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Creative Life Midwife

Inspiring Artistic Rebirth

Giddy & Grateful to Move On Down to the Step Down Unit

October 15, 2024 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Here is what I shared on this day in 2019, five years ago:

Big news! I’ve moved from ICU to the Step Down unit! (Don’t ask what time I was woken up to be moved.)

This means I’m one step closer to leaving the hospital.

I even actually have a morning view that is more stereotypical!

I was over the top giddy about being able to be out of the ICU. I thought I would be able to get up and use the restroom alone without alarms sounding but that wasn’t true. I didn’t mention how when I was rolled out of the intensive care unit, I saw a nurse I am in a book club with who greeted me like it was an everyday occurrence to be wheeled onto her floor.

After that, I was afraid to see her again. I don’t even remember if I did see her again. This is a sure indicator of trauma – though now I remember I did see her again because we talked about sepsis and how my disorientation is normal, even expected, with sepsis.

I went on to cheerfully share my daily gratitude experience while in the hospital:

Today, I am so grateful for:

💡 Arian Garcia for patiently live-streaming KSFs Henry V! So wonderful to sit in my room and watch. It was the best…. and my child, Emma, truly brought it. The theatre-Mom in me was impressed AND so was the director-me who often watches plays taking notes in my head. (Trying to get over that!)

🎊 The gift of tenacity at this very vulnerable, frightening and life shifting time.

🧘🏼‍♀️People who are talented comforters (and might not even know it).

💕The powerful medicines of story listening AND story questioning and storytelling.

😭YouTube meditation videos and music.

🔦Water

And I’m grateful for each person reading here!

by the way: this room has TWO CHAIRS!

I feel like a queen.

How do you feel today?

Revisiting this post reminds me how significant it is to honor the rocking, rolling nature of emotions during times of crisis and upset. I am so grateful for the me who I was and the me who I am and the me I am becoming. Since I started writing this blog post the sun has come out – and I may get my walk done after all.

JJS/Treehugger

 🎨 | Award-Winning Writer/Actor/Storyteller

🌱 | Empowering Your Second Act

🎉| New Courses/Programs Coming soon!

🎁   Your presence here makes me feel grateful. 

✍🏻I am a writer first, writing & creativity coach, multi passionate creative next. Writing has always been my anchor art and to her I always return. Thankfully, with great love.

🎯 My aim is to create content here that inspires and instructs – if there is ever a topic you would like for me to explore, please reach out and tell me. My ultimate goal is to create posts, videos and more that speak to your desires as well as mine because where these two intersect, our collaborative, joyful energy ignites into a fire of love, light and passionate creativity.

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Filed Under: Creative Life Coaching, Daily Consistency, Healing, Mindfulness, Rewriting the Narrative, Ultimate Blog Challenge Tagged With: Cocci, Gratitude in the Hospital, Sepsis, Step Down Unit, Valley Fever

Goals Then & Surpassing in Surprising Ways

October 14, 2024 by jjscreativelifemidwife

This was the day five years ago I learned the cause of my time in ICU.

I learned why I went from about to be discharged to being rushed to a higher level of care.

It started after I took my shower in preparation for going home. Things didn’t go well when I got out of the shower and my still wet self was back in the bed, shivering wildly, with someone I vaguely recognized as the charge nurse was rushing to take my vital signs, including the device to take my blood oxygen levels.

I sort of recalled them not being able to be read because my temperature was fluctuating erratically, but nothing was really making sense at that point.

I remember the charge nurse kindly gave me a heated sheet and I heard her talking to the nurse about what had happened and then I felt myself being pushed underwater.

The memory of being pushed underwater wasn’t actually happening but from my perspective I was underwater. I was looking up at the surface of the water which was arching over me from both sides. It was reminding me of when I went on a strange water experience in the Atlantic Ocean at Fort Lauderdale, Florida. 

I was at the end of my first trimester of my pregnancy with Marlena, my daughter who was stillborn. I was doing things that seemed slightly strange and unlike me, especially things that made me scared, because I didn’t want fear to be a legacy I passed inadvertently to my daughter.

When I was flung off that strange ride, this is the same sight I saw.

Once again, I wasn’t scared, I was curious and fascinated.

In those early days I didn’t dare speak or write any of this because… the person who got the increased legacy of fear was myself.

This WAS the day 5 years ago when I requested to be off the far-too-sweet liquid diet I had been on. It was probably because I started refusing to consume anything that they finally agreed.

In my notes from that day here is some of what I was saying, which definitely showed by spunky, “everything will be ok and I will live to write about it” attitude.

I managed to get myself off a clear liquid diet (too darned sweet) to a regular liquid diet. I’ve learned my Dr doesn’t like to leap frog from clear to puréed… I mean that is too much. I suggested the BRAT diet but he just looked at me like I was the brat.

My big goal today is to sit for a few minutes in a chair.

My most exciting moment of all for today and entire month is seeing Emma perform at Kern Shakespeare Festival through the magic of live-streaming and the generosity of Arian And Brian – both have been such strong support for Emma and is so appreciated by this Mama. 

And then these words: 

So strange for a usually deep breathing person to not be able to breathe. 

Many of my lab results numbers are better. Some are not. 

My big goal today is to sit for a few minutes in a chair.

Little did I know that two years from that date I would be walking on the Appalachian Trail, something I did during childhood with my father and returned to when I moved back to New Jersey after decades away.

That is a long way from a goal of sitting for a few minutes in a chair in the intensive care unit in a hospital in Bakersfield, California.

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🌟 Creative Life Coach & Muse Cultivator

 🎨 | Award-Winning Writer/Actor/Storyteller

🌱 | Empowering Your Second Act

🎉| New Courses/Programs Coming soon!

🎁   Your presence here makes me feel grateful. 

✍🏻I am a writer first, writing & creativity coach, multi passionate creative next. Writing has always been my anchor art and to her I always return. Thankfully, with great love.

🎯 My aim is to create content here that inspires and instructs – if there is ever a topic you would like for me to explore, please reach out and tell me. My ultimate goal is to create posts, videos and more that speak to your desires as well as mine because where these two intersect, our collaborative, joyful energy ignites into a fire of love, light and passionate creativity.

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Filed Under: Creative Life Coaching, Daily Consistency, Goals, Healing, Rewriting the Narrative, Self Care, Ultimate Blog Challenge Tagged With: ICU, Julie JordanScott, Near Death Experience, Sepsis

The Blessings of the Ordinary Extraordinary: The Infinite Loop De Loop of Giving Back after Once Again Receiving Life

October 13, 2024 by jjscreativelifemidwife

It has been unique to study my life as it nearly ended five years ago today. 

What has happened in the interim? What has shifted? How have the themes of mortality and choosing life and healing resonated throughout my experiences?

The first obvious happening includes the Covid19 Pandemic that changed the world greatly that gained space in the spotlight shortly after I was hospitalized. In fact, during our East Coast visit from Bakersfield we visited a Gaming Arena (my son is a professional gamer) in New Rochelle, New York which was one of the earliest American cities hit by Covid19. 

In February of 2020, my daughter Emma and I visited my parents in Flagstaff and my father died right before we felt comfortable traveling again: I was ten days out of my second vaccination in April 2021 when I got the call: it was officially too late to see my father alive again.

My mortality was first and foremost for those weeks in October 2019 and since then, death, loss and other people’s mortality has been an ongoing theme.

Unfortunately, my youngest brother, Joe, died in December 2021 and my mother died in August, 2023. 

That was a lot of grief in these last five years – and because I am blessed to have many friends as well, I lost too many friends who were too young. Most recently, I lost the woman who I refer to as “My Spirtual Mother” – and I was so grateful to be able to attend her funeral and see her children who I grew up with in Glen Ridge, New Jersey.

At the end of 2019 I started with my 377 Haiku project – a chance for me to practice creativity consistently and share it, much like I shared my days in the hospital. By being seen, heard and experienced while I was in the hospital, seeing people’s comments helped me feel better.

Daily photo taking and short poetry writing and sharing them brought a love influx which helped lift me out of the sadness that felt like it was subtracting so much out of me. Haiku literally saved my life – and that is the title of my book that will soon be out, sharing the profound joy of disciplined creativity. 

It was followed by 377 tree hugs and after that, I started writing a daily love letter to my readers inspired by my mother’s frequent greeting when I first saw her at the start of a new day, “Good Morning, Love.”

One of the biggest challenges of living alone now after I moved across the country from Bakersfield, California to Sussex Borough, New Jersey was not having anyone to greet when I woke up. 

“Good Morning, Love” created a win-win of having many some-ones to say Good Morning to AND once again, it kept me from sliding back into the darkness of depression which at time hovers quite close.

I also enjoy it when friends see me in person (especially in groups) and they say “Good Morning, Love!” to each other. I’ve had people share about how they look to good morning love when they’re feeling down and some people who read it every morning, unbeknownst to me.

This morning I went to High Point State Park to take photos, make videos and bathe in the glorious forest there. I hugged a couple trees and literally asked the trees, the wind, the sky and the sun, “How did I get so blessed?”

How did I get so blessed?

One day at a time, intentionally creating a small something – a container that tells the world, “You are love made form.”

First in Haiku, then in Tree hugs (both of which I still practice, on occasion) and then in Daily Love notes. (If you wonder how to read them, they’re on my personal facebook page.)

I never really thought of a blessing as something we choose AND I do see blessings as something we need to allow and receive.

Sharing these stories is part of what I call “the infinite loop de loop of giving and receiving.” Because I was gifted with more time, I received this blessing of longer life, I fully enjoy and embrace sharing the gift in return.

My everyday joy of experiencing life in the good, bad, boring (though that is rare), extraordinary ordinary and everything in between – wherever I find myself.

There will be 18 more blog posts: I hope you will read a few of them – if you have any questions, please ask so I may respond in a blog post.

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🌟 Creative Life Coach & Muse Cultivator

 🎨 | Award-Winning Writer/Actor/Storyteller

🌱 | Empowering Your Second Act

🎉| New Courses/Programs Coming soon!

🎁   Your presence here makes me feel grateful. 

✍🏻I am a writer first, writing & creativity coach, multi passionate creative next. Writing has always been my anchor art and to her I always return. Thankfully, with great love.

🎯 My aim is to create content here that inspires and instructs – if there is ever a topic you would like for me to explore, please reach out and tell me. My ultimate goal is to create posts, videos and more that speak to your desires as well as mine because where these two intersect, our collaborative, joyful energy ignites into a fire of love, light and passionate creativity.

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Filed Under: #377Haiku, Creative Life Coaching, Creative Process, Daily Consistency, Grief, Healing, Rewriting the Narrative, Self Care, Storytelling

Staying Positively Numb in the Intensive Care Unit

October 12, 2024 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Staying Positively Numb in the Intensive Care Unit. Pictured is the curtain to my space in the Intensive care unit where I was being treated for Sepsis and Valley Fever

I found my documentation of my first full day in the intensive care unit to be fascinating.

I believe – in writing and noticing from a distance – how numb I was and while grateful to share my experience, I was only comfortable at this point in the most surface share as possible.

I wrote:

“These are the curtains for my current… zone of experience.” I was unwilling to say I was in the Intensive Care Unit. I remember in the past when well meaning positive thinking people encouraged one another not to speak about reality if it wasn’t good. 

I went on to discuss photo taking without saying I was referring to photo taking: “It was intriguing me to see what happens when you turn the light on and turn the light off.”

I refer back to my history and relate to my parents, who I hadn’t even told I was sick with pneumonia and didn’t tell them I was admitted to the hospital nor that I was admitted to the ICU. I wrote further “I’ve also found sometimes the lens clarifies things such as old grave markers your eyes can’t see details the lenses had. (Thanks, parents, for taking us on countless adventures in Northern Arizona cemeteries with nearly invisible headstones that we could magically see when we looked through our camera lens.)

I also loved sneaking some art appreciation into this experience.

After the introduction, I lean closer into reality:

Last night was rough. Very little sleep and then sleep interrupted. Really, a chest X-ray at 2 AM after my first 45 minutes of good sleep? 

I won’t complain about all the horrid things that happened, because eventually I moved from jotting notes in a tiny notebook to jotting notes on my phone. Which leads to Gratitude #1

1. I have always excelled at advocacy for others and put myself into the “when there is enough time and resources” pile. My documentation – some bleary and messy – was so on purpose and so (in a weird way fun) and it subtracted the painful emotions I was feeling.

2. I am starting to feel like writing again, something that hasn’t happened since October 2 or so. I am wanting to create again – I even won a giveaway of Gelli plates from Gelli Arts – Gel Printing Plate and have yet to open or use because I was getting sick when I received them! So excited to create with them!

3. I also created a positive, collaborative partnership with my nurse last night. By this morning it felt like we were caring friends.

4. To the friends who managed to visit yesterday, thank you! To those who send love and follow along! Thank you! I’ll be more effusive in the future!

5. Bonus: the list making in #1 is what leads to suggestions for change which usually leads to research. I think I have discovered (and was confirmed during shift change) what actually happened medically on Thursday though no one specifically said the words to me. Will continue with deep thought-see diving which is something I love!

The bonus note sounds like the usual me. I was still there, underneath the fear, the struggle, the wishing I was anywhere except the hospital bed I was connected to by wires and cords and alarms.

Interesting also to note: we are on Day 12 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge and I have posted every. Single. Day.

This level of consistency on my blog is unusual for my recent history. 

I am grateful to be writing and I am grateful for those of you reading and commenting.

Please tell me how your blogging (and life) is going in the comments.

🌟 Creative Life Coach & Muse Cultivator

 🎨 | Award-Winning Writer/Actor/Storyteller

🌱 | Empowering Your Second Act

🎉| New Courses/Programs Coming soon!

🎁   Your presence here makes me feel grateful. 

✍🏻I am a writer first, writing & creativity coach, multi passionate creative next. Writing has always been my anchor art and to her I always return. Thankfully, with great love.

🎯 My aim is to create content here that inspires and instructs – if there is ever a topic you would like for me to explore, please reach out and tell me. My ultimate goal is to create posts, videos and more that speak to your desires as well as mine because where these two intersect, our collaborative, joyful energy ignites into a fire of love, light and passionate creativity.

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Filed Under: Creative Process, Daily Consistency, Healing, Ultimate Blog Challenge Tagged With: ICU, Sepsis, Valley Fever

More Connection & More Healing Through Sharing with Stories

October 11, 2024 by jjscreativelifemidwife

My focus mate partner exclaimed this morning when she saw the deep pink of the top I was wearing.

“It’s a pajama top,” I shrugged. Admittedly, the colors are pretty and there is paisley involved. “I got it at a thrift store,” which simply says I am frugal.

“You have the greatest collection of happy sleepwear,” she said, smile crossing her face.

Seeing her in the morning across the screen while I go about my morning tasks is about as close as I come to having a fellow early rising roommate.

I settled in with my water – I don’t do coffee until I have been awake over an hour – and as I wrote my morning writing practice I came to the prompt The question I am to live today is… and my eyes scanned my desk where I had hand written yesterday’s question.

I needed to use it again, I thought. “How can I use storytelling to connect more deeply with my audience?” was what I asked yesterday.

I sat with the question again and simplified it:

“How can I use storytelling to connect more?’

It was interesting to watch my body respond to the question. My shoulders relaxed. They seemed to sigh deeply. 

When I subtracted the target of my connection, I took the pressure off myself. 

I know intellectually that the question includes my audience, my readers, my students and clients (and future students and clients), but the purity of intention is “Storytelling to connect more” feels better.

I am going to stay with that, especially looking at the note from the five-years-ago me.

I shared with my friends and family that I had managed to be admitted to the Intensive Care Unit at the hospital and wasn’t going home as planned.

It was short and clipped and it was there.

I made it a point to reach into my strongest self to check in and share gratitudes… which was the story I was most comfortable telling and the one that magnetized me to connect. 

Expressions of authentic gratitude are always highly connective.

How can you use storytelling to connect more?

I started writing this blog post and it fell flat before I realized the vibrant story was missing.

Even if the sole person I connect to more is myself, today, telling the story has been worth it.

🌟 Creative Life Coach & Muse Cultivator

 🎨 | Award-Winning Writer/Actor/Storyteller

🌱 | Empowering Your Second Act

🎉| New Courses/Programs Coming soon!

🎁   Your presence here makes me feel grateful. 

✍🏻I am a writer first, writing & creativity coach, multi passionate creative next. Writing has always been my anchor art and to her I always return. Thankfully, with great love.

🎯 My aim is to create content here that inspires and instructs – if there is ever a topic you would like for me to explore, please reach out and tell me. My ultimate goal is to create posts, videos and more that speak to your desires as well as mine because where these two intersect, our collaborative, joyful energy ignites into a fire of love, light and passionate creativity.

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Filed Under: Mindfulness, Rewriting the Narrative, Storytelling, Writing Prompt, Writing Tips Tagged With: ICU

Cozy Socks & Unsticking Pain from Places We Love

October 10, 2024 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Some mornings it feels absolutely glorious to pull on a pair of fluffy, cozy socks, like I did this morning.

Some evenings it feels right to briefly visit a favorite trail at dusk, just for a few moments to reconnect with the sky, the grasses, the plants you may have missed since you haven’t been here for more than a season.

That was yesterday. 

I stood on the liberty loop trail to watch, to listen. I passed a couple of deer slowly meandering across the street – I imagine they are from the herd I sometimes see in the distance when I am on that trail. 

I was practicing with my video settings when I heard a lone goose in the distance. 

Have you ever heard the call of a lone goose?

I heard it once before, when I was walking on the bicycle path along the Truxtun Extension in Bakersfield. I was in my favorite section, a place I didn’t know aloneness even though most of my visits there were by myself, I always felt deeply connected.

Last night was different. It was as if the little lone goose was there to comfort me, to help me feel connected again, to wipe away some of the pain I had connected with this trail.

Historically, when I connect pain to a place, it is difficult to unstick.

The synchronicity of this goose, appearing exactly when my heart was open enough to hear, was ideal. It felt so good to cry out the lingering sorrow that had been unspent, stuck inside a wall of will, an anti-desire to express it.

Reminds me of one of the reasons it is important to me to get outside and to revisit the spaces I love that may have become associated with sadness. Flagstaff just whispered in my ear.

Maybe 2025. Maybe then.

The tears remind me it is important to get out there again. Unstick the associated pain. Hug some trees. See some friendly faces. 

Hug the lone goose that flies inside me at times, wondering where everyone went and why did they leave me behind?

My feet inside the warm, cozy socks remind me, too, of comfort in softness and deep love of one-self, even when we feel like the baby goose. 

Today is also the fifth anniversary of when sepsis swept through me and I entered the ICU. 

Soft socks. Touch velvet. Tender breaths.

 🌟 Creative Life Coach & Muse Cultivator

 🎨 | Award-Winning Writer/Actor/Storyteller

🌱 | Empowering Your Second Act

🎉| New Courses/Programs Coming soon!

🎁   Your presence here makes me feel grateful. 

✍🏻I am a writer first, writing & creativity coach, multi passionate creative next. Writing has always been my anchor art and to her I always return. Thankfully, with great love.

🎯 My aim is to create content here that inspires and instructs – if there is ever a topic you would like for me to explore, please reach out and tell me. My ultimate goal is to create posts, videos and more that speak to your desires as well as mine because where these two intersect, our collaborative, joyful energy ignites into a fire of love, light and passionate creativity.

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Filed Under: #377Haiku, Creative Life Coaching, Creative Process, Grief, Healing, Self Care, Ultimate Blog Challenge Tagged With: Begin Again, Julie JordanScott, Self-Belonging

I Knew It Was Arriving Soon: Now, the Day is Here… and we start and continue beginning

October 9, 2024 by jjscreativelifemidwife

I have been waiting for my facebook memories to cue me, to invite me into the memory – to recognize – to be alert that five years ago my hospital stay began. 

It was the day of my first gratitude list from the hospital where I filled people in on what was going on with me:

The pneumonia wasn’t getting better, so I’m now tucked away in a downtown Bakersfield hospital. I’ve slept for 12 of the last 15 hours after an 18 hour wait on a gurney in the hallway of the ER.

I’m grateful:

1. For patient phlebotomists who are willing to take their time chasing down my shy veins.

2. For Michelle and Julia who have visited and brought Emma with them. This is stressful for her, too. Last night she was very helpful.

3. For technology that brings my favorite relaxation music into the hospital with me.

4. For Miracle Mark Tarango who lit up the ER with his presence yesterday.

If you are in Bakersfield and would like to visit, please text or pm me to find out where I am. I may not be super interactive, and it would be great to see you. Prayers from everywhere are welcome.

The 2024 me is finding the conscious collection and curation of these memories to be fascinating. The self-compassion is infinite now, the me-who-was-in-the-experience was trying hard… and was more than slightly miserable.. was definitely doing her best and taking things one moment at a time.

Today I am going to be putting finishing touches on The Muse Method Project and in my breaks from that, I am going to do some meditative time travel back into my 2019 self in this experience.

I am brave enough. I am ready to step into the full depths of this healing, just as I am ready to complete The Muse Method.

Thank you so much for reading. Your presence means a lot to me.

Julie Jordan Scott hugs an unusual tree
Julie Jordan Scott hugs all kinds of trees

🌟 Creative Life Coach & Muse Cultivator

 🎨 | Award-Winning Writer/Actor/Storyteller

🌱 | Empowering Your Second Act

🎉| New Courses/Programs Coming soon!

🎁   Your presence here makes me feel grateful. 

✍🏻I am a writer first, writing & creativity coach, multi passionate creative next. Writing has always been my anchor art and to her I always return. Thankfully, with great love.

🎯 My aim is to create content here that inspires and instructs – if there is ever a topic you would like for me to explore, please reach out and tell me. My ultimate goal is to create posts, videos and more that speak to your desires as well as mine because where these two intersect, our collaborative, joyful energy ignites into a fire of love, light and passionate creativity.

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Filed Under: Creative Adventures, Creative Life Coaching, Creative Process, Daily Consistency, Healing, Intention/Connection, Self Care, Storytelling, Ultimate Blog Challenge Tagged With: Sepsis, Valley Fever

Learning from Prompted Free Flow Story Telling on Video Seven Years Later

October 8, 2024 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Examining a flourising cottonfield and a forgotten cottonfield as we heal in 31 Days of Beginning Again Day 8

It sat on the edge of memory: an abandoned cotton field which I found incredibly beautiful. An Uber passenger who gave me a $100 dollar tip which allowed me to go to the Kern Shakespeare Festival. A therapist I wanted to click with badly and didn’t. Finally, returning to talk to a camera and anyone who later watched some stories I was unlikely to tell.

First: Wasted and Unharvested

I’m standing in a sea of cotton, here in Kern County, agriculture country. The cotton around me won’t be used for anything, which feels like such a waste. It reminds me of how often we don’t use our own gifts and talents, letting them sit idle, full of potential but untouched, unrealized. There’s something deeply personal in that for me.

I’ve never talked much about my daughter, who was stillborn. And standing here, I can’t help but think of the dreams I had for her—the dreams that never grew into anything. They stayed unfulfilled, just like this cotton, never reaching their potential.

It’s strange, isn’t it, how life mirrors the things around us?

A Gumball and Unspoken Pain

There’s something else I don’t talk about much, but it’s been on my mind lately. When I was a little girl, I almost died choking on a gumball. I still remember the panic, the way my mother tried to save me, right outside a grocery store. I haven’t thought about that in years—until recently.

Two weeks ago, in a therapy session, my therapist asked, “What’s the most pain you’ve felt in the last ten years?” And just like that, I felt my throat close up. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. It was as if the question lodged itself in my throat, like that gumball all those years ago.

It took me two weeks to remember that story, but now it’s all coming back. Sometimes, the past sits there, waiting, until you’re ready to untangle it. And here I am, still processing, still discovering, still learning to breathe again.

The sun is setting now—time’s up.

I had no idea two years later I would almost die and five years after that, I finally felt strong enough to step into the memories completely, to process, to explore and to ultimately get to a new level of healing.

I’m curious: what speaks to you the most from this blog post and video?

Julie Jordan Scott, writer, creativity coach, award winning actor walking in the woods
Julie Jordan Scott, walking in the woods

🌟 Creative Life Coach & Muse Cultivator

 🎨 | Award-Winning Writer/Actor/Storyteller

🌱 | Empowering Your Second Act

🎉| New Courses/Programs Coming soon!

🎁   Your presence here makes me feel grateful. 

✍🏻I am a writer first, writing & creativity coach, multi passionate creative next. Writing has always been my anchor art and to her I always return. Thankfully, with great love.

🎯 My aim is to create content here that inspires and instructs – if there is ever a topic you would like for me to explore, please reach out and tell me. My ultimate goal is to create posts, videos and more that speak to your desires as well as mine because where these two intersect, our collaborative, joyful energy ignites into a fire of love, light and passionate creativity.

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Filed Under: Creative Adventures, Creative Process, Daily Consistency, Healing, Intention/Connection, Ultimate Blog Challenge Tagged With: Cotton, Cottonfield, Kern County

Listening for Meaning: Monday Poetry

October 7, 2024 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Mining for the stories underneath this pantoum written in August 2010, just before I took my daughter to Smith College to begin her first year there. There was a rumbling of fear in most everything then and this pantoum helped calm me and also helped me find my way for a time. I’m curious to know in the comments what you do to calm yourself when fear is tap dancing around your gut. Please let me know about your solutions and also if any of the lines in this poem particularly resonate with you.

While I have you fear, you are not me.

I am not you. Though if you were I’d slice you

cut you unstitch you and examine you

the scar you left behind, the life birthed

I am not you, though if you were I’d slice you

fear: sticky red gooey tar, sucking my hope

the scar you left behind the life birthed

from the spot after I burned myself free

Fear: sticky red gooey tar, sucking my hope

I take judgment off your glue and look, just look

From the spot after I burned myself free

The core is the same? The core is the same – the same

I take judgment off your glue and look, just look

love: i’ve lost count of the numbered site – it’s you?

The core is the same? The core is the same – the same

White, waiting – wistful fresh-after-rain-morning

love: i’ve lost count of the numbered site – it’s you?

Breath lost at first touch of toe to dewy grass

White, waiting – wistful fresh-after-rain-morning

Knees buckled by laughing tears, “Hello!!”

Breath lost at first touch of toe to dewy grass

cut you unstitch you and examine you

Knees buckled by laughing tears, “Hello!!”

While I have you fear, you are not me.

What interests me most is the talk of a scar from where fear burned me. At first I thought I was writing about the scar on my face, caused by melanoma, but this was written two years before that diagnosis. Once again, it feels like the past me is reaching to the present me to communicate something, I simply am not able to translate it – yet.

Thank you for reading and double thank you for leaving a comment with what resonates most with you about this poem.

Julie JordanScott
Julie Jordan Scott

🌟 Creative Life Coach & Muse Cultivator

 🎨 | Award-Winning Writer/Actor/Storyteller

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🎁   Your presence here makes me feel grateful. 

✍🏻I am a writer first, writing & creativity coach, multi passionate creative next. Writing has always been my anchor art and to her I always return. Thankfully, with great love.

🎯 My aim is to create content here that inspires and instructs – if there is ever a topic you would like for me to explore, please reach out and tell me. My ultimate goal is to create posts, videos and more that speak to your desires as well as mine because where these two intersect, our collaborative, joyful energy ignites into a fire of love, light and passionate creativity.

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Filed Under: Creative Process, Daily Consistency, Intention/Connection, Poetry, Rewriting the Narrative, Self Care, Ultimate Blog Challenge Tagged With: Honor Hidden Stories, Julie JordanScott, Poetry as Story

Gratitude: A Premonition or a Passion

October 6, 2024 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Mirror Balls in Pink and Purple: Gratitude Even when... is it a premonition or a passion?

Going backwards in history, I was stricken by the synchronicity in this day through the years.

In a way it reminded me of WS Merwin’s Poem “For the Anniversary of My Death.” (Link to the entire poem is below the essay, here is the first stanza.)

Every year without knowing it I have passed the day   

When the last fires will wave to me

And the silence will set out

Tireless traveler

Like the beam of a lightless star

Last year at school, this happened: a student who was walking behind me said, “Well you are a miracle.” I had forgotten a student gifted me with that observation.

Two years ago, I experienced the morning after there was a big thunderstorm which morphed into a nightmare that there were tanks rumbling down the street I live on and a war had begun here, in Sussex Borough. I had only recently arrived back at the manse after five months in Bakersfield. The five months were originally a 9 day trip. Instead, I stayed on-and-on, tending to a variety of crises and lending my helping hand and heart where it was needed. I wanted to prove to my family I held them and their needs close, even when I live far away. Those five months were treacherous emotionally and physically and I rose up to each clang on the bell marked “this is yours to figure out.”

I put my head down and figured things out.

A woman hugging a dogwood tree, prayerfully, at Antietam, the Civil War Battlefield

Three years ago I visited Antietam, the Civil War Battlefield and was incredibly moved. I prayerfully hugged a tree during my visit of this historic field I don’t remember learning about, but I must have, right? I would have been taught about the battle where so many American soldiers died?

I wrote a haiku four years ago in honor of a high school friend who decided she didn’t want to live anymore. In the haiku I wrote: “remember to say her name” so today I will say Lynn Oliver’s name, she was the one who had her locker above mine during my sophomore year at Dana Hills. She was a woman so smart and intense, who I was reminded by because I somehow happened upon her mother’s obituary and wondered how her life was after Lynn died.

Five years ago, a few days before I entered the hospital, I wrote this gratitude list:

I am sooooo grateful for….

1. Water.

2. Breath.

3. Friends who push me, one of the most stubborn people on the planet, to do things I normally wouldn’t do. And my children are always my motivating factors. I love you guys with everything in me…. thank you for taking the rough draft of half of my DNA and improving upon it.

4. Emotional healing. God and I were chatting today and if I didn’t know better, I swore I heard an apology: “I’m sorry for the whole pneumonia thing, but there were some nuances you hadn’t explored yet… so…. yeah. Sorry.” With that apology comes my apology to Emma Jordan-Scott who has probably been victim to my intermittent snoring and/or loud crying since about 3 pm.

5. Taking time to physically heal. Resting in bed watching videos tonight instead of celebrating the arts locally.. All is and will be well.

I didn’t realize then how challenging this was only the beginning of the illness, not healing toward the end, but resting until it took it’s almost fatal turn.

Most of these moments were recorded solo, like a lone explorer instead of a delightful collaboration or a partnership to provide support. I learned to lean into a spiritual collaboration in leadership with my highest self which has continued – and continues as do the lessons from these events from five years ago to now.

WS Merwin’s Poem: On the Anniversary of My Death at the Poetry Foundation Website

What lessons are you continuing to learn?

Julie JordanScott
Julie Jordan Scott

🌟 Creative Life Coach & Muse Cultivator

 🎨 | Award-Winning Writer/Actor/Storyteller

🌱 | Empowering Your Second Act

🎉| New Courses/Programs Coming soon!

🎁   Your presence here makes me feel grateful. 

✍🏻I am a writer first, writing & creativity coach, multi passionate creative next. Writing has always been my anchor art and to her I always return. Thankfully, with great love.

🎯 My aim is to create content here that inspires and instructs – if there is ever a topic you would like for me to explore, please reach out and tell me. My ultimate goal is to create posts, videos and more that speak to your desires as well as mine because where these two intersect, our collaborative, joyful energy ignites into a fire of love, light and passionate creativity.

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Filed Under: #377Haiku, Creative Adventures, Creative Life Coaching, Daily Consistency, Ultimate Blog Challenge Tagged With: Julie JordanScott, Writing Exercises, writing practice

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