Creative Life Midwife

Inspiring Artistic Rebirth

Good Job, Dear Friend

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Focus on Practice Just Write

“I have turned away from myself, ” I thought, this morning.

A trigger, a “oh no not that!” feeling rose from my gut. It wasn’t a running away screaming with my arms flailing, it was a quietly tip toe away so no one notices and climbing into a corner behind a curtain so that no one would take notice of my disappearance and then….
I realized this is what I have habitually done.

Past, present and now with awareness may cross off my “to-do” list or “to be forgiven for when arises in the future” list.

So interesting, this self-witness thing because in the turning away from myself, I am actually turning away from the gifts I bring to this world, it is like shutting off a valve of all that is good and right and pleasing to others as well as myself.

Do you ever find yourself doing this? Please tell me I am not alone in this.

I give myself the gift of five minutes to write and I find myself holding my face in my hands like in “The Scream” by Edvard Munch except my face is lifeless and numb, not outwardly screaming at all but…..

Perhaps this is the quintessential Julie scream. Numb, not even noticing myself pull away until I have sunk into unconscious disconnection.

I look around the room. My messy art table, my floor that needs a once (or several times) over.

Note to self. You are seeing. You are feeling. You are writing. You are alive.

You have now turned back to yourself.

Well done, good and faithful friend.

Coffee as a waker upper today and through July

I’ve been absent from here. My intention is to write a five-minute-blog post daily (or as close as I’m able) starting in July and figured this was as good a time as any to begin. I literally grabbed a random photo as a header… it fit… and am looking forward to writing this week with the #5for5BrainDump I’m running this week. Here’s to taking off the numb and beginning again, again.

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This Somewhat Sleepy Morning, I Knew: 3 Ways to Be a Mirror, Not a Deflector.

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This morning I dragged my sorry tired self out of bed for the 5 am writers club thirty minutes late. I had been looking at Instagram and reading about ridiculous TV, mindlessness and unconscious floating, but my keyboard was calling and I answered.

With writing sessions like this one, I don’t expect brilliant sentences strung together effortlessly. I am happy with single word repeated, “Intention, intention, intention” might be a good example.

A gratitude list and slight expansion on gratitude is helpful.

Normally I write with lyric free, instrumental music. This morning, I knew I needed an ode to clarion call, a rallying cry, a moment of truth for the words that wanted me to speak.

This morning, though, I was listening to John Mayer’s “Say What You Need to Say” and my fingers found the words, “Best of luck in your next endeavors. Get therapy. Keep working on yourself. Hold up a mirror instead of a deflector.

3 Paths to “How to Be a Mirror, Not a Deflector”

  1. Accept your weaknesses not as enemies but as part of your most important allies-in-the-making.
  2. Move forward with love through aligned passionate action instead of attacking with fear and hate, evidenced by statements meant to push known “buttons” in others.
  3. Recognize your own value from the perspective of those who see you as a whole person, weaknesses surrounded by strengths. Someone dedicated to growing, betterment and adding to the increase steadily.

Julie JordanScott is the CreativeLifeMidwife. She loves creating life changing content to inspire you into passionate action as she has been doing for two decades. Join her upcoming Passionate Women’s Writing Circle which begins again on Friday, February 1. Click for details and to sign up now.

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Oy no not that 2019 Vision – hey wait a second…

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I was insistent it was too difficult for me to think even a year in the future when I first saw this prompt.

I was determined to focus on the bad year I was ending and how because I can’t predict what horrible hurts might happen I ought not bother wasting my energy with devising a vision.

Two things happened within an hour of waking (amidst prepping bisquits for Samuel’s class, getting dressed and making a cup of coffee.)

I remembered getting off the freeway, specifically route 58, the Union Avenue off ramp early one morning.

You know those roads that never get done, that are continually under construction, usually in lower socioeconomic areas?

I found myself in this same place where I had attempted to help an old, infirm, possibly without a home woman about a year ago? I remember as clear as a bell being in a hurry but seeing her struggle between the construction snafus and I thought, “Julie, if you are who you say you are, turn around and help her!”

So I did. I even parked my car a half block ahead of where she was mumbling and angry and quickly walked toward her to offer assistance.

She rebuffed my offer and chose to do it how she had probably done it for who knows how long. I drove off knowing at least I honored my personal way of being and stayed in alignment with who I say I am.

My most recent turn on this off ramp I noticed the pavement was smooth, the lanes wide and the paint stripes guiding me stood out even in the pre-dawn lack of light. This: an almost unbelievable transformation from the sketchy off-ramp from times past. I don’t remember ever being anything but dicey to say the least was now as beautiful as any on-or-off-ramp I have ever seen.

Then in a moment of upset and flurry of activity because I had to change the plug for my computer – I moved it because of a need for the Facebook Live series we are doing – I saw one of my art journals sitting in a pile of books and I picked it up only to discover it was the art journal I was using at the end of December last year.

It opened to the page where I was holding a vision for November 2018. I hadn’t looked at it for months. I was surprised to see on the page I had written, “Workshops, Performances, Travel.” Why yes, yes and yes.

I wrote, back a year ago when I was holding a vision for my now recent past, “I was taught to deny (automatically with fear attached) rather than consciously choose, or discern, with love and soulful consideration.”

Whoa.

I was seeing into the future last year.

So now, I am typing with a smile on my face and am looking forward to diving into this today with you.

I may not finish today with my overall vision AND I know I will have a good start. I have started already with all our prompts.

I’ve turned my frown upside down and I didn’t think that was possible an hour ago! (And then this blog post was buried amidst the “I’m so busy” flurries and it wasn’t until I found this quote from Rumi… and actually set a goal for 2019 to have an ongoing writing practice daily once again:

Miracles. Every day. There is gold dust. I am grateful.

The year hasn’t ended. That artificial measurement of time is still 48 hours away. I can still give this prompt its due. My grateful smile has gotten wider. Life is good – in all its nooks and crannies and dust bunnies and rogue cat hair (thank you Alice) life is good.

Julie JordanScott, Creative Life Midwife, is currently in the final stages of the 2018/2019 Bridge to the New Year which she created with Paula Puffer.

She is grateful you are reading and invites you to follow her on social media to keep the relationship going.

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Unfinished Goal: Re-Devoted: The Virginia Woolf Room

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I knew I had neglected the room I was so excited to create. I knew there came a point after I moved the furniture I had been using when Emma was away into the other room and I settled again for leftovers and mishmash that I was also sending a message to myself that wasn’t very loving.

“It is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes makes its way to the surface.”

― Virginia Woolf

The nuances, subtle, go unnoticed.

I mean, I knew I had neglected the room I was so excited to create. I knew there came a point after I moved the furniture I had been using when Emma was away into the other room and I settled again for leftovers and mishmash that I was also sending a message to myself that wasn’t very loving.

“You can have whatever’s left. Sure, you were going for a feminine and feminist room of your own, literary granny style and all, but you know, that was a lark just like so many other things you try…” and little by little my once-almost-what-I-wanted became a disorganized jumble, not at all the oasis it was eighteen months ago, newly painted and hard wood floors restored, a soft comforter in pink and so many pillows in various shades of pink and polka dots it made my heart go pitter pat whenever I walked in and plunked on the bed to write. I had a make shift lap desk, art on the walls, and at about five o’clock every day the light became especially magical.

When Emma reclaimed her furniture, my pink bedding no longer fit. The dresser was bulky and dark, the bed lumpy and small.

The love affair was over. I took the art off the walls. I never changed the time on the clock to reflect falling back and springing ahead.

While I had thought about springing into action to reclaim my vision, it wasn’t until I chose to answer the prompt for today it all fell into place so clearly.

I even made a plan

  1. Clear room, beginning the day after return from Oregon (December 11)
  • Move book shelf to D’s to complete the restoration by January 1 (latest, 1/29)

It might sound strange, but this unfinished project is a barrier because its taking up of space in my room is an example of me not feeling heard and me agreeing, by default, that I wasn’t valueable enough oto be heard.

A carpenter I met offered to make me a custom book shelf – because I wanted it to include slates to sort my ephemera and paper. I told D about this but he insisted he could do it better. He  bought an enormous shelf from a university he wanted to fix up, but he didn’t ever seem to hear what I wanted. He punted it to me to work on, which is definitely not what I wanted. About a month ago I sent him an image of my “dream shelf” and suddenly, he got it. Maybe nearly two years late, but if I get it before the beginning of the year – or even before my birthday on January 29 I will be very happy.

  • Only put back into the room what is MEANT to be in there and has a purpose for being there. Make list and diagram of wall art and furniture. Complete by December 15.
  • Commit to blog on December 31 with photos of progress. J

Vision reclaimed, plan in place. Virginia Woolf room, I am excited to enjoy you again! Happy New Year!

This blog post was written from a prompt offered in the “Bridge to the New Year” experience which you may find at JuicyJournaling.com. Join a group of creatives reflecting, connecting, intending and taking passionate action as they step into 2019.

Julie Jordan Scott is the Creative Life Midwife. THANK YOU for reading!

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Bridge to the New Year Day 1 – Introduction: A Potpourri of Me

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In December of 2018 and 2019 we reviewed the prior year and created a vision for the next year. 2020 threw us a curve ball that has left many of us nostalgic and…. longing for anything different.

Below is a throw-back post from Bridge to the New Year that invites you to know who I am at my core – and at the bottom you will see a place to sign up for our Mid-2020 Shift: #Refresh2020…. an initiative to return to Passion and Purpose, even amidst this chaotic. confusing, revolutionary year.

Use this prompt across social media – link up at JuicyJournaling.comhttp://juicyjournaling.com


My first thought was:


How am I going to get 10 – 30 things about me that are in anyway interesting that won’t bore everyone because we all know, well, some of us have been educated – there is nothing more horrid as an artist than being boring.


So. I took some time to brainstorm some things about me you may not know. I haven’t done much proofing so I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors in advance. Take it as freedom to be imperfect.


1. I have never seen any Harry Potter films nor have I read any Harry Potter books. I know you may be saying “How shocking! That’s appalling! I would LOVE Hermione! How could I not read these fantastic books?! Two parts to that response. 1. I take offense when woman authors don’t proudly stand up and say “I am a woman!” granted, I didn’t know JK Rowlings’ story at the time or I might not have been so strident and 2. When I say something, I usually stick with it.

2. I am a melanoma survivor. I have a large heart scar on my face as a remnant and a reminder. I often cover it with hair styles.

3. I gave up acting for thirty years between the ages of eleven-years-old and forty-one-years-old. Although I am not as active in performance as I once was, I have done more than thirty stage productions, seven films, a documentary and a handful of commercials. Weirdly, I have an IMDB page. How did this happen?

4. Writing and poetry has been in my blood stream since before I was literate. I still love being read aloud to – it is one of my most favorite activities on the planet.

5. One of my highest values is showing up, so if I say I will be somewhere I try really hard to get there and if I am not there, I am either near dead, helping out in a child-emergency, or beating myself up for not planning better or whatever it is that got in my way.

6. I have a brown spot in my left eye. This is one of those boring trivia items just because I tell it all the time and it is no longer interesting.

7. When I was in high school, I entertained my friends during lunch by doing accents. Now I entertain my friends on live stream… doing accents.

8. My uncle Jim used to call me “A dandy baby” primarily because I smiled all the time and was very charming. I used this throughout my childhood and into young adulthood. I remember when we were traveling I would focus on business men with my coquette-ish flirting. I remember receiving at least one gift. In my first job after college at a rental car company, my co-workers were in awe of how many customers brought me gifts.

9. I am an ordained minister, like Joey in Friends. I am also an actual ordained deacon in the Presbyterian Church, USA. I can officiate weddings and funerals and any other sacred ceremonies people might want performed. I have the honor of doing weddings from time-to-time though I really loved facilitating/leading/officiating my brother’s celebration of life after he died and would enjoy doing more of those.

10. I have been blogging since 2003. I had a rather successful website from which I made a sustainable living from 1999 to 2007. I originally blogged to have an “unplugged” place online where I didn’t have to be my “professional persona” all the time. Everything has evolved but I have a block around websites. I have a new one half-assedly in the works and the designer of CreativeLifeMidwife and I never really hit it off in a way that made completion a thing. So. There’s that.

11. I am an art journaler and mixed media artist. (I said that aloud here for some of my artist friends who have been waiting to hear me confess that.) As far as visual arts go, I have mostly sold photos but I have also sold several mixed media pieces. Not a lot, but… perhaps someday.

12. I love to travel and aim to be a digital nomad once my children are up and out of the house. After today, with Emma’s health issues I wonder if that will be any time soon at all, which is a fair thought neither to her nor my vision for the world and the future. These thoughts are exactly why Bridge to 2019 is so important! To work through what happened and gain clarity so that intentions may be set and re-visioning may take place.

13. I have been writing since before I could write. I would dictate to my mother and she would write out what I said and I would copy it in crayon. This is part of my ‘writer’s story” which I feel I overtell.

14. Before I was 45 I lost 5 close friends to various sorts of cancers. I have never explored the impact of this, but I don’t know anyone else who has lost so many close friends. I just connected how close their deaths came to John’s death and the many losses of 2006/7.

15. Speaking of 2007, when John died, I had an out of body experience. How I describe it is this: my soul leaped from the shell that hosts it and chased after John. God (insert whatever word you use here) literally shoved me back into my body and wordlessly told me “No you don’t! Your work isn’t done here.” I might not have believed this really happened except my children who were in the car with me when it happened (yes, the car was parked) saw my body rise up, flop down and miraculously not crash my head against the steering wheel on the descent.

16. I am a PTA Mom. This didn’t happen until Samuel was in High School. I believe in parental involvement, but usually kept my business on the district level. I am grateful my time as a PTA Mom is almost over. My specialty within the group beyond being the secretary is doing all the public speaking and selling stuff.

17. I have been known to say my children are my greatest creative project of all. I believe this to be true. My biggest fear in life is failing my children. I don’t think this fear will ever go away.

Emma, Samuel and I at my childhood home in Glen Ridge, NJ in 2017

18. I believe the world is filled with loving people, primarily wanting to have a positive place in the world. I recently saw this unfold when a totally diverse group of strangers and friends rallied around a young refugee woman from Cameroon I befriended while she was in detention at an ICE facility here in Bakersfield. These people didn’t ask about political parties, religion, socioeconomics, anything. They heard there was a need they could fill and they did, immediately and in the moment. This was one of the most humbling, incredible experiences of my life. I’m sure it will come up during the Bridge.

19. I have four brothers and one sister. I have had one brother die. I basically don’t speak to two of my siblings and sometimes I wonder how they will feel when I die. I think I have grieved the loss of our connection for a long time, so I have no idea how I will grieve. My brother I am in closest touch with texted me tonight and confirmed we will all have Christmas together, something Mom had mentioned but I was afraid to follow up on. This means – during the Bridge, I will have a closer answer.

20. I realize I have many more than 30 I could share actually, but I will stop here. I separated out the birth stories. I have always been fascinated with birth stories (there is a reason I am the creative life midwife!) and Katherine is named after a midwife – who happened to be one of my close friends who died very young – but I figured not everyone is as enamored. Oh, wait. Make it 21.

One of my favorite photos of my daughters and me, circa 2012 ish.


21. I am a relatively open book and will answer most questions I am asked directly without hesitation. Feel free to ask.

Birth Stories:
22. I have been pregnant 5 times. I have three living children and 2 other daughters-of-the-heart who refer to me as Mom or My Mom.
23. When I gave birth to Samuel, I was speechless when I saw I had managed the impossible – giving birth to a boy. (If you are willing to have some TMI, I also had an orgasm when I had Samuel. How strange is that! I will never tell him that though… just too weird.)
24. When I gave birth to Emma, my first loving words to her were, “She has a cone head.”
25. When I gave birth to Katherine, it took me a while to look at her. I was scared. After all, the first thing I said after Marlena was born was, “Our baby is dead.” I think I’ll edit that out. In the end,  I chose not to. Edit it out.

Julie JordanScott is The Creative Life Midwife and one of the Founders of Bridge to the New Year. Join us now in 2020 in #Refresh2020 to reflect, connect, intend and taking passionate action to create a truly remarkable rest of 2020. Click the graphic below to find out more and register to receive emails.

Join the conversation in our closed  Bridge to the New Year Facebook Group

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5 Questions to Determine “Your People” (Some People Call this “Your Target Market”)

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“Surround yourself with similarly-visioned people and others that seem to afford opportunities. It takes discipline to network regularly and routinely to develop these relationships while being sincere about how the relationship will be mutually beneficial. But, don’t be scared to explain how you can be valuable and a resource to the person. I always ask how I can be a resource to the person. Inevitably, I come across friendships, investment opportunities, and offered positions.”

–Steve Iskander, chief growth officer at DriverReach, a digital, mobile-first applicant tracking system that helps recruiters manage the CDL driver application process, where he grew revenue at the company by 40 percent each month in 2018

In our one page marketing plan, one of our first tasks is to determine or choose or create a profile to define and imagine our ideal client, customer or reader. As creatives, we will purposefully use processes that are engaging to our imagination and a combination of linear, language, images and playful experimentation.

To do so, we may begin with 5 simple questions and create, craft and move from there.

Who are my people?

Let’s consider this: where do my people “hang out” both in their local communities and online. Ask both what keeps them awake at night and what delights them in a way that stirs their hearts into action? What do my people actively request and seek “more of that please” their lives?

Maybe you’re like me and the whole notion of creating an ideal-client avatar feels heavy, start with the best version of yourself.

Where do I love to hang out?

What keeps me awake at night?

What delights me in a way that stirs my heart into action?

What do I actively seek and say “more of that, please” in my life?

We’ll start with 5 minutes of free flow brain dump writing in response to these questions.

Simply pick one and write from it.

Another way to jump-start your writing is to re-read the quote this blog post started with and then begin to write – for just five minutes.

Once you’ve completed that, we will go on to the “what’s next.”

“Surround yourself with similarly-visioned people and others that seem to afford opportunities. It takes discipline to network regularly and routinely to develop these relationships while being sincere about how the relationship will be mutually beneficial. But, don’t be scared to explain how you can be valuable and a resource to the person. I always ask how I can be a resource to the person. Inevitably, I come across friendships, investment opportunities, and offered positions.”

Your next question to open yourself to considering is how does your product or service meet the needs of your people?

How does your vision for your business intersect with what your ideal client, customer or reader come together or intersect in a mutually beneficial way? This may take several creative sessions. 

The point is to open your heart and your mind and allow your creative thoughts to flow.

Stand by to see how this is morphed into a marketing message and marketing story, to be used and told repeatedly.

Julie Jordan Scott (the one who wrote this blog post) says: This is what I crave for you: soulful creativity, aliveness in your passionate productivity, and a deeper sense of knowing how you belong in the world so that together we will be able to create a context for the rest of your life via your next book or your next workshop or simply your next day, week, month or year.


The people who named me “Creative Life Midwife” found words and paint and laughter and flexed their courage muscles on the way to a deeper satisfaction in their daily lives via new blogs, books, webinars and friendships – just to name a few. Contact me now for your complimentary Transformational coaching conversation.  Click here to complete the request form now.  

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Stream of Consciousness Sunday – Throwing Random Thoughts on the Page

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We will store this in the file drawer marked “What people don’t talk about much” – perhaps this is a series that is calling to be written.

  1. Sometimes self-care, for me, is dogged productivity. Diving my nose into a project intensely and slogging through it feels better than almost anything I can imagine. It creates a deeper, more resonant satisfaction than almost any of the traditional “self-care” suggestions offered by many of my beloved friends.
  2. I am ashamed of admitting this, I almost don’t want to say it for fear of being cast out of any remotely inner circle I might be a part of because if 2018 had a theme other than the one I set it is “We don’t want you” and “You don’t belong here.”
  3. In actuality, my theme for 2018 was/is freedom and allowing myself to be cast out is actually freeing. I just need to move further along the grief path so I don’t ache with each interaction with people I used to call my friends.
  4. There are people waiting to love you, and me, and those people who have hurt you and me. There are people waiting to be loved, fully, and who would be so thrilled to be invited for a cup of coffee or a walk or a conversation deeper than what is currently the latest celebrity sensation or the unfortunate state of (insert a myriad of subjects here,)
  5. We are all bigger – our hearts and our visions for this world – than whatever bump in the road you are currently knocking up against.

This has been a stream-of-consciousness moment on a Sunday evening. I will get back to my trademark Sunday Loving Activities and offer to you this chance to think about whatever it is you aren’t talking about openly that might help you to feel better by giving it some attention.

Julie Jordan Scott says: This is what I crave for you: soulful creativity, aliveness in your passionate productivity, and a deeper sense of knowing how you belong in the world so that together we will be able to create a context for the rest of your life via your next book or your next workshop or simply your next day, week, month or year.

The people who named me “Creative Life Midwife” found words and paint and laughter and flexed their courage muscles on the way to a deeper satisfaction in their daily lives via new blogs, books, webinars and friendships – just to name a few. Contact me now for your complimentary Transformational coaching conversation.  Click here to complete the request form now.  

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Tired of Riding the Roller Coaster of Other People’s Urgencies?

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I have had a bit of a roller coaster week, well – to be honest, a tidal wave week, and yesterday –  I was what I would have called “slammed” if I worked in a restaurant for most of the day.

I love being busy. I love the feeling I get from having a lot going on and enjoy metaphorical plate spinning more than slow and stead, tortoise like pace.

When I sat at my desk my intention was to do some of “my own work” yet as I settled in just to write for five minutes “for myself” I was immediately ready to sacrifice my measly five minutes to work on someone else’s urgent project. What is up with that?

I started typing these words:

I am important enough to come first. I am important enough to be the top priority. I am important. I have value.

I am more than slightly embarrassed that I still gain benefit from such affirmations. People give me plentiful praise and then my own version of Glinda the Good Witch whispers… “Yes, you get praise dear heart and do you fully receive it?”

I am important enough to come first. I am important enough to be the top priority. I am important. I have value. I am important enough to come first. I am important enough to be the top priority. I am important. I have value.

I am important enough to be praised. I deserve praise, I deserve to feel positive about the efforts I make because they are valuable.

I turn my favorite music on. Close my eyes. The words find me. My shoulders relax.

I take the five minutes for myself amidst the hours of all those other projects that aren’t going anywhere – they’re right here with me and will get their attention as soon as I am complete here.

May these words I write for myself be a mirror for you to look into as well. For you, like me, are important, valuable and deserving.

How do you relate to this story? What is your most effective self love and self care strategy?

Be a Better Writer & Have Fun at the Same Time: Passionate Purposeful Women’s Writing Circle Welcomes You!
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99 Days of 2018 Left on the Wall Calendar so….

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Shocking, just a bit, to think there are only 99 days left of 2018.

I started this year with such excitement. Right off the bat I had gigs lined up and speaking engagements and it felt like everything was at long last flowing in my direction again and wouldn’t this be wonderful and then….

This morning I was doing my daily broadcast which had been postponed because of – as often happens – other people’s stuff and the need to sort things out and not starting everything earlier and there I found myself, stubbornly on my front porch nearly blinded by the son that thirty minutes earlier had given off the perfect golden slanted light but now was assaulting me with rays that would eventually lift up to around 100 degrees today.

So I started there and then walked to underneath my mulberry tree where on my seat in the much cooler, much more beautiful shade I found… a seed pod. I didn’t recognize the seed (is this mulberries? I don’t know) and I was instantly delighted.

The metaphor rich for the plucking. “When we stop thinking we are in charge of everything, the greatest and most yummy feeling gifts are discovered ‘by accident’ or so it seems.


I finished my broadcast in a shady, perfectly temperate spot just steps from where I started. I felt happy and I was even ahead of schedule (for a change).

My to-do list is present, accounted for and things are getting checked off.

I could have gotten angry and self-talked myself into a tizzy about how bad things have been and how the world and some specific people in it have consistently conspired against me but instead, I went with the flow.

So while sputtering out for the rest of the day and the rest of 2018 could be the choice I make, I am choosing, instead, to find the gifts as they open themselves to me and making the best with each day ahead – even if the gift is as simple as a seed pod that I don’t recognize.

What are you looking forward to for the rest of 2018? Perhaps you are ready to join a Passionate, Purposeful Writing Circle with the dynamic group that’s assembling. We are in the final days of assembling – find out more and join now by clicking the image below.

Be a Better Writer & Have Fun at the Same Time: Passionate Purposeful Women’s Writing Circle Welcomes You!
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September: Revisiting the Notebook

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“The best thing to do when fear strikes is to stand with it, learn from it, then act from what you learn.” Now, let’s keep learning, together. 
Julie JordanScott in her journal: September 1, 2015 

Rewriting one's narrative is essential when we journal for healing. Creative Life Coach Julie JordanScott will write daily during January from earlier journal entries to continue the discovery process here, in this blog.

What I’ve learned from fear since that day three years ago is so rich and deep and varied and so much a continual process and practice, I recognize the value of sticking with this question and different aspects of it throughout this first week of the month of September, 2018. Longer if necessary.

We will assess and then choose different subjects to write about over these next thirty days of writing for five minutes a day, day in and day out. Now. for the nitty gritty.

Ironically, my theme in September is Intentional Abundance, like it was in September, 2000. I remember because this is right when I found out I was pregnant with Samuel and actually now that I peer over my left shoulder at the memory of who I was in August 2000 was a supremely brave person inside and out.

My actions were aligned with the bravado – and the bravery wasn’t exactly courageous it was – I see it now, a work-in-progress and part of that “act-as-if philosophy” more than anything else.

Three years ago I had dropped Emma off at the University she attended. I had woken up on Katherine’s dorm room floor at Princeton Theological Seminary, I had met my now son-in-law Donald and shared our first meal together. I had, before this day or maybe on this day, driven with a friend from Las Vegas to Bakersfield.

She and I are no longer friends and that took courage. Perhaps that was a turning point into true courage, to do what hurts and is horribly uncomfortable because it is the aligned action to take.

When I stand with fear and learn from it, I am in alignment with my life purpose. I know with grace and soul connection, no matter what happens, it will happen and I will respond.

I gave up saying trite phrases like “everything will be ok, don’t worry about it,” because that sounds so fake yet when one of my parent-club friends gave me the advice this week that said, “Chin up…” and keep moving, basically – that felt aligned to me.

What in the past might have brought a bristling response from me this week what I heard and translated from “Chin up” was, “You are tuned in. Instead of concerning myself with what feels sad or not-exactly-right.. well, those may be the facts just like the fact is – I aim to continue to walk, march, hobble sometimes and hopefully with a straighter spine and a more spritely step in the days to come – toward the end result I have hoped and prayed and gazed toward for far too long without making forward progress

It is not unlike my favored saying. Show up. Look up. Translate.

I have learned people do the best they can in the moment they are in. That includes me. I have learned forgiveness doesn’t mean stepping back into relationships though sometimes it can. I have learned what might look like the best circumstances aren’t and what looks pretty icky and wobbly may be the surprisingly perfect fit.

My timer didn’t sound, though my five minutes are more than up.

Please follow along in September as I revisit past journals and notebooks and continue my quest to rewrite one’s life narrative to lead a more compelling, creative and complete life filled with purpose, passion and play. (So sorry for the alliteration foul: sometimes with brain dumping or free flow writing, that sort of shows up. These posts will be largely unedited, first draft versions which I hope will help each and all of us recognize the power is in the “showing up” not the worry about whether or not something is absolutely “correct” or “incorrect” (whatever that means.)

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