“Never say there is nothing beautiful in the world anymore. There is always something to make you wonder in the shape of a tree, the trembling of a leaf.”
Albert Schweitzer

I sat on the big, red rocking chair on my porch this morning, reading Samuel’s English classroom rules. Simply stated, one step after another, one guideline and future assignment building upon the next.

I rocked a moment, looking toward the horizon over my neighbor’s roof and wondered about the day yet to fully arrive. I thought about myself, yet to fully arrive. I looked at the leaves on the mulberry tree who has faithfully offered me shade and more than enough arguments with my neighbors for more than twenty seven years now.

Now I look at the plants on my living room mantel, seeing one that was in the Virginia Woolf room where Emma has been living since she returned from the East Coast. Yesterday I noticed my plant, faded and dried up. “My plant,” I said, a whine in my voice.

“You didn’t tell me to water it,” Emma countered, with a voice even sadder than mine.

“It’s ok,” I whispered. “Just give it to me. I’ll water it, I’m sure it will be ok.”

As I prepared to begin writing, I looked up quotes about trees and found the one below from Joyce Meyer and I hesitated to use it because of her affiliations and worried she might be a part of the vociferous hate streaming out of the vitriol within the hearts of some of the people across my country.

My heart literally hurt at those thoughts.

What has become of us and what will become of us?

I overslept the tiniest bit this morning and didn’t move for too long of a time.

What shall I do first?

The thought came back. “One foot after another. Repeat.”

So this is what I have done, in attempt to keep the depression beasts in their pens and bring out any shred of evidence of all-rightness I can muster.

In trees leaves I hear God-sounds. That’s what Albert Schweitzer must have heard in the trembling of the leaf. He is one of my dead-man crushes so I know he wouldn’t lead me astray. A scientist philosopher, a close observer who reports evidence rather than tangential, second-hand thrice told tales.

I look at the mulberry tree outside the window where I type now for five minutes (and perhaps one extra one.) I see the light of sunrise filtering through her leaves. I see a volunteer bush pushing through my lavender and wonder how I may most effectively replant it.

I believe putting one foot in front of another in a forward moving direction will also move me and my life in the direction that compels and delights me. We can do this. Let’s.

“Consider a tree for a moment. As beautiful as trees are to look at, we don’t see what goes on underground – as they grow roots. Trees must develop deep roots in order to grow strong and produce their beauty. But we don’t see the roots. We just see and enjoy the beauty. In much the same way, what goes on inside of us is like the roots of a tree.”
Joyce Meyer

Here I am writing by the graveside of Louisa May Alcott, the author of Little Women – a highly successful book that hasn’t been out of print for more than 100 years.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.

Vulnerability alert: for the next week or two, I will be modeling the #5for5BrainDump method through writing blog posts in 5 minutes, stream of consciousness style.  Sometimes these posts will be…. more transparent and real than I have been recently. I’m so grateful you are here, reading, even after I warned you.

Now, from this moment until I tell you the timer had stopped – was straight from my heart to my fingers. I had no idea what was coming next. Ready? Walk with me as together we focus on —

I was supposed to be writing something else, but I needed to write this instead so here I am and there you are and together, my prayer is we will find something.

I’ve been preparing for Katherine’s arrival: my precious daughter who I sometimes think of as the “normal” one from the Munster’s or The Addams Family. I feel embarrassed at times because she is so good and so not depressed and so… well, I always worry she will be disappointed in me.

This hasn’t been an easy year by any stretch of the imagination and my depression has been getting deeper and wider and it has been a near constant struggle to gain control. I don’t remember her seeing me “this bad” though because I am pretty practiced at hiding my real feelings, many don’t know how bad it has been.

It is only in the recent past I have reached out for help at all, only in the recent past I’ve told people “Hey, I’m struggling.”

This is after last Summer, when I told someone I thought was a dear friend how bad off I was and that person didn’t speak to me again for – I lost track of how long.

See, that’s the thing.

Those of us who struggle with depression and other invisible diseases often times struggle and try so hard to not let it show that  this particular action: putting a cloaking device over how we really are takes every ounce of effort we have so other stuff gets neglected.

I can’t remember how many times in the past year I’ve fallen asleep in a collapsed heap at the end of the day with the same clothes on, for example.

The only reason I can even write about this is because I’m starting to feel better. At least I think that’s it. I’ve woken up oddly optimistic for the last few days. I’m going to call it “feeling better” because it feels better even proclaiming it so yes, I’ll proclaim it.

My timer just went off saying my five minutes are up, so I will close with this:

There have been several tragic celebrity suicides lately.

There has been unrest in the country where I live because of people hating one another rather than loving one another.

There have been people forgetting the most important thing we can do is look beyond one another’s circumstances and look into one another’s hearts.

You may have someone who seems perfectly fine and then you hear they actually weren’t just fine.

Take time to have a conversation with someone today that goes beyond the surface. Take an extra moment to hold eye contact. Take an extra moment to remind them you are with them and that they are never a bother to you, ever.

To call you or write you or text you whenever the urge strikes. I know in my darkest days I have sat with my phone in my hand thinking there was not a soul out there who would take my call.

Be the one who will take your friend’s call and show up and help and smile and do what your friend or loved one asks for you to do. If they say they don’t know, give them multiple choices. “Do you want to go out for coffee or a walk or get a pedicure with me?”

We may not all be aiming for “normal” or at least “almost normal” whatever that means. I can guarantee each and all of us is aiming for better than feeling consistently not well.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

Check out the links below and above in the top margin to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.