Longing for “The Look”: Encouraging Your Growth

 I remember when I saw the newer version of the Parent Trap and my favorite moment in the entire movie is how the Dad looked at his first wife (the twin’s Mom) when he was in a romantic clutch with his much younger fiancé.

 I said to myself, “I want someone to look at me like that.” I would feel encouraged to be the best version of myself if someone looked at me like that.” With more reflection, I discovered it isn’t simply about being looked at “like that” from a romantic perspective, but being seen like that from a human perspective.

Being seen as in – accepted, appreciated, and valued, simply by showing up and being yourself. I’m reminded of how I look at newborns or people I am excited to meet for the first time. It is about the possibilities within that person and the pure joy of their existence. This is being seen.

What is it about being seen from transparency and love?

 I could stop this blog post right here and say, “My son looks at me similarly, with pure love in his eyes,” and as being a mother is the most important work I do that is definitely encouraging.

I might  say, “It is not in the way someone looks at me it is in the way I look at them that counts.”

 That isn’t entirely authentic, though, because…well, it is THAT look I am talking about, not just a lackadaisical, “Hey how’s it going you’re looking great and mighty convenient” kind of look I grew accustomed to for much of my life.

When in doubt, ask advice about how to be seen from a friend

 I remember talking to a friend, Adam,  several months ago about how my vision of God is like a dear, encouraging friend helping me to fly a kite. He is running alongside me, coaching me and up the kite goes.

 This would be miraculous because, top secret confession, I have never in all my years been able to get a kite to fly on my own, even with a human side coaching me.

 Adam reflected back to me about some of those things I have accomplished being LIKE flying that kite to God.

When your friend says “take an assessment”, take an assessment to be seen

He is my “kite flying buddy” for other things I have managed to maneuver. If you talk to the average Jane, I have done a lot that many would have thought was impossible.

 Adam said God would look in the way I longed to be seen. Reality check: God sees you and God hears you and furthermore, God is pleased with you.

 Well, Adam didn’t know my fascination was actually how Dennis Quaid looked at his movie first wife, but I knew exactly what he meant when he said that about my kite flying God.

 I can close my eyes and see that exact look. I can embrace being fully seen and heard by God and by other people.

I’m going to hold onto this feeling for a while, because it is definitely encouraging – beyond words encouraging, to think of what I have accomplished that I might not have noticed before. It is also encouraging to know I may indeed find people who will see me as I deserve to be seen now that I understand the concept my clearly.

Now it is your turn: take your “being seen” assessment

Here is a task that would definitely help us in times of feeling “less than”: crating a list of accomplishments others have praised us for completing. We might not recognize the quality of what we have achieved until we fully acknowledge other people giving us “that look” via authentic, heart-felt praise.

If you can’t remember off the top of your head, it might be a fun – albeit courageous job to ask some of the people closest to you what you have done that inspires them or encourages them to be their best selves.

Remember, God is seeing you as a success even now. My bet is your friends and loved ones see you as more of a success than you do.

Tell me in the comments, what is something you did for which you received encouraging compliments?

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Julie JordanScott lives in Bakersfield, California in a house too small for quarantine life. She leads discussions on Zoom and is polishing her most recent memoir and some poetry for soon-to-be publication. If you would like her to speak to your group over ZOOM until travel is available again, she would be happy to talk to you about that OR maybe you are looking for a slightly quirky, very open hearted, compassionate and tender Creative Life Coach. She would love to speak with you soon at 661.444.2735