It has been unique to study my life as it nearly ended five years ago today.
What has happened in the interim? What has shifted? How have the themes of mortality and choosing life and healing resonated throughout my experiences?
The first obvious happening includes the Covid19 Pandemic that changed the world greatly that gained space in the spotlight shortly after I was hospitalized. In fact, during our East Coast visit from Bakersfield we visited a Gaming Arena (my son is a professional gamer) in New Rochelle, New York which was one of the earliest American cities hit by Covid19.
In February of 2020, my daughter Emma and I visited my parents in Flagstaff and my father died right before we felt comfortable traveling again: I was ten days out of my second vaccination in April 2021 when I got the call: it was officially too late to see my father alive again.
My mortality was first and foremost for those weeks in October 2019 and since then, death, loss and other people’s mortality has been an ongoing theme.
Unfortunately, my youngest brother, Joe, died in December 2021 and my mother died in August, 2023.
That was a lot of grief in these last five years – and because I am blessed to have many friends as well, I lost too many friends who were too young. Most recently, I lost the woman who I refer to as “My Spirtual Mother” – and I was so grateful to be able to attend her funeral and see her children who I grew up with in Glen Ridge, New Jersey.
At the end of 2019 I started with my 377 Haiku project – a chance for me to practice creativity consistently and share it, much like I shared my days in the hospital. By being seen, heard and experienced while I was in the hospital, seeing people’s comments helped me feel better.
Daily photo taking and short poetry writing and sharing them brought a love influx which helped lift me out of the sadness that felt like it was subtracting so much out of me. Haiku literally saved my life – and that is the title of my book that will soon be out, sharing the profound joy of disciplined creativity.
It was followed by 377 tree hugs and after that, I started writing a daily love letter to my readers inspired by my mother’s frequent greeting when I first saw her at the start of a new day, “Good Morning, Love.”
One of the biggest challenges of living alone now after I moved across the country from Bakersfield, California to Sussex Borough, New Jersey was not having anyone to greet when I woke up.
“Good Morning, Love” created a win-win of having many some-ones to say Good Morning to AND once again, it kept me from sliding back into the darkness of depression which at time hovers quite close.
I also enjoy it when friends see me in person (especially in groups) and they say “Good Morning, Love!” to each other. I’ve had people share about how they look to good morning love when they’re feeling down and some people who read it every morning, unbeknownst to me.
This morning I went to High Point State Park to take photos, make videos and bathe in the glorious forest there. I hugged a couple trees and literally asked the trees, the wind, the sky and the sun, “How did I get so blessed?”
How did I get so blessed?
One day at a time, intentionally creating a small something – a container that tells the world, “You are love made form.”
First in Haiku, then in Tree hugs (both of which I still practice, on occasion) and then in Daily Love notes. (If you wonder how to read them, they’re on my personal facebook page.)
I never really thought of a blessing as something we choose AND I do see blessings as something we need to allow and receive.
Sharing these stories is part of what I call “the infinite loop de loop of giving and receiving.” Because I was gifted with more time, I received this blessing of longer life, I fully enjoy and embrace sharing the gift in return.
My everyday joy of experiencing life in the good, bad, boring (though that is rare), extraordinary ordinary and everything in between – wherever I find myself.
There will be 18 more blog posts: I hope you will read a few of them – if you have any questions, please ask so I may respond in a blog post.
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I really admire your ability to let yourself be seen! And I’m so glad that the haiku project and the tree hugging helped you. I envied you those tree hugs (I am allergic.) That’s so sweet that your mother greeted you that way each day, and that you have honored her memory by continuing the tradition. Oh, and I do have a question. Did you talk to the trees when you hugged them?
I’m so sorry about all the grieve you experienced off you loved ones over the past years. But you are a very strong woman and you will (and have) survive. I love reading about your tree hugging blogs and because of them, I too have been talking and hugging trees! I also love your Good Morning Love, such a positive way to start your day. Hugs and love to you!
What a poignantreflection, and reminder of the number of friends and loved ones we’ve lost over the last several years. it’s a beautiful testimony to the healing power of creativity and nature!
A classmate with whom I’d attended several reunions passed last spring shortly before our 55th – and i think of her often! I greet the sun and day with a Cherokee prayer song, and also hug a lot of trees!