Creative Life Midwife

Inspiring Artistic Rebirth

Mindset Shift: From “I’m a Bother” to “I’m a Blessing” + Writing Prompt

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Today’s 5 minute writing came to me in a more circular way than my norm. I am on a retreat this week: I am still at home, but my focus is on curation and completion of content that has been hanging about, unfinished, in my “unpolished gems” files.

I started to write this after I had finished a couple unfinished videos and rewritten several poems from my upcoming collection. I opened my copy of “I Praise My Destroyer” by Diane Ackerman, re-read the opening stanza of her poem, “You will think this a dream” and within five minutes, another big breakthrough came to be. You may see yourself reflected in the process. Below is what I wrote:

From the Poem “You Will Think This a Dream” by Diane Ackerman in her collection, I Praise My Destroyer.”
“Hypnotized, it leaps through coiled metal
to drive cauldrons wild
in a parenthesis of flame – “

Prompts: 
      Question – What doesn’t surprise me… that would if I shifted perspective?
Phrases to inspire:
     A parenthesis of flame
    Cauldrons wild
    Hypnotized, it leaps (also vary pronouns – she, he, they, you, we)
Sentence starter:
     I remember the time it felt like I was hypnotized so clearly, it was….

It took me longer to get started than I am used to it taking.

I was settling in, diligently checking things off my massive to-do list, not wanting to be bothered with.. and here in the midst of my rather mindless writing that parenthesis of flame from my inner narrative rings out, loud and clear.

I don’t want to be a bother, so I…

Don’t ask for what I want.

Don’t allow the person I don’t ask to show me how much he or she or they actually care and want to actually do whatever it is I am not bothering to ask them.

Not so ironically, this is another of my deeply buried and believed to the soles of my feet and the soul of my heart, “My existence is a bother and certainly the pressure of my request or interruption in someone’s life is just that unbearable so instead… I just don’t.. I won’t… I can’t.” and that has become that has become that.

Concrete barriers that actually do have the capacity to crush me like the incredible shrinking walls scene about annually on most daytime soap operas.

I’ve only been writing for four minutes? This is completely unpleasant.

What if I wasn’t a bother?

My eye is now twitching. Why am I doing this again?

Oh yes, to shift in my belief.

The timer goes off and I give myself another minute.

If I didn’t believe my existence was a bother, I might not be so fearful when asking for help. My existence is a blessing.

My existence is a blessing.

My existence is a blessing.

When I believe my existence is a blessing, like I was just told this morning, making requests becomes a gift. Following through becomes restorative for all of us, and peace becomes a river that has found a way.

This instantly shifted from completely unpleasant to becoming a soft blanket and pillow, a reassuring smile and a thoughtful hug.
A five minute miracle that is allowing me to use the new mantra:
“My existence is a blessing,” and I may begin to use it more than the old, unconscious, destructive thought.

I am not a bother, my existence is a blessing.

My aim today with this writing was to inspire you to #1) Explore the power of reframing your personal narrative in order to simply feel better in general and to lead a more satisfying and productive life.

 Please, join me now, as I take it on 5 minutes at a time for the next 30 days.  This morning I was being challenged – so I started with a quote I found by an unknown-to-me woman. I googled “inspiring quotes for women and this is what I got. I set my timer for 5 minutes and started to write.

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Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and  mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735

 

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How to Shift Those Deep Beliefs – Unworthy – Rewriting the Narrative

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Rewriting one’s narrative  – sometimes called “inner tapes” or “self talk” or many other catch phrases is an important part of personal transformation for everyone.

Studies have proven this strategy works so therapists and life coaches and healers have prescribed a variety of processes for people seeking improved lives to shift from the old thinking to a renewed, much better life. 

I have taken on a personal challenge to re-frame my less-than-constructive narrative thought processes here as a means to inspire and stay accountable because when I have done so in private, I tend to do the push-me-pull-you-oops-I-forgot-it-again-thing, which I try not to have as an ongoing project. My aim? To feel better than ever AND to inspire you in the process. Please, join me now, as I take it on 5 minutes at a time for the next 30 days. You may listen to me read aloud on my podcast as well by clicking here.  

 

You might have noticed this buried in my last blog post:

It isn’t a sweet dissatisfaction I normally feel, but a deep tainted dye that spreads over me – based upon none other than that damn narrative that runs through my veins, “You don’t deserve to do well, you need to seek penance constantly for all your wrong doings.”

I chose today to write five minutes more – to continue to work with this not only deeply dyed but also deeply rooted belief, actively poisoning my possibilities.

This is an example of narrative I came face-to-face with – or fingers to the keyboard in stream-of-consciousness and then to my awareness…. that invited me to go deeper.

Old narrative: “I don’t deserve to do well, I need to seek penance constantly for all my wrong doings.”

This goes in direct opposition to the views I espouse in relationship to other people. “We are all human, we all make mistakes.” I say to others, a slight smile on my face, eyes looking into eyes with warmth and compassion.

“In my business, I value mistakes, I value the slightly awkward, I appreciate the path to better, progress is the new perfection,” and on-and-on-and-on-and-on. It is time to fully honor myself within the others – make it “myself and others” on the list of who and what I value.

The only penance I may have ever needed to pay (and I don’t believe I did, when conscious and aware) has been paid by the self-flagellation I’ve been doing by not using my gifts to the extent that I might. And that, beloveds, is worthy of forgiveness as I have shown and lived over and over and over again.

How to rid myself of the “deep tainted dye that spreads over me”?

I love to dye paper to make mixed media art. It is extremely therapeutic for me to create colored paper and watch the dye merge and spread and play in ways unexpected.

To lighten the color of the dye, I add water. I add more paper to dye. I add more water. I make more paper. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Showing up at the page and writing, exploring, allowing myself to feel the emotions and poke about in what makes me uncomfortable in containers of time and energy – these are the tools I will use.

Writing, brain dump style in 5 minute chunks. Art making. Conscious, directed and focused transformational conversations. All of these will diminish the heaviness that comes with the deeply tainted dye as I live this life and share these gifts as I was meant to all along.

Now it is your turn to let your narrative loose, to free yourself, too.

I’m here, ready to listen and share.

Always, Julie

 = = =

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via #5for5BrainDump, livestream broadcasts, creativity playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

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The Audacity of Feeling Good

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Welcome! You have found the place where the miracle creating #5for5BrainDump Process meets the inner working of one’s beliefs and subsequent  otherwise known as “Rewriting One’s Inner Narrative: 5 Minutes at a Time” Personal Growth and Transformation Made Simple!

Now, for today’s writing – 

Last night I had the audacity to feel good about something I created.

Some people might be surprised about how rare this is for me. It isn’t a sweet dissatisfaction I normally feel, but a deep tainted dye that spreads over me – based upon none other than that damn narrative that runs through my veins, “You don’t deserve to do well, you need to seek penance constantly for all your wrong doings.”

I caught my eye in the mirror when I put my hat on for the opening moments of “Kamasutra” – the play I am in that opens tonight. I laughed at my reflection because I looked like Maria, returning to the convent for a forty-year-reunion wearing the same outfit she wore on her way to the von Trapp home as she belted out “I Have Confidence” while riding the bus and skipping along the outskirts of Salzburg.

I only wish my inner confidence matched what I heard last night after my performance. Today, I will be listening to those comments in my mind as I prepare instead of the pesky old narrative patterns.

I will hear “It makes my heart happy to see you on stage again,” and “You are my hero” and “Believable. You were so believable” and “That was so beautiful!”

I was able to feel good about what I created, even if I wasn’t 100% up to the standards I seet for myself.

I was content with the results. I feel solid, ready and confident, like Maria. (The timer went off about 30 seconds ago and I took the time to finish, just because it felt good. And that’s ok, too.)

= = = = =

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via #5for5BrainDump, livestream broadcasts, creativity playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

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On Beginnings and Continuings… Again and Again.

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My aim today with this writing is to inspire you to #1) Explore the power of reframing your personal narrative in order to simply feel better in general and to lead a more satisfying and productive life.

 Please, join me now, as I take it on 5 minutes at a time for the next 30 days.  This morning I was being challenged – so I started with a quote I found by an unknown-to-me woman. I googled “inspiring quotes for women and this is what I got. I set my timer for 5 minutes and started to write. (If you prefer to listen, the podcast recording may be heard here.)

“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.” ~ Diane Mariechild

When I have difficulties with the beginnings, I have found it challenging to go anywhere. The beginning, I have heard said and quoted and whatever… I need to begin. This morning my beginning is challenging me and I’m vacillating between punishing myself and giving up and just nurturing myself and instead I turn to free flow stream of consciousness… like this.

I googled down a Diane Mariechild path after I decided I needed a quote to push me down the writing road. Go back to it?

A woman is full circle.

I am full circle.

I have the power to create, nurture and transform. I do.

I have the power to create, nurture and transform.

This week I transformed old books into beautiful works of art. I passed that art along to young women: some of whom got it and used it as I suggested to create more unique art.

Others moved along, perhaps to pick up later and maybe never.

I do know I am full circle and that full circle calls to others and some don’t hear it at first.

Goodness knows it took me a while.

I have the power to create, nurture and transform.

I can’t find Diane Mariechild now – she has gone underground or to those spark women retreats where I would like to speak.

Maybe I could speak on live streaming or videoing or writing or spontaneous creativity or whatever maybe oh there are so many options.

I look over to the list which started this soiree down this 5 minute brain dump what is at the core of this.

What is the narrative underneath, that I haven’t paid attention to yet?

If I don’t start, I can’t fail.

If I start badly, it is ok to give up.

If I keep my mouth shut, I won’t get in trouble and people won’t hate me and desert me.

The timer goes off.

Is it saying “Bingo! Got it!” or “You are a ridiculous loser.”

My stomach growls. I think of.. I will get up after I record these to the pod cast – the last three which sit neglected.

I will take ten to go into the garage and excavate.

I will start and continue. Repeat.

= = = =

In recording the podcast, I felt the familiar tug on my throat – that almost choking place I have been wrestling with and documented in several places here on the blog.

Here (and) Here  

(and) Here

= = = =

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via #5for5BrainDump, livestream broadcasts, creativity playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

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Oh, to Write a Decent Poem (and other Conundrums)

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This is the place where the seemingly heavy business of rewriting one’s narrative and being immersed in the present moment via stream of consciousness, free flow writing a la #5for5BrainDump intersect. What follows is the actual writing I just completed in a spell of five minutes on May 16, 2018.

All I want to do is write a decent poem. That’s it right now.

I just want to write a decent poem. And nothing is flowing.

Emma keeps looking at my fingers moving. I am able to converse with her and stare into her sure-of-herself twenty-year-old eyes as I type.

It is a talent, I suppose, which doesn’t translate into anything significant (yet) I still have more than three minutes left on the timer to write which reminds me.

“There is never enough time” is a belief I sometimes carry – oh, be real, I often carry, in the space between what I want and what I tell myself, over and over again, is unreachable.

My Pollyanna tendencies try to hush my inner pessimist who I also don’t let show very often. She is, instead cloaked in the darkness.

Don’t want to be blamed for bringing the energy down, so I just keep typing. I just keep typing and focusing and attempting to focus.

This morning I got some good intentional time stretching practice when I cleared up Monday’s whirlwind with startling efficiency and didn’t waste my time being angry at the unchangeable stuff I have no control over. Instead I got down to business and sorted what could be sorted and trashed what belonged in the trash and checked off the to-do’s with efficiency that would have made my once fifty-two-year-old mother smile.

“There is enough time, always.” The real-me says.

I’m writing, right? It may not be brilliant as is (and maybe someday in the future I will see it as so.)

The timer sounds and as I re-read what I wrote, I feel the unmistakeable lump of a teen-aged complexion. Fabulous. 

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via #5for5BrainDump, livestream broadcasts, creativity playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

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Purpose & Excellence and the Goal Everyone Really Wants

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Five minutes of writing: fingers to keyboard, stream of consciousness style, on a busy morning with a pile of “to-be-dones” which will still be waiting when I finish writing. I need to offer my first fruits to personal transformation. If I insist upon shift – this is the express lane to a brighter, shinier – strike that out – more real… life.  No apologies for typos and grammatical errors in the rest of this blog post. 

Setting my timer and…. write, just write, dump the thoughts on the page.

I open a notebook from October 2016 and see this:

“When I am open to purposeful/excellent, I ….stray slightly. I think…. (and now today’s writing begins.)

Did you ever notice how a-ha’s are waiting around every turn of your day, just waiting for you to notice and bite you in the butt?

No? Yes? What on earth am I talking about?

Yesterday I had a fabulous/horrible/fun/avalanche of a day at Samuel’s school. It was actually really good fodder for self-realization but for many people it might have been just another thing to check off my to-do list.

Interesting awarenesses were everywhere though, even amidst Emma calling me fake (she was right) and another lady sounding befuddled with a smidge of anger (she had every right to be) and feeling like these other ladies don’t particularly like me (why would they? Have I ever showed myself to them fully?)

Note to self: you’re improving. Until recently you would have been in a world of hurt, “They don’t like me,” and “They don’t care what I’m doing, they don’t get me, why bother? It is always no one values what I do or what I think or what I like or…. I just want to help!”

When I am open to what is purposeful and how I might express excellence, I can step outside of my childish (not childlike ego-ic self and realize fully that we are all pretty much after the same thing: connection. And if I remember consistently this is what we are after, I am a lot more willing to be purposeful with a dash of excellence than when I am sullen and thinking no one wants to be on the same team I’m on….

The thing is in this case we are truly all on team human: with all our frailties, all our fabulousness, all our marbles, crayons and the latest video games – we are all in this together.

Timer says STOP WRITING and go about that “to-be-done” stuff now.

It is Tantalizing Tuesday – time to go live the mystery!

= – = – = – =

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via #5for5BrainDump, livestream broadcasts, creativity playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

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Move from Destabilizing Fear into Sweet, Sweet Freedom

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Consider with me now the ways you have walked through being scared and then into courage.

Consider how this has made a difference in your life, drastic or small – and how you are getting more and more ready to step into increased courage now.

I can’t remember specific times but I can remember the specific feeling.

I do know I am grateful for the way simple questions manage to lead me into deeper transformation and how that transformation leads me into passionate action.

Let’s talk about that for a moment.

My therapist asked me a question, “What were you the most afraid of” or “When did you feel the worst” or something like that and I was immediately, viscerally catapulted into a state of panic so deep I couldn’t speak.

It got so bad, I thought I would suffocate.

Then I thought it was quite possible I might die.

The fear and panic was so visceral there were no tears attached. Tears, after all, were human, and this experience was different-than-human and definitely not divine.

Now, months later and quite removed, this whole episode seems ridiculous and I am embarrassed to talk about it except for how the memory of choking coupled with loss of voice and breath leads to lack of follow through, lack of success and my deep seated fear of asking for help.

I feel piles of shame for being in this condition.

I certainly have never seen anyone else fall into such a pitiful, downright ridiculous place.

To shift from the judgment, critical, self-loathing voice I turn to the strongest energy there is: the life force of love and gratitude.
Gratitude invites me to say, “I am open to courage now.”

I am open to look at this moment of what felt like imminent suffocation from a space of love and in this space of love, I am open to courage now.

I am grateful for the time I spent with this therapist, even though I don’t see her any more, and I am open to courage now.

I am grateful for the passion that flows through me and ignites my creative fire and at times, throws me into rather deep vats of fear and anxiousness.

In love, I am open to courage now.

In this week to come, I am grateful for the strengthening of my courage muscle. I am grateful for the actions I’ve taken and the even more bold actions I will continue to take as I step into the life I am creating for now and the future.

I am open to courage now, in love.  <– note to self: use as often as necessary. This is an affirmative lifeline.

I was reminded of choking: how my fear of dying (or if not actual death, feeling like I am about to die) and take away my voice.

Literally, my breath, my spirit.

I have been afraid of success – long story I am bored of telling, tired of hearing.

Trauma. Even writing about it – pain in my chest.

What am I willing, ready and able to do, to be to transform this fear? This is the question I am beginning to live.

I have made some false starts in getting to the outside of the “fear boundaries” and I’m continuing to move forward. It feels powerful. I feel powerful. Yes, there is still the thought….

Now I’ve done the unthinkable. I have been completely vulnerable and open about an exceptionally tender part of me. Now? I’ll continue to move, mindfully. I know there are people in many places similar to this who know.

 

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Tell Your Stories: The World is Waiting…..

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This was originally written as a #5for5BrainDump style piece of writing. As often happens when we allow free flow to have its way, some powerful words flooded through. I did not edit so please excuse grammatical and spelling errors. Around here we stand by “process is the new perfection.” (polishing comes, later).

I was feeling nervous and overwhelmed by the process of re-orientation after a whirlwind out-of-town trip. Writing centered me.

Timer set and…. the writing begins.

I could so easily get overwhelmed and I am not going to. I am staying present. I am writing. I am remembering. I am writing as I am remembering and staying present.

This is where I find the gold dust and the stories that are most important to be told find their way to the forefront and because I am taking a mere five minutes to write, the words find their way through my fingers onto the page and I grow in trust.

Right here, right now and you are witnessing it.

The world is waiting for your stories. Right now in Paducah, Poughkeepsie and Paris there are women sitting at their computers feeling slightly asleep and your exact story is the light they have been looking for even though neither of you know it.

Last week my new friend Belen said to me, “Whenever I talk to a person who is down I think, ‘I need to introduce this person to Julie. Julie would make this person feel better…. Because every time I am with you I feel better.”

This was like a symphony playing in my ears personally for me. Belen was just speaking from her heart and she gave me such a gift in reflecting back to me what my stories have created for her. Feeling better. Me, showing up, telling my stories via a writing workshop and paving the way for her to tell her stories first on the page and then… beyond – makes her feel better, makes her world better and echoes out… everywhere she goes because….

I took the time out to tell my story. I got vulnerable and offered myself via a writing workshop. Why? Because I knew someone out there was calling me. In that case, it was someone named Belen. Next, it may be someone named… YOU who is writing or speaking or livestreaming or blogging… for someone specific to you that you don’t even know yet.

The world is waiting for you. Take action. 5 minutes. That’s all it takes. 5 minutes + you = miracles.

And the timer goes off and I sign off….

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via #5for5BrainDump, livestream broadcasts, creativity playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

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Open the Gift of Your Future in Your Present Moment, Today

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This week I want to be aware of those moments that may seem to be wrapped in insignificance and yet when the gift of the moment is unwrapped, we discover a nugget of gold that continues to radiate and shine long into the future.

This awareness started with a question, “What if that conversation didn’t happen?”

I was reading a note I started to write yesterday. A note I never completed. A note that just sat here in my unpolished gem file – waiting for me to take action (or not) with it.

I wrote once again about the most important conversation I had in 2017.

It was a completely random conversation with a stranger. It clearly didn’t happen within a context of deep personal history and connection. It happened because I was being fully myself in a moment of time when an unsuspecting stranger didn’t realize he needed exactly the medicine my “fully-myself-ness” offered.

His words and actions allowed me to see myself differently.

“I want to hear what you’re saying,” he said, and turned off the radio so he wouldn’t be distracted.

I’m accustomed to going about my day, taking care of my kids, showing up for my friends as best as I can, making contributions as best I can and my perception of myself is often one of invisibility.

That one conversation has lifted me up countless times since that day and provides me the exact medicine I need when I am feeling discouraged.

Thankfully the conversation happened and I continue to receive its afterglow of grace and self-love.

Instead of worrying about “what if it didn’t happen” I am choosing to shift my focus to receiving the continuing gifts from the fact it did happen. Every conversation, every connection is a gift.

Every conversation is a gift.

Every connection is a gift.

Now, receive the gift.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist  whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

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What Message are You Sending the World? Think Authentically Before Responding:

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What message are you sending the world?

You may think, for example, you are sending a message of love and abundance  but your self-talk is filled with messages of fear and scarcity. Don’t messages or “watch out!” energy may permeate you while you may say “Love is everywhere” your subconscious is hearing “watch out for danger lurking everywhere, all the time.”

I say this because I have done it for so long I didn’t even notice it.

I’ll be telling a story this week on Periscope about an experience I had eleven years ago that was always important and yet I haven’t told much – and it wasn’t until this weekend I realized how much it has impacted my life.

The thing is – this story has transformative power and unfortunately I have morphed that power into fear and scarcity. I have taken heavenly energy and sheathed it into destructive energy rather than constructive flow.

Now I could keep digging my hole by scolding myself in weakness AND once again, that is clearly not the message my heart desires I send the world.

I am a stand for love and hope and peace. I am a soul opener, giving fellow humans the space to be authentically true to who they are no matter how eccentric and quirky and straight-laced and totally ordinary and polka-dotted and denim all of what you are is phenomenal.

The world is waiting for all of your words: the stories of your screw ups as well as your triumphs because truly – the path from the screw up to the… whatever is… connects us deeply with our fellow travelers.

Speaking of which – my writing time is up for now as I need to go fetch my child at school.

I ask you again – what message are you really truly sending the world?

Let’s shift your intention to send the message your heart desires you send now.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist  whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

 

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