Archives for May 2018

Purpose & Excellence and the Goal Everyone Really Wants

May 15, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Five minutes of writing: fingers to keyboard, stream of consciousness style, on a busy morning with a pile of “to-be-dones” which will still be waiting when I finish writing. I need to offer my first fruits to personal transformation. If I insist upon shift – this is the express lane to a brighter, shinier – strike that out – more real… life. No apologies for typos and grammatical errors in the rest of this blog post.

Setting my timer and…. write, just write, dump the thoughts on the page.

I open a notebook from October 2016 and see this:

“When I am open to purposeful/excellent, I ….stray slightly. I think…. (and now today’s writing begins.)

Did you ever notice how a-ha’s are waiting around every turn of your day, just waiting for you to notice and bite you in the butt?

No? Yes? What on earth am I talking about?

Yesterday I had a fabulous/horrible/fun/avalanche of a day at Samuel’s school. It was actually really good fodder for self-realization but for many people it might have been just another thing to check off my to-do list.

Interesting awarenesses were everywhere though, even amidst Emma calling me fake (she was right) and another lady sounding befuddled with a smidge of anger (she had every right to be) and feeling like these other ladies don’t particularly like me (why would they? Have I ever showed myself to them fully?)

Note to self: you’re improving. Until recently you would have been in a world of hurt, “They don’t like me,” and “They don’t care what I’m doing, they don’t get me, why bother? It is always no one values what I do or what I think or what I like or…. I just want to help!”

When I am open to what is purposeful and how I might express excellence, I can step outside of my childish (not childlike ego-ic self and realize fully that we are all pretty much after the same thing: connection. And if I remember consistently this is what we are after, I am a lot more willing to be purposeful with a dash of excellence than when I am sullen and thinking no one wants to be on the same team I’m on….

The thing is in this case we are truly all on team human: with all our frailties, all our fabulousness, all our marbles, crayons and the latest video games – we are all in this together.

Timer says STOP WRITING and go about that “to-be-done” stuff now.

It is Tantalizing Tuesday – time to go live the mystery!

= – = – = – =

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via #5for5BrainDump, livestream broadcasts, creativity playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

The Risk of Reliving and Recreating One’s Life Narrative

May 13, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife

I originally wrote this more than six months ago. I thought I had published it but apparently I didn’t AND I didn’t follow through so… now is the time.

In two-and-a-half weeks I am returning to where my memory of my life narrative began, so I will be consciously prepping for that journey here: out in the open.

My inner-seventh-grader says “ewww. I am an embarrassment.”

What I’m taking on is risky. I keep thinking, “Normal people wouldn’t do this. This is a private thing, possibly embarrassing and ugly.”

Maybe it is because it is risky and has a high possibility of getting ugly that I am doing it.

I have given myself an assignment: to rewrite the narrative that has held me back from expressing my unique gifts and talents so that others may benefit and experienced transformed lives as a result.

I will be writing my way through these experiences using the #5for5BrainDump method for the next few weeks. This morning via text the idea started taking form.

The other night I had a rather distressing moment with one of my daughters and words were said and other words were not said and I could have fallen into a deep muddy mess of well-worn recordings of all my short comings.

Instead I wrote,

“Yes, I am ashamed of my behavior. I said things without thinking and no, I am not proud.”

I took several breaths before I wrote, “I am a mother who makes mistakes some of the time. I am a mother who most of the time does the best she can for her children. I am usually quite conscious with my words and actions and only want the best for not only my children but all children. I fall short from time-to-time.

“I wish I had never said those hurtful words. Unfortunately they were spoken, they were received, and they will be remembered with more electrical charge than more quiet, soft moments of every day love and guidance.

“Today, I am choosing to remember moments of love and focus on creating more of them.”

Later in the night after our argument, I walked into my daughters room and put my hand on her back to feel her breathing. It is a ritual I’ve lived through with each of my children – each of my children who lived.

Today I am choosing to remember moments of love and focus on creating more of them.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

Move from Destabilizing Fear into Sweet, Sweet Freedom

May 11, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Consider with me now the ways you have walked through being scared and then into courage.

Consider how this has made a difference in your life, drastic or small – and how you are getting more and more ready to step into increased courage now.

I can’t remember specific times but I can remember the specific feeling.

I do know I am grateful for the way simple questions manage to lead me into deeper transformation and how that transformation leads me into passionate action.

Let’s talk about that for a moment.

My therapist asked me a question, “What were you the most afraid of” or “When did you feel the worst” or something like that and I was immediately, viscerally catapulted into a state of panic so deep I couldn’t speak.

It got so bad, I thought I would suffocate.

Then I thought it was quite possible I might die.

The fear and panic was so visceral there were no tears attached. Tears, after all, were human, and this experience was different-than-human and definitely not divine.

Now, months later and quite removed, this whole episode seems ridiculous and I am embarrassed to talk about it except for how the memory of choking coupled with loss of voice and breath leads to lack of follow through, lack of success and my deep seated fear of asking for help.

I feel piles of shame for being in this condition.

I certainly have never seen anyone else fall into such a pitiful, downright ridiculous place.

To shift from the judgment, critical, self-loathing voice I turn to the strongest energy there is: the life force of love and gratitude.
Gratitude invites me to say, “I am open to courage now.”

I am open to look at this moment of what felt like imminent suffocation from a space of love and in this space of love, I am open to courage now.

I am grateful for the time I spent with this therapist, even though I don’t see her any more, and I am open to courage now.

I am grateful for the passion that flows through me and ignites my creative fire and at times, throws me into rather deep vats of fear and anxiousness.

In love, I am open to courage now.

In this week to come, I am grateful for the strengthening of my courage muscle. I am grateful for the actions I’ve taken and the even more bold actions I will continue to take as I step into the life I am creating for now and the future.

I am open to courage now, in love. <– note to self: use as often as necessary. This is an affirmative lifeline.

I was reminded of choking: how my fear of dying (or if not actual death, feeling like I am about to die) and take away my voice.

Literally, my breath, my spirit.

I have been afraid of success – long story I am bored of telling, tired of hearing.

Trauma. Even writing about it – pain in my chest.

What am I willing, ready and able to do, to be to transform this fear? This is the question I am beginning to live.

I have made some false starts in getting to the outside of the “fear boundaries” and I’m continuing to move forward. It feels powerful. I feel powerful. Yes, there is still the thought….

Now I’ve done the unthinkable. I have been completely vulnerable and open about an exceptionally tender part of me. Now? I’ll continue to move, mindfully. I know there are people in many places similar to this who know.

Today, I am choosing peace. What will you choose?

May 11, 2018 by jjscreativelifemidwife

Today I choose to be at peace.

I have had too much anxiety flowing through my blood lately. I cannot do that anymore. Today I choose to be at peace.

I am no longer willing to allow self-destructive thought patterns to get in the way of my serenity.

Today I choose to be at peace.

I remember visiting Canyon de Chelly with my children: a favorite place for spiritual reawakening and profound joy, a place I have not visited nearly enough.

Today, I choose to be at peace.

When I revisited photos from our visit, I don’t look very peaceful and I wonder what was happening in my heart at the time. Perhaps my love of travel and my children was overshadowing the fear that is sometimes a companion when I am traveling as the lone adult, being the responsible one, being the guide the Sherpa, the tour guide, the doctor, the negotiator the solid rock – that is a lot, agreeably so when it is looked at and examined.

And the trip, though rocky in moments, was a success – filled with primarily positive memories.
Today, I choose to be at peace.

I hear a train whistle in the distance, I feel my heart warm in my chest. Today, I choose to be at peace.

What do you choose to be today? Practice engaging with your choice by writing for 5 minutes, first, repeating your choice as I did here, and allowing your pen or pencil or fingers on the keyboard to create word flow for that tiny slice of time.

Miracles live there – in your 5 minutes of writing flow, the #5for5BrainDump.

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735.