Confession: these first few days of July have been an energetic, emotional slow motion train pause… not really a wreck but definitely a something that doesn’t feel good. Maybe train stuck on the rails without any knowledge of when it will move.
I am transparent about my relationship with depression. I have hit that familiar wall many, many what variations of over and over again can I say clearly? I was taught early on smiling through tears is more acceptable than grumbling or grousing or worse yet, letting people know how lousy I might be feeling – and because of my willingness to get deeply close with this “no make up wearing private side of myself” I knew I was both close to tumbling into depression AND close to the next wonderful “thing” – so this morning when I woke up cranky and wanted to cancel my first work session of the day what did I do?
I negotiated with myself and took a quick shower.
I got up and got dressed.
I walked down the stairs and shifted halfway down the stairs, almost like I was a stern version of me telling myself to lift my chin up. “Aim high in steering” from sophomore in high school driver’s ed, “keep going even if you don’t want to” that I have done more in the last four years than in the previous two decades.
Interesting to note when I looked at this photo the first thing I notice is the cut across my knuckle. The sort of cut it could be so easily torn back open. In running my thumb across it, I can’t even feel where the cut begins. It is healing well. Just like I continue to heal well, too, emphasis on the ING, the process, the movement in the stillness and the stillness in the movement.
I have started the process of creating Beta Reader Packets. This is HUGE hello HUGE! It is also a new thing for me so naturally between finishing my book and doing this, resistance showed up and is teaching me now to remember to be with the ING, the process, the movement in the stillness and the stillness in the movement.
Ahhhh, paradox again.
From both photos you can see it would be wise of me to clear my space again. I will, soon.
For now, I am grateful to be feeling better and more movement is afoot, in my knuckles, in my knees, in my makeup free face, in the deep and quiet joy I’m feeling right now.
I’m so grateful you are here, reading.
Julie JordanScott is a Creative Life Coach, an award-winning storyteller, actor and poet whose photos and mixed media art graces the walls of collectors across the United States. Her writing has appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers List, the Amazon best sellers list and on American Greetings Holiday cards (and other greeting cards). She currently lives in a manse in Sussex, NJ, where she has recently finished her most recent book project, hugging trees daily and enjoys having random inspirational conversations with strangers.
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