“It is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes makes its way to the surface.”
― Virginia Woolf
The nuances, subtle, go unnoticed.
I mean, I knew I had neglected the room I was so excited to create. I knew there came a point after I moved the furniture I had been using when Emma was away into the other room and I settled again for leftovers and mishmash that I was also sending a message to myself that wasn’t very loving.
“You can have whatever’s left. Sure, you were going for a feminine and feminist room of your own, literary granny style and all, but you know, that was a lark just like so many other things you try…” and little by little my once-almost-what-I-wanted became a disorganized jumble, not at all the oasis it was eighteen months ago, newly painted and hard wood floors restored, a soft comforter in pink and so many pillows in various shades of pink and polka dots it made my heart go pitter pat whenever I walked in and plunked on the bed to write. I had a make shift lap desk, art on the walls, and at about five o’clock every day the light became especially magical.
When Emma reclaimed her furniture, my pink bedding no longer fit. The dresser was bulky and dark, the bed lumpy and small.
The love affair was over. I took the art off the walls. I never changed the time on the clock to reflect falling back and springing ahead.
While I had thought about springing into action to reclaim my vision, it wasn’t until I chose to answer the prompt for today it all fell into place so clearly.
I even made a plan
- Clear room, beginning the day after return from Oregon (December 11)
- Move book shelf to D’s to complete the restoration by January 1 (latest, 1/29)
It might sound strange, but this unfinished project is a barrier because its taking up of space in my room is an example of me not feeling heard and me agreeing, by default, that I wasn’t valueable enough oto be heard.
A carpenter I met offered to make me a custom book shelf – because I wanted it to include slates to sort my ephemera and paper. I told D about this but he insisted he could do it better. He bought an enormous shelf from a university he wanted to fix up, but he didn’t ever seem to hear what I wanted. He punted it to me to work on, which is definitely not what I wanted. About a month ago I sent him an image of my “dream shelf” and suddenly, he got it. Maybe nearly two years late, but if I get it before the beginning of the year – or even before my birthday on January 29 I will be very happy.
- Only put back into the room what is MEANT to be in there and has a purpose for being there. Make list and diagram of wall art and furniture. Complete by December 15.
- Commit to blog on December 31 with photos of progress. J
Vision reclaimed, plan in place. Virginia Woolf room, I am excited to enjoy you again! Happy New Year!
This blog post was written from a prompt offered in the “Bridge to the New Year” experience which you may find at JuicyJournaling.com. Join a group of creatives reflecting, connecting, intending and taking passionate action as they step into 2019.
Julie Jordan Scott is the Creative Life Midwife. THANK YOU for reading!