Creative Life Midwife

Inspiring Artistic Rebirth

July 2020: Turning the Page on Mid-Year

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A journal, a to-do list, and a year-in-review timeline for the person reading the blog post to continue to do the same. All writing is in pink ink.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” is how one of the most famous works of literature begins. Charles Dickens tapped into a deep well of truth in his opening paragraph of A Tale of Two Cities. When I revisited the book as an adult, I was taken with the poetry and power which goes far beyond these first twelve words.

The first few months of 2020 have felt this “best and worst” way to some people and others have seen “the worst of times” overshadow much of the light in their lives. Others say “worst times? What worst times?”

In the beginning of any month, I enjoy reflecting on the month before it – but here in the wearied “worst of times” that come with 2020, I have spent time reflecting on the bests and the worsts.

Many of the worsts this year are universals: we are living through a worldwide pandemic, something that hasn’t been experienced at this level since 1918 with the Spanish Flu.

Here in the United States, we have also come face-to-face with systemic racism – nearly all Americans are more aware and are diligently addressing our shortcomings, addressing the biases which run our lives outside of our everyday view. I am one of the people who used to say “I am color blind” and “I see everyone the same” which I didn’t understand is inherently problematic.

The “Best of Times” in my life are the ones which make me smile the widest.

I will begin with a smaller smile, perhaps coupled with humility.

I am smiling to see healing – and to participate in the positive shift I see happening across the planet. It will take time to get to our destination, and even with all the darkness we have experienced, I can see and feel the seeds of healing.

My personal “best of time” moments occurred both before and during the Pandemic.

  1. In February, Emma and I visited Flagstaff to see my parents, a trip I had hoped for since the previous Spring. I always meant to go by myself, but as the time drew closer, I invited Emma along and I am so grateful I did.
  2. In mid-March right after the Stay in Place order in California happened, I started something called “Coffee and Intentional Conversations” which I saw as a way to “hang out on a coffee date with friends” virtually, every day. I had no idea how long any of this would last – and I knew having a connection point would help me and it might help others. It did both of these things. Recently we minimized our group to meet twice weekly, but the connections of the women have been astounding.
  3. I am continuing to go strong with my goal to write a haiku and post it daily – This morning I am on Day 191/377. Each day before noon I post a photo and a poem on my personal facebook page (it has held me accountable) and what a time to be documenting life as it unfolds. Lately I have written more angry poems, but oftentimes the poems focus on the beauty around me. It is important, I believe, to address and stay alive for all of life, not only the areas you are most comfortable addressing. After all, the more comfortable we get with being uncomfortable, the more we will expand our effectiveness and courage.

If you are interested in exploring 2020 from a refreshed perspective, you may want to consider joining the Refresh2020 initiative which is a Pop Up Initiative for Reflection, Intention and Activation that will begin on July 9 and last for 3 weeks.

How have you fared in 2020 so far?

Refresh 2020 is written in large letters, followed by the dates - July 7, 2020 through July 28, 2020. the words Intentionally exploring our experiences so we may continue with purpose and passion. Flowers and a purple frame highlight.
Julie JordanScott typing a love poem on the edge of a foothill of the Sierra Nevada Mountains.
Julie JordanScott typing a love poem on the edge of a foothill of the Sierra Nevada Mountains.

Julie JordanScott facilitates The Bridge to the New Year initiative which includes sharing insights at the end of the year as well as intending and planning for the New Year. Because 2020 has been different than the norm for all of us, we are offering #Refresh2020, a 3 Week Pop Up group which will include reflection through creativity and a private facebook group for interaction and engagement as we explore the impact of the first six months of 2020 and how to continue to move forward, with love as the year continues. 

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The 100 Day Project: Shifts, Growth and the Best is Yet to Be on Day 42/100

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The Joy of Mutual Support and Collective Benefit - the 100 Day Project and my work creating engaging video - this is the 6 week or 42 day check in. Pink background with white vines interspersed.

Here’s a fact about me you may not know: I do my best work when I am in community – when I am working alongside other people who are also working on a project. It doesn’t have to be the same project or in the genre, but simply that we are all working away, separately together.

It is like playing in the sandbox as kids or as adults, when we are co-working in the same space or going into a coffee shop on a Sunday afternoon in the fall – college professors are sitting all over the place, grading. You just don’t recognize this until you have your own stack to grade. Somehow you are more likely to get it done in a group.

This is my third year working on #The100DayProject – and my personal project is 100 Days of Engaging Video. I am a livestreamer and have been since 2015. I don’t feel as confident with my “static” videos as my live stream videos. I have improved, though, and the last few I made felt really good to make and to share.

I have a YouTube account I don’t promote much, unfortunately, and since many folks on the 100 Day Project at on Instagram, I have been making more IGTV videos in addition to my livestreams.

Most recently I have been repurposing my videos on IGTV to YouTube and next will put them on my JJS Writing Camp facebook page as well. Every day in every way better and better and better.

Because my son came home from college, I have taken the last week off from video making and now on Instagram there is a rumor I can turn my lives into IGTV videos, so this may change my entire strategy. This is exciting!

The 100 Day Project itself, however, has been much more fun because I was bold and asked members of the if anyone wanted to start an Instagram engagementgroup to encourage each other. Well, more than fifty people responded. I created five groups and they have been off and running for the last six weeks with only one blip.  Two of the groups have done Zoom sessions that were very fun. People are inspiring each other even though the groups are anything but niche: we are all doing our thing and enjoying the others who are doing their thing.

I realize in writing this blog post I am going to amplify outreach and marketing for the next six weeks as an experiment and it will become a regular part of my reporting. I think I will do some “mano a mano” (reaching out to individuals as well as sharing in groups and spaces. To borrow from Anais Nin, I know my business will blossom when I am bold – and my videos showcase me doing what I do for clients, audiences and readers so it is time to be real with it and engage in my life work as I make these videos. I actually started this with the facebook version of my last video, I just hadn’t recognized it as such.

I have never given as much energy to my 100 Day Projects because I never had this level of consistent, mutual support. I have made friends within this small and mighty community that will surely last long after the challenge is over. Separately together, much like how things have been during the Covid-19 Pandemic which we are continuing to learn and live through –

Do you have communities you turn to for support in your projects?

What were the characteristics of your favorite. most effective support communities?

Figuring out our favorite characteristics of online communities by engaging with the question, "What are the characteristics of your favorite supportive communities?"

Finally, here is my most recent IGTV video for your viewing pleasure.

Finally, a closing question – I would love if you would respond in the comments:

Julie JordanScott has been writing since before she was literate by dictating her thoughts to her mother and then copying in thick crayons onto construction paper. She was a pioneer in epublishing and continues to reach readers through her blog, bestselling books, greeting cards and her essays and poems in anthologies. Next week’s theme of Aware of Abundance #5for5BrainDump program will focus on using writing as meditation to focus and release blocks or an upcoming writing circle or writing for social media programs.

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“I wake to listen” – How to Use Poetry to Meditate (Even if you don’t think you’re “good” at either)

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In May, we are blending poetry and meditation to create, make and activate a more mindful, art-rich life. Welcome to that experience.

May is National Meditation Month. Field of Lavender and purple reflect the poetic nature of meditation we are using here in May. Welcome back or welcome for the first time!

Many of you have said, “Meditation and poetry – I am not good at either. And you use writing as meditation? Forget it. I can’t”

Stick around for a couple days so we may wash out those thoughts. 

Here’s how this process goes for me – I invite you to try it this way and feel welcome to make modifications so it may work for you.

Whenever I read Plath, (link to the poem we meditated on today, Morning Song) I hear and feel a hush which may be why this line of her poem attracted me. This poem, “Morning Song” is about mothering a baby. Have you parented a baby?

I remember thinking when I had my son that I couldn’t have a boy. I didn’t know how to mother boys. It took me six weeks to actually agree this relationship as mom-to-boy would work and while it may still be rocky – he is an adolescent now – I know I wouldn’t trade the process for anything.

I invite you to think from your “beginner’s mind” place like I did as a new mom – with an open heart and without leaping inot judgment (like I find myself leaping more times than I would care to admit.) 

Many of you have said, “Meditation and poetry – I am not good at either. And you use writing as meditation? Forget it. I can’t”

Stick around for a couple days so we may wash out those thoughts. 

Here’s how this process goes for me – I invite you to try it this way and feel welcome to make modifications so it may work for you.

a lavender field at sunrise allows us to embrace and accept we may not be good at poetry or meditation now,. we may allow ourselves to come as a complete beginner to both. The sunrise is a metaphor for the new beginnings you may experience when you come from the beginners mindset.

1. First I read the poem to myself several times and choose one line or phrase as a centering line. On my live-streams I ask viewers to choose a line also and direct them to the Poetry Foundation website for the poems I read. All are published there and are easily accessible – which for some people makes it easier to choose a meaningful meditation line.

2. Deep breathe and sit quietly with the poem, sometimes briefly and sometimes – like this time, I meditated before sleep and  as I fell off to sleep. 

3. The next step has differed when I do it, but write for at least 5 minutes, free flow style, stream of consciousness. Sometimes before the live-streams though more often after. Sometimes I write the centering phrase over and over again. What I find it when I trust the process and breathe deeply as I write, other words begin to pop in – you may scoff at this and I invite you to try it.

4. Livestream first on Periscope, often a rougher version – but I enjoy picking up the twitter audience.I will share the livestream from Twitter so you may see it here as well.  I pin the poetry/meditation streams daily with a link to the poem and the graphic (whenever I create it), often afterwards. Livestream second on Instagram  live. Usually a smaller audience but often more engaged in the poem itself. 

5. Sometimes I post here, in my Creative Life Midwife blog – once I even created a second series based on what I wrote during my meditative writing and it blasted more helpful content. Whether or not I post elsewhere, I follow up with discovering the next poem. 

In this case I’ve planned ahead and will next read Kim Adonizzio.

If you have a favorite poem or poet you would like to suggest please do so in the comments. .

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The Perils of Being a Comma. Or a Dash, an ellipsis, a period.

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What Punctuation Mark are You? Using a line from poetry to step into a deeper level of self discovery through meditative writing and a photo of a woman, writing, on a deck between two mountains. Purple and green.

Once upon a time I had a friend I liked a lot. I told this friend, “I am nothing more to you than an ecru comma.”

What a perilous way to be, an off white comma, a brief stop on the way to something better.

There is nothing worse than to be a comma.

A comma personified.

Ten plus years later, at times I feel like I remain a comma. Is there such a color as faded ecru? Aged ecru? Stained, torn, battered and bleeding ecru?

Let me rephrase that: I do not see myself as anything like that ten-year-plus presumed comma. I have been stained, torn, and scarred. I have bled and I have healed. I have devoted myself to presence and passion and moving forward.

Commas haven’t committed. They aren’t first or last, they are a hesitation.

As I wrote that last sentence, a meadowlark sang after she took a nibble from the mulberry tree in my front yard. Fully committed, she sang in joy and praise. Can a comma be that precise?

A comma isn’t as firm as a dash – that says – wait.

Almost a period, but not quite enough and we stand there almost falling over a comma is steady and filled with air. I imagine it is easily popped.

"Commas on her face --- a breath, a word" is a line from the poem "My Darling Turns to Poetry at Night" by Anthony Lawrence. The image is of letters made of wood or plastic scattered on a board, haphazardly. It is in greyish-toned black and white.

I believe I chose this line “Of commas on her face— a breath, a word … “from the poem “My Darling Turns to Poetry at Night” by Anthony Lawrence, to meditate with today because I know what it is to be lost to poetry when others are around. I probably seem to separate myself into an otherworldly place at times when poetry – my own and others, scoops me up and takes me away.

As an apology for losing myself into whatever non-human experience I was passionate about, I let go of getting lost to those loves and devoted myself instead to human tasks and helps, forgetting that I was worthy of both passions and an assist and a collaborative effort from time to time.

Sometimes it is lovely to be a comma, even an ecru comma.

Now that I think about it, a peaceful smile looks something like a comma.  I will claim that, too.

Perhaps we, we humans, would be better off embracing our loves for what they turn to that isn’t us – as long as it isn’t a wall between us and them. I love poetry and theater and deep soul conversations and the occasional ridiculous television show and that doesn’t mean I want to separate myself from those I hold most dear or darling. Sometimes embracing the comma time as a place to meditate on love itself and on humanity herself would be a better choice than wall building.

In this musing I realize how much meditation is like a comma.

A breath, a word to center, a breath – more words… and then words disappear and there is breath… a comma.

A comma is a part of something bigger than herself. She is an important part of the overall story.

She is a bridge. She is a sign-post. She takes a stand for what she believes to be true.

I am proud to be a comma and more. I am proud to be a stained, shiny, torn, healed, scarred, fierce, frightened, passionately active, ecru and purple comma.

Julie JordanScott creates content to inspire creative people to lead more satisfying lives even during this pandemic. Walking and sitting at the Panorama Bluffs helps her feel centered.

Julie JordanScott has been writing since before she was literate by dictating her thoughts to her mother and then copying in thick crayons onto construction paper. She was a pioneer in epublishing and continues to reach readers through her blog, bestselling books, greeting cards and her essays and poems in anthologies. Join her for one of her upcoming #5for5BrainDump programs or an upcoming writing circle or writing for social media programs.

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How Seeing the Everyday, Ordinary Stuff That Surrounds You Differently Suddenly Become Magical

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One of the earliest exercises I created for people in my writing programs is to pick up an ordinary object in their space and take a mere sixty seconds to experience it and describe the object. Once the object is noted, we check in regarding the experience.

pink balls of yarn are the basis for this quote from "Let Evening Come" by Jane Kenyon. "Let the cricket take up chafing as a woman takes up her needles and her yarn. Let evening come." This is Inspiration for National Poetry Month (and beyond) from Creative Life Midwife Julie Jordan Scott

Ordinary objects like waste baskets and water bottles come alive with close inspection. When a person takes time to notice differently, the associations, the appreciations and gratitude rises up oftentimes in surprising ways.

To read the poem “Let Evening Come” by Jane Kenyon, click the link here to read it in its entirety.

To “let evening come” (or morning or midafternoon) in your own life, take a moment now to do follow the prompt and see what words flow as a result.

Pink yarn balls are above the writing in this image, encouraging people to write of this: "Write what you notice around your home, your yard, your street. Allow the ordinariness of objects and events in your ordinary life stir your words. Don't describe these objects and experiences as you always have. Let the overlooked details surprise you." by the Creative Life Midwife Julie JordanScott

To rephrase the prompt “Write what you notice around your home, your yard, your street. Allow the ordinariness of objects and events in your ordinary life stir your words. Don’t describe these objects and experiences as you always have. Let the overlooked details surprise you.

Take 5 minutes at a time and write, just write. Allow your pencil or pen or fingers on the keyboard float across your page.

In the comments, share one or two or three ordinary objects you might enjoy getting to know more clearly. Even this one simple action will enrich and deepen your appreciation for the everyday right now.

Julie JordanScott creates content to inspire creative people to lead more satisfying lives even during this pandemic. Walking and sitting at the Panorama Bluffs helps her feel centered.

Julie JordanScott has been writing since before she was literate by dictating her thoughts to her mother and then copying in thick crayons onto construction paper. She was a pioneer in epublishing and continues to reach readers through her blog, best selling books, greeting cards and her essays and poems in anthologies. Join her for one of her upcoming #5for5BrainDump programs or an upcoming writing circle or writing for social media programs.

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Nothing and Everything is Just Right….

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There is nothing perfect about this picture.

I am wearing lipstick, but no mascara or other attempts at beautification. I hadn’t even bothered to take a brush to my hair.

If you look more closely you will see there is everything perfect about this picture.

I am smiling, even though I am not wearing mascara, even though I haven’t taken a brush to my hair, even though I am slightly ashamed of the reality that in my privilege I was upset about going three days without a longed for chocolate croissant when people are lining up for sustenance and rightfully worrying about being evicted or mourning for losses that are incomprehensible to me.

Right now I am doing the best I can to trust myself to continue to do what I can to enhance the world in my little corner of it. I am hosting conversation circles, for one. I am posting honest and upbeat content to engage and evoke constructive curiosity in myself and others.

My porch is as close to the front lines as I get right now.

My porch is the front line right now.

There is everything perfect about this picture.

Now it is your turn to consider what is right in your life right now.

Prompt for Contemplation, Conversation & Creativity:

A blue sky holds this prompt for conversation, contemplation and creativity. "What is right with your life right now?" A pathway toward water invites you to look more deeply at the question and the prompt... "What is right in my life now is...."

Use this question to prompt contemplation, journaling, a blog post, a conversation, a poem or start a work of art in a new or renewed direction.

Please write in the comments your first response to the prompt.

Julie JordanScott typing a love poem on the edge of a foothill of the Sierra Nevada Mountains.

Julie JordanScott is the Creative Life Midwife. She inspires people to live their life as an artform and take action towards their best results. During the 2020 Pandemic she is also leading daily Virtual Coffee Dates, Facilitating Intentional Conversation so people will feel less isolated during this time of social and physical distancing. Join the conversation by registering for free by clicking this link.

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Transforming the Sting of Shame to “Hey, I’ve Got This and Better!”

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This morning someone I didn’t know did her best job to publicly shame me and now, about ninety minutes since the initial sting, my thought it, “Wow. I’ve been publicly shamed! That hasn’t happened for a while.”

I could have done what I once did which was fall to my knees in mourning as I pluck each of my marbles from the ground and skulked off, whether or not what the shamer was saying about me was true or not.

You might be lost in your wondering, “What did the shamer do to try to shame you?” I don’t want to give it undue attention and I know about curious wandering minds so here it is, in a nutshell.

I offered to create micro-communities on Instagram for a challenge I am in, small communities of artists and makers to support each other during the challenge.

Mixed media work in progress. The image includes a photo transfer of Botanist Alice Eastwood and acrylic paint on canvas - the beginnings of abstract flowers.

I had quite a few people agree being in a micro-community would be fun so for much of yesterday and a bit of the day before I put people into groups and contacted each person who said they wanted to be a part of this letting them know they were in and how to access the instructions.

One woman said she wanted to be in a micro-community and wrote a long reply, stating she had looked at my feed and deemed it not full of enough art so I must be a fraud, out to cause harm or worse yet, bring attention only to myself.

I took a breath and replied, sharing about my video project – and saying I had spent the last day and a half putting people into small groups and while I was at it, complimented her project.

Maybe to her I do look like a fake, possibly because my Instagram feed doesn’t look like hers. It looks like an eclectic blend of images – two of which on the first row were video screen shots and another was a poetry prompt and quote, the theme of my videos.

In a mixed media collage, a woman is holding a bouquet of tulips covering her face. She is atop a copy of a musical score and painted light blue textbook paper.

In her article, “Shame on you! Do you use shame to control others?” in Psychology Today, Melissa Kirk writes, “The reason shame works so well is because we’re wired to connect to and seek acceptance from others. Shame effectively withdraws that acceptance and connection.”

Ouch. She is describing what I have often called “Using shame as a verb.”

Today, I did something I didn’t used to be able to do.

I brushed the shame dust off my clothes by journaling, writing this essay, reading poetry and yes, I worked on the mixed media art piece I started earlier this week.

The biggest a-ha from the situation is this: the more I put myself out there, the more vulnerable I will be to people who are likely to want to use shame as a weapon against others who are not like them or who do not fit into their carefully delineated mode.

My job, instead of fighting back and creating more of an uproar, is simply to continue creating, to keep making, and to explore any niggling themes that are bothering me about the episode.

These may also be useful as future writing and journaling prompts when episodes like this happen again or if they may happen to you.

  • Is there truth in anything she said?
  • Is there something in my behavior I might modify?
  • What bothers me the most about what was said to me?
  • Is my motivation coming from the greater good?
  • Am I willing to have this uncomfortable feeling of shaming in order to make a difference in the world?

During my visit to Poetry Foundation website today, looking for poetry for my live-streams next week, I synchronistically found this quote:

“Poets aren’t just makers, they are doers,” says Don Share, editor of Poetry

I am a doer who also does her best to make the world a better place.

Sometimes my actions – my doings – may be misunderstood. I am strong enough to accept the “shaming-as-a-verb” that comes my way as a result because the work I do and the people the work impacts is more valuable to the world than this other person’s assessment.

Julie Jordan Scott sits on her porch drinking coffee from a Lowell Observatory mug

Julie JordanScott is the Creative Life Midwife. She inspires people to live their life as an artform and take action towards their best results. During the 2020 Pandemic she is also leading daily Virtual Coffee Dates, Facilitating Intentional Conversation so people will feel less isolated during this time of social and physical distancing. Join the conversation by registering for free by clicking this link.

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Stop What Doesn’t Work & Restart What Does

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A woman raised her hand in the usual "stop" sign that some call "Talk to the hand." In this case, it is more "Take a rest, take a break" and then continue again.

This morning I sat in my writing chair, a befuddled sense of non-direction came over me. I had misplaced my phone and I let it stay misplaced. I didn’t want to use find my iphone and wake my daughter. I knew I would find it soon enough.

I sat, still and silent and non-contemplative. I noticed how the sun was piercing into my space in a not so comfortable, slanted sort of way.

“This is how it stops,” I said to myself after a while. “This is how depression or inaction or a funk starts for me and this is how everything else stops.”

I had an impulse I hadn’t followed in a while to re-read my work-in-progress vision plan aloud to myself.

As always, reading it and hearing it energized me.

I went to my blog to read recent content because one of my shortcomings due to my high level of creative output is truly odd. I write so much, I forget what I wrote – even and especially the really quality writing dense with insights.

I saw the last date on my blog was April 7. Tuesday. Somehow it was Friday and I hadn’t blogged since Tuesday during this month I was supposed to be blogging every day.

Somehow in a matter of days I had swept aside my love for sharing my life with others in the pile of stuff on my calendar that isn’t nearly as fulfilling to me. I had fallen off course.

The echo of “this is how it stops” arose in me.

And this is how it restarts, now.

I begin again, re-start< with the knowledge I spent two days doing less of what compels me because I fell into a bit of a cloudy funk. This is natural considering we are in the midst of a first-time-for-any of us pandemic we don’t know when or how it will end. We are mostly sitting in our homes, waiting, attempting to create some feeling of normalcy amidst this unnerving unknown.

I did things during the last few days, but I neglected what I love the most because of duty primarily to other people. It happens, especially to those of us who tend toward people pleasing.

I didn’t nurture my tender spots, I didn’t reach into the audience who reads my words, who looks forward to them. Their words and comments and smiles in response to what I write brings me another layer of nurturing.

Today I may be behind schedule, but neither my heart nor my vision is lost.

I am re-claiming, re-starting and re-storing what fills me up the most.

If you are feeling befuddled or in a funky malaise, this period of time of quarantine and “uncertain times” as I have heard this called eophemistically – is finite – even though we don’t know when it will be over for us or what the outcomes will be. Even in a casual search for quotes about embracing the unknown comes up empty: everything sounds trite and rehearsed in this time when we haven’t rehearsed any of it.

I certainly didn’t want to experience any of this.

I realize now I used to worry about something like this pandemic happening after I died, leaving my children to figure it out without me. It isn’t as if I have all the answers or volumes of wisdom on the subject, but I didn’t like thinking of them suffering without me, suffering too.

I’ll say it, I am re-claiming, re-starting and re-storing what fills me up the most and as a result, others will be filled up, too.

Julie JordanScott typing a love poem on the edge of a foothill of the Sierra Nevada Mountains.
Julie JordanScott typing a love poem on
the edge of a foothill of the Sierra Nevada Mountains.

Julie JordanScott is the Creative Life Midwife. She inspires people to live their life as an artform and take action towards their best results. During the 2020 Pandemic she is also leading daily Virtual Coffee Dates, Facilitating Intentional Conversation so people will feel less isolated during this time of social and physical distancing. Join the conversation by registering for free by clicking this link.

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The Story of a New Plant & How She Changed Everything

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Yesterday I did the best thing I have done since the middle of March.

I adopted a plant. A spider plant. An incredible Spider Plant I’ve named Henrietta.

I am calling this a matter of “Delayed Child Moves Away Syndrome Affect.” My son, Samuel, moved away to college last August. Like any parent, I was nervous and numb. I waved goodbye when I left him at his dorm and was thrilled at Thanksgiving to spend a few days with him. The December and January holidays arrived and it was almost like old times.

With the arrival of Corona Virus, he petitioned to stay on campus. I congratulated his independence and my heart broke a little.

He is signed up for two sessions of Summer School, so he will be home for about three weeks this Summer.

I act like I don’t miss him, but when I sat in my car waiting for the curbside delivery of my plant I knew something oddly exhilarating was happening.

I was adopting a plant. I was adopting a Spider plant! I had wanted a Spider Plant for a long time but the timing didn’t ever seem to feel right. This morning, I took the leap. I sent a message to my friend Amanda who owns House of Flowers and I asked her, in a typed whisper, “Do you have any spider plants in stock?”

She did! I would soon be the mother of a spider plant! I would have something new to nurture. It isn’t the same as having my son here at home and given our current circumstances, Henrie brings a healthy dose of optimism for the future and a sense of purpose beyond myself and my work.

When I saw Diana – Amanda’s Mom and business partner at House of Flowers – walk out the door to the shop with Henrietta in her hands it was as if the Earth stopped moving. “She is so beautiful!” I heard myself saying. I took her and cradled her in my car. When I got home I almost couldn’t let her out of my sight.

I had a zoom meeting to attend and she was right across from me on my desk. I crooned and crowed and couldn’t stop talking about her. “I adopted a spider plant today!” I told anyone who approached me on social media.

Henrietta the Spider plant in a basket on the desk where she is in clear view of Julie as the latter writes from her recliner.

Little Henrie is now across the room from me on the mantel. I am thinking of all the plant accessories I may buy her, maybe a fancy new pot in a while.  She is a brilliant plant, a beautiful plant, a transformative plant.

Why did I wait so long?

This morning I placed her in a basket and she is sitting, once again, directly across from where I write. All is right with the world.

Julie JordanScott typing a love poem using a 1930's typewriter as she sits the edge of a foothill of the Sierra Nevada Mountains.

Julie JordanScott is the Creative Life Midwife. She inspires people to live their life as an artform and take action towards their best results. During the 2020 Pandemic she is also leading daily Virtual Coffee Dates, Facilitating Intentional Conversati

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Laughter, Tears, Anger: All In a Days Work/Play

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Young girl running around a park as the sun starts to set. She is feeling the freedom of transformation, even during troubling times and letting herself feel transformation in every step she takes.

Yesterday I laughed myself silly while I walked around a local park in a rather strange outfit posing for my camera that was propped up on a tripod sitting on top of an unoccupied park bench. At first I wondered why people were looking at me so funny. What was unusual about… and then I remembered. It isn’t every day a normal middle aged woman is walking around a park carrying a “magic wand” as if it was a saber, wrapped up in a scarf-as-close-to-Katniss as I could manage with a basket full of goodies including collagen powder, “Start with Why” by Simon Sinek and not one but two journals.

Woman dressed in a costume for some playfulness during quarantine. Part Katniss Everdeen, part Easter-Fairy, part weird aunt the artist, all in good fun.

I am blessed by creative friends who come up with multiple ways to express themselves creatively and invite others along for the fun of it. Most recently my friend Jessica created a Quarantine Scavenger Hunt.

Right now I am a free agent player: I didn’t want the pressure of being on a team because of my lifelong worry of letting my teammates down, failing them with my inability to achieve perfect gameplay.

My “perfect gameplay” is cavorting in public places being silly so this I could do.

It didn’t even matter that I was alone in this, I laughed and played and left “being normal” somewhere on the other side of town. What happened next fascinated me though.

Magic wand as a saber, a middle aged woman does some improvisational cosplay in a part while exercising during quarantine.

I had so much fun with my soul play that I came home and wrote. I didn’t just write, I dove into my words and my meanings and felt as if I was tumbling into the magical, mystical, unexplainable mysterious realm and that is not necessarily a place one wants to go without a companion or at least a flashlight.

I wanted all the noise in my mind to stop and I knew the best way to calm it and myself was to continue writing and continue fishing up images from my history so I could make sense of them, even if it felt dangerous.

Even if it felt unwieldy and even if I tore my clothes, opened up my scars and had to ugly cry alone through it all I knew I would get through it.

And then I got angry. Angrier than I have been in months, maybe in years. I was so angry, so over the top out of control angry I felt like I would burst. All of this happened silently.

.It’s true – it was all via text and in my notebook the rage fumed and it felt so good. I haven’t allowed myself much anger in small spurts so when it arrives it is a torrential downpour. I don’t believe in tarnishing other people’s experiences so my daughter who was in the same room may have had hints from my breath patterns, but she didn’t say anything.

Over text message, my friend Heather gave me a text blessing to let it all out and let it all go so I did exactly that I let it all out and I tuned into a youtube meditation about letting go which helped me get to sleep.

I woke up transformed.

I am not angry this morning, I am content. I am moving forward. I am grateful I was able to be as angry as I was and not pollute other people’s experiences. Maybe this is one of those positives of quarantine life, I am able to experience extreme anger but not show it on the outside and not let it destroy me on the inside which used to be an unconscious habit.

Now I am able to process creatively through conversation and making so that I engage my friend and they know what is happening with me (rather than retreating) and my art becomes even more layered and interesting.

I finished two poems yesterday I never would have had the courage to write if I hadn’t allowed myself the luxury of consciously expressed anger.

I am not suggesting knee-jerk, unconscious anger – I am offering an alternative to people pleasing, stepping aside, “I’ve got this under control” covered up anger and “blurting” anger with conscious, constructive, transformative anger.

Since we started experiencing limitations due to the pandemic reaching into the lives of Californians, I have suggested we give ourselves permission to feel whatever we need to feel.

That may mean soul play and hours later, transformative soul creativity and then transformative soul anger and back again.

This is a messy, confusing, first time for all of us experience.

While we may not enjoy every step of it, I urge you to stay with it keeping your eyes wide open. As best as you can, keep your sense of humor intact.

My fun moments of soul play unleashed the anger that needed to be expressed. Today, I am ready to dive in, unglued, again.

Thank you for visiting. Please tell me in the comments how things are going for you.

Julie JordanScott is the Creative Life Midwife. She inspires people to live their life as an artform and take action towards their best results. During the 2020 Pandemic she is also leading daily Virtual Coffee Dates, Facilitating Intentional Conversation so people will feel less isolated during this time of social and physical distancing. Join the conversation by registering for free by clicking this link.

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