Archives for December 2018

Unfinished Goal: Re-Devoted: The Virginia Woolf Room

December 6, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife

I knew I had neglected the room I was so excited to create. I knew there came a point after I moved the furniture I had been using when Emma was away into the other room and I settled again for leftovers and mishmash that I was also sending a message to myself that wasn’t very loving.

“It is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes makes its way to the surface.”

― Virginia Woolf

The nuances, subtle, go unnoticed.

I mean, I knew I had neglected the room I was so excited to create. I knew there came a point after I moved the furniture I had been using when Emma was away into the other room and I settled again for leftovers and mishmash that I was also sending a message to myself that wasn’t very loving.

“You can have whatever’s left. Sure, you were going for a feminine and feminist room of your own, literary granny style and all, but you know, that was a lark just like so many other things you try…” and little by little my once-almost-what-I-wanted became a disorganized jumble, not at all the oasis it was eighteen months ago, newly painted and hard wood floors restored, a soft comforter in pink and so many pillows in various shades of pink and polka dots it made my heart go pitter pat whenever I walked in and plunked on the bed to write. I had a make shift lap desk, art on the walls, and at about five o’clock every day the light became especially magical.

When Emma reclaimed her furniture, my pink bedding no longer fit. The dresser was bulky and dark, the bed lumpy and small.

The love affair was over. I took the art off the walls. I never changed the time on the clock to reflect falling back and springing ahead.

While I had thought about springing into action to reclaim my vision, it wasn’t until I chose to answer the prompt for today it all fell into place so clearly.

I even made a plan

Clear room, beginning the day after return from Oregon (December 11)

Move book shelf to D’s to complete the restoration by January 1 (latest, 1/29)

It might sound strange, but this unfinished project is a barrier because its taking up of space in my room is an example of me not feeling heard and me agreeing, by default, that I wasn’t valueable enough oto be heard.

A carpenter I met offered to make me a custom book shelf – because I wanted it to include slates to sort my ephemera and paper. I told D about this but he insisted he could do it better. He bought an enormous shelf from a university he wanted to fix up, but he didn’t ever seem to hear what I wanted. He punted it to me to work on, which is definitely not what I wanted. About a month ago I sent him an image of my “dream shelf” and suddenly, he got it. Maybe nearly two years late, but if I get it before the beginning of the year – or even before my birthday on January 29 I will be very happy.

Only put back into the room what is MEANT to be in there and has a purpose for being there. Make list and diagram of wall art and furniture. Complete by December 15.
Commit to blog on December 31 with photos of progress. J

Vision reclaimed, plan in place. Virginia Woolf room, I am excited to enjoy you again! Happy New Year!

This blog post was written from a prompt offered in the “Bridge to the New Year” experience which you may find at JuicyJournaling.com. Join a group of creatives reflecting, connecting, intending and taking passionate action as they step into 2019.

Julie Jordan Scott is the Creative Life Midwife. THANK YOU for reading!

Insights into How to Tune into Gratitude: Bridge to a New Year Day 4

December 4, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife

#BridgetotheNewYear Day 4 Prompt: Appreciation and Gratitude

Today’s Prompt: What have you grown to appreciate in 2018? .
How do you show your appreciation? .
Is there a way you would like to grow in gratitude practice in 2019?

I started adulthood as a cynical naysayer, sneering down my nose at the “attitude of gratitude” army who I likened to television evangelists with overdone make up and dramatic acts of supposed religiosity. And then, something happened.

I am not sure when or who or how it happened, but I decided to start making a gratitude list every day.
And then I started making a gratitude list in community.
And then I started making a gratitude list in community for 365 days straight.

This isn’t for everyone… and it changed things for me. Oprah was talking about it, gratitude was an every day “thing.”

It still is for me, though I don’t keep a 365 Gratitude list anymore, it is ever present in my consciousness most of the time. (A side note, perhaps it will resurge in 2019).

This year I have grown to appreciate in greater depth something I have believed for years: the majority of the people sharing this rich, ripe globe with me want to do good by one another.

They want to pitch in, they want to help and be of service. People enjoy being asked to provide as they can and get a lot of satisfaction out of lending a helpful hand (or wallet or spare bedroll or bisquit.)

A month ago this came to light in a new, larger and more grand way than I could have foreseen. A woman I have come to call my daughter was in a crisis more than 1,000 miles from me and more than 2,000 miles from her blood family. She was a refugee stranded in a small city in Colorado after enduring more hardship than most Americans I know endure.

When her teary voice said to me, “I don’t know if I can take this, Mum.” I sprang to action and started connecting with people who started connecting with people who started connecting with people and miracles happened for this young woman.

My three youngest children, Samuel< Queenta and Emma. Children of my blood and of my heart. Welcome to the US, Queenta. — My three youngest children, standing by the Palm tree where they have traditionally posed for years. Samuel, Queenta, Emma

The thing is, we had more outward differences than samenesses AND the greatest sameness lived in our heart space, in our love for humanity and in a willingness to go beyond what others may do – but only because they don’t know how yet.

The next day I spoke to my cousin and she said, “Wow, you have an incredible network of people.” And I responded, “They’re your network, too,” just like they are YOUR network, you who are reading this now.
I didn’t know many of the people who helped. I just knew people who knew people who knew people and I asked and I kept asking until my daughter was safe and sound.

I’m still showing appreciation and gratitude to the people I met along the way.

Gratitude is best expressed and practicing in a variety of ways helps. — In 2013 I had a gratitude jar, holding delights, which doubled as a writing prompt jar. Writing of gratitude expands it.

I stepped away from writing and thought, “Sometimes I throw my gratitude out there, littering the world with it when I’m feeling fully connected and vibrant. When I am not, divinity delivers an invitation to notice gratitude and sometimes, the circumstances are so overwhelmingly beautiful in every way, it is like gratitude has rushed in and done a cosmic happy dance and I can’t help but burst over with joy.

Gratitude: sometimes I lean into it, sometimes appreciation takes my hand and shows me the way and sometimes gratitude is a moshpit of laughter so great I can’t even begin to fully understand it.

In 2019 I want to deepen my gratitude practice. As I said above, I believe it is time to share my gratitude in a journal and also publicly. I shared on my facebook page a few days ago I think I will continue to do so.

I also want to use the power of energy to share gratitude, via the people I meet randomly – really looking into their hearts, their being – and expressing gratitude not only with words but via the beating of my heart. I don’t think that makes sense in language form, but I do know my heart just warmed up as I wrote those words.

Woo woo. I can hear some of you. And then I remember what I used to think about those “fakes” and “weird attitude of gratitude” people and my temporary embarrassment diminishes.

Now it’s your turn. If you blog, consider blogging on these themes – link up at juicyjournaling.com

Today’s Prompt: What have you grown to appreciate in 2018? .
How do you show your appreciation?

Is there a way you would like to grow in gratitude practice in 2019?

If you Instagram, look for the hashtags #BridgetoTheNewYear or #Bridgeto2019 Follow our prompts there, too.

If you would like to be a part of a Free Facebook Group where these subjects are being discussed, please visit us here and request membership.

Until tomorrow,
Julie JS Your Creative Life Midwife.

Bridge to the New Year: One Word #OLW 2018 – 2019?

December 2, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Here is one of the ways I find images for the content I create: I go to my flickr account – the one I have had for more than ten years and holds a huge repository of photos.

I do a quick search and up pop usually related possibilities. Today I searched FREE and a garden I used to visit as a child popped up.

I may have literally asked, “Why are these showing up as “free” when it hit me.

I only felt happiness here at Freeman Gardens.

It was an oasis, I remember walkign along the path in the back corner that felt like a wilderness, carrying my hand-me-down brownie camera taking photos.

On my walk to school in the Spring, I tasted honeysuckles growing on her fences.

I “bridged up” in an early ritual of growing toward being a woman. Each earnest little girl walked over a rickety bridge we only knew to trust.

Katherine and I visited after she graduated from Smith in May, 2014 and she is who you see in the photo above.

I felt freedom and love when I visited Katherine again, in May 2018. At this point she was married, had graduated from seminary, and was being ordained. My freedom seems slightly ironic because I was without a car but I read two novels, saw many friends from long ago and friends from livestreaming I had never met face-to-face and I regretted not planning better but in retrospect I was grateful for the freedom of no expectations.

My one word, one little word, Theme Word, whatever it might be described for 2018 was “Freedom” usually declared with a smug look on my face. Well, that smug was wiped away within the first three weeks of the year when I lost final shreds of friendships and the trajectory toward a lot of uncomfortable disengagement flooded my reality.

As little as six weeks ago I was ready to declare 2018 another in what felt like a long line of disappointing failures until… I gained clarity, like when I found this photo and realized this park – called “Freeman Gardens” which is probably why it showed up in the search – was a place I only knew happiness. While I had a fairly normal childhood, there was a lot of sadness, a lot of not-so-great episodes amidst the outward semblance of Father Knows Best and the Donna Reed Show.

2018 did show me freedom, also, simply in surprising ways.

I experienced freedom to let go of people and circumstances that caused more pain than promise, the freedom to say no or “I am not sure” or “not this time.”

I gave myself the freedom to be bad at things and I even gave myself the permission to ask people to participate in activities because I didn’t feel comfortable to do them alone and people even said yes on more occasions than not.

Turns out freedom wasn’t such a bad word for the year afterall.

Next year: right now for some reason Declaration and Proclamation are both attempting to get my attention. As usual, I am giving them space while still leaving the door open to other suitors.

Tell me about your One Word, #OLW or whatever you call it for 2018 and if you are not sure right now for 2019 that is completely fine, too.

This post is a part of Bridge to the New Year, a collaborative project/initiative between Creative Life Midwife and JuicyJournaling.com Each day during December we will be offering prompts to guide participants through the process of reviewing and reflecting the year and setting a framework (roadmap, intention) for the New Year. There is also a facebook group with discussion, videos and more.

Bridge to the New Year Day 1 – Introduction: A Potpourri of Me

December 1, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife

In December of 2018 and 2019 we reviewed the prior year and created a vision for the next year. 2020 threw us a curve ball that has left many of us nostalgic and…. longing for anything different.

Below is a throw-back post from Bridge to the New Year that invites you to know who I am at my core – and at the bottom you will see a place to sign up for our Mid-2020 Shift: #Refresh2020…. an initiative to return to Passion and Purpose, even amidst this chaotic. confusing, revolutionary year.

Use this prompt across social media – link up at JuicyJournaling.comhttp://juicyjournaling.com

My first thought was:

How am I going to get 10 – 30 things about me that are in anyway interesting that won’t bore everyone because we all know, well, some of us have been educated – there is nothing more horrid as an artist than being boring.

So. I took some time to brainstorm some things about me you may not know. I haven’t done much proofing so I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors in advance. Take it as freedom to be imperfect.

1. I have never seen any Harry Potter films nor have I read any Harry Potter books. I know you may be saying “How shocking! That’s appalling! I would LOVE Hermione! How could I not read these fantastic books?! Two parts to that response. 1. I take offense when woman authors don’t proudly stand up and say “I am a woman!” granted, I didn’t know JK Rowlings’ story at the time or I might not have been so strident and 2. When I say something, I usually stick with it.

2. I am a melanoma survivor. I have a large heart scar on my face as a remnant and a reminder. I often cover it with hair styles.

3. I gave up acting for thirty years between the ages of eleven-years-old and forty-one-years-old. Although I am not as active in performance as I once was, I have done more than thirty stage productions, seven films, a documentary and a handful of commercials. Weirdly, I have an IMDB page. How did this happen?

4. Writing and poetry has been in my blood stream since before I was literate. I still love being read aloud to – it is one of my most favorite activities on the planet.

5. One of my highest values is showing up, so if I say I will be somewhere I try really hard to get there and if I am not there, I am either near dead, helping out in a child-emergency, or beating myself up for not planning better or whatever it is that got in my way.

6. I have a brown spot in my left eye. This is one of those boring trivia items just because I tell it all the time and it is no longer interesting.

7. When I was in high school, I entertained my friends during lunch by doing accents. Now I entertain my friends on live stream… doing accents.

8. My uncle Jim used to call me “A dandy baby” primarily because I smiled all the time and was very charming. I used this throughout my childhood and into young adulthood. I remember when we were traveling I would focus on business men with my coquette-ish flirting. I remember receiving at least one gift. In my first job after college at a rental car company, my co-workers were in awe of how many customers brought me gifts.

9. I am an ordained minister, like Joey in Friends. I am also an actual ordained deacon in the Presbyterian Church, USA. I can officiate weddings and funerals and any other sacred ceremonies people might want performed. I have the honor of doing weddings from time-to-time though I really loved facilitating/leading/officiating my brother’s celebration of life after he died and would enjoy doing more of those.

10. I have been blogging since 2003. I had a rather successful website from which I made a sustainable living from 1999 to 2007. I originally blogged to have an “unplugged” place online where I didn’t have to be my “professional persona” all the time. Everything has evolved but I have a block around websites. I have a new one half-assedly in the works and the designer of CreativeLifeMidwife and I never really hit it off in a way that made completion a thing. So. There’s that.

11. I am an art journaler and mixed media artist. (I said that aloud here for some of my artist friends who have been waiting to hear me confess that.) As far as visual arts go, I have mostly sold photos but I have also sold several mixed media pieces. Not a lot, but… perhaps someday.

12. I love to travel and aim to be a digital nomad once my children are up and out of the house. After today, with Emma’s health issues I wonder if that will be any time soon at all, which is a fair thought neither to her nor my vision for the world and the future. These thoughts are exactly why Bridge to 2019 is so important! To work through what happened and gain clarity so that intentions may be set and re-visioning may take place.

13. I have been writing since before I could write. I would dictate to my mother and she would write out what I said and I would copy it in crayon. This is part of my ‘writer’s story” which I feel I overtell.

14. Before I was 45 I lost 5 close friends to various sorts of cancers. I have never explored the impact of this, but I don’t know anyone else who has lost so many close friends. I just connected how close their deaths came to John’s death and the many losses of 2006/7.

15. Speaking of 2007, when John died, I had an out of body experience. How I describe it is this: my soul leaped from the shell that hosts it and chased after John. God (insert whatever word you use here) literally shoved me back into my body and wordlessly told me “No you don’t! Your work isn’t done here.” I might not have believed this really happened except my children who were in the car with me when it happened (yes, the car was parked) saw my body rise up, flop down and miraculously not crash my head against the steering wheel on the descent.

16. I am a PTA Mom. This didn’t happen until Samuel was in High School. I believe in parental involvement, but usually kept my business on the district level. I am grateful my time as a PTA Mom is almost over. My specialty within the group beyond being the secretary is doing all the public speaking and selling stuff.

17. I have been known to say my children are my greatest creative project of all. I believe this to be true. My biggest fear in life is failing my children. I don’t think this fear will ever go away.

Emma, Samuel and I at my childhood home in Glen Ridge, NJ in 2017

18. I believe the world is filled with loving people, primarily wanting to have a positive place in the world. I recently saw this unfold when a totally diverse group of strangers and friends rallied around a young refugee woman from Cameroon I befriended while she was in detention at an ICE facility here in Bakersfield. These people didn’t ask about political parties, religion, socioeconomics, anything. They heard there was a need they could fill and they did, immediately and in the moment. This was one of the most humbling, incredible experiences of my life. I’m sure it will come up during the Bridge.

19. I have four brothers and one sister. I have had one brother die. I basically don’t speak to two of my siblings and sometimes I wonder how they will feel when I die. I think I have grieved the loss of our connection for a long time, so I have no idea how I will grieve. My brother I am in closest touch with texted me tonight and confirmed we will all have Christmas together, something Mom had mentioned but I was afraid to follow up on. This means – during the Bridge, I will have a closer answer.

20. I realize I have many more than 30 I could share actually, but I will stop here. I separated out the birth stories. I have always been fascinated with birth stories (there is a reason I am the creative life midwife!) and Katherine is named after a midwife – who happened to be one of my close friends who died very young – but I figured not everyone is as enamored. Oh, wait. Make it 21.

One of my favorite photos of my daughters and me, circa 2012 ish.

21. I am a relatively open book and will answer most questions I am asked directly without hesitation. Feel free to ask.

Birth Stories:
22. I have been pregnant 5 times. I have three living children and 2 other daughters-of-the-heart who refer to me as Mom or My Mom.
23. When I gave birth to Samuel, I was speechless when I saw I had managed the impossible – giving birth to a boy. (If you are willing to have some TMI, I also had an orgasm when I had Samuel. How strange is that! I will never tell him that though… just too weird.)
24. When I gave birth to Emma, my first loving words to her were, “She has a cone head.”
25. When I gave birth to Katherine, it took me a while to look at her. I was scared. After all, the first thing I said after Marlena was born was, “Our baby is dead.” I think I’ll edit that out. In the end, I chose not to. Edit it out.

Julie JordanScott is The Creative Life Midwife and one of the Founders of Bridge to the New Year. Join us now in 2020 in #Refresh2020 to reflect, connect, intend and taking passionate action to create a truly remarkable rest of 2020. Click the graphic below to find out more and register to receive emails.

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