Inspiring Artistic Rebirth
I, Julie Jordan Scott, declare independence from my inner mean girl and in fact, I declare independence from and will no longer tolerate the behavior of outer mean girls as well.
Women encouraging, supporting, enriching one another has been my normal experience. I will NOT accept self-loathing, deprecation and meanness wreck my life anymore.
Bu-bye Inner Mean Girl. Consider yourself banished.
With a week to go in October, I am starting my monthly ritual of preparing my documents for November.
I like having physical journals and checklists and files, but I also do a lot of my work here at the keyboard. I always begin with the beginning of the previous month, copy and paste.
On October 1, I was recounting a trip to Middletown, New York to look for new shoes.
New shoes have been a big deal since childhood AND believe it or not, the experience has been primarily unpleasant since around 2019.
A-ha just now – as that coincides with when I first had Valley Fever and Sepsis and spent 13 days in the hospital recovering from my body shutting itself off. I haven’t been comfortable wearing heels since then. I haven’t worn “cute shoes” since 2019 and have mostly lived in a succession of nearly identical wide width running shoes – wide to make room for the tailor bunions on my left foot –
On October 1, I purchased three pairs of shoes. Two bootie style, one with a heel (!) and a pair of Mary Janes – perfect for casual dresses.
On Sunday, I wore the Mary Janes all day – and I was on my feet a lot, and my body did not hurt afterwards.
My body did not hurt.
MY BODY DID NOT HURT!
This morning I woke up and noticed my knees weren’t complaining.
On one of my walks from the kitchen to my desk, I did a exercise I have been trying to incorporate into my routine. It looks easier on the Instagram Reels than it is for me – and once again noticed the stability in my feet and although tired, my body simply felt good. Grounded. Like I belonged within it, like my body and I are joyful companions, not two disparate beings with conflicting agendas.
Huge.
And it all began with belonging.
Allow that to sink in.
My body simply felt good. Grounded. Like I belonged within it, like my body and I are joyful companions, not two disparate beings with conflicting agendas.
It all began with belonging.
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
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Last night I finished the book “Lessons in Chemistry.” I loved it all the way along, but the last 100 or so pages I found myself so deeply connected to the characters and the messages and the story I could not stop the tears.
I kept flashing to messages from “Braving the Wilderness” by Brene Brown. It was uncanny, how the two connected.
The story itself – one of not fitting in and only feeling a smidgeon of belonging to oneself and only a smidgeon of belonging to a small group of people – it hit home so squarely. The author even used similar phrases that Brown uses.
As I neared the end of the book, I cried even harder when I realized my favorite books of 2023 had similar themes: grief and belonging. Belonging and Grief. My top four fiction reads this year so far are “Take What You Need” by Idra Novey; “Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow” by Gabrielle Zevin; “Lessons in Chemistry” by Bonnie Garmus and “Hello Beautiful” by Ann Napolitano share a stunning similarity that the book I am currently reading “Playing the Witch Card” also shares.
Struggles with belonging to oneself and the connection of that to true belonging with others.
I write those words and a part of my nervous system says, “Go to sleep.”
Interestingly enough, when reading “Playing the Witch Card” today I almost shut the book when a scene hit too close to home. I didn’t want to read more. The desire to stop reading wasn’t to process what I had just read, it was to push away what I had just read.
I wanted to forget the truth reflected in my own life from what I just read.
Ouch and YES!
I kept reading. I will continue writing.
I will grow in belonging with and to myself. I will continue to use this spiritual practice of awakening and notice the connections that are popping up everywhere because in saying YES to belonging, it is also saying YES to synchronicity, even those moments that feel painful at first.
What are you saying YES to in your life today?
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
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I wrote a long post and decided not to publish it. Instead, I am offering the opening line from my original post. a belonging quote, a prompt and a short road map to creating your own (self) belonging community.
Yesterday started badly (and processing and choosing to step away, mindfully, helped me to present something more aligned with who I am as one who belongs with you today.
“When you know and respect your Inner Nature, you know where you belong. You also know where you don’t belong.”
Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh
What was a moment in time in the last three months where you felt like you absolutely belonged, without a doubt?
Take three minutes to write about this experience in detail.
If you can’t recall a moment in the last three months when you felt like you absolutely belonged, consider a small action you may choose to take so that three months from now you will be guaranteed to have an experience where you felt the deeply transformative feeling of belonging.
Spread the (Self) belonging love!
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
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Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group
After writing from a deeply emotional space yesterday, I am stepping into a more lighthearted arena today. I will be back in the deep zone in the next couple days – and I have found my healing works best when I recognize it and give myself pause to remember the times when belonging came easily.
There is a reason I enjoyed driving for a rideshare company: I am primarily openhearted and the instant connections I made with people as I drove them to their destinations was such fun.
This wasn’t true with every single person I drove, but it was uncanny how many people would be 100% vulnerable with me shortly after they got into my car. I gave away free books and some decent conversation as well and sometimes referred to myself as a bartender on wheels without the alcohol.
Yesterday at work I had two separate episodes where I felt instant belonging with new people I met who also work at the school. One I had met before but never had a conversation with until yesterday.
In the first conversation we bonded – connected – felt a sense of belonging when we both confessed to appreciate skunks, up close and personal.
The second person I had emailed but never met. I have actually seen him but didn’t know who he was. We connected over the Camino de Santiago. Hiking and walking with a soul purpose.
If you have been following me for any amount of time, you know I have been hiking regularly as an adult since 2020 but have loved being on trail since I was a very little girl. It was my father who introduced me to the Appalachian Trail and since moving to New Jersey in 2022 so close to “The AT” I have been fascinated with long hikes.
The second person was thrilled to talk about “The Camino” and when my excitement matched his, we stayed late after school. I apologized – but he reassured me he loved talking about this and I thought, “Wait a second. This energy feels so familiar.”
His parents also watch his toddler like I watch my grandbaby. With so many instantaneous belonging key points including him loaning me a book about a Grandma Hiker and me exuberantly telling him to look into Peace Pilgrim I realized this could be an ongoing friendship.
If this sounds foreign to you, remember what it is that creates belonging: In this series we are looking at belonging as an experience of living, working, playing, creating and growing vulnerably with others within a community who are committed and devoted to care for one another – even if it is a temporary, 5-minute community. With belonging, we don’t just talk about caring for one another, we act with care towards one another in a context of transparency, acceptance and openness. All emotions are welcome.
When we see, hear and listen closely to the people we are in relationship with, we are forging a space of belonging.
A smile, a greeting, an extra awareness and kindness all cultivate an environment that says, “I am glad you are here, on this planet.” Everyday, surprise moments of belonging can be great practice for offering compassion and love to those we share our lives with everyday.
The bonus is the ripple effect of each person walking away from an interaction smiling.
Can you remember a 5-minute time of belonging? Please tell us about it in the comments.
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
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This morning I wrote a mish-mash of notes and I decided to share them here because sometimes the growth towards belonging includes a lot of messy, cluttered, uncomfortable thoughts and examination that doesn’t fit nicely into carefully curated containers.
Last night I forced myself to write a poem about what happened after my mother died and I experienced an episode of extreme anti-belonging. The antithesis of belonging. Another variation of not being seen, not being heard and as a result, being left out of the services for my mother.
I really didn’t even want to write that here.
I didn’t want to put it in black and white.
I wanted to sidle into that reality sideways, not telling the whole truth and instead leave context clues but my fingers on the keyboard forced me further.
Last night I forced myself to write a poem of the extreme pain of the aftermath.
I wrote a sentence and then wrote a poem using the words of the sentence as the beginning of the poem.
I found it difficult to finish. It most likely won’t be shared, but there is a high value in the process of shaping those words meaningfully.
Sometimes belonging to myself means guiding myself down a cragging unsettled path, like when I walk on the rockiest parts of the trail. The trail hurts my feet and my ankles as I balance and move slowly, methodically, my eyes on the ground to steady myself. I wonder in these moments why do I proclaim how much I like to hike?
Who cares about hiking and healing and belonging if it feels this tortuous to get here?
Sometimes belonging means I must do the things I want/don’t want to do.I must face the most painful aspects of my stories.
Slowly and methodically I am picking up the pieces of grief and examining them and in order to do that, I need to dust and vacuum away the aftermath – the pain I experienced after Mom died, indirectly as a result of Mom’s death that was and wasn’t about Mom’s death.
The pain is an echo of my core life stories that have caused me the majority of my sadness, my off-and-on-again relationship with depression and the internal battles I have fought for decades.
In order to heal the pain, I need to give myself room to examine it with not only love and compassion and hope. I need to allow the red hot coals of anger to be at the metaphorical table, too. Tthe difference is, perhaps for the first time only. I am recognizing anger directed toward the outside instead of deflecting anger back into myself – which is what reflects the adage from Sigmund Freud, “Depression is anger turned inward.”
In reading an article from Downtown Somatic Therapy’s blog post, I read “love” and “anger” in the same breath. Anger is love? Anger has a component of love?
For now, at this stage, I am going to engage with anger and let it help me find my way into a deeper sense of belonging to and with and for myself.
Even as I write this, I brace myself for people who will say some variation of “get over yourself and move along” but what is vulnerability if not knowing people may not understand the value of the work and the healing I am doing and going forward, anyway? Isn’t this an example of belonging as opposed to fitting in?
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
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Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group
Belonging in Grief: Grief is among the most difficult periods of life. We often shy away from talking about grief or death because our culture has norms that are more accepting of thriving, health and youth than “failing”, not being well and aging.
This is exactly what makes belonging within the context of grieving so difficult.
My mother died in mid-August and my grief has only just begun – and complications due to feelings of not belonging have made it even more difficult than it might have been.
There are times when grieving helps create more belonging. From an unlikely source today, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, we read about NFL Football coach Tony Dungy, who built his team to be successful from having habits to help them win. When Dungy’s 18-year-old son died from suicide, the team became a space of belonging and used that longing to triumph.
This is a bittersweet story.
Then there are the words of meditation teacher Tara Brach who writes, “A sacred space of true belonging allows us to thrive. We feel seen, understood and valued. We are free, safe and held in love. In this place of true belonging, we have some protection of the darkness found in our world.
“We feel deep grief when this sacred place of true belonging is severed.”
Claire Bidwell Smith, in her book “Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief” discusses “Designing Your Own Resilience Plan” which is easiest in the company of at least one understanding, trusting person with whom you share a feeling of belonging. Use the planning to attract more people who may become your circle of belonging during this challenging time,
Start with one person, baby steps, and allow yourself the room to go slowly.
You may have a team or organization, a church, a club who may gather to support you in a larger way like the Indianapolis Colts did. You may prefer your experience of belonging to be quiet during your experience.
If you love someone who is grieving, overcome your discomfort in small steps, too. The best step is by letting them know you care about them enough to be uncomfortable. Offer several choices for your friend to choose how to be supported: “Would you like to drive through Starbucks with me or would you like me to drop off a coffee?” might work for some people.
Grief and Belonging don’t naturally seem like they are likely to intersect and it is critical to cultivate belonging after a loss, whether you are the person who is grieving or if you care about the person who is grieving.
This barely scratches the surface AND I think it is important to bring up and talk about, together.
What are your initial thoughts?
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
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The second week in this self-belonging experiment has been rich in Synchronicity.
It has been discovered through consistent moving toward and into belonging.
I have been on the inside looking out instead of the outside, looking in.
Last Sunday, I wrote this: The first draft of this was written as I sat in High Point State Park, using my phone to write. The sense of belonging I felt within the forest was palpable from the soles of my water logged oldest pair of sneakers to the top of my scalp.
If you look at the words above you will see “invited” “seemed to enjoy me” “forgives” and “glad we are here”.
When I arrived at the “front door” of the trail, I felt lonely and detached from caring. Only steps into the woods I began to feel as if I belonged, as if I was at home, as if I was forgiven for anything I might have done wrong whether inadvertently or on purpose.
Today, at the end of my work week, I returned to that same trail and the sun was shining rather than freshly rained upon. I found a spot on the Appalachian Trail I had been seeking for months – and will return to as early as mid-week – and as a bonus, re-found a human friend who just happened to choose to hike in the same area at the same time I was who likes hiking and music, also.
On Wednesday II wrote about belonging in my body because of purchasing and wearing new shoes. On Thursday I went to yoga class for the first time since school started. I’ve had two days in a row with over 10,000 steps, I hiked three days in a row. I truly feel a deeper sense of self-belonging now than when this week started,
I can’t remember how long it has been since my body has felt this good.
It was exactly a week ago that I felt completely discombobulated and unseen on the campus where I work and now, at the end of this week, I have plenty of quirky stories of connection and belonging with me being 100% me without holding back due to wanting to “fit in”.
I have practiced belonging to and with myself and miraculous rewards have come about as a result.
What happened this week in your life that thoroughly delighted you?
Also, where do you feel the most sense of belonging in your life these days?
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
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Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group
Julianne: have you heard of her?
She is the name I use when referring to my highest self: she takes form in intuitive hits and synchronicity, be it the songs I hear or the images that surprisingly show up in my path.
Befriending Julianne by name has made a huge difference in my life, especially when we became deeper collaborative partners.
She will show up in my writing tomorrow, also, because I had a major a-ha during this morning’s writing practice. I know she was the one who tapped those loose morsels through my brain and out onto the page.
It is natural I discovered this sense of belonging with Julianne when she became a big part of my writing practice.
I had long wanted to have an evening practice that would be a good “bookend” to my well honed morning practice of writing, stretching, planning, intending, praying. I never seemed to “get it right”.
I still mix it up and find myself shuffling (which is indicative of being human, right?)
My evening writing practice became something I call “Roll Over and Write” and sometimes “Roll Over and Right” because the practice itself makes everything just right, like how Goldilocks finds baby bear’s porridge, the chair and the bread.
It’s easy: I have a notebook by my bedside. I jot a few notes before I turn out the light and when I wake up, soon after waking, I write again – often in response to dreams I had or insights that come out only when I move my pencil.
Julianne figures in because I usually address her in those pages. I find both Julianne and the Divine there, in my notebook.
My notebooks, in fact, are my most regular, consistent believing mirrors and conduits for positive change. My Mining for Story Gold runs a close second – which makes sense because that space of writing practice comes in the next phase of my morning rituals so I am slightly more awake.
Julianne – my highest self – helps me remember what belonging really feels like: to live, work, play and grow vulnerably with others within a community who are committed and devoted to caring for one another. Not just talk about caring for one another but acting with care towards one another in a context of transparency, acceptance and openness.
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
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Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group
This may sound strange, but since when does my world experience not sound weird?
Yesterday, I felt how marvelous my body felt when I was first out of bed.
I had done an early morning stretch, taken the time to feel into my joints and muscles and as I prepared for my day, I felt my body with gratitude from a space of gratitude.
Considering I have been at odds with my body for more of my life than I have been partnered joyfully with my body, this is a big thing.
Remember, belonging is to live, work, play and grow vulnerably with others within a community who are committed and devoted to caring for one another. Not just talk about caring for one another, but acting with care towards one another in a context of transparency, acceptance and openness.
When I belong in my body and with my body, is to to live, work, play and grow vulnerably with my body. It is to stretch, to exercise, to move, to go places physically I didn’t know I was capable of going.
Here is one way I felt belonging in my body that will give you some context.
About ten days ago, I did the shocking activity of going to the mall to find a pair of shoes.
Cute shoes, with actual low heels.
I haven’t worn heels for such a long time because my feet hurt. They have bunions and the podiatrist told me I had deformed feet and basically had to live with my feet as they were.
I have worn the shoes in small bits and chunks, preparing to wear them out in the world.
I didn’t want my feet to get shocked by me insisting on wearing them for a full work day or a night out without walking around in the comfort of my home.
I was acting with care towards my feet – my body – in the context of what has been, what is now, and I was transparent with my feet (and the rest of my body) in a space of honesty, acceptance while open to a future of wearing them comfortably all day.
I tried to put a supportive sole inside, but when it was inside my foot could not fit.
I slid my foot in and stood up and the shoe and my feet felt like heaven.
I walked around the manse tall and strong, my vertebrae lined up, a smile on my face, there wasn’t pain.
I chose not to wear the shoes to choir practice – and I know and recognize I can wear them next week and who knows where else?
I was belonging in my feet, belonging with my vertebrae, belonging in the smile that stretched across my face.
This is how belonging feels in my body: a miracle, a doorway to joy and a means to an even more glorious future.
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
Follow on Instagram to Watch exclusive reels, videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.
Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group