Feeling like we don’t belong and are disconnected at work or at home hurts. Have you felt this disconnection, this anti-belonging? It pops up when we feel unseen, unheard, unimportant.
Yesterday I felt this, loud and clear. It started almost as soon as I got to school/work and felt disconnected from belonging which was ironic because I started in my home so happily and intentionally.
Invisibility doesn’t feel like belonging
The best part of the day was at the end when I told one of the most effective teachers I work with, “It’s been a strange, uncomfortable day today – and that’s alright, we all have days like that. I figured I filled my quota and can now move along.”
It is interesting in the aftermath of the day, I can see how a lot of that disconnection happened because instead of staying mindful and open hearted, I fell into the swirling confusion and my self talk was immersed in not seeing the facts as they were, instead my inner dialogue which was blended with me telling myself a wide variety of ways I didn’t matter, how I was unimportant, how no one likes or appreciates me anyway and then, right before I felt better, this happened.
Yes, it came into clarity when a kid almost knocked into me and didn’t notice. “Hey, you almost walked into her!” one student scolded another student.
“Who?”
I mumbled to the first kid, “He didn’t see this invisible woman walking around the hallways.” I wasn’t being seen nor was I being heard.
Wait: wait, wait! Not only did one student see me, he requested the other kid pay more attention. I failed to notice that…..instead I felt body’s natural response to the invisible rather than the visible as my shoulders hunch and my body sinking into my feet.
This being invisible – my sadness over not feeling as if I was seen – could have been a refrain for the day if I let it continue.
In the next and final class of the day, things turned because I spoke up about it and began filling in the missing pieces. Writing this, today, is like finishing the puzzle making.
I ended the day in a favorite book store and took some photos of a very cool building.
When I got home, I “was craving” a sugary treat. I did not give in to that craving as I have found part of my belonging work is creating healthy boundaries with myself based on my hightest self rather than following past self destructive patterns.
Before I wrote this, I thought it was going to be seen as negative and people might be discouraged from the content and stop following me, never comment or like or engage again.
That was the hangover from the not-so-great of yesterday. Through writing, I was able to remember and discover how I negotiated around the tangled emotions and come out with my sense of self-belonging and self-visibility intact.
We have 85 days of 2023 left: how will you invest your days to bring this year to a satisfying conclusion?
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
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