Day 2: 31 Days of (Self) Belonging

Doorways have been a meaningful visual metaphor for me for as long as I remember.

An image of a door caused an a-ha moment during my writing practice yesterday.

I realized  if I shut the door on other people, I am also shutting the door on myself. As Walt Whitman reminded us, “Every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.”

Shutting doors is disconnecting from possibilities.

I remembered times when doors shut, unexpectedly or when I didn’t want them to shut so quickly.

This could be subway doors or elevator doors sliding shut right before you step through them which causes you to miss the opportunity to get where you are going.

How do you respond?

Sometimes I respond with anger, frustration when it would have been more self-soothing to let go with a sigh of realization, I now have a few more moments to contemplate what patience feels like.

Someone closing the door before you have finished speaking is a form of dehumanizing. It is saying  “I don’t recognize you or your desires. I won’t listen to you anymore.”

Hanging up a phone connection works similarly. 

Fourteen years ago I told a friend, “If you ever hang up on me again, our friendship will be over.”
They never hung up on me again.

When the subway or elevator door closes there is no human element, yet I have heard people take the doors shutting personally, when that meaning isn’t there – unless you are blaming yourself for not paying attention or responding quickly enough.

When it is a human who willfully shuts the door and disconnects from you, this may be a valid cause for pain, sadness and grief.

Consider for today if you would rather live your life with both open doors or shut doors or only with one or the other.

What does this have to do with belonging?

Let’s return to Walt Whitman for our answer: the current loneliness epidemic is caused by people shutting doors to open another. When we shut the door to ourselves, we are shutting out others as well. When we close the connection to ourselves, we are closing the connection we may create with others.

Today, even in the smallest ways, practice opening doors to yourself so that tomorrow, it will be easier to open the doors to others.

What does opening the door to yourself look like?

• Taking extra time in the morning getting ready rather than rushing. Even five extra minutes makes a positive difference.
• Asking yourself a mindful question throughout the day such as “How am I feeling right now? What would I most enjoy doing next?
• Stand in front of a mirror and smile at and with yourself. Put your hand over your heart and take three deep breaths. Continue with your day (at a minimum repeat before breakfast, lunch and dinner)

Julie Jordan Scott is a multi-passionate creative who has served people worldwide as a creative life coach, an inspiring voice in the darkness and a presence in her writing, creativity and teaching in workshops, webinars, group facilitation and more. 

Watch this space for more as the month unfolds.