Even poorly planted
rice plants
slowly, slowly…. green
Issa
English Version, David G Lanoue
Perhaps it is because I wasn’t present nor did I capture much of my life during the time between when I was told I had walking pneumonia and the time I was hospitalized that there are so many mysteries of what I was thinking, feeling, doing.
Maybe this space of unknowing may be what brought forward my desire to create daily.
When I morph myself back into 2019, I remember thinking in the years prior it would be a time of incredible growth. Samuel would be out of the house.
I was going to finally be free to do what I most wanted: finish my book projects, become a nomad, explore all those interior rooms of my psyche and be the fabulous iteration of me that somehow didn’t feel comfortably expanding when I was always on red alert waiting for the next crisis to bubble up that would need me to rush in and run graceful, patient and peaceful intervention.
Naturally.
Because yelling and fussing and drawing attention to myself is not something I ever did… except for on stage, where almost anything was allowed.
October 4, 2019 fell on a Friday.
Most likely it was quiet. Most likely I sat in the recliner in the corner of the living room, resting, perhaps watching videos and chatting on my laptop computer which often sat atop my lap desk. I doubt I went anywhere substantial. I may have driven Emma around here and there.
I was quietly doing my best to heal.
It is only in this reflection that I realize how much I have improved in my daily-loving-of-myself.
I definitely treat myself now with much more tender loving care than in the past, when I forgot to be intentional, when I was struggling to get by, was researching loneliness because that was something I struggled with each and every day.
Today I am rarely lonely, probably because of mastering daily self-love as a practice.
Interesting because this week I have been balancing hospitality with my usual routines AND I think I accidentally bumped into a healthy equilibrium.
What a gift from my past self to my present self.
What a gift to be able to share this with you.
I’m so grateful you are here, reading and look VERY forward to deepening our connection.
Julie JordanScott
Creative Life Coach & Muse Cultivator | Award-Winning Writer/Actor/Storyteller / Empowering Your Second Act /|New Courses/Programs soon! Your presence here makes me feel grateful.
I am a writer first, writing & creativity coach, multi passionate creative next. Writing has always been my anchor art and to her I always return. Thankfully, with great love.
My aim is to create content here that inspires and instructs – if there is ever a topic you would like for me to explore, please reach out and tell me. My ultimate goal is to create posts, videos and more that speak to your desires as well as mine because where these two intersect, our collaborative, joyful energy ignites into a fire of love, light and passionate creativity.
Yes, yelling and fussing never does any good. Sometimes even when I’m not yelling and fussing outwardly I feel as if I had. It is best to be quiet and heal thyself.
Today was almost and yelling and fussing day for me, I had more vehicle problems, a tire blowout and I just wanted to sit on the ground and bawl my eyes out. But a kind older gentleman came over and told me everything is going to be alright and he changed my tire. He was like an earthly angel that I think Rich sent over. Yes I need to learn to take better control of myself so I can heal. Thank you for sharing this and have a wonderful weekend Lily!