Yesterday I felt the familiar slide into the blues – and I am using that term loosely. I don’t want to say I felt the well worn path toward a downward depressive spiral though that would be accurate, too.
I don’t want to give depression that power.
I asked myself a personal power question:
“What can I do tomorrow morning to keep myself moving toward feeling-better-than-right-now?”
I didn’t mean take on something huge like walk five miles at a top speed or similar physical feat, I simply knew myself well enough that the tilting down of the weight of the blues could land me flat on my face in mud or dust or worse. I knew I single-handedly possess the ability to take an action in the direction of better.
I have the capacity to choose to move forward, with love – or lurch toward the ground in despair.
This isn’t always true – I was on the edge of a breaking point.
Mental health has plagued me over the years. My optimism tends to confuse people who don’t understand how this goofy, happy go-lucky whistling, happy song-singing, tree-hugging poet can shut herself off from others for no obvious reason.
This morning as I started a focus-mate session, I was surprised by the flat affect that still hovered within me. I am grateful I witnessed it – as the short-fix feel better medicine of taking action: walking on the nearby wood-duck trail and hugging an old oak tree is the beginning of feeling better, not the finish line to feeling better.
When the focus mate session was over, I mentioned to my partner I couldn’t find my spotify off button and was concerned my “Cozy Christmas Instrumental” playlist might be a bit much. On the contrary, my focus mate partner loved it. We both ended the session smiling. I know I was smiling.
Human connection, acceptance and cozy instrumentals all make me feel better.
Have you ever taken the time to notice what lifts you up when you feel the blues sweeping into the room?
Do you or does anyone you love experience dark days (or longer days that stretch to weeks, months or more?)
It is important we normalize these moments of sadness and don’t shame ourselves or others or pretend them away.
You could choose to start a conversation by asking about it: “What might make you feel better?” and be prepared for “Nothing” or “I don’t know.”
Besides tree hugging and walking by myself or writing, having other people simply be with me is a big help. Talking isn’t necessary, but presence feels really good. Listening to or watching TV, reading books side-by-side. Silently sipping tea and looking out the window, all are better with someone beside me – also quiet without pushing me to feel better so that they may feel better, too.
James Clear wrote, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” While I agree with the energy and meaning of this quote, I look at it more like every action I choose to take builds self-trust and provides evidence I am worthy of continuing to move forward, with love and do the creative work I was put here to do.
Today, I am feeling better. I am not dancing on the rooftops gleefully and I am mindfully present to my circumstances. There is no hyperbole, no numbing out and no racing throughts.
It could have so easily slid into much worse.
Julie JordanScott is a multipassionate creative who delights in inviting others into their own fullhearted, artistic experience via her creativity coaching individually or in groups, courses and workshops. To receive inspiring content and videos weekly and find out more about Coaching, Courses, Challenges and what’s going on in the Creative Life Midwife world? Subscribe here:
Follow on Instagram to Watch IGTV exclusive videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.
Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.
Angel Lewis says
I can relate to what you described. There are days when dealing with chronic illness/pain can make me slide. I’ve learned to recognize this slide so that I can do my best to counter it. Please keep sharing the message that we can fight. We have a choice, even when it doesn’t seem like it.
Kebba Buckley Button says
Julie, kudos for your courage to describe your challenging day. And good for you, working your way through it by choosing. Now, what is a focus partner? Blessings to you–
jjscreativelifemidwife says
Focus mate is a website where you co-work with another person for 50 minutes at a time. I use it daily – it helps keep me going sometimes and it definitely helps me to “get my butt in the chair” early in the morning for writing! I also sometimes do more writing and admin stuff because I am helping someone else get their goals achieved, too. Google Focus Mate and you will find it! This morning I worked with a young man from Brazil! Oftentimes I start my day with a person in Germany and end my day with someone in Australia!
Dominique says
You have a very clear vision of what to do to help yourself.
The main time that I had some issues with “the blues” was while I was on dialysis. It was difficult to look forward or get your hopes up for a donor. But my husband was a huge support during that time — he never really let me see him get down.
jjscreativelifemidwife says
Having support is so important. I almost died of sepsis and my liver failed. It took a long time for it to come back… and I am forever grateful it did. Your husband sounds like a keeper!
Martha says
I’m glad you’re feeling better, music does that to me
vidya says
That personal power question you pose is so powerful indeed. It lets us know that we still have control, even if not immediately or at this current moment, but it is there.. and I can imagine that just asking it out loud can help tremendously.
And so glad you are feeling better
jjscreativelifemidwife says
Thank you, Vidya. Holding space for myself helps me hold space for others. I have had a lot of years where I spiraled down – these practices help me stay centered, even when outside circumstances are challenging.
KateLoving says
You mentioned walking 5 miles a day. That’s exactly what I do. And whistle. Play music. Meditate. Write in a journal. Ride my Street Strider. Your post made me think how every day for me is carefully constructed to prevent a downward spiral you referenced here.
jjscreativelifemidwife says
I once fired a therapist who criticized me for my self-care practices. I literally could not believe it.