude for them turned over in the soil as mulch, to be fragrant and helpful to my personal ecosphere.

I am sitting with that.

Hands off keyboard.

This morning I danced. I said I would dance so I danced in front of the mirror to Nat King Cole’s L-O-V-E twice. I trusted and acted.

I did my lymph exercises in the room of the manse I designated for dance and exercise. I trusted myself to do this, too. It isn’t a habit or a practice yet, it is an intention I am doing my best to fulfill.

Before I sat to write I moved. And I laughed as I danced and I breathed deeply as I moved my lymph system purposefully and it all felt so good, something I wanted to do yesterday but hadn’t built my self-trust ladder sturdy enough yet and now, apparently I have.

Today at this moment I have trusted and acted on purpose. Today at this moment my trust is enriched as even white bread may be enriched with nutrients.

Self-trust is an ultimate nutrient.

The little me can go back and trust her parents who she knows were doing the best they could do. They didn’t need my assistance, I offered my assistance with love, even as a toddler. Perhaps part of my assistance was a prayer for love, but it was birthed in love nonetheless as was I.

I was birthed in love, even if my birth wasn’t planned or convenient or even if my parents actively attempted to prevent my conception. I am a gift from life’s longing for itself. I can reference more sacred texts and embrace this.

After dancing and exercising and trusting myself to walk toward feeling better, I simply engaged with trust at the urging of my friend Laurie Smith and Kahlil Gibran showed up to offer healing.

I can’t think of anything to be much cooler than that.

What has been your favorite moment so far this morning?

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Joyful Practice Beyond the Performance and Into the Authentic Flow

April 2, 2022 by jjscreativelifemidwife

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. It was simple enough: I put my phone into my tri-pod, turned on the Outta Puff Daddy’s on Instagram Reels and danced along with them for somewhere between five and ten minutes.

I wasn’t good, I wasn’t completely horrible, but I have this weird vision to have an “outta puff grannies” or Mommy’s and Granny’s – women dancing together for their mental health and the joy I felt while doing this was almost off the charts.

I laughed when I was horrible and I smirked when I was not as horrible.

For whatever reason there was one part of the dance I intuitively “got”. “Remember when you were younger, Julie, and you would mirror the guy you were fast dancing with? Do that here, toss in a little musical theater step-ball-change… there you go.”

There is a first time for everything.

I am a performer: actor, poet performer, sometimes the advocacy work I do is performance.

Yesterday I played in a handbell choir for the very first time. I went to my first choir rehearsal in the afternoon and was asked, “Do you play handbells?” and when I said “I never have… and…” suddenly I found myself singing, playing a new instrument and now I am dancing on the second floor landing as if I know what I am doing!

Late last night I wrote about grief – and living the best we can, even while grieving – and that’s what this felt like again today. On the year anniversary of my friend’s murder, I was dancing as best I could with the intention of improving. I trust myself to continue.

I trust myself to continue to write, to sing, to share what I am learning. I trust myself to let myself feel what I feel without shame, without fear, without holding back – and discerning what people are healthy enough to trust AND the first person to trust is myself.

Finally one of the most intriguing discoveries I have had lately is how well the Julie-of-the-past seems to know what the Julie-of-2022 would really need to be supported. It is like these aspects of me I had covered up and avoided are now hugging me for coming back into myself so fully and unabashedly flowing in the moment with presence, passion, purposeful joy.

No dancing photos from me yet, but maybe soon. Maybe in a week. That makes me laugh and oh, laughter is a good thing.

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Another April: To Become Whatever It Will Be

April 1, 2022 by jjscreativelifemidwife

It is April Eve and again, I am valiantly sitting at the keyboard to write. I pledge right now to do my best to publish a blog post daily in this, the most historically deadly month of my life. April.

I have spent the better part of the last half hour dissecting blog posts from April, 2007 here I captured early grief after my brother, John’s death on April 2 of that year.

I captured a poem my then nine-year-old daughter wrote, a phone call from my mother, an email from my father.

This is why I write, why I blog, why I share what feels painful and what feels joyful and even, on occasion, what is downright boring because all of it is the bold and valiant proclamation, “I am alive, still.”

It is April, another good month to be alive: quote on pen and paper, and a dyed book page.

I cannot say exactly what I will create this month, I will only say that I will create this month. Here is a snippet of the poem I wrote just now, a draft, a poem-in-the-making. Love letter of sorts to life, to grief, to experience. To continuing in April.

It is April Eve. My heart and I, we

are fluttering. We are flailing. We

are openly and willfully gripping the

sides of the armchair, praying – begging –

to see this through to the end.

Whatever this this may be.

I so wanted this poem to have a happy ending.

I wrote this poem to feel less dead inside, to begin and not end.

No ending, no beginning. Wait.

Wait.

Who said that only infinite thing?

Fellini, it was. And I hear myself exhale a quiet laugh not laughter

Maybe a lau – breath – gh- breath.

I cry into the palms of my hands and feel the chilled fingers

reach across my lined forehead.

What is a happier ending than to still being able

to put letters on a page, like a five-year-old-me

scrawled cursive lower case e’s before I knew how language

worked, I simply knew language was. It existed. I existed. Together.

We would create. This. And That. Something.

Badly, better, happier, boring, worst, best, eeeeeeeee

looping carefully in pencil across blue lines

Eeeeeee as I sat, deeply focused in the country

squire before I was

Banished to the way back

I never knew

someday a much older version of me

would create a magic circle to honor

my brother and give a gift to my father and my

mother no one else could give?

It is April Eve. My heart and I, we

are fluttering. We are looping through another

April. We are alive. We are still writing

things down. If I am still alive in fifteen

years I can recall the things I will have

Inevitably forgotten this.

===

I hope we will connect meaningfully this month.

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Be helpful, not harmful, to a person who is grieving

November 23, 2021 by jjscreativelifemidwife

What to do about grief shame: do not harm a hurting person. Woman sits in front of a rainy window.

I am an accomplished griever. I have lost people I have loved, places and community connections, jobs, pets, relationships, social standing and physical health.

Sometimes I think this is because I have a big heart and have loved many people. We risk grief when we love.

Part of the gift repeated grief brings is the ability to help both those who are going through it AND helping people who love grievers and don’t have any idea where to turn to figure out how to continue to love this person who is hurting. This is especially challenging because the person who is grieving may or may not be able to communicate well at the height of the grief process, during the holiday season and around important events like weddings, birthdays or funerals for years to come.

Below are some situations I have encountered as a person who has grieved and as one who has helped and supported people through the grief process for many years.

Your Job is NOT to fix, make better, take away emotions of or scold a person who is feeling sorrow, trauma or pain.

Your job is to connect with the person who is grieving. Your job is to show empathy and caring.

The worst things you can do are shame the person who is grieving by saying things like:

“You aren’t over it yet?” or “Stop crying” or “Don’t feel that way” or “Pull up your big girl panties already. I only grieved for XX amount of time.”

This short video from Brene Brown shows us succinctly how to express empathy for people who are hurting and/or grieving.

The Grieving Person is not responsible to create your to-do list for being a good friend.

If I had a penny for all the times people said: “If you need anything, call me….” because grieving people often don’t have the energy or motivation to know what they might need or know what you might have any desire to provide during her time of hurt.

It is difficult enough to make requests under usual circumstances, but when mired in grief it is nearly impossible.

If you would like to do something for the person who is grieving, offer several specific options such as “Hey, hey I am going to the grocery store – is there anything I can pick up for you while I am out?” or “I’m taking some clothes to the dry cleaner – may I take your things, too?” or “Would you like company? I am headed to Starbucks and would be happy to swing by with your favorite drink OR could pick you up and we can drive through together.”

You may also say your version of, “I want to help and I don’t know what to do. I am literally nervous that everything and anything I do or say is wrong, so please accept permission to guide, direct, ask for me to do things for you, to be places with you…. and I will keep checking in, at least.”

Your job is to be present, awkward in your skin if necessary, and be gentle and patient.

One of my preferred methods of caring for my loved ones who are grieving is to reach out to them regularly, most often via text or phone call.

I have some friends I texted daily for months when they were going through tough times.

When my father died last year, I wondered where my daily text messages from friends were?

I don’t say this to evoke text messages now, I say this to let you know your strongest friends need loving attention, too. They will treasure your awkwardness because more likely than not they are awkward. Every time we grieve something new, it is like the first time all over again… plus it is the first time grieving that person or circumstance.

First times are always awkward.

It also would have been helpful if I had reached out to trusted friends and asked for their text messages. A few years ago when I was going through a difficult break-up I asked friends if I could text them “Good night” because one of the hardest things for me was not having a person to participate in the normal ritual of saying goodnight.

My friends had no way of knowing this was important to me. Thankfully I was strong and aware enough to ask for the support.

Final words: Be gentle, don’t disappear and try your best. When you don’t do your best – apologize and stay attentive to the person you love who is grieving.

Repeat as necessary.

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Stopping the Slide Into Feeling Worse

November 19, 2021 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Yesterday I felt the familiar slide into the blues – and I am using that term loosely. I don’t want to say I felt the well worn path toward a downward depressive spiral though that would be accurate, too.

I don’t want to give depression that power.

I asked myself a personal power question:

“What can I do tomorrow morning to keep myself moving toward feeling-better-than-right-now?”

I didn’t mean take on something huge like walk five miles at a top speed or similar physical feat, I simply knew myself well enough that the tilting down of the weight of the blues could land me flat on my face in mud or dust or worse. I knew I single-handedly possess the ability to take an action in the direction of better.

I have the capacity to choose to move forward, with love – or lurch toward the ground in despair.

This isn’t always true – I was on the edge of a breaking point.

Mental health has plagued me over the years. My optimism tends to confuse people who don’t understand how this goofy, happy go-lucky whistling, happy song-singing, tree-hugging poet can shut herself off from others for no obvious reason.

This morning as I started a focus-mate session, I was surprised by the flat affect that still hovered within me. I am grateful I witnessed it – as the short-fix feel better medicine of taking action: walking on the nearby wood-duck trail and hugging an old oak tree is the beginning of feeling better, not the finish line to feeling better.

When the focus mate session was over, I mentioned to my partner I couldn’t find my spotify off button and was concerned my “Cozy Christmas Instrumental” playlist might be a bit much. On the contrary, my focus mate partner loved it. We both ended the session smiling. I know I was smiling.

Human connection, acceptance and cozy instrumentals all make me feel better.

Have you ever taken the time to notice what lifts you up when you feel the blues sweeping into the room?

Do you or does anyone you love experience dark days (or longer days that stretch to weeks, months or more?)

It is important we normalize these moments of sadness and don’t shame ourselves or others or pretend them away.

You could choose to start a conversation by asking about it: “What might make you feel better?” and be prepared for “Nothing” or “I don’t know.”

Besides tree hugging and walking by myself or writing, having other people simply be with me is a big help. Talking isn’t necessary, but presence feels really good. Listening to or watching TV, reading books side-by-side. Silently sipping tea and looking out the window, all are better with someone beside me – also quiet without pushing me to feel better so that they may feel better, too.

James Clear wrote, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” While I agree with the energy and meaning of this quote, I look at it more like every action I choose to take builds self-trust and provides evidence I am worthy of continuing to move forward, with love and do the creative work I was put here to do.

Today, I am feeling better. I am not dancing on the rooftops gleefully and I am mindfully present to my circumstances. There is no hyperbole, no numbing out and no racing throughts.

It could have so easily slid into much worse.

Julie JordanScott is a multipassionate creative who delights in inviting others into their own fullhearted, artistic experience via her creativity coaching individually or in groups, courses and workshops. To receive inspiring content and videos weekly and find out more about Coaching, Courses, Challenges and what’s going on in the Creative Life Midwife world? Subscribe here:

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Intentional Holiday Memories While Grieving: Decoration Making

November 16, 2021 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Christmas ornaments in the background: Intentional Holidays While Grieving - Decorations and Ornament making by Julie JordanScott

One of the favorite activities we did in the infant support group I belonged to was annual ornament making in memory of our babies who had died. I enjoyed the camaraderie of group crafting and I also went on to create ornaments on my own or sometimes hosted Tree Trimming parties where guests would make ornaments that were not memorial themed.

Gathering Together to Create is a Healing Activity

I actually enjoyed the blend of memorial/not memorial ornaments because of how it felt so inclusive.

Those times were when Marlena, my daughter, felt right there with us.

One of the simplest ornaments to craft were inexpensive, shiny round balls I would write the names of people or messages on with the date. I even made sets for gifts for the grandparents, including all the grandbabies which I could add on in later years.

Each year when we take out our decorations, revisiting these ornaments allows us to reflect on where we have been and those we have loved. Rather than feeling sad, over time the gratitude and love increases. The healing continues. It also gives us a chance to talk about the one who was lost before new people came into our lives.

I have collected several links where you may see other ideas and at the bottom I have included some people who make ornaments for you.

Crafts & Ornaments to Make

9 different simple ideas, including ornaments made from clothing of a loved one.

This goes beyond ornaments into other types of keepsakes including wall art:

Make a Christmas Photo Memory Wreath:

Decorations to Purchase

Ornament Memorials: 35 different choices from an urn making company.

Search Etsy for makers who will use your materials or others – here is one example:

Most importantly, set an intention to enjoy the process of creating memories with your family now to honor your loved one who is no longer with you physically. Being together and sharing these moments will help your healing process.

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Sometimes Grief Slams Against Us, Unexpectedly… Like It Did Yesterday

November 2, 2021 by jjscreativelifemidwife

If I had been paying attention, I might have realized there was going to be an all saints sort of theme at church this week.

I clearly wasn’t paying attention.

It feels like too many losses to count.

I have experienced numerous losses this year: my father died, my friend was murdered, because of my father’s death my mother moved into assisted living so there is no denying her frailty, their house was sold so there will be no more holiday memory making in Flagstaff, I moved from my home of thirty years for a year – my eyes were filling with tears as soon as I saw the centerpiece on the table at church. Memories. Deaths. Losses. All losses were piled upon losses were piled upon losses.

The service was an honoring of lives.

The intention was to bring joy to the memories of loved one, to honor the grief and the loss.

The intention was to honor the grief and the loss: words on a pink lavendar and orange background.

It might have been if I was emotionally prepared. Even before I got to church I had been feeling more low than usual – I wouldn’t call it lonely but I was aware of the aloneness as I faced Halloween in an unfamiliar neighborhood without friends to invite me to a party or the usual neighborhood kids looking cute in their costumes as I gleefully ohhhhhh and ahhhhhh and pass out candy.

Halloween has always been the beginning of the holiday season for me.

Since my daughter died more than thirty years ago, it is the time when I brace myself for what is to come.

What lessons has my grief taught me as we face the holiday season?

These five are the beginning – there are many more AND these will help you to begin having a more intentional – and more joyful – holiday experience.

Being emotionally prepared before the day descends is always more helpful than not paying attention.
Having a friend or two on stand-by if I need assistance or have that overwhelming “I just can’t do it” energy rise up.
Recognize the day may be marvelous without any preparation at all – and mindfulness always serves my greater good than happenstance.
People don’t mean to upset me when I am caught off guard by an event.
I am grieving the best I can – whether I am in denial or fighting back tears or guiding others through their emotions – I am grieving – and living – in the best way I can.

Emotional preparation goes a long way to intentionally experiencing the holidays while we are grieving.

If you have friends who are experiencing grief, please remember them as we get closer to other holidays which may cause them to feel upset. If it is you who are grieving: I am here, sending love your way.

I also created this video in case you or someone you know is looking ahead for the holidays and is nervous about it:

Julie JordanScott is a multipassionate creative who delights in inviting others into their own fullhearted. artistic experience via her creativity coaching individually or in groups, courses and workshops. To receive inspiring content and videos weekly and find out more about Coaching, Courses, Challenges and what’s going on in the Creative Life Midwife world? Subscribe here:

She is also offering a new Create an Intentional Holiday Season While Grieving Coaching Circle beginning on November 16, 2021. For details on that program please click here.