Creative Life Midwife

Inspiring Artistic Rebirth

Hold Space for the Process: Day 17/31 of (Self) Belonging

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This morning I wrote a mish-mash of notes and I decided to share them here because sometimes the growth towards belonging includes a lot of messy, cluttered, uncomfortable thoughts and examination that doesn’t fit nicely into carefully curated containers.

Last night I forced myself to write a poem about what happened after my mother died and I experienced an episode of extreme anti-belonging. The antithesis of belonging. Another variation of not being seen, not being heard and as a result, being left out of the services for my mother.

I really didn’t even want to write that here.

I didn’t want to put it in black and white.

I wanted to sidle into that reality sideways, not telling the whole truth and instead leave context clues but my fingers on the keyboard forced me further.

Last night I forced myself to write a poem of the extreme pain of the aftermath.

I wrote a sentence and then wrote a poem using the words of the sentence as the beginning of the poem. 

I found it difficult to finish. It most likely won’t be shared, but there is a high value in the process of shaping those words meaningfully.

Sometimes belonging to myself means guiding myself down a cragging unsettled path, like when I walk on the rockiest parts of the trail. The trail hurts my feet and my ankles as I balance and move slowly, methodically, my eyes on the ground to steady myself. I wonder in these moments why do I proclaim how much I like to hike? 

Who cares about hiking and healing and belonging if it feels this tortuous to get here?

Sometimes belonging means I must do the things I want/don’t want to do.I must face the most painful aspects of my stories.

Slowly and methodically I am picking up the pieces of grief and examining them and in order to do that, I need to dust and vacuum away the aftermath – the pain I experienced after Mom died, indirectly as a result of Mom’s death that was and wasn’t about Mom’s death. 

The pain is an echo of my core life stories that have caused me the majority of my sadness, my off-and-on-again relationship with depression and the internal battles I have fought for decades.

In order to heal the pain, I need to give myself room to examine it with not only love and compassion and hope. I need to allow the red hot coals of anger to be at the metaphorical table, too. Tthe difference is, perhaps for the first time only. I am recognizing anger directed toward the outside instead of deflecting anger back into myself – which is what reflects the adage from Sigmund Freud, “Depression is anger turned inward.”

In reading an article from Downtown Somatic Therapy’s blog post, I read “love” and “anger” in the same breath. Anger is love? Anger has a component of love? 

For now, at this stage, I am going to engage with anger and let it help me find my way into a deeper sense of belonging to and with and for myself.

Even as I write this, I brace myself for people who will say some variation of “get over yourself and move along” but what is vulnerability if not knowing people may not understand the value of the work and the healing I am doing and going forward, anyway? Isn’t this an example of belonging as opposed to fitting in?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Grief & Belonging: 31 Days of (Self) Belonging

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Belonging in Grief: Grief is among the most difficult periods of life. We often shy away from talking about grief or death because our culture has norms that are more accepting of thriving, health and youth than “failing”, not being well and aging.

This is exactly what makes belonging within the context of grieving so difficult.

My mother died in mid-August and my grief has only just begun – and complications due to feelings of not belonging have made it even more difficult than it might have been. 

There are times when grieving helps create more belonging. From an unlikely source today, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, we read about NFL Football coach Tony Dungy, who built his team to be successful from having habits to help them win. When Dungy’s 18-year-old son died from suicide, the team became a space of belonging and used that longing to triumph.

This is a bittersweet story. 

Then there are the words of meditation teacher Tara Brach who writes, “A sacred space of true belonging allows us to thrive. We feel seen, understood and valued. We are free, safe and held in love. In this place of true belonging, we have some protection of the darkness found in our world.

“We feel deep grief when this sacred place of true belonging is severed.”

Claire Bidwell Smith, in her book “Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief” discusses “Designing Your Own Resilience Plan” which is easiest in the company of at least one understanding, trusting person with whom you share a feeling of belonging. Use the planning to attract more people who may become your circle of belonging during this challenging time,

Start with one person, baby steps, and allow yourself the room to go slowly. 

You may have a team or organization, a church, a club who may gather to support you in a larger way like the Indianapolis Colts did. You may prefer your experience of belonging to be quiet during your experience.

If you love someone who is grieving, overcome your discomfort in small steps, too. The best step is by letting them know you care about them enough to be uncomfortable. Offer several choices for your friend to choose how to be supported: “Would you like to drive through Starbucks with me or would you like me to drop off a coffee?” might work for some people.

Grief and Belonging don’t naturally seem like they are likely to intersect and it is critical to cultivate belonging after a loss, whether you are the person who is grieving or if you care about the person who is grieving.

This barely scratches the surface AND I think it is important to bring up and talk about, together.

What are your initial thoughts?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Week Two Recap: 31 Days of (Self) Belonging

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The second week in this self-belonging experiment has been rich in Synchronicity. 

It has been discovered through consistent moving toward and into belonging.

I have been on the inside looking out instead of the outside, looking in.

Last Sunday, I wrote this: The first draft of this was written as I sat in High Point State Park, using my phone to write. The sense of belonging I felt within the forest was palpable from the soles of my water logged oldest pair of sneakers to the top of my scalp.

If you look at the words above you will see “invited” “seemed to enjoy me” “forgives” and “glad we are here”. 

When I arrived at the “front door” of the trail, I felt lonely and detached from caring. Only steps into the woods I began to feel as if I belonged, as if I was at home, as if I was forgiven for anything I might have done wrong whether inadvertently or on purpose.

Today, at the end of my work week, I returned to that same trail and the sun was shining rather than freshly rained upon. I found a spot on the Appalachian Trail I had been seeking for months – and will return to as early as mid-week – and as a bonus, re-found a human friend who just happened to choose to hike in the same area at the same time I was who  likes hiking and music, also.

On Wednesday II wrote about belonging in my body because of purchasing and wearing new shoes. On Thursday I went to yoga class for the first time since school started. I’ve had two days in a row with over 10,000 steps,  I hiked three days in a row. I truly feel a deeper sense of self-belonging now than when this week started, 

I can’t remember how long it has been since my body has felt this good.

It was exactly a week ago that I felt completely discombobulated and unseen on the campus where I work and now, at the end of this week, I have plenty of quirky stories of connection and belonging with me being 100% me without holding back due to wanting to “fit in”.

I have practiced belonging to and with myself and miraculous rewards have come about as a result.

What happened this week in your life that thoroughly delighted you?

Also, where do you feel the most sense of belonging in your life these days?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Creative Entrepreneur: Day 13 of (Self)Belonging

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“Trust synchronicity, trust intuitive living” were my first thoughts of belonging today. Belonging is born in a space of trust, a space of hospitable acknowledgement.

I was guided to look up a quote and this is what I got… which matches up with my theme for today: belonging in my creative entrepreneurial business.

At the end of the CS Lewis “Chronicles of Narnia” series, this quote appears:

“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now.”

I started my creative entrepreneurial business in 1999. I started as a Writer/Life Purpose Coach/Speaker who went on to facilitate groups and teach classes. I absolutely adored it and thrived until things fell apart in 2007/8.

Since that time, I haven’t been able to reclaim the earlier magic of my business. Back then, much of my experience was how CS Lewis described a real home, a real country. Combining my work with my (at that time) reclaimed home of theater, I was very, very happy.

Four loss-centered-events happened almost simultaneously. Pertaining to my business, I lost my website due to a miscommunication that couldn’t be fixed right after my son had a surprising diagnosis and I needed to be home with him as my focus right when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and a close friend of mine did what we now call “ghosting.”

I evaporated into myself – and later, when I attempted to bring my business back, I had moderate success off-and-on at best but the magic never returned in the same way. Underneath it all, I recognized some of that was because I had fear of trying and failing and risking a repetition of losses of the magnitude of last time.

Dreams may be deferred and they may go underground.

The best tend to reach back to the surface which is what is happening now. I have several book and journal projects that are nearing completion. With this foundation, I am ready to build my metaphorical business home, again.

I belong here, in my creative entrepreneurial business. This is the land I have been looking for and thanks to this 100 Day project in Belonging, I hadn’t realized that to be the case.

There are 79 more days in 2023. How are you investing these days?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Intuition & Synchronicity: Day 12/31 Days of (Self) Belonging

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Julianne: have you heard of her?


She is the name I use when referring to my highest self: she takes form in intuitive hits and synchronicity, be it the songs I hear or the images that surprisingly show up in my path.

Befriending Julianne by name has made a huge difference in my life, especially when we became deeper collaborative partners.

She will show up in my writing tomorrow, also, because I had a major a-ha during this morning’s writing practice. I know she was the one who tapped those loose morsels through my brain and out onto the page.

It is natural I discovered this sense of belonging with Julianne when she became a big part of my writing practice. 

I had long wanted to have an evening practice that would be a good “bookend” to my well honed morning practice of writing, stretching, planning, intending, praying. I never seemed to “get it right”. 

I still mix it up and find myself shuffling (which is indicative of being human, right?)

My evening writing practice became something I call “Roll Over and Write” and sometimes “Roll Over and Right” because the practice itself makes everything just right, like how Goldilocks finds  baby bear’s porridge, the chair and the bread.

It’s easy: I have a notebook by my bedside. I jot a few notes before I turn out the light and when I wake up, soon after waking, I write again – often in response to dreams I had or insights that come out only when I move my pencil.

Julianne figures in because I usually address her in those pages. I find both Julianne and the Divine there, in my notebook. 

My notebooks, in fact, are my most regular, consistent believing mirrors and conduits for positive change. My Mining for Story Gold runs a close second – which makes sense because that space of writing practice comes in the next phase of my morning rituals so I am slightly more awake.

Julianne – my highest self – helps me remember what belonging really feels like: to live, work, play and grow vulnerably with others within a community who are committed and devoted to caring for one another. Not just talk about caring for one another but acting with care towards one another in a context of transparency, acceptance and openness.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch exclusive reels, videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group

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Belonging in My Body: Day 11/31 Days of (Self) Belonging

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This may sound strange, but since when does my world experience not sound weird?

Yesterday, I felt how marvelous my body felt when I was first out of bed.

I had done an early morning stretch, taken the time to feel into my joints and muscles and as I prepared for my day, I felt my body with gratitude from a space of gratitude.

Considering I have been at odds with my body for more of my life than I have been partnered joyfully with my body, this is a big thing.

Remember, belonging is to live, work, play and grow vulnerably with others within a community who are committed and devoted to caring for one another. Not just talk about caring for one another, but acting with care towards one another in a context of transparency, acceptance and openness.

When I belong in my body and with my body, is to to live, work, play and grow vulnerably with my body. It is to stretch, to exercise, to move, to go places physically I didn’t know I was capable of going.

Here is one way I felt belonging in my body that will give you some context.

About ten days ago, I did the shocking activity of going to the mall to find a pair of shoes.

Cute shoes, with actual low heels.

I haven’t worn heels for such a long time because my feet hurt. They have bunions and the podiatrist told me I had deformed feet and basically had to live with my feet as they were.

I have worn the shoes in small bits and chunks, preparing to wear them out in the world.

I didn’t want my feet to get shocked by me insisting on wearing them for a full work day or a night out without walking around in the comfort of my home.

I was acting with care towards my feet – my body – in the context of what has been, what is now, and I was transparent with my feet (and the rest of my body) in a space of honesty, acceptance while open to a future of wearing them comfortably all day.

I tried to put a supportive sole inside, but when it was inside my foot could not fit.

I slid my foot in and stood up and the shoe and my feet felt like heaven.

I walked around the manse tall and strong, my vertebrae lined up, a smile on my face, there wasn’t pain.

I chose not to wear the shoes to choir practice – and I know and recognize I can wear them next week and who knows where else?

I was belonging in my feet, belonging with my vertebrae, belonging in the smile that stretched across my face.

This is how belonging feels in my body: a miracle, a doorway to joy and a means to an even more glorious future.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch exclusive reels, videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group

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Day 9: Belonging In the Woods – 31 Days of (Self) Belonging

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In many ways this was an uncomfortable weekend of healing. I should have known better when I found a blog post I wrote in July, 2019, how sometimes even reading about healing hurts.

As I wrote that line into my phone’s screen, the forest around me exploded in leaf-song, like one of my professors did years ago in a Black Studies class when I said “Sometimes when ‘you all’ (meaning the other students in the class who had different skin colors than I did) talk about white people, I feel ashamed of my ethnicity.”

Something erupted in this professor as he almost shouted, “Yes! The white girl gets it!” He didn’t mention that I was “white girl”, that is me, all these years later as I refer to myself as “white girl” in situations like this when I am in the minority and forget I am in the minority and am actually grateful to experience what it feels like to be in the minority.

The forest, like that long ago professor, has a mouth that erupts (sometimes quietly)  too.

 Humans cut through the veins of the forest’s body to make trails and she forgives us, even seems to be glad we are here. Why else would this writing bench be sitting here on this random day in October, after a rain, on this particular trail – the “unnamed” trail I sloshed through in order to forest bathe and have this rich a-ha moment.

The leaves sound like the ocean. Walking below them, I feel safer than I would if I was under water.

The leaves invited me to sing. They seemed to enjoy me as much as I enjoy them. 

This writing bench I sat on, perfectly situated, was a stone invitation to be a part of the forest. I didn’t know until I stood up that my pants were soaked through from the earlier rain.

I was enjoying the sense of belonging more than the discomfort of the wetness of my pants. Belonging does that. It helps us to connect with what is good and right and sacred rather than our aches, pains and problems and in doing so, we are strengthened to face challenges with more strength and confidence because of our sense of belonging.

The wind sweeping through the leaves to make music had wiped the shame I felt earlier in the day clean. The literal ache in my chest evaporated. Long ago friends danced with me, leaves pointed the way. Unseen animals chuckled. 

The first draft of this was written as I sat in High Point State Park, using my phone to write. The sense of belonging I felt within the forest was palpable from the soles of my water logged oldest pair of sneakers to the top of my scalp.

If you look at the words above you will see “invited” “seemed to enjoy me” #forgives” “glad we are here”. When I arrived at the “front door” of the trail, I felt lonely and detached from caring. Only steps into the woods I began to feel as if I belonged, as if I was at home, as if I was forgiven for anything I might have done wrong whether inadvertently or on purpose.

When I realized I didn’t bring writing materials, I remembered I had my phone and could use it to capture the moment word for word which is what you see above.

I was cared for, held close and honored.

Even as the only human among an infinite number of trees, I felt a deep sense of the comfort of belonging. 

My hope is that in reading these words, you feel a deep sense of belonging, too.

You are welcome here.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Day 8: Healing More Deeply: 31 Days of (Self) Belonging

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“The place of true healing is a fierce place. It’s a giant place. It’s a place of monstrous beauty and endless dark and glimmering light. And you have to work really, really, really hard to get there, but you can do it.”

Cheryl Strayed

It was only after I published on my blog yesterday and on instagram that I realized something in the story I told about being invisible in the hallway at work/school.

I chose to focus on the student who didn’t see me instead of the student who most definitely saw me and called out his pal for not paying better attention.

Yesterday morning as I wrote, I discovered a blog post from 2019 about healing – and it tied what I had experienced on Friday with what I am experiencing as a process now – a process back to honoring both my own uniqueness and yours through this study of belonging.

There are people who see us in all our vivid uniqueness, your walking invitation to be valued by you and welcomed into your world AND there are people who are busy with whatever they are busy with as they do their daily version of being their best.

I am not sure if I mentioned it here before, but I am sharing my daily findings of being a believing mirror to myself using Instagram Stories which also show up on my Writing Camp with JJS page.

I am getting excellent feedback on this series which you may read here on the blog as well as in a shorter version on Instagram and on the Writing Camp page.

Finally, my friend, we have 84 days left in 2023. How will you invest your days to bring 2023 to a satisfying end?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group

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Feeling Invisible: Day 7/31 Days of (Self) Belonging + 85 More Days of 2023

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Feeling like we don’t belong and are disconnected at work or at home hurts. Have you felt this disconnection, this anti-belonging? It pops up when we feel unseen, unheard, unimportant.

Yesterday I felt this, loud and clear. It started almost as soon as I got to school/work and felt disconnected from belonging which was ironic because I started in my home so happily and intentionally.

Invisibility doesn’t feel like belonging

The best part of the day was at the end when I told one of the most effective teachers I work with, “It’s been a strange, uncomfortable day today – and that’s alright, we all have days like that. I figured I filled my quota and can now move along.”

It is interesting in the aftermath of the day, I can see how a lot of that disconnection happened because instead of staying mindful and open hearted, I fell into the swirling confusion and my self talk was immersed in not seeing the facts as they were, instead my inner dialogue which was blended with me telling myself a wide variety of ways I didn’t matter, how I was unimportant, how no one likes or appreciates me anyway and then, right before I felt better, this happened.

Yes, it came into clarity when a kid almost knocked into me and didn’t notice. “Hey, you almost walked into her!” one student scolded another student.

“Who?”

I mumbled to the first kid, “He didn’t see this invisible woman walking around the hallways.” I wasn’t being seen nor was I being heard.

Wait: wait, wait! Not only did one student see me, he requested the other kid pay more attention. I failed to notice that…..instead I felt body’s natural response to the invisible rather than the visible as my shoulders hunch and my body sinking into my feet.

This being invisible – my sadness over not feeling as if I was seen – could have been a refrain for the day if I let it continue. 

In the next and final class of the day, things turned because I spoke up about it and began filling in the missing pieces. Writing this, today, is like finishing the puzzle making.

I ended the day in a favorite book store and took some photos of a very cool building.

When I got home, I “was craving” a sugary treat. I did not give in to that craving as I have found part of my belonging work is creating healthy boundaries with myself based on my hightest self rather than following past self destructive patterns.

Before I wrote this, I thought it was going to be seen as negative and people might be discouraged from the content and stop following me, never comment or like or engage again.

That was the hangover from the not-so-great of yesterday. Through writing, I was able to remember and discover how I negotiated around the tangled emotions and come out with my sense of self-belonging and self-visibility intact.

We have 85 days of 2023 left: how will you invest your days to bring this year to a satisfying conclusion?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch exclusive reels, videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group

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Day 6: 31 Days of (Self) Belonging toward Forgiveness

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Friday Check In: A Weekly Recap of Discoveries in Belonging.

This week has been rather astounding when I sit at my desk and dissect the week in words. What came into my mind and heart as I wrote that sentence was looking at the week both with a magnifying glass and a wide lens I see how much work I have done to get closer to both a sense of self-belonging, but also create a deeper context of belonging here in this world and body I inhabit.

Maybe it is in the elasticity that grief may allow us to create within – or maybe it is the elasticity of being comfortable with loss after loss after loss… I am thinking about a photo I saw of a group of dancers in Martha Graham’s troupe that might illustrate elasticity visually, to help show what I am trying to communicate.

I found the image I was meant to find only to discover the costume created the context for a dance titled “lamentations” about grief. To read more about it, visit here when you finish reading this post.

Martha Graham’s dance was not about the growth of grief – well, I ought not say that until I watch the dance closely, and maybe do some form of my personalized iteration in the best way I can.

Some key takeaways on Self-Belonging this week:

  1. I started sharing celebrations of self-belonging in my instagram stories at night before I go to sleep. I have no idea how these will go over, but the requirement to catalog my experience already feels important.
  2. Divine delivery increases when I opened the door to self-belonging. The level of synchronicities multiply and expand. 
  3. Self-belonging has a strong element, at least in my case, of re-parenting. Somehow now that both of my parents are gone, I don’t feel disloyal in claiming aspects of their parenting that wasn’t well suited to me – just like I know and will admit my parenting wasn’t always suited to my children. Samuel has been brave enough to tell me this and because of his blunt honesty, I have grown both as a parent and as a human.

I am invigorated and excited to continue with this project of discovery, forgiveness and love – which is a bit of the bridge into next week as I live into the question:

What is ready to be forgiven (or ripening to forgiveness)?

I invite you to join me engaging with the question. Any thoughts are welcome in the comments.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch exclusive reels, videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group

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