Archives for October 2020

10 Top Tips to Expand Your Self-Acceptance

October 8, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

A woman looking in a mirror smiling at herself is a model of the article, 10 Ways to Gain Self Acceptance by Julie JordanScott

You may be saying to yourself, “I accept myself. I love myself! I don’t need this!” and the data shows 70% of women do not believe they are enough, even if they say they feel self-love and acceptance.

These 10 Top Tips to Gain Self Acceptance along with the provided action steps will increase the self-acceptance you feel now and amplify your self esteem so you will have better results in all your goals and intentions.

Now is the time to align your thoughts with actions.

1. Set (and re-set) your intention to accept yourself daily. Remember acceptance is “the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable” and make that your marker. It doesn’t mean bright-shiny-A++ it means somedays a C grade for yourself is more than satisfactory.

ACTION: For extra self-insurance, write a short paragraph in the note section of your phone – a sort of “Text to Yourself!” as you start your day.

2. Be open to the realities of “negativity” in your life. You will make less than wonderful choices, you will fail, people will disappoint you. This doesn’t mean you are inherently bad, it means sometimes – like the rest of the world, your choices aren’t the best. It means sometimes you will fall flat on your face and stay there a while. It means we don’t always surround ourselves people who are the best for us.

ACTION: Assess who you are spending the most time with both in person but also via texting, facetime and zoom sessions. Are these the people who have your best interests at heart?

3. Be willing to face your what you are afraid of by practicing standing up to your smaller fears first. Once I did a “do something brave every day for 31 days” personal challenge. It was life changing.

ACTION: Create a daily check in system at the end of the day to assess how you showed bravery throughout the day.

Which of these action steps will you take to improve your self acceptance?

4. Release the obsession (or insistence) of perfection. Become a “recovering perfectionist” with small improvements over time. Perfection leads to procrastination and it may lead to losing friends due to being overly judgmental of other people, too – which leads to loneliness which leads back to lowered self-esteem which completes the circle back to the inability to accept oneself.

ACTION: Take note of when you get blocked by perfectionism. Literally, write it down. Begin eliminating the block by taking the first small action towards your goal without the circumstances being perfect.

5. Recognize what is within your ability to control. In 2020, there have been a lot of ordinary activities (before 2020) that we cannot directly impact. Sometimes we have made tweaks because of this. When we recognize the difference between what we control and what we don’t control, we will feel better – and become more and more creative as a result.

ACTION: When you feel upset or angry ask yourself, “Is this something within my control or not?” If not, let it go.

6. Be as compassionate with yourself as you are with others. As a bonus, be even more compassionate with yourself than you are with others.

Affirmations & Mantras help improve self talk.

ACTION: Create a list of mantras or affirmations to use when something disappoints you or if someone criticizes you. Repeat “I am enough” or your favorite scripture. Make it a joy to collect these when you are in a good space so you will be ready.

7. Prepare for the voice of the inner critic by having a set of affirmations to repeat. You may also memorize scripture or quotes from people you admire. Bonus: at the end of the day, journal the inner critic’s relentless dialogue with an open mind to see if there is a lesson hidden underneath the lecture. If so, thank the inner critic and dismiss her.

ACTION: Believe it or not, your inner critic can become an ally. What is she protecting you from? Is there any truth to what she is pointing out to you? Thank her, fix it and move along.

8. Build a network of support. Maybe, like some of us, you do not have a supportive family to rely upon. Pay attention to the people you share a natural affinity for and invite them for lunch or coffee to determine if there is a mutual interest in being supportive to each other. Remember that: mutual network of support. Mutuality is a beautiful thing!

ACTION: Check out meet up groups and specialized active facebook groups & events.

9. Begin taking notes of your essential goodness. Educator BF Skinner is famous for his “Catch ‘em Being Good” approach to behavior change. How long has it been since you have purposefully caught yourself being good? Why not start today? Build your list of essentially good moments and aim to catch at least 5 a day.

ACTION: Here’s one: you are proving your essential goodness in reading – and using what you read – in this blog post!

10. Regularly check in with your Highest Self: I use journaling to start this process. I have even named my Highest Self simply because I think it is fun! Your Highest Self is who you are at your core, without negative judgments, perhaps who you imagined you would become when you were a child… who got tangled up in the life that happened when you were busy making other plans (as John Lennon might have said.)

ACTION: Journal using the “Empty Chair” technique. Sit in one chair as your “usual self” and ask your “Highest Self” a question. Move to the second seat and reply as your highest Self. It might sound hokey AND it works.

Before you leave, think a moment about what action steps you will try first.

Now you have not only have the way, you have succinct, direct actions to take in order to increase your level of self-acceptance. Once you grow in self-acceptance and enjoy yourself enough to call yourself “your own best friend” you will naturally attract more exceptionally wonderful people into your life.

Note in the comments what action step you will start with as you begin to feel better about yourself – and act in alignment.

This blog post came from a prompt from 100 Days of Wonderful Words, a service of the private facebook group, the Word Love Writing Community. Join us to be inspired with your blogging, social media posts, fiction writing, etc – the prompts are specific and across different genre.

Julie JordanScott, the Creative Life Midwife, is a writer, a poet performer, a Creativity Coach, A Social Media Whiz and a Mother of three. One of her greatest joys include loving people into their greatness they just aren’t quite able to realize yet.

Things That Weren’t on My Bucket List that I May Now Add and Cross Off: Part 1

October 5, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Years ago I attended a conference where I heard Mark Victor Hansen of “Chicken Soup for the Soul” speak. He told us all to make a list of 100 Life Goals. I dutifully made a list. It wasn’t called a Bucket List then because the movie hadn’t been made yet.

This particular item was not on my list of 100 Goals.

I wasn’t expecting it to happen. I don’t know how I could have possibly planned for it.

I was mad, after all, very mad. Angry because the business, the service department where I had purchased my car, obviously didn’t care about its customers, how dare they endanger me. How dare they?

The gentleman told me the usual company line, “We can’t enforce, we can only request.”

I continued pacing and waited as he turned over the paperwork.

Look, this isn’t a joke. This is real.” I said.

“I don’t want to be person #220,000 or whatever the count is now. I’m high risk, I hardly go into any businesses for exactly this reason.”

He nodded and told me I could wait in the indoor waiting room – inside the stuffy, no-air-circulating temporary building or I could wait outside.

I motioned for the outdoor waiting area and added, “And I want to know where I can go next time to get my car serviced. I don’t want to come back here, to this place where people don’t take this seriously.”

I chose to wait outside, even with the temperature in the 90’s

and less than optimal air quality. At least I wasn’t risking my life in the short run. I wrote and I read. I calmed down.

I received a text message informing me I would get another text when my car service was complete and to text my service writer if I had any questions. The message was pleasant enough. I kept my head down and focused on anything but the sweat on my forehead.

The next time I looked up, I thought I saw my car parked and ready to go. I pulled out my phone and texted my service writer, “Is my car finished? I feel foolish because I don’t recognize it yet.” and added a smiley face.

“Yes,” texted the service writer. “I am just finishing the paper work,”

When he approached, he gave me a very thorough report on my car, like a pediatrician would give to a nervous mother. He added, “I also talked to my co-worker about what he did.” I nodded, trying not to be bitter. “He said he was hot…” and I shook my head and probably rolled my eyes.

“And…” he continued, “I wanted to let you know I take this very seriously.

“I take this seriously because… because I lost my brother.”

I looked across the table at him and heard a sound emanate from deep within my gut. “You lost your brother?” I asked, as if I hadn’t heard. “To covid?” His watering eyes and nodding head were met with my disbelief, including the ancient, universal language moan in disbelief. “Oh my God, I am so sorry I am so sorry.” I said as I cried.

We sat outside the service department as if we were in a bubble. I was sobbing, not worried about anyone hearing me say over and over again, “Oh my God, I am so sorry, I am so sorry.”

We had further conversation for only a few moments that felt like an eternity before he got up and went back to work.

He got up and went back to work.

I stayed in the same space, rocking slightly, like I would if I was comforting a baby, continuing to grieve for someone I never knew.

I eventually got up and started driving toward home, but I pulled over to sit, just sit. I received a text. “Thank you for the conversation.”

I cannot say I know why I am put into such situations though I will say I am grateful I was able to give someone space to speak and be heard.

What a risk he took to speak to me.

I am so grateful he took that risk. “I take this very seriously,” he said.

In those moments we became more than service writer to customer, we became fellow members of the human community. We became a place for sacred listening, a family of two.

Space was held for caring and empathy and grief.

My life will never be the same.

Julie is also the Creative Director of the Word Love Writing Community. Join us now to invigorate your writing – no matter what it is you are writing – social media posts, journaling, fiction, memoir – there will be prompts and other people there to support you. Right now, we are finishing out 2020 with 100 Days of Wonderful Words. We look forward to seeing you there.

Grace: A Definition, An Experience & Your Writing Prompts

October 4, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

One night I was driving to my friend’s house when I decided ‘Grace’ would be perfect for this blog post word. “Brilliant!” my higher self, who I refer to as Julianne – whose name is a slightly fancier combination of my first and middle name, agreed with me. It was like we were two tired friends talking on the phone right at bed time, “yeah, yeah, great idea talk to you tomorrow ok… yeah bye.”

You probably won’t be surprised to know what happened next.

I fell asleep, got out of bed late and now – here I am, asking for grace for my fairly late in the day posting. It is not my style to come scrambling back here on my knees, begging to not be punished.

This would mean offering grace as a response to a form of wrong-doing, almost like forgiveness but not exactly.

Is this what we think grace means?

I realize there are many definitions and experiences of grace, from being a graceful woman – who is in my mind perpetually tall, lithe and most likely blonde – none of which describe me.

There is grace, a prayer, often spoken aloud before eating a meal.

There is grace – in the Christian tradition, that is often described as “undue favor”. Theologians will say “it is by grace we are saved, not by works.” This tenet has caused much factionalism within Christianity but I am not by any means asking for a public debate. In fact, debate in your own space, please. I am making this very simple on purpose. Grace – undue favor, a gift we are given simply because… we exist.

Prayer, Favors, Elegance and What?

There is grace, a noun, “simple elegance or refinement of movement” which snarky people may use as a nickname when someone is clumsy.

There is grace, also a noun, “courteous goodwill,” like my friend Tom’s brother, Hal, who had the grace to not mention I stepped on his toes as we danced at Tom’s wedding.”

There is grace, the verb: “do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one’s presence” which I have written on invitations. “Please grace us with your smile and RSVP”

There is also a gift or talent, an extension of time in a “grace period” and more.

Grace is, in all ways I can see, a harmonious word that may be, for some, a prickly pear.

Thank you for the Grace you offered me, in simply reading.

Right here, right now, in simply writing this – I feel filled with grace knowing these words may be read and you, the reader, may be inspired by one of these prompts to write because getting your thoughts on paper and out of your head feels good.

Maybe you will want to bookmark and use these prompts later. You may choose to join the Word-Love Writing Community on facebook (yes, it is free and the link is below to become a member) where there is a library of prompts that will fill you with this feeling of “oh my goodness, my words and thoughts are flowing and I feel so good I simply want to pass this feeling along to everyone I know.”

You may want to stow the copy and paste texts to use later. I can think of times when I wish I had thought to say these things and now, we ALL have them to use!

Your Writing Prompts for Social Media, Novel Writing, Sales, Poetry & Journaling

Copy & Paste Texts: These are to be used to surprise people or to reach out to people. You may copy, paste and send as they are or edit and morph to your situation

Thank you for extending grace when I embarrassed myself today.

Will you please say grace at the meeting next Wednesday?

You were so filled with grace when we met up with ______ today! I would never have been able to pull that off!

Copywriters: Tell a story of a moment of grace your client extended to one of their customers. Show compassion, show joy and show hope for the future.

Entrepreneurs: Write about a time when someone unexpectedly extended grace to you in the beginning of your career. Use this in an upcoming speech, presentation or blog post.

Social Media Posts: Write a post seeking engagement that asks about people’s definition of gracefulness – and how to improve upon their own gracefulness.

Fiction Writers: Write a scene about one of your older characters teaching about grace to the younger characters, using any of the definitions.

Lifestyle Bloggers: Write about a grace prayer – and how your audience would either appreciate, or not appreciate, the custom.

Memoir/Life Writers: Write about a time of giving and receiving grace. Be sure to build the story to a higher note at the end rather than one that may be perceived as negative.

Poets: Use grace as a metaphor. For extra fun, write ridiculous metaphors. (I found one of those in our quotes today look below for what I mean!)

Quotes & General Prompts for Journaling and more.

“Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Prompt: When I read metaphors that make no sense to me, I wonder if it means…. (when out of steam, connect with “and” “or” and continue writing).

“I wish grace and healing were more abracadabra kind of things. Also, that delicate silver bells would ring to announce grace’s arrival. But no, it’s clog and slog and scootch, on the floor, in the silence, in the dark.”

― Anne Lamott

Prompt: If grace and healing were easier to understand, we would….

“You deserve to be soaked to the bone with love every day of your life. The miracle of grace is that you can give what you’ve never gotten.”

Glennon Doyle

Prompt: Being soaked to the bone with love feels like……

Soaking _____ to the bone with love felt/feels like……

Be sure to write for at least five minutes on this prompt. You may have some brilliance right away AND trust me, if you write longer, thoughts will emerge from the process.

If you would like accountability, write in the comments which prompt you plan to use. If one of them speaks to you directly, tell me in the comments, too.

Thank you for reading all the way through!

Welcome, October: am I Ever Grateful to See You!

October 2, 2020 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Autumn is my favorite season and October is my favorite month within that season.

This honest delight adds to the poignance of October 2019 which I wasn’t able to experience. I look back at this time last year and I had a doctor appointment where the primary plan was to get a referral for a podiatrist for the bunion I have been dealing with painfully for the previous eight years.

The only problem was I was sick when I got to the appointment. I had a fever, a rash, a generalized discomfort which the doctor thought might be valley fever or some random infection so I was sent home with anti-biotics and a follow up appointment where we would dive into the podiatrist referral more fully.

Less than a week later I was at urgent care, the emergency room and the intensive care unit with a fancy combination of illnesses including sepsis which caused many of my organs to fail.

Playing in the pumpkin patches in Tehachapi is a family favorite. Here, four children find the perfect pumpkin.

There was no apple picking, no wild baking, no pumpkin patches or decorating. I was home from the hospital in time for trick-or-treating which I did by sitting on the porch with a big bowl of candy on my lap.

I have never fully explored that time and the healing from it, so here in my blog this month during the Ultimate Blog Challenge, I will share my experiences of those days, the aftermath and the creative lessons gleaned along the way.

I will also share some of the 100 Days of Wonderful Words which we’re using to explore writing in many different platforms and forums in my free community, Word-Love Writing Community on Facebook. If you love words and would benefit from community and prompting, we would love to see you over there. Request membership by clicking here.

I will be posting here daily in October so hold onto your hats, get ready to be inspired, connected and challenged to think newly as we explore health, healing and intentional connection through creative action here at the Creative Life Midwife in October.

Julie JordanScott is the Creative Life Midwife. She fuels creativity in others using artful methods aligned with intentional connection, purposeful passion and soulful rituals. Follow her on social media using the links above.