Creative Life Midwife

Inspiring Artistic Rebirth

Day 8: Healing More Deeply: 31 Days of (Self) Belonging

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“The place of true healing is a fierce place. It’s a giant place. It’s a place of monstrous beauty and endless dark and glimmering light. And you have to work really, really, really hard to get there, but you can do it.”

Cheryl Strayed

It was only after I published on my blog yesterday and on instagram that I realized something in the story I told about being invisible in the hallway at work/school.

I chose to focus on the student who didn’t see me instead of the student who most definitely saw me and called out his pal for not paying better attention.

Yesterday morning as I wrote, I discovered a blog post from 2019 about healing – and it tied what I had experienced on Friday with what I am experiencing as a process now – a process back to honoring both my own uniqueness and yours through this study of belonging.

There are people who see us in all our vivid uniqueness, your walking invitation to be valued by you and welcomed into your world AND there are people who are busy with whatever they are busy with as they do their daily version of being their best.

I am not sure if I mentioned it here before, but I am sharing my daily findings of being a believing mirror to myself using Instagram Stories which also show up on my Writing Camp with JJS page.

I am getting excellent feedback on this series which you may read here on the blog as well as in a shorter version on Instagram and on the Writing Camp page.

Finally, my friend, we have 84 days left in 2023. How will you invest your days to bring 2023 to a satisfying end?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Feeling Invisible: Day 7/31 Days of (Self) Belonging + 85 More Days of 2023

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Feeling like we don’t belong and are disconnected at work or at home hurts. Have you felt this disconnection, this anti-belonging? It pops up when we feel unseen, unheard, unimportant.

Yesterday I felt this, loud and clear. It started almost as soon as I got to school/work and felt disconnected from belonging which was ironic because I started in my home so happily and intentionally.

Invisibility doesn’t feel like belonging

The best part of the day was at the end when I told one of the most effective teachers I work with, “It’s been a strange, uncomfortable day today – and that’s alright, we all have days like that. I figured I filled my quota and can now move along.”

It is interesting in the aftermath of the day, I can see how a lot of that disconnection happened because instead of staying mindful and open hearted, I fell into the swirling confusion and my self talk was immersed in not seeing the facts as they were, instead my inner dialogue which was blended with me telling myself a wide variety of ways I didn’t matter, how I was unimportant, how no one likes or appreciates me anyway and then, right before I felt better, this happened.

Yes, it came into clarity when a kid almost knocked into me and didn’t notice. “Hey, you almost walked into her!” one student scolded another student.

“Who?”

I mumbled to the first kid, “He didn’t see this invisible woman walking around the hallways.” I wasn’t being seen nor was I being heard.

Wait: wait, wait! Not only did one student see me, he requested the other kid pay more attention. I failed to notice that…..instead I felt body’s natural response to the invisible rather than the visible as my shoulders hunch and my body sinking into my feet.

This being invisible – my sadness over not feeling as if I was seen – could have been a refrain for the day if I let it continue. 

In the next and final class of the day, things turned because I spoke up about it and began filling in the missing pieces. Writing this, today, is like finishing the puzzle making.

I ended the day in a favorite book store and took some photos of a very cool building.

When I got home, I “was craving” a sugary treat. I did not give in to that craving as I have found part of my belonging work is creating healthy boundaries with myself based on my hightest self rather than following past self destructive patterns.

Before I wrote this, I thought it was going to be seen as negative and people might be discouraged from the content and stop following me, never comment or like or engage again.

That was the hangover from the not-so-great of yesterday. Through writing, I was able to remember and discover how I negotiated around the tangled emotions and come out with my sense of self-belonging and self-visibility intact.

We have 85 days of 2023 left: how will you invest your days to bring this year to a satisfying conclusion?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Day 6: 31 Days of (Self) Belonging toward Forgiveness

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Friday Check In: A Weekly Recap of Discoveries in Belonging.

This week has been rather astounding when I sit at my desk and dissect the week in words. What came into my mind and heart as I wrote that sentence was looking at the week both with a magnifying glass and a wide lens I see how much work I have done to get closer to both a sense of self-belonging, but also create a deeper context of belonging here in this world and body I inhabit.

Maybe it is in the elasticity that grief may allow us to create within – or maybe it is the elasticity of being comfortable with loss after loss after loss… I am thinking about a photo I saw of a group of dancers in Martha Graham’s troupe that might illustrate elasticity visually, to help show what I am trying to communicate.

I found the image I was meant to find only to discover the costume created the context for a dance titled “lamentations” about grief. To read more about it, visit here when you finish reading this post.

Martha Graham’s dance was not about the growth of grief – well, I ought not say that until I watch the dance closely, and maybe do some form of my personalized iteration in the best way I can.

Some key takeaways on Self-Belonging this week:

  1. I started sharing celebrations of self-belonging in my instagram stories at night before I go to sleep. I have no idea how these will go over, but the requirement to catalog my experience already feels important.
  2. Divine delivery increases when I opened the door to self-belonging. The level of synchronicities multiply and expand. 
  3. Self-belonging has a strong element, at least in my case, of re-parenting. Somehow now that both of my parents are gone, I don’t feel disloyal in claiming aspects of their parenting that wasn’t well suited to me – just like I know and will admit my parenting wasn’t always suited to my children. Samuel has been brave enough to tell me this and because of his blunt honesty, I have grown both as a parent and as a human.

I am invigorated and excited to continue with this project of discovery, forgiveness and love – which is a bit of the bridge into next week as I live into the question:

What is ready to be forgiven (or ripening to forgiveness)?

I invite you to join me engaging with the question. Any thoughts are welcome in the comments.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Day 5: 31 Days of (Self) Belonging

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I find belonging in my notebooks. Whatever notebook I happen to be writing in at that time.

I used to write morning pages a la Julia Cameron: 3 pages of longhand writing as close to first thing in the morning as possible.

I loved it for a long time until I didn’t. I did love free writing, always have – and I do like the container of 3 pages AND I needed to have structure with freedom.

After a long dry spell and serious resistance to doing them again, I started doing some modifications to the model that all included a free flow writing element. I created something I call the Roll Over and Write Journal: Where your words are always right.

I write for however long and however much I feel compelled to write close to when I go to sleep and close to when I wake up. Sometimes I write a lot, sometimes I write a little, sometimes I write my dreams so I can do some early- in- the-day analysis. 

At night I may ask my highest self, I call her Julianne, questions. It allows me to dump problematic thoughts on the page and ask for wisdom and experience a bit of letting go as a result.

I give myself space to kvetch and complain as necessary and I do my best to keep things truthful more than toxically positive. 

Maybe that is why I have often said my notebooks are one of my best friends. I don’t fake it in my notebooks. I don’t have to pretend to be a persona or be worried my notebooks will betray me. My notebooks know my shortcomings and don’t ask for favors or try to make weird quid pro quo arrangements with me.

My notebooks always listen, consistently inspire, and enjoy me even when I am annoying.

They offer me exactly what I look for in friends, except since they aren’t human or sentient I can’t take thim to events and expect a fun conversation later.

Notebooks have taught me a lot about myself and have helped me gain clarity when I found myself in dark spaces when I wondered if I would ever arrive safely to the other side.

In case you are wondering: Sometimes people prefer to call the type of writing I do in my notebooks to journaling and the books themselves as journals. I use the word “writing notebooks” more often than any other title. I don’t know why I choose that except ever since I started using notebooks to write my morning pages, that has fit me better than fancy journals – although I do use the fancy journals people gift me much better than I once did!

Do you keep a notebook? I would enjoy hearing about it in the comments.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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That Didn’t Work Out Like I Planned

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Otherwise known as THE JOY OF MAKING MISTAKES IN PUBLIC

Is there some sort of an award for mistake prone folks?

I attempted to schedule a blog post today and failed. The blog post posted, but the content had “September 17” on it and talked about the break I was taking which started the end of last week and will end two weeks from now.

Why is making mistakes so easy?

Here’s the thing: I could have pranced around angrily but instead I decided to allow it to stay there. The mistake. Public facing, big mess up and this, my friends, is an attempt to actually schedule the blog post (which will now be this one) on September 17.

Wish me well.

PS – If this turns into a mistake, I will delete it. 🙂

Woman (Julie Jordan Scott Julie JordanScott) seeming to burst through a broken wall on an abandoned home.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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Lesson Gratefully Learned: The Freedom of Boundaries

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I am a week into my period of self-imposed isolation, though I popped onto twitter last night to make one post. This mindful experience of boundaries is different than when I miss out on social media because life is frantic and I can’t post because of a lack of time.

This “I have time but I am purposefully disconnecting” as a conscious choice feels better and it is still strange… different… not what I would have expected.

Sometimes when I have known people to disengage from social media I have questioned their rationale. Some people feel disdain for social media, like it is an enemy or something to conquer. I have always seen social media as another point of connection, not a tool of influence or something I must do, I see it as something I choose to do like choosing to open a gift or not open a gift. 

Allowing those words to appear on my keyboard allows me to see my choice differently. The meaning speaks to me in a deeper, more interesting way.

I initially chose this dark period  (that is the theater term for when there is no production scheduled during a certain period of time.) as a way to minimize the possibility of experiencing more pain than I have the bandwidth for, with this being my first week back at school while grieving the death of my mother. I didn’t know how I would feel, I didn’t know how crushing (or not) my emotions would be.

I didn’t see this time of quiet as a gift to myself, I saw it as an exercise in strength because I receive a lot of energy from hearing your voices reflect back to me in your comments and interactions with me. By choosing to go dark it meant I was taking away the energetic exchange from you to me as well as from me to you. 

A week into the dark period and two days into the school year, I am above fair-to-middling. I am in a space where I can remind myself to smile as I walk around campus, for example. I was able to make a new friend yesterday – the school librarian! Such a natural! I haven’t cried publicly which is good. I have agreed to sing the solo on church on Sunday I was rehearsing the morning I got the call Mom had died which I was scheduled to sing the week she died.

I am taking gentle risks, allowing myself to roll out the soft landing repeatedly without rush or shouldas or if onlys.

As I am writing this I have ten more days to go. In real time when you are reading this, I am probably back. 🙂

I am, as always, grateful you are here, reading.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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Is the Train Moveable? Joyful Haiku… Waits.

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Confession: these first few days of July have been an energetic, emotional slow motion train pause… not really a wreck but definitely a something that doesn’t feel good. Maybe train stuck on the rails without any knowledge of when it will move.

I am transparent about my relationship with depression. I have hit that familiar wall many, many what variations of over and over again can I say clearly? I was taught early on smiling through tears is more acceptable than grumbling or grousing or worse yet, letting people know how lousy I might be feeling – and because of my willingness to get deeply close with this “no make up wearing private side of myself” I knew I was both close to tumbling into depression AND close to the next wonderful “thing” – so this morning when I woke up cranky and wanted to cancel my first work session of the day what did I do?

I negotiated with myself and took a quick shower.

I got up and got dressed.

I walked down the stairs and shifted halfway down the stairs, almost like I was a stern version of me telling myself to lift my chin up. “Aim high in steering” from sophomore in high school driver’s ed, “keep going even if you don’t want to” that I have done more in the last four years than in the previous two decades.

Interesting to note when I looked at this photo the first thing I notice is the cut across my knuckle. The sort of cut it could be so easily torn back open. In running my thumb across it, I can’t even feel where the cut begins. It is healing well. Just like I continue to heal well, too, emphasis on the ING, the process, the movement in the stillness and the stillness in the movement.

I have started the process of creating Beta Reader Packets. This is HUGE hello HUGE! It is also a new thing for me so naturally between finishing my book and doing this, resistance showed up and is teaching me now to remember to be with the ING, the process, the movement in the stillness and the stillness in the movement.

Ahhhh, paradox again.

From both photos you can see it would be wise of me to clear my space again. I will, soon.

For now, I am grateful to be feeling better and more movement is afoot, in my knuckles, in my knees, in my makeup free face, in the deep and quiet joy I’m feeling right now.

I’m so grateful you are here, reading.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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Shopping Cart Haiku + Assemblage Art

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Haiku 346/377 

ship wreck stuck in time

on a deserted island

where is the captain?

My first photo of a shopping cart was in 2013. Many people think this is a downright bizarre fascination. Abandoned shopping carts, photographed in “the wild”. My one rule is I cannot take photos in a grocery or big box store parking lot.

Each shopping cart photo tells a story. The one for this haiku was on a center island on Ming Avenue near New Stine in Bakersfield. I almost passed it by on the way to “something better” but after I saw a second abandoned shopping cart I knew I had to go back and honor the unheard storyteller who left his or her shopping-cart- home behind.

When I looked at the photos and realized none of them clearly illustrated how this cart was on a median, in the middle of a busy street, distinctively on an island…. this haiku fell onto the “page” here on my phone in an instant.

I’m reminded of the movie “The Dead Poet’s Society” when the boys climb on their desks and say, one by one “oh captain, my captain” as their beloved teacher Mr. Keating leaves the classroom. Administrators meant his dismissal to be in shame and for his students, it wasn’t shame they felt at all, it was honor and love and compassion and understanding.

Your task today if you choose to take it is when you come upon someone you haven’t taken the time to see lately, pause and see them, wholly and holy.

*This is an excerpt from Julie’s soon to be published book, Living the Haiku Life*

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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How Stream of Consciousness Writing Makes Everything Better

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How Knowing What You Want (Even in the “Little Things” helps with more than you might think) … and putting your desire awareness in the forefront of your subconscious mind helps with even more than that

What my morning writing practice told me:

It came up over and over during my morning writing practice.

What do I want? What are my true desires right now?

I spent five minutes to investigate via writing, stream of consciousness style, the most basic of what was happening right then, what happened yesterday, and what was the plan for today:

I am doing my morning writing practice. Is this what I want? Yes, it is good to be here again

I had a conversation with Marifran yesterday. Was that what I wanted? YES. Definitely.

I went to that pizza place yesterday. Did I want that? Meh. That was an “I settled for that.”

Today I am doing double open mic duty. Yes, I definitely want that.

Today I wanted to be outside and walking before 6 am. Did I make it? I was outside at 6:03 and had a marvelous time before coming here to write with Rob who is working on his screen play. Stakes, he reminded me of stakes. Did I want that? 

I wanted to be outside and I was close to being on time so that was a win. 

Did I want to work with Rob? I was looking forward to working with Andrea so was surprised when Rob appeared  – and was immediately engaged and reminded “What are my stakes?” in my own writing projects.

 Even though I didn’t realize I wanted that, now I see the desire is always underneath, to connect and be inspired.

Were my wants all met and did I only do what I believed I wanted? 

No, they weren’t all met and no, I didn’t only do what I believed I wanted and YES I am satisfied, content and ready to face the day with much more happiness – and devotion to following my desires, finding the place where my desires and wants in the moment match my vision for the day and my future.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch exclusive reels, videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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Haiku: Leaps to Steady the Course

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I was doing my best to stick with my normal routine this morning but had very little success due to connections not working. I did some testing – all appears to be well now but I also felt strongly I was meant to go for a haiku field trip.

I ate my breakfast and headed out to Liberty Loop Trail, 12 minutes from my house and a part of the Walkill River Preserve like the Wood Duck trail.

I was reminded how a change in scenery, even quite brief, changes so much.

Bridge over the Walkill river with this Haiku written on it. Haiku 6/37 Yellow pike lifts, leaps black shoes hover above ground scales flop, meet water

I’m now sitting at the Winding Waters trail where an AT thru hiker just moseyed by, also. I have seen quite a few hikers this morning as the Appalachian trail intersects with rhe Liberty Loop.

Many are wearing shorts and I temporarily halt the Mom in me from saying “are you wearing repellant? There are ticks around here!”

Both of these trails are flat and easy loops – perfect for this sticky weather.

If you wonder how I got to be such a good fish identifier, google is magic, as is my bird call app which just informed me within 1 minute 9 different birds were singing alongside me. Later I will listen to each of the 9 and continue to practice listening more faithfully.

I knew a fish 🐟 was jumping near me, shallow jumps – so I was primed to spot this grand leap. So I googled and found “walleye” which they also told me is also called a yellow pike. There is a lot of fishing here and they stock the river with these….seeing as I’ve only managed to catch one fish in all my years of living, all fish ought to feel safe around me. 🐠

The first year I wrote haiku was also the first year I saw a fish leap like the Yellow Pike did, today. I believe it is something about practicing close, quiet attention and presence.

I did not want to do much of anything today, but the devotion to writing haiku every day because you might be looking for it dragged me up and out of my doldrums to be on the Liberty Loop Trail and experience these moments of haiku with you.

Do you ever use apps to identify the nature around you?

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she is working on finishing her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

Follow on Instagram to Watch IGTV exclusive videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

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