#5for5BrainDump – Page 3 – Creative Life Midwife

False Fear of Abandonment & Truth: Love is Everywhere + Video & Writing Prompt

June 10, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

You know those beliefs that are stuck so deep you don’t speak them ever for fear of… well, for me I suppose it is fear of amplifying that belief no matter how false I pray it is.

“If I don’t say it aloud then it can’t be true, right?”

Wrong. The reality is, if I don’t say it aloud it gains more and more power over me.

This morning I took on one of my primary, most primal fears that perhaps you share with me. After all, the majority of us have this fear hardwired into us. I replaced that belief with the simple affirmation. Love is everywhere. Love is everywhere. Love is everywhere.

Using the 5 minutes of magic that is #5for5BrainDump…. well, read further to see what came next.

The premise and not so happy prompt:

People will reject me: I don’t want to/I can’t survive being abandoned

I am so uncomfortable approaching this topic, I am going to use the phrase above repeatedly in my writing so if I veer off course with it (avoidance) I will plug it back in.

Here’s the thing: it isn’t true but for the majority of my life I have been acting as if is true and I have had enough of it. I know that you and I both have a purpose and a mission to fulfill and mine is anything BUT being afraid of being abandoned because I have learned… I won’t be… because over the years people I thought I could trust HAVE abandoned me yet I was never alone.

My mind is flashing back to a Davy and Goliath episode from long past, perhaps my favorite one because Davy was on a train and it was like the train was speaking to him, “God is everywhere, God is everywhere” and if the God word bothers you, plug in whatever you believe in instead.. perhaps “Love is everywhere, love is everywhere, love is everywhere” and in fact, beloveds, I might scoop up that mantra and carry it with me from now on.

Because I know above all, People will not reject me. I thrive when I recognize I am living according to the purpose I was born to fulfill. How invigorating this is for me and for you, too, because I believe we all have a purpose, a mission, a reason….

Perhaps part of mine is to tell you that talking about whatever it is you think is too scary to speak will take you along a path of extraordinary freedom.

Who thought when I started with “People will reject me: I don’t want to/I can’t survive being abandoned” that I would end with freedom?

My norm is to scoot off course when I write something that scares me but today was different. Maybe it is because I was holding my purpose in my heart and I was holding YOU in my words as they flowed from me.

The timer went off when I put the question mark on freedom. Affirmative, right? Yes. Because Love is Everywhere. I may open my heart and trust divine timing.

That feels so good. That feels so good….

Now, onto a prompt and a “What’s Next Mission”for you to consider, and write, and contemplate, and art journal or have a transformational conversation:

Tell about a time when you didn’t speak (or write, or journal or even think) about a particular sore subject. Remember what I’ve said here – and take a step toward giving freedom to that untalkaboutable so that you may shine in your unique, distinctive purpose.

Start with a sentence, just a sentence, and see if you are able to write for five minutes.

I’m available if you need me. Call or text me at 661.444.2735.

I’ll take it one step further and invite you to our next #5for5BrainDump which I offer for as a gift from my heart to your pencil, pen or fingers on the keyboard to let those words flow now, to end any lingering writer’s block, and discover the miracles that rest within you, waiting to step through the door marked writing freedom.

The world is waiting for your words. Let’s get them on the page, together.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

Still Here, and That’s Just Fine…. Shifting the Fear Narrative

June 8, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife 1 Comment

Today I used a quote as a writing prompt, simply writing whatever flew off the ends of my fingertips in response.

I wrote this short essay in five minutes and maybe two more, to bring it to conclusion.

It was written in #5for5BrainDump style and I am thrilled to announce our next #5for5BrainDump session has been scheduled to begin June 18. Come back tomorrow for a link to the free sign up page. (Woeful mailing list issues).

Now, wisdom from Carolyn Myss, a different child-like version of me and a surprisingly… well, just me-me.

“Do you really want to look back on your life and see how wonderful it could have been had you not been afraid to live in?”
Caroline Myss

This quote hits me like a shocking slap to the face.

Ouch. Sting. I reach for my face – my heart shaped scar, the tears that want to pour out but stay continually stuck. Frozen.

I do not want to look back on my life and see fear everywhere.

I have stopped saying the word “want” as much as possible.

My aim is to look back and be satisfied, even with the fear-filled moments.

There is a little how do I describe her – a little contrarian Julie sitting on my right shoulder who wants to defend me. “Do you know what Julie has been through? She deserves to be afraid. She has earned a holy fear. Seriously, do you know her stories?”

I want to shush her, it’s embarrassing, and I remember Adam, my twice-time counselor saying something similar. “Give yourself a break, Julie” and I look back into my memory and say. “But Adam, I am still here. I am still here.”

I am thrilled to look back at my life in ten years and say. “This is that time when I transformed. This is the time when I chose differently.” (I wanted to say ‘finally’ and I controlled myself.)

All of the fear mongering experiences have served me, strangely, in adding a more compassionate side and gaining multitudes of life. I continually learn about self-forgiveness and compassion. I could have a PhD (at least) in patience.

I’m a grief expert, and my shortcomings – not wanting to create more strife or have confrontations or let go – these are areas I recognize and continue to work on.

When I look back at my life, I see purple. I smell lavender and juniper and surprisingly moist soil and last year’s leaves. I hear birds– familiar and not-so-much, pencils scratching on paper, and I see smiles slowly breaking across faces and eyes crinkling up. I see tears: of awe and bitter sadness.

A quiet voice inside just said. “and you did your best.”

That earlier contrarian Julie is in disagreement.

I am choosing to let go of the frustrated nihilist child and am willing to nod in agreement. I’m willing to receive the assessment, “I did my best.”

Reaching for the Just Right Word: What We Don’t Say… The Untalkaboutables… Keep Us Stuck

May 28, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

This post was written in two successive #5for5BrainDump sessions with several editing sessions. It started stream-of-consciousness and came back with – how to state this clearly.

For now, two hours, dishes done, conversations with Emma in process, a little mopping of the kitchen floor and moisturizing my face – it is done. For now. >> See Julie smile a slight smile of acceptance.<<

Now for the Rewriting of the Narrative:

If I had my way I would climb into a bubble with a caretaker and a loving team of comrades to support me by doing what I am not gifted at doing or simply don’t like to do.

I look up and see a cobweb in front of me and I think, “I need to sweep away that cobweb when I’m done writing.”

Here’s the thing: normally I wouldn’t confess to seeing a cobweb for fear it might make me look bad and that one small choice to not be authentic and not tell the truth and not be real starts building a leaning tower that slowly and surely degrades so much of what is true and right and crackly and painful and hilarious and embarrassing and endearing and very possibly even loveable.

That saying nothing, that holding back what we have deemed “Untalkaboutable” puts us in a stranglehold.

I remember a session I had with not my most recent therapist but the one before her. I was concerned about my self-destructive behavior so we talked for 45 minutes before I showed her my arm. My forearm, wracked with deep scratches and bruises I had levied upon myself in deep frustration days before. Scratches I kept hidden because I didn’t want anyone to see the evidence left behind from not talking about what was at the root of my upset, the core of my being.

I take a breath as I continue to write, as I attempt to continue to write.

I fold my hands first in the traditional protestant prayer and then in a more eastern “Namaste” expression… praying for the boldness to keep “talking” on the page, to please continue this pattern of progress simply because my old way of being would be to skate along the surface and only occasionally go deep enough to be restorative.

“Change the language” a sort of command or request bubbles up from deep within:

I am grateful for my relationship with prayer, that I know I may always turn to prayer for comfort and guided action. Prayer says, “I am not alone, even if there are no humans around I feel safe enough to speak my depths to, there is always divinity and there is always the page.”

I am indicating that here. I am taking back my sovereign crown from here by writing these words here, dropping them one letter at a time, allowing the thoughts and meaning and letting go to bring what wants to be said into the open, into the light, and then shared with others so that they may be recognized and be willing to be stand up, to speak, to be heard.

Sometimes the page is a prayer. The page is bigger than a human and on the road to divinity.

The timer went off without me knowing, as sometimes happens lately I believe a divine thing and a call to go deeper with my writing.

Leave the keyboard and move to replace need, want, must, have to, should into excited, grateful, pleased, anticipation

Note to self and you: this is normally when I abandon my writing, when I stop going any deeper with my words because it looks and feels scary and I don’t want to face whatever might come next. In so doing, I have missed a lot of light, a lot of hope, a lot of joy and who knows what else.

Back at the keyboard, I take a few moments to write:

I found these words, replacements to the “lack” words I listed above….

Instead of “I want, I need, I am missing” in the future remember to use, “I am inspired by the possibility of,” and “I am exhilarated to think…” and “I am stirred up with anticipation of….” along with the base words of motivated, roused, excited, activated,.enchanted…

Instead of “worried” or “afraid” or the like, “I am appreciative of the opportunity to” and “I am thankful for this moment because…” and “I am content with purely…. (being here now, feeling this moment completely, having what I have…” along with my favored “I am looking forward to” and “I am most satisfied by…”

I realize as I wrote any and all of these may be writing prompts, too, to gain more clarity.

I look up from the list and see where I have swept away the cobwebs when I was in between moments of writing. Small bites, baby steps, sweet moments of satisfaction I may point to as evidence and not be ashamed.

I hear my neighbor’s dog bark. I think how many years have gone by without sharing niceties, such a simple thing. I look forward to a time when I feel more mutual compassion with neighbords. I remember when… one of my cats got stuck under their house when they were getting work done on it.

The wife was known for complaining about how much she hates cats.

I remember feeling panic about my cat, Tina, being trapped and how we could possibly get her out. Samuel came with me and we brought a can of tuna to coax her. I was worried about getting any dust specks on their hard wood floor. I was afraid when Samuel came out from under the house he would leave traces of dust or worse, dirt, and they would be made at me (as if that was anything unusual.)

We could hear Tina meow from under the house. Samuel crawled into the space under their house. She wouldn’t come, she was scared, too.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we collectively stopped being afraid?

I keep hearing my neighbor’s voice, he must have sensed my worry and fear and he said to me repeatedly, “Julie, no harm no foul,” after Samuel successfully encourage the kitty to come to the surface and allow herself to be rescued.

I remember fighting tears then like I am fighting them now.

I hear my neighbor’s voice now, talking about the dog.

Emma seems worried because I am crying.

It sounds like the word prayer is said. I don’t know if it was or it wasn’t though perhaps I’ll claim it.

Old Narrative: People who don’t like me are always ready to find me in the wrong and make me feel more shame than I already do, naturally.

New Narrative: People are people, each with weaknesses and strengths and mostly self-absorbed.

New Narrative Question: What untalkaboutable subjects are calling me to pay attention? What small step may I take to wash away the fear as well as bring the untalkaboutable into the light?

From the italicized: Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we collectively stopped being afraid? our prompt: “What may I choose to do daily (or near daily) to lessen my day-to-day fear or anxiety?”

Devote 5 minutes daily to take action on any new insights you have from this experience.

Are you interested in reading more about Rewriting Narrative: Below is a list of three recent posts to visit and read;

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

Fuzzy Morning Brain Does Not Have to Lead to a Bad Day

May 26, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

Today I woke up fuzzy. My old narrative would have fussed and scrolled around facebook and felt negative about not getting enough done. This morning, instead, I decided to start fairly early with a 5 minute brain dump session.

I decided a quote would be good inspiration and when I first looked for a quote about clarity and found lots of clichés and quotes that sounded more like drill-sergeant-speak I did a different search term (which I’ve forgotten) and found this:

“Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes; work never begun.” — Christina Rossetti

I woke up this morning hours before I finally lifted myself out of bed. I don’t know when exactly it was and I don’t think I slept very deeply or sweetly in the interim, I just know eventually the sky got brighter and Samuel started moving about and I knew I needed to rise and shine and do something.

After the bare essentials were complete and I returned home, I still felt that struggly feeling of “What do I do?” (When this particular narrative line is repeated in fast succession and at all based in fear… anxiety rises).

I knew there was a list somewhere (Life Guideline#1 I attempt to live by is to write a possibility list before I go to sleep. I hadn’t on that day. ).

Even as I drove Samuel to school I attempted to prioritize in my mind and again and I got nowhere.

So now, I write, and I think, and I throw words down in attempt to clear my mind and allow myself the space to move forward.

This week has been about getting things done: curating and completion. I have curated and I haven’t done much completion. There is a part of me that feels like a failure and I know where I might have made different choices and gotten more completed.

I can’t change those choices I made before, but I can change what happens next.

My eyes scan back up to the quote I started with as inspiration:

Christina Rossetti said, “Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes; work never begun.”

The timer goes off so I will use the next three or so minutes to make my list. The first thing I will do is create an attractive, artful “Possibility list” to continue the kick start.

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735

Transforming Panic to Love-Based Focused Action: 5 Minutes of Writing Magic

May 24, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

Welcome! We’re taking an adventure in Personal Growth and Transformation Made Simple.

This is where the miracle creating #5for5BrainDump Process meets the inner working of discovering one’s unconscious beliefs otherwise known as “Rewriting One’s Inner Narrative: 5 Minutes at a Time” . Today I felt myself going down the well-worn path of panic mode, so I quickly recovered and shifted onto a different path via writing – and breathing – and what you see next is us taking that path, together so… let’s do this…

It is so easy to go into panic mode, to worried mode to “oh no I have so much to do what am I going to do oh no oh no oh no!”

Cue the Chicken-little scene, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling,” and then – if we are lucky – a hint of mindfulness seeps in.

I was having tea with my dear friend Kathi this morning and we were talking about that panic mode we sometimes unconsciously fall into and she reminded me how good I am at stopping, taking a breath, and refocusing and/or reframing and coming back to center.

It was one of those moments where I almost wanted to look over my shoulder to see who she was talking about but no, she meant me, loud and clear – me.

Ironic, then, a couple hours later when I was settling back into work mode I got nervous again about what to do next. I have a huge list and I have tasks galore and I was reviewing the content next to go up on the curation block and I got lost in the murky swamp of “What’s next?” even now – I am more than slightly worried thinking about the next thing after this thing so I stop myself.

I close my eyes.

Hand on heart.

What is the best next thing to do?

What task will get me closer to my goal most efficiently and effectively?

Hand on heart… breathe in….. exhale anxiety and blend with love… breathe in…. “What task will get me closer to my goal?”

As I rid myself of the uncomfortable anxiety and allow the light of love to take the reigns, the next step becomes more clear and I know –

The best next thing to do.

A smile crosses my face.

The timer goes off and I know.

I’ve effectively, for now, replaced the nearing panic mode with feeling peace mode.

I’ve rewritten the “Chicken-little-sky-is-falling” rule with “Focus on what’s best next, with love” and it feels so much better.
There is more to come on this one. Stand by for more….

This post was written #5for5BrainDump style: write for 5 minutes, free flow, stream of consciousness style and see what wisdom comes as a result. This one is definitely a keeper – one I will continue to grow upon. Thank you for reading today! Please follow me on social media so you won’t miss anymore high quality content that will help as you work toward a better and better life now.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via #5for5BrainDump, livestream broadcasts, creativity playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

The Garbage Truck on Alta Vista Drive

May 23, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

Today’s 5 Minute Writing was one of my favorite sorts of writing: contemplative, “looking out the window” writing. It is quite simple and so effective it is ridiculously fun.

You might be able to note that since today I was inspired by… a garbage truck. When was the last time you were inspired by a garbage truck? Try this out today – look out the window and write what you see.

For now, enjoy the reverie of the graceful dancing and figure skater-like prowess of… The Garbage Truck on Alta Vista Drive:

I watch through the leaves of the mulberry tree, the hum of the garbage truck gets closer. Once it is in view, I notice it is a new garbage truck. Its arm works the same as always, reaching out, grasping the green garbage can, lifting it up and over and upside down.

Like a figure skater as far as grace in construction but much more squat and utilitarian.

The truck moves along down the street to repeat its movement over and over and over all.day.long.

No wonder it’s graceful.

We learn and grow and improve through repetition, however tedious and tiresome that may seem.

Yesterday we ended our opening weekend for the One Act Festival I am participating in and when I left I was exhausted and thrilled to be done for a few days and sad, too. I have been away from theater for more than eighteen-months and didn’t necessarily want to return, but I take it all with great seriousness and love.

When I leave the stage, it is with the awareness I may not return.

I get frustrated with the tediousness as well, but I also know, as I said to Lee yesterday, “I really know my lines and I know them well… and now that I trust this to be true, it is amazing how fluid and fun it is!”

I wonder if the garbage truck driver believes it to be fluid and fun to grab and lift yet another trashcan?

When I was a little girl I used to be afraid of the swarms of men who would leap off the trash truck and rush up the hill to fetch the three or four garbage cans that lived alongside our house on the north side: metal cans that seemed huge to a preschooler. I vaguely recall loud clanking lids.

Our window in the corner of our living room and a favored place to play was on the inside of where the trash cans waited outside our side door. The house was elevated so that the first floor windows were at the perfect height so that the trash men would appear as strange disembodied floating heads early on Monday mornings right beside where I would be playing alone or with John after our older siblings left for school.

I am sure I probably got very emotional and loud and was probably an amusement to the trash collectors when I screamed in fright when their disembodied heads suddenly appeared right at my window unexpectedly even though it happened every week, the same way.

It is a marvel – and sort of sad – that those three or four men are now replaced by one person driving the truck using the mechanical arm that does a marvelous interpretation of a figure skater, only now in taking the time to write for five minutes about it – my views have shifted and changed and morphed and appreciate the renewed view, the metaphors and the warm up of language this practice brings.

= – = – =

Today I am choosing to remember moments of love and focus on creating more of them.

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735

How to Use Your Subconscious Mind to Fall (Back) in Love with Time

May 22, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

Welcome! This is where the miracle creating #5for5BrainDump Process meets the inner working of discovering one’s unconscious beliefs otherwise known as “Rewriting One’s Inner Narrative: 5 Minutes at a Time” Personal Growth and Transformation Made Simple… today I found it important to explore my relationship with time… something I used to love. Now?

The time when I was the most productive was when I repeated this mantra to myself, “There is plenty of time to do all that I most need to do.”

When I simply said those words to myself throughout the day, everything miraculously got done or I just let go what remained unfinished.

I almost whined at myself just now, “Why don’t I do this anymore?” and then I remembered, the “Why” isn’t important, the “What shift will be most productive?” is more beneficial.

I was searching for quotes from women about time management and all I found were trite clichés like “Don’t sweat the small stuff” and “Take time for yourself.”

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I have heard these so many times and yet when we are deluged with a calendar that is so full we find ourselves stapling our finger at 3 am in order to finish a project on time the last thing on your mind is taking time for yourself. That is, other than collapsing into your bed once the next day is over.

If I go back to my writing from earlier in the week, I see a lot of rewriting unworthiness and quite a bit of self-malaise. By the way, I have written myself as an expert on the topic of self-love and self-care. What I am addressing now is deeper than the surface stuff – this is why I am working on this re-writing because years of surface stuff doesn’t begin to scratch the sludge coating over what is most significant.

Odd. My timer didn’t chime, so I am going to reset it for one minute to finish up.

I feel as if there must be something important wanting to be written.

Time is measureable, it is finite.

It is ironically gloriously expansive when we return to the beginnings here. I am most productive when I repeat “There is plenty of time,” throughout the day.

My subconscious nods in agreement and delivers plenty.

I am realizing again (a theme as I started writing these thirty days) how much I may protect my continued and continuing progress when I stop spending time with people and projects that don’t align with these sorts of thought process.

Sometimes self-love includes who we are allowing in – as they reflect our beliefs as well.

Love, not lament, is what will help us to remember to appreciate and facilitate productivity in this time we are in – five minutes, five days, five weeks or years… at a time.

(There, that’s the reason for the extra minute!)

And now, for you –

Writing Prompt – set your timer for five minutes and write…..

My relationship with time is like….

I was most organized with time when….

Share a cliche piece of writing advice you have received and refresh that cliche with what you have learned to be true –

Write a time story, as if time was a person or entity…

Check back as I may add layers to this because… I will confess… I like these prompts I just wrote for you!

Mindset Shift: From “I’m a Bother” to “I’m a Blessing” + Writing Prompt

May 21, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife 2 Comments

Today’s 5 minute writing came to me in a more circular way than my norm. I am on a retreat this week: I am still at home, but my focus is on curation and completion of content that has been hanging about, unfinished, in my “unpolished gems” files.

I started to write this after I had finished a couple unfinished videos and rewritten several poems from my upcoming collection. I opened my copy of “I Praise My Destroyer” by Diane Ackerman, re-read the opening stanza of her poem, “You will think this a dream” and within five minutes, another big breakthrough came to be. You may see yourself reflected in the process. Below is what I wrote:

From the Poem “You Will Think This a Dream” by Diane Ackerman in her collection, I Praise My Destroyer.”
“Hypnotized, it leaps through coiled metal
to drive cauldrons wild
in a parenthesis of flame – “

Prompts:
Question – What doesn’t surprise me… that would if I shifted perspective?
Phrases to inspire:
A parenthesis of flame
Cauldrons wild
Hypnotized, it leaps (also vary pronouns – she, he, they, you, we)
Sentence starter:
I remember the time it felt like I was hypnotized so clearly, it was….

It took me longer to get started than I am used to it taking.

I was settling in, diligently checking things off my massive to-do list, not wanting to be bothered with.. and here in the midst of my rather mindless writing that parenthesis of flame from my inner narrative rings out, loud and clear.

I don’t want to be a bother, so I…

Don’t ask for what I want.

Don’t allow the person I don’t ask to show me how much he or she or they actually care and want to actually do whatever it is I am not bothering to ask them.

Not so ironically, this is another of my deeply buried and believed to the soles of my feet and the soul of my heart, “My existence is a bother and certainly the pressure of my request or interruption in someone’s life is just that unbearable so instead… I just don’t.. I won’t… I can’t.” and that has become that has become that.

Concrete barriers that actually do have the capacity to crush me like the incredible shrinking walls scene about annually on most daytime soap operas.

I’ve only been writing for four minutes? This is completely unpleasant.

What if I wasn’t a bother?

My eye is now twitching. Why am I doing this again?

Oh yes, to shift in my belief.

The timer goes off and I give myself another minute.

If I didn’t believe my existence was a bother, I might not be so fearful when asking for help. My existence is a blessing.

My existence is a blessing.

When I believe my existence is a blessing, like I was just told this morning, making requests becomes a gift. Following through becomes restorative for all of us, and peace becomes a river that has found a way.

This instantly shifted from completely unpleasant to becoming a soft blanket and pillow, a reassuring smile and a thoughtful hug.
A five minute miracle that is allowing me to use the new mantra:
“My existence is a blessing,” and I may begin to use it more than the old, unconscious, destructive thought.

I am not a bother, my existence is a blessing.

My aim today with this writing was to inspire you to #1) Explore the power of reframing your personal narrative in order to simply feel better in general and to lead a more satisfying and productive life.

Please, join me now, as I take it on 5 minutes at a time for the next 30 days. This morning I was being challenged – so I started with a quote I found by an unknown-to-me woman. I googled “inspiring quotes for women and this is what I got. I set my timer for 5 minutes and started to write.

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To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735

How to Shift Those Deep Beliefs – Unworthy – Rewriting the Narrative

May 19, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

Rewriting one’s narrative – sometimes called “inner tapes” or “self talk” or many other catch phrases is an important part of personal transformation for everyone.

Studies have proven this strategy works so therapists and life coaches and healers have prescribed a variety of processes for people seeking improved lives to shift from the old thinking to a renewed, much better life.

I have taken on a personal challenge to re-frame my less-than-constructive narrative thought processes here as a means to inspire and stay accountable because when I have done so in private, I tend to do the push-me-pull-you-oops-I-forgot-it-again-thing, which I try not to have as an ongoing project. My aim? To feel better than ever AND to inspire you in the process. Please, join me now, as I take it on 5 minutes at a time for the next 30 days. You may listen to me read aloud on my podcast as well by clicking here.

You might have noticed this buried in my last blog post:

It isn’t a sweet dissatisfaction I normally feel, but a deep tainted dye that spreads over me – based upon none other than that damn narrative that runs through my veins, “You don’t deserve to do well, you need to seek penance constantly for all your wrong doings.”

I chose today to write five minutes more – to continue to work with this not only deeply dyed but also deeply rooted belief, actively poisoning my possibilities.

This is an example of narrative I came face-to-face with – or fingers to the keyboard in stream-of-consciousness and then to my awareness…. that invited me to go deeper.

Old narrative: “I don’t deserve to do well, I need to seek penance constantly for all my wrong doings.”

This goes in direct opposition to the views I espouse in relationship to other people. “We are all human, we all make mistakes.” I say to others, a slight smile on my face, eyes looking into eyes with warmth and compassion.

“In my business, I value mistakes, I value the slightly awkward, I appreciate the path to better, progress is the new perfection,” and on-and-on-and-on-and-on. It is time to fully honor myself within the others – make it “myself and others” on the list of who and what I value.

The only penance I may have ever needed to pay (and I don’t believe I did, when conscious and aware) has been paid by the self-flagellation I’ve been doing by not using my gifts to the extent that I might. And that, beloveds, is worthy of forgiveness as I have shown and lived over and over and over again.

How to rid myself of the “deep tainted dye that spreads over me”?

I love to dye paper to make mixed media art. It is extremely therapeutic for me to create colored paper and watch the dye merge and spread and play in ways unexpected.

To lighten the color of the dye, I add water. I add more paper to dye. I add more water. I make more paper. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Showing up at the page and writing, exploring, allowing myself to feel the emotions and poke about in what makes me uncomfortable in containers of time and energy – these are the tools I will use.

Writing, brain dump style in 5 minute chunks. Art making. Conscious, directed and focused transformational conversations. All of these will diminish the heaviness that comes with the deeply tainted dye as I live this life and share these gifts as I was meant to all along.

Now it is your turn to let your narrative loose, to free yourself, too.

I’m here, ready to listen and share.

Always, Julie

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To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

The Audacity of Feeling Good

May 18, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife 2 Comments

Welcome! You have found the place where the miracle creating #5for5BrainDump Process meets the inner working of one’s beliefs and subsequent otherwise known as “Rewriting One’s Inner Narrative: 5 Minutes at a Time” Personal Growth and Transformation Made Simple!

Now, for today’s writing –

Last night I had the audacity to feel good about something I created.

Some people might be surprised about how rare this is for me. It isn’t a sweet dissatisfaction I normally feel, but a deep tainted dye that spreads over me – based upon none other than that damn narrative that runs through my veins, “You don’t deserve to do well, you need to seek penance constantly for all your wrong doings.”

I caught my eye in the mirror when I put my hat on for the opening moments of “Kamasutra” – the play I am in that opens tonight. I laughed at my reflection because I looked like Maria, returning to the convent for a forty-year-reunion wearing the same outfit she wore on her way to the von Trapp home as she belted out “I Have Confidence” while riding the bus and skipping along the outskirts of Salzburg.

I only wish my inner confidence matched what I heard last night after my performance. Today, I will be listening to those comments in my mind as I prepare instead of the pesky old narrative patterns.

I will hear “It makes my heart happy to see you on stage again,” and “You are my hero” and “Believable. You were so believable” and “That was so beautiful!”

I was able to feel good about what I created, even if I wasn’t 100% up to the standards I seet for myself.

I was content with the results. I feel solid, ready and confident, like Maria. (The timer went off about 30 seconds ago and I took the time to finish, just because it felt good. And that’s ok, too.)

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