Self Care – Page 7 – Creative Life Midwife

How to Use Creativity to End Shame’s Power Over Your Choices

April 3, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

More than twenty years ago I sat in a therapist’s office and she asked me to make a list of “Family Rules” which I went home and dutifully wrote. I returned with my list with lots of blue ink across a yellow legal pad. My cursive lettering detailed unspoken codes of conduct such as “Don’t cry in public” and “Do not do things that might embarrass the family.”

There is space in the world for such guidelines.

I don’t agree with any prohibition on crying – perhaps because I am one who cries at movie previews, coffee commercials and baptisms of babies I don’t even know. It isn’t the rules themselves that causes the problems all these years later, it is in the denial of what happened because of these unspoken codes.

What I believe in is taking back our personal power through creative process and growth. It isn’t about blaming others or fault finding or pointing fingers – it is about acknowledging our own strength and truth.

Today, I look back at things that happened and I say, “I am not rewriting history, I am recognizing we are all human and everyone was doing the best they could at the time.”

With that said, it doesn’t subtract or nullify the pain that was experienced or the grief that occasionally rears its head, especially during trying times like we are in right now.

Denial, for example, is something we are seeing across social media, in zoom calls I am on, in conversations with friends and family. Somehow we think if we don’t watch the news, COVID-19 will go away. We think if we share “Positivity Only!” on Instagram, sometimes we hope and pray reality will happen only to other people.

Quote & Prompt for Creativity and Conversation

A row of beautiful pink roses in flat lay style frame the words of Brene Brown and a writing prompt that suggest we ought to speak to shame directly. Speak on behalf of our shame instead of covering it up. — If poetry is not your thing, use journaling or free flow writing instead. Some of my best poetry started as a line in one of my many notebooks.

I found shame abhorrent for a long time. I read John Bradshaw’s work of the early 1990’s and I was “all shamed out.” I wouldn’t read any of Brene Brown’s works.

Less than a year ago I was declaring my distaste for anyone who “worshipped shame” until I realized she isn’t about the worship of shame, her work is about working through shame. Not denying it, not burying it, not climbing on top of it to look at the view below… instead, her work stands for working through shame and all shame destroys along the way.

Making that list of rules all those years ago allowed me to begin to disassemble them to see and label what was worth saving and what was fool’s gold or just not right for me.

Prompt for Creativity, Contemplation and Conversation

I aimed to consistently be open with my children, ready to talk about issues others turned from or stifled. In my view, it was easier to talk about things rather than hide them yet one of my daughters will disagree with this notion. She will insist we didn’t address important details.

Sometimes certain topics: death, grief, job loss, financial trauma and sexuality are just the beginnings of topics we may have varying levels of discomfort discussing around the dinner table. My family gathered during the holidays and played a conversation game about goals and visions for the new year and one of our family members would not address any of the questions.

My guess is there was quite a bit of shame attached.

The rest of us gave permission for the questions to not be answered. My hope is the unspoken questions will continue to percolate. Journaling or free writing in a notebook or into your phone is often a good way to process through untalkaboutables. I prefer the least expensive notebooks possible. It is a splurge when I buy a “Decomposition Book” – a composition book made from recycled materials whose paper feels fantastic underneath my hand.

If I had said something like this as a child – “whose paper feels fantastic underneath my hand” I would have been shamed for it – someone undoubtedly would have scoffed and said “Julie, you’re so weird. Who notices what paper feels like?” just like when I said I wanted a curling iron I was shamed for being so vain.

I don’t let either of those things bother me anymore: to this day I have numerous tools to curl, straighten, double curl and curl my hair in different sizes. Who labeled wanting to look nice a bad thing?

Here’s what I know: our time is now to move beyond whatever is holding us back. Chances are if you are living there are some shame experiences to review and set aside and in some cases, finally bring out into the open so light may hit them.

I’m laughing because I love choosing the just right curling iron for whatever hairstyling task I am up for at the time and thank goodness I didn’t let sibling shame stop me. There are other times when I have allowed other people throwing shame in my direction stop me from using my gifts and talents for the greater good of all.

Finally, there may be a poem or a blog post or an instagram caption or a journal page you haven’t written yet. Linda McCarriston sees poetry as the art of language. Let’s throw some possibilities around today.

Prompt for Creativity and Conversation

PROMPT: What possibilities does artful language – like poetry – or visual language – such as painting, sculpture or photography – open up for you?

Our time is now. Your time is now. Take back the power shame has taken from you. Release the guilt or anger attached to what happened once-upon-a-time so that you may now live a life of peace and joy instead.

If you happen to write something, nothing would make me happier than seeing what you come up with as a result of this blog post.

Also, if you are feeling lonely and isolated as you work through reclaiming your power over shame, I host a daily Intentional Connective Conversation – you may think of it as a sort of Virtual Coffee Date – where we meet to give one another support, listen to each other’s stories, and just “be” together. You may find information about that in our

You may find information on our Facebook Event or directly on Zoom – the link is either here <— or at the bottom of this blog post.

Julie JordanScott writing personalized love poetry.

Julie JordanScott is the Creative Life Midwife. She inspires people to live their life as an artform and then take action towards their best results. Her specialty is writing – her easiest way to express what she does is this: She Coaches. You Write. Your Readers Win! During the 2020 Pandemic she is also leading daily Virtual Coffee Dates, Facilitating Intentional Conversation so people will feel less isolated during this time of social and physical distancing.

April: Nurturing Love, Grace & Loving-kindness Daily

April 2, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

This is not a chirpy blog post about how now is the time to get all your long ignored tasks done nor is it a blog post cheerleading now is a time to go to bed until the quarantine is lifted.

This is a blog post that offers you permission to feel whatever you are feeling – and sometimes you may crawl into bed for the day and some days you may get more done in two hours than you did in the last month.

If you look into my recent blog archives you will see it has been a topsy-turvy time for me. I have been angry, I have been sad, I have been excited at times to the point of exhilaration, but mostly I have felt a strong sense of compassion and love and hope hasn’t yet evaporated completely.

Yesterday on Instagram I declared April my month to “Nurture Love for One Another Through Creative Acts of Lovingkindness and Grace.”

I made this (to some seemingly wild) proclamation after I realized how the people who have been participating in the Daily Virtual Coffee Dates I’m holding on Zoom. These provide a given time to show up on the days people are available and would benefit from “being” with other people for Intentional, Connected Conversation.

Women holding mugs of coffee, tea, mocha to represent a "virtual coffee date" held virtually during the 2020 pandemic.

The format is simple: we meet at 1:30 PM Pacific Time daily. At 1:30 we start with introductions – each person sharing their name, where they are “zooming from” geographically, and a simple question that immediately points to similarities between us.

Next, a topic is introduced and we talk about it – each person is given a chance to speak, or not. Each person may show their faces on camera – or not. We laugh and joke and talk with depth and lightness. It is like sitting around a table in a café, sharing ourselves – only we are in a zoom room and may be in Bakersfield, across the US or Canada or even in Europe.

I started this as an experiment. I gave it a week – and then extended it and will continue extending it until people stop wanting to join the conversation or the quarantine ends.

One of the members said, “Even when I am not here with you, it feels comforting knowing you are out there, meeting.”

A member from Sweden said, “We meet around my bedtime, so tonight I thought, ‘Let’s see what they’re talking about today! I was so excited to visit right before my bedtime. I realized, you are all my new friends!”

Overnight one of our members lost a friend to COVID-19 which I imagine will happen more as the disease reaches out, more deeply.

This unlikely space in a Zoom Room is a comforting space for people to be themselves – however they show up – and know lovingkindness, grace and gratitude are waiting.

You are welcome to join us, too. Simply click here to register (the sessions are free.)

Other ways I will Nuture Love in April is by blogging inspiring and true content daily, sharing writing prompts on Instagram,twitter and in my Facebook Writing Group (The Word-Love Writing Community) and Bridge to the New Year – A Personal Growth Group on Facebook.

I will Nurture Love in myself by writing daily, whether that is jotting notes in my notebook, writing poetry, continuing with my daily haiku and taking photos of my daily walks are all ways I am actively able to feel better – as much as I can – and here on my Creative Life Midwife Blog is where you will continue to see evidence of that, daily.

Question: How are you nurturing love for yourself daily?

If you haven’t been nurturing love for yourself lately, what is one tiny way you might do so starting today?

Hint: start with brainstorming a list. Maybe you will include purposefully drinking more water, maybe it will be making your bed every morning when you get out of it, maybe it will be curling your hair or putting on an outfit that makes you feel attractive. Maybe you will journal one sentence today or one paragraph or write a letter to yourself remembering happy moments from the past.

Please know this: you have read this far so I believe something has called you here. Please accept this offer to love yourself with grace, with intentional kindness just a little bit more than you did yesterday.

Build on your intentional kindness toward yourself daily, bit by bit.

I believe in you.

*****

Julie JordanScott creates content to inspire creative people to lead more satisfying lives even during this pandemic. Walking and sitting at the Panorama Bluffs helps her feel centered.

Feelings: Over Around and Upside Down Getting Through the Covid19 Pandemic

March 31, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Weekends for me tend to be busier than weekdays and during these days of quarantine, it is not different. I stay where I am and I have the meetings I would have had out and about. I leave my home to write haiku and I come home and I have more meetings.

Earlier today I was so tired I really wanted to opt out of my later-in-the-day meeting but I didn’t. I was actually energized afterwards. Yay me for showing up anyway?

I did some decluttering and purposeful television watching (Little Fires Everywhere) and now, I give myself the gift of a touch of writing before I either make a video or do some decluttering or both.

I look back up and see the graphic I made earlier in the week,a quote. “A word after a word after a word is power,” and I think “She’s right. Margaret Atwood is right.”

What I was feeling before I sat down to write was anger.

I saw a writing prompt and it made me mad.

But I pushed that mad away and pretended it hadn’t existed and allowed the distraction to take center court and then again, “A word after a word after a word is power” so here I am.

I am angry. This unknown is stretching out in front of us with no end in sight is starting to get on my nerves. I can pretend it doesn’t bother me and get all into spiritual mode, but I am afraid to go into grocery stores and I am out of cranberry juice and that makes me feel angry, which highlights my privilege and makes me feel ashamed for getting upset about something like not having cranberry juice when lives are being lost.

Someone is texting me as I write and my phone buzzes. I more than likely don’t want to talk to them (or text with them.) Right now I would like chocolate. I am angry that my default is still chocolate. I am angry I have had a chocolate addiction for almost my entire.

My spiritual better half is whispering in my ear to practice self-forgiveness but my mad as hell and I’m not taking it anymore side is escalating. Clackety clackety clackety up the roller coaster mountain my anger goes…no relief in sight. No relief in sight.

I put my head against the back of the chair and watched videos of my trip to the river this morning. I allowed myself to feel whatever was gurgling up. I stopped feeling angry and remembered I am in control of what I do with my anger.

There may not be the relief I would like to have and there is relief in knowing I have tools like writing, meditation, daily virtual Coffee Date Conversations, music, 27 fling boogies, art journaling, all of it will get me closer to feeling better even if these circumstances continue longer than I might want or like.

“A Word after a word after a word is power,” says Margaret Atwood.

My words, “I have the ability to process. I gain strength daily. I have the resources I need to get through this just like I’ve gotten through many other setbacks along the way.”

Grace flows because my heart knows – a word after a word after a word is power.

AFFIRMATION TO USE:

“Grace flows because my heart knows “A word after a word after a word is power.”

Writing prompt:

Right now I feel…… (write without editing or judgement. End your writing with 5 gratitudes and the affirmation, “Grace flows because my heart knows – a word after a word after a word is power.”

Permission to Feel & Love Grey (or Not) #covid19support

March 25, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

A tree in the grey fog on a cold looking morning gives us permission to feel whatever we feel, thank goodness.

It is a grey day here in Bakersfield. I realized after being awake for about an hour I was feeling grey as well. Not dark, not light, just grey. Just grey simply grey and I didn’t and don’t have any fierce predilection to change.

I don’t even know if “predilection” fits there but I like how it sounds, so I am keeping it.

I overslept so I opted out of bed yoga and pre-rise meditation because I wanted to be on-time for my poetry livestreams.

It was cold on my porch, but I livestreamed anyway.

It is drizzling so I didn’t walk though I did take a photo of a sunshiney house in my neighborhood on a street I have always loved and wished I had the vision to push to buy the house on that cul de sac those thirty years ago when I was buying a home.

I decided to light candles and write because it is something I could do, right or wrong, I could simply opt into doing something.

My coffee is brewing and the smell is rising which brings me comfort.

The garbage was collected as always and that gives me an expansive feeling. Am I the only one who enjoys filling my trash can to be picked up? Because I house sit I have two trash cans to fill and I am doing it with such joy I think I must be more than odd and I accept that.

I give myself permission to be how I am and to feel what I feel and cherish this all whether I like it or not. I am holding my grey feelings close and loving them, not trying to change them or “make them better.” I am reminded my wedding china was “Glories on grey” by Lennox, partially because I truly love grey and partially because I deeply cherish the neighbor of my childhood, Mrs. Elder, who had a carefully curated Lenox collection. She took her time in choosing her china and the little me loved her for it.

These days of separate togetherness will look different from day-to-day and our feelings will vacillate – may we grant those around us permission to feel how they are feeling as we continue to grow in compassionate understanding to live and love what is.

Coffee mugs lifted - an invitation to join the Virtual Coffee Conversations - a way to stay intentionally connected during this time of social distancing. — If you would enjoy “hanging out” with a welcoming group of people during this time of social and physical distancing, join us in our Zoom Meeting. We meet daily from 1:30 – 2:30 PDT. Registration details are listed below.

To register via Zoom, please visit here. We also have a Facebook Event where people within the conversation will see recaps of the Coffee Conversations and resources mentioned there. To mark yourself as Interested or Attending and to see what we’ve been up to, please visit here.

Intention: Unlimited, Infinite Love and Creativity

March 19, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

I watched a video made by a group of Italian citizens last night. It sent a joint message of hope to the rest of the world. It was a window into their tenacity, a collaborative role model for unlimited imagination.

The message was one not of chaos, but of beauty and creativity and love drenched optimism.

I have been impressed with the artful expressions of surprising joy I see coming from the country which right now is at the epicenter of the COVID-19. Planes flying in unison, in their wake leaving the colors of the Italian flag while operatic strains playing in the air is one example. Another is people standing on their balconies, singing together.

I would not normally think this would be the behavior of people in quarantine – people who have seen so many deaths in such a short amount of time. Their celebrations of creativity, of life itself, brought tears to my eyes and shone rays of light into my heart.

White vases with white flowers and a tea pot on a window sill leave an impression of optimism, a metaphor for surprises from Italy during the Coronavirus pandemic.

We must not allow ourselves to be limited by other people’s opinions, complaints or false narrative.

We must give ourselves permission to create deep and wide visions of possibility, of wonder, of deep gratitude.

If this resonates with you, please consider joining a group of us gathering daily at 1:30 PDT for Intentional conversations on a “Virtual Coffee Date” – a gathering of friends and strangers-becoming-friends where we may inspire, delight and comfort each other as we are separated because we are honoring one another’s health.

People sharing coffee drinks like we share virtual coffee drinks, tea, water or whatever we care to drink during our intentional conversations via zoom during the pandemic. Easing loneliness and amplifying connection worldwide.

This post is a part of the Women’s History Month Writing Quotes & Prompts series from Julie JordanScott, the Creative Life Midwife, and her Word-Love Writing Community you may join for free on Facebook. During March, there will be daily discussions on the quotes and prompts we present here, too. Join the conversation and improve your writing at the same time!

Truth or…. Consequences? Better Writing? Freedom? Vulnerability?

February 16, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

What truth am I ready to tell?

I feel increased frustration. Why did I write this prompt?

Why did I decide to write from it first instead of offering it to other people first?

How am I supposed to even begin talking (or) writing (or) be willing to be vulnerable enough to take this one in any decent narrative?

Right in that moment I wanted to shut down completely, but something jostled me so I finally stop worrying about narrative or getting it right or anything except filling the five minutes with the tapping on the keyboard.

Five minutes on the timer and… write. I started with something easy to address, something obvious.

I am ready to tell the truth… I am happier with my hair colored than when I was attempting to grow it into its natural state.

Maybe if I hadn’t gotten sick I would be rushing back to going grey/white again but I simply feel more bright spirited with my hair the color it is now – I actually feel more freedom to experiment with it again.

In all honesty, the only thing I liked about my grey adventure was the whitest part of my hair and the purple streak Jolie painted into my hair every time I visited her.

Other than that, I felt pretty hideous about my appearance most if not all of the time. I stopped looking at myself in mirrors. It certainly didn’t help with the overall malaise I was feeling.

I am not ready to tell the full truth of my near-death experience in October. Recently I found myself quite willing to tell one friend more details than normal. That was a surprise and actually felt optimistic and eye-opening.

I am ready to tell the truth of my anger about some of what I observe in special education. I am ready to tell the truth (with some changed names) in the book I am finally editing – again.

Again, more truth tumbles out: when I reviewed the last edits, I will tell you the truth that version of me had it a lot of it wrong. J Sometimes when editing, our true writing voice gets sucked dry. That’s not what this book is about, especially.

This book is messy and tired and frustrated and ebullient.

I am ready to tell the truth – and grow in my ability to share what I feel and know and think – without fear of retribution and abandonment.

Truthfully, I am stronger to face both of those because I have experienced both abandonment and retribution and discovered through the process I am bolder and more resilient than I could have ever known without them.

Five minutes later – time is up and I feel infinitely better than I did when I sat down to write.

What a joy!

And now it is your turn to write:

What truth are you ready to tell right now?
TIPS:
Start with an “easy” truth if you have any hesitation, like I did with my grey hair. You might start with “I don’t like broccoli” or “I love watching the Bachelor.

Keep writing until the five minutes are up.

Allow yourself to follow the flow of the pencil (or pen or fingers on the keyboard). They will take the writing where it needs to go.

Julie JordanScott, the Creative Life Midwife, is committed to Eradicate Loneliness through intentional connection, passionate purpose and creative expression. Sign up now to stay connected with the movement and receive inspirational emails to insure you will minimize loneliness for yourself and those you love. Visit EradicateLoneliness now to sign up for free.

Mark Twain Made Me Do This!

January 31, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

This is all Mark Twain’s fault. Mark Twain, the alter ego for Samuel Clemens, as in the man who was a humorist and once a journalist and has created many well-known characters like Huck Finn and Becky Thatcher, as in the man portrayed in countless one-person shows often played in middle schools across the US.

Mark Twain is the one who reportedly said, “The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”

How do I bring this up, the question I most want to ask you?

I realize I ought to try bringing it up like I bring up many things – by asking questions and telling stories and offering you some prompts to write, journal and make things – like conversations and photos and paintings, for a few possibilities.

How do you know when you are comfortable with yourself?

At first I was thinking like this: I am not comfortable with myself when I want to ask you (or anyone, actually) something that feels uncomfortable to ask and if you are to respond, “What do you mean by that, Julie?” I am not sure I could give you a decent answer on this one.

Maybe I will forget this idea for a blog post and go along my merry little way and no one will know I even thought about writing it.

Then I remember I am at the tail end of a blog challenge which is something like a promise – and I missed posting on another day this week and after that, I forgot to add my title before I posted which is close to not posting at all so what I will do is just take a deep breath and ask you a question I don’t know how to answer myself.

Then I realized the problem I had was in this precise moment I am much more equipped to answer “how do I know when I am not comfortable with myself?” like right now, as an example.

I thought of writing right away but then I looked at the clock and realized I needed to pick up my daughter from her class so I stepped away and my mind started working on this concept again.

Here is your prompt, to write along with me – be sure to put your writing in a two to five minute container and end your writing with gratitude.

I am not comfortable with myself when….

And now me (my turn to write)…. I am not comfortable with myself when I am smothered by fear, whether or not it is rational. This happens when I am stuck under the rock of history, the big pile of mind clutter and argument I built for far too long because I believed the “less than” and negativity other people have shoveled and I have agreed to by staying on the ground, limp and sad and lonely.

I am not comfortable with myself when I bump into people I am in a broken relationship with, someone who I believe doesn’t like me or has hurt me in the past.

I am not.. and the timer went off!

And now you… write it, now…..I am not comfortable with myself when

2. Second prompt….I felt the most comfortable with myself when I….(and now, I write) I felt the most comfortable with myself when I had the feeling of being successful, when I knew I was where I was meant to be. When I facilitate workshops and see people making discoveries they wouldn’t have made if we hadn’t joined together: that’s one example. On stage, I have felt it both in plays but also poetry performances – especially improv style poetry performance. Deep conversations does this, singing does this – being in a meditative sort of space I feel so comfortable in my own skin.

When people see me and hear me and love me anyway, I feel so comfortable in myself, with myself and with whomever I am with – whoever has blessed me with their presence.

Timer – went off.

And now you…. write it, now….I felt the most comfortable with myself when I….

Take time to write in response to these prompts. If not now, copy them into your journal or notebook or a document on your computer and give yourself the gift of time to respond. Blame it on Mark Twain if it makes you feel better: writer of Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn and my favorite, the lesser known Pudd’nhead Wilson.

Time Out for Yourself

January 9, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

It isn’t even 8 pm this evening and the way I am feeling right now, I could very happily climb under the covers and fall asleep for the night.

It has been a busy couple of days AND I feel like I ought to be focused on “important” things. “Just one more task,” I tell myself. “Just one more action…”

I came home a bit ago and put on sweats and an old comfy hoodie and started to do some of the “important” things when I realized, “I don’t have to do anymore. I have stretched myself and if I want to climb into bed and read a novel for an hour and go to sleep, it doesn’t make me any less of a person.”

If I lie down with a novel and read, I am one who honors what I’ve gotten accomplished and will trust myself to wake up more refreshed and ready to take on tomorrow.

While this doesn’t sound heroic, the precedent I am setting for myself is, I believe, a good one.

I just flashed on myself in the hospital bed in ICU three months ago.

Did I find fault with myself then?

There is no need to find fault with myself now.

May your evening (or morning or afternoon) be blessed. May you give yourself to rest when you feel the desire and need to rest.

See Light & Love and Self Compassion Now (plus bonus writing prompts)

January 2, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

“If the house of the world is dark, love will find a way to create windows.”

Rumi

This afternoon I found myself with some free time so I decided to visit a local bookstore. I was listening to Brene Brown’s “Dare to Lead” in audiobook form and decided I wanted to read certain sections in addition to the audio. Her books have so much deep material so close together, I was concerned I might get overwhelmed with material unless I paused to take notes.

I decided I wanted to visit the poetry section of the bookstore. My heart wanted me to thumb through a poetry book as well because I knew “Dare to Lead” was intense. Poetry might give me space to integrate what Brene Brown had to teach amidst all the note taking and all the new-to-me-thoughts and lingo.

I saw a Coleman Barks translation of Rumi, the mystical sufi poet I have long loved, and I said. “Oh, a new Rumi compilation?”

I was shocked to see the publication was 2014. Six years ago.

“I have not sought after Rumi in six years?” I stood in the bookstore shaking my head, scoffing at myself for this gap in time. “Where has my heart been?”

My theme for January is “Window” (primarily the metaphor) and the first quote/prompt I am exploring is from Rumi – which is certainly not an accident. Windows invite light into the room. Windows allow us to see outside our space of “protection”. Windows allow us to plan and hold a vision and see possibilities we couldn’t see without them.

Throughout January, I will be exploring a variety of themes about “windows”. For the next few days, the prompts I will be use include:

How do I (and/or will I) create windows in my life, community and family?

What am I willing to do to keep windows wide open to my goals, vision and opportunities as we start this new year?

I am devoted to be compassionate towards myself – and trust this will open windows of love and more opportunities to read Rumi throughout the days to come. The key is to remember what you love – and don’t let circumstances or other people come between you. Ever.

My next quotes and prompts will include wisdom from Edith Wharton, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Christina Rosetti and Marcus Aurelius. I hope you will gain value from the discoveries you make here.

How will you bring light and love into your vision and goals this year?

Healing: Take the Time to Become Better and Better and Better

July 30, 2019 by jjscreativelifemidwife

“The place of true healing is a fierce place. It’s a giant place. It’s a place of monstrous beauty and endless dark and glimmering light. And you have to work really, really, really hard to get there, but you can do it.”

Cheryl Strayed

Dear Reader,

This is not the best I have ever written, but I know if I don’t post it, it may sit unsaid for too long a time. I know I am supposed to continue to post these because there are people waiting to read them. So here we are, again.

Written with minimal, editing, almost stream-of-consciousness.

Here is another “telling on myself”: today I couldn’t remember if I had published this flailing on the page. It is a newly minted Sunday afternoon and I have decided to do some light editing as this day progresses.

It is a mystery: why have I steadfastly avoided talking, writing, even thinking about healing? It has easily been for the better part of – I’m guessing for years now. I don’t even know how long.

Maybe it was because a place I used to go regularly incorporated “healing” in its name and when it became a more destructive place to me rather than constructive place to be?

Maybe it is because I equated healing with the unpleasantness of my own experiences with cancer?

Perhaps the mystery is my relentless running or turning away from pain: one heals from pain. Healing is a result of pain. Perhaps my subconscious mind believes I have had too much pain and healing is braided into pain and haven’t I had enough of that already?

Somehow in negating the healing, I also managed to negate the beauty of healing, the beauty of process and oftentimes the beauty discovered as a direct result of pain.

There was a time when I seriously avoided pain above all, yet ironically I also embraced natural childbirth with a vengeance.

I avoided confrontations yet I also thought it was fun to get up on stage at my advanced age and highly imperfect appearance.

I advocated, consistently and constantly like a weeble that won’t fall down, I got battered and bruised not physically but emotionally and spiritually and I volunteered for this.

As I said, none of it makes much sense but as Cheryl Strayed said in our opening quote, healing is a place of monstrous beauty, endless dark AND light. I love the paradox she states.

I also am not sure about how hard we have to work at healing. Perhaps it is an argument over words or my deflection of pain again. Here’s the thing: there is healing even in opening up the conversation here.

Nonetheless, from this perspective we simply rise from wherever we are to be brave enough to open our arms and accept what falls into them, without turning away or deeming it “too” anything.

I am re-embracing healing on a variety of levels.

In keeping my heart, mind and soul open to what is calling me I acknowledge healing is refreshing, invigorating, dare I even say pleasant?

Ironically enough, if you had asked me a month ago about healing, I would have given you a very shallow answer. Now that I’ve opened my arms, the gifts – and challenges – have been tumbling toward me and I have been laughing and crying and moaning and nodding my head all the way along.

What are your experiences with healing?

Talk to me in the comments, or if you would benefit from going deeper, let’s have a conversation. Here is a link to request a transformational coaching conversation session, please visit here.. My gift to you.

Julie JordanScott, the Creative Life Midwife, is a writer, a poet performer, a Creativity Coach, A Social Media Whiz and a Mother of three. One of her greatest joys include loving people into their greatness they just aren’t quite able to realize yet. She spent a year working as a leader of an Instagram Group and is now leveraging that experience to create a learning workshop/playshop experience about instagram based on having fun called Summer Lovin’ with Instagram. Click this link to find out more.