Feeling like we don’t belong and are disconnected at work or at home hurts. Have you felt this disconnection, this anti-belonging? It pops up when we feel unseen, unheard, unimportant.
Yesterday I felt this, loud and clear. It started almost as soon as I got to school/work and felt disconnected from belonging which was ironic because I started in my home so happily and intentionally.
Invisibility doesn’t feel like belonging
The best part of the day was at the end when I told one of the most effective teachers I work with, “It’s been a strange, uncomfortable day today – and that’s alright, we all have days like that. I figured I filled my quota and can now move along.”
It is interesting in the aftermath of the day, I can see how a lot of that disconnection happened because instead of staying mindful and open hearted, I fell into the swirling confusion and my self talk was immersed in not seeing the facts as they were, instead my inner dialogue which was blended with me telling myself a wide variety of ways I didn’t matter, how I was unimportant, how no one likes or appreciates me anyway and then, right before I felt better, this happened.
Yes, it came into clarity when a kid almost knocked into me and didn’t notice. “Hey, you almost walked into her!” one student scolded another student.
“Who?”
I mumbled to the first kid, “He didn’t see this invisible woman walking around the hallways.” I wasn’t being seen nor was I being heard.
Wait: wait, wait! Not only did one student see me, he requested the other kid pay more attention. I failed to notice that…..instead I felt body’s natural response to the invisible rather than the visible as my shoulders hunch and my body sinking into my feet.
This being invisible – my sadness over not feeling as if I was seen – could have been a refrain for the day if I let it continue.
In the next and final class of the day, things turned because I spoke up about it and began filling in the missing pieces. Writing this, today, is like finishing the puzzle making.
I ended the day in a favorite book store and took some photos of a very cool building.
When I got home, I “was craving” a sugary treat. I did not give in to that craving as I have found part of my belonging work is creating healthy boundaries with myself based on my hightest self rather than following past self destructive patterns.
Before I wrote this, I thought it was going to be seen as negative and people might be discouraged from the content and stop following me, never comment or like or engage again.
That was the hangover from the not-so-great of yesterday. Through writing, I was able to remember and discover how I negotiated around the tangled emotions and come out with my sense of self-belonging and self-visibility intact.
We have 85 days of 2023 left: how will you invest your days to bring this year to a satisfying conclusion?
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
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It’s no fun to feel invisible.
I remember that poem about the invisible mom, and I could definitely relate.
Be well!
Laurie
Thank you, Laurie! I went through and revised a paragraph just now… and yes, I have been an invisible mom. I re-read that poem this week, too as the thread of belonging was woven through it, also.
I very firmly believe that we should be sharing the things that are harder or more negative too… otherwise we’re not really connecting. Everyone feels invisible sometimes. And sometimes invisible is safe – I myself am trying to be more visible in intentional ways… and sometimes wish I could just stay invisible, you know? 😉
Why should we not respect you for being human and trying your best?
Just out of curiosity, what would the sweet treat have been? Personally I believe treats are part of being kind to yourself, but kudos to you for resisting.
Keep smiling 😊
Resisting that sugary treat was my favourite part of this post. Your dedication to prioritizing your highest self over past self-destructive habits is truly inspiring! Resisting that sugary temptation shows immense strength and self-control. Keep nurturing those healthy boundaries – you’re on the path to personal growth and well-being!
We have 85 days of 2023 left, mine will fly like a breeze as I’m away travelling, seeing the world… four countries.
So true with feeling not seen or heard. I think we’ve all felt it one time or another even though it is not necessarily the case. It is a good wake up to be more mindful. Bookstores are great places to visit to revive and nourish our souls. At the moment I’m giving in to my cravings as an act of self love.
Just something for people to think about, there are times when people don’t want to be seen. When I was a teenager, I preferred it. Since then, I have done a lot of healing.
I also feel a kind of disconnect with people and things at times, but thanks to Almighty “God” (Yahweh) for His Word (Bible) that makes me strong when I am weak.
Did you choose 30 different pictures to use for this challenge?? That is way cool! Well, I totally understand the spiral that can happen once one thing triggers negative thoughts or self-talk. I’m so sorry you had a day like that. I know that you’re grieving, and I remember several times when I lost someone that I couldn’t understand how people were just going on with their lives, and I felt totally unseen. I think that energy is nearby and easy to connect with when you have this major thing going on that others don’t share and may not even know about. Love to you! <3
Whenever I feel invisible, I imagine myself to be a Red Fox. Then the phenomenon feels like a mysterious playful experience.