Day 3: 31 Days of (Self) Belonging

Sometimes when we decide to take action, exactly what you need seems to magically fall into place.

It is as Paulo Coelho wrote, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

Does Magic Begin with Habits, Rituals and Our Natural Tendencies?

I have a ritual on Sunday afternoon to go for a drive, a hike and listen to podcasts in a leisurely way as I do. Usually I have two podcasts I listen to, but this Sunday, I listened to a podcast I listen to semi-regularly and it served up exactly what I needed to hear in order for me to feel a strong sense of belonging and recognition.

I saw myself in the description spoken by the host of “Being Well,” Forrest Hanson and his father Dr. Rick Hanson, who shared a brief synopsis of the work of Carl Rogers. The three word description “unconditional positive regard” reminded me of both how I operate and who I am.

My thought was, “There is a name for how I naturally operate?” which turned into “It is a valid, valuable way of being.”

How Unconditional Positive Regard Intersects with Self-Belonging

I first heard myself speak this “Unconditional Positive Regard” aloud in a classroom recently when I said, “I am here because I see the good in you.”

It followed when I advocated for a student I have nothing to do with except we are both humans and on my quest for self-belonging I am also continuing to focus on belonging for others.

When I heard Dr. Hanson talk about unconditional positive regard I thought to myself, “How often do I say things to myself like I said to that random student?”

“I am here because I see the good in you, Julie.”
I don’t know if I have ever said that to myself.

I see you, I am listening to you, I am honoring you

One of the reasons for this exploration was to find areas where I could strengthen my awareness – and this is a definite gift because seeing the good in others and expressing that good that we see is like rolling out the “belonging red carpet.”

I see you; I am listening to you; I am honoring you.

Today when I advocated for the student whose path I just-so-happened to cross, I encountered a whole new group of people, I spoke in a language I sort of know, but I’m stretching my use of it on purpose in order to connect with her. “I am making this honest effort to help you because I see you, I hear your heart and I value you.”

Reaching out to those who are at risk of being lonely and roll out the “belonging red carpet” as best as I can is something I have done since I was a very young child. This is unique about me, something that has been true about me for my entire life. 

The student has now been invited into a social event that will help her with language and hopefully make new friends, I have collaborated with her language teacher to help her fit in through conversing in both of our native languages and I had that deeply satisfying feeling that comes from helping someone simply because we are two humans on this planet.

Vulnerability: an Indication Belonging is Near or Here

Vulnerability alert: I have tears in my eyes as I even think about morphing the words of belonging I thought towards a student I don’t even know:

 “I am making this honest effort to help you, Julie,  because I see you, I hear your heart and I value you.”

This isn’t about parroting phrases of self-love.

These are true statements I am learning and yearning to fully embrace.

I will check in at the end of the week about my overall progress and this study of and usage of unconditional positive regard to myself will be an excellent measuring stick of how I am honoring myself and inviting myself to higher levels of self-belonging.

Do you recognize yourself in anything I have shared here? I would love to hear how you are connecting with my words. Hearing how you are connecting (or suggestions as well) will help me grow to hear how these concepts are landing with you and if you have any questions for me as I continue to develop this series.

Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.

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