Creative Life Midwife

Inspiring Artistic Rebirth

Stopping the Slide Into Feeling Worse

by

Yesterday I felt the familiar slide into the blues – and I am using that term loosely. I don’t want to say I felt the well worn path toward a downward depressive spiral though that would be accurate, too. 

I don’t want to give depression that power.

I asked myself a personal power question:

“What can I do tomorrow morning to keep myself moving toward feeling-better-than-right-now?”

I didn’t mean take on something huge like walk five miles at a top speed or similar physical feat, I simply knew myself well enough that the tilting down of the weight of the blues  could land me flat on my face in mud or dust or worse.  I knew I single-handedly possess the ability to take an action in the direction of better.

I have the capacity to choose to move forward, with love – or lurch toward the ground in despair.

This isn’t always true – I was on the edge of a breaking point.

Mental health has plagued me over the years. My optimism tends to confuse people who don’t understand how this goofy, happy go-lucky whistling, happy song-singing, tree-hugging poet can shut herself off from others for no obvious reason.

This morning as I started a focus-mate session, I was surprised by the flat affect that still hovered within me. I am grateful I witnessed it – as the short-fix feel better medicine of taking action: walking on the nearby wood-duck trail and hugging an old oak tree is the beginning of feeling better, not the finish line to feeling better.

When the focus mate session was over, I mentioned to my partner I couldn’t find my spotify off button and was concerned my “Cozy Christmas Instrumental” playlist might be a bit much. On the contrary, my focus mate partner loved it. We both ended the session smiling. I know I was smiling.

Human connection, acceptance and cozy instrumentals all make me feel better.

Have you ever taken the time to notice what lifts you up when you feel the blues sweeping into the room?

Do you or does anyone you love experience dark days (or longer days that stretch to weeks, months or more?)

It is important we normalize these moments of sadness and don’t shame ourselves or others or pretend them away. 

You could choose to start a conversation by asking about it: “What might make you feel better?” and be prepared for “Nothing” or “I don’t know.”

Besides tree hugging and walking by myself or writing, having other people simply be with me is a big help. Talking isn’t necessary, but presence feels really good. Listening to or watching TV, reading books side-by-side. Silently sipping tea and looking out the window, all are better with someone beside me – also quiet without pushing me to feel better so that they may feel better, too.

James Clear wrote, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” While I agree with the energy and meaning of this quote, I look at it more like every action I choose to take builds self-trust and provides evidence I am worthy of continuing to move forward, with love and do the creative work I was put here to do.

Today, I am feeling better. I am not dancing on the rooftops gleefully and I am mindfully present to my circumstances. There is no hyperbole, no numbing out and no racing throughts.

It could have so easily slid into much worse.

Julie JordanScott is a multipassionate creative who delights in inviting others into their own fullhearted, artistic experience via her creativity coaching individually or in groups, courses and workshops. To receive inspiring content and videos weekly and find out more about Coaching, Courses, Challenges and what’s going on in the Creative Life Midwife world? Subscribe here:

Follow on Instagram to Watch IGTV exclusive videos, stories and posts about writing and the creative process.

Let our Words Flow Writing Community: the only one missing is you! Join us in the Private Writing Group by clicking here.

Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterest

The Why it Happened or the Reason Isn’t What Matters, Responding Now is What Matters: Write What You Need to Say

by

I realized something today, something somewhat simple – well, absolutely simple actually. I’m sort of embarrassed to even say it AND I realize in saying it there is power so here goes.

I have spent far too much time looking at who I was “before” rather than being present with who I am right now – and how the who I am right now is far more valuable to the world right now than who I was then.

Ten years ago I had a domino effect of horrible, lifetime movie inspiring themes take place within a matter of months and they effectively shattered me. I was crushed, defeated and fell to my knees with my face hitting the ground in one of those slo-mo fight scene sort of ways.

I attempted to get up and didn’t. And repeat. And repeat. And probably repeated again in that I got distracted and then I got scared and then I got scared of the distraction and while I could still talk a good game and though I kept writing, I didn’t keep taking action that made my work profitable – certainly not at a sustainable level and not as it was ten years prior.

I felt hopelessly stuck.

I talked about it in therapy and got lost in more fear, more breakthroughs but still not forward progress toward sustainable work.

This year my life took another hit and if I didn’t make changes I couldn’t feed my kids kind of crisis I knew something had to give and I fell into yet deeper depression, this worse (if there is such a thing) than I did ten years ago.

Perhaps worst of all is I managed to slowly drip away all sheds of optimism I once carried, so I couldn’t look to light anymore because I couldn’t see light anymore.

About two months ago I called the mental health crisis hotline a couple times, just needing to have the comforting feeling that someone cared about me because I had found my way back into the space where I didn’t want to trouble people in my immediate circles with the depths of my depression and I doubted they cared or if they did care, I doubted they had the resources or the patience to deal with me.

Last Thursday my new therapist asked “What caused you the most pain in the last ten years?” or something like that and I was “struck dumb” as the saying goes in that I couldn’t speak.

It was like a noose was around my neck, pulling tighter and tighter and the pain from my throat became increasingly unbearable with the gravity of the question and my inability to point to one thing immediately just that the question hurt too much to respond to and I didn’t want to start talking because I might start crying and not be able to stop and I am just. so. tired. of. crying.

Odd thing is I’ve been slowly feeling better.

I can’t point to a why or an a-ha moment or a medicine or a new diet or exercise routine. I have been broadcasting daily, I have been communicating with people and leading #5for5BrainDump and I even have a schedule and some pay-to-play programs scheduled which people are interested in taking with me.

I’ve been writing for about ten minutes now. Haven’t edited but my timer went off and I kept going. I know it is best if I stop and come back so I think I will do that, after I re-read and come up with some “moral to this story.”

I’ll just wrap back around to where I started.

I realized today I need to stop looking back at that ten-years-ago story. It is a chapter, it isn’t the whole story. What I am doing now is finally getting up, finally shaking the mud off my face and realizing the mud has kept me safe to a certain extent.

I could talk about my cancer or other such chatter and I won’t, except for what I just said.

Now, and the actions I take in it, are what matters. Being charming, silly, passionate, pull-out-the-soapbox-whenever-the-right-mood-strikes-me JJS is what matters.

Some people will think this writing is self- indulgent and silly. I believe it is helpful to whomever has read to the end. It isn’t for me to judge, it is just for me to hit publish. Which I’m doing now.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s  creative lives.

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterest

What Brings Light to the Darkness? Daily Writing, Everytime

by

I didn’t know for certain whether I would write today. I’ve been feeling lousy – new medicine and adjustments to it have not been smooth – and I just didn’t feel like it.

Yes, that would be me, who knows and has known for years, the value of daily writing practice.

What is up with that?

I sat at my desk for a tiny slice of time and made a writing affirmation image and realized the message was as much for me as it is for anyone else.

Funny how often that happens.

So I will stand hand-in-hand, heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul with the affirmation I just wrote.

Read it, say it, write it with me now:

Daily writing brings light to the darkness. When I write, I feel confident, capable and courageous.

Yes, that statement is true. I have remembered and written into that truth so many times: daily writing does bring light to the darkness. It helps to process what may feel unsayable until it is written. It is silent and you are with it alone – with no one else lobbing judgment at you, you say to yourself what is so and in doing exactly that, you shine the light on it.

When I confess to the page, “I feel lousy, this medicine has been kicking my butt straight into silence” is like a flashlight of clarity. “Wow, it has been keeping me from doing what I love. I haven’t done many livestream broadcasts because I’ve been so tired. I haven’t made many images and beyond my braindumping, I haven’t written at all.”

The light of clarity reminds me I don’t have to stay in this zone of silence, this disempowering slice of experience.

Instead, I realize while it may be the medicine’s side effects at cause, I may now make choices and step into a variety of solutions.

And writing for five minutes, #5for5BrainDump style has power.

Here’s more evidence.

(My timer went off three sentences ago this time. I’ll stop and hit publish, even if the confession itself feels wobbly. That’s part of being courageous.)

 

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops,

Coming Up: 30 Days of Writing Passionately

books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist  whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterest

How to Make Writing More Fun & Effective (Even if You Have Depression)

by

It is possible to write: even when you have depression

Confession: I have an ongoing relationship with depression. I am not depressed, I don’t suffer with depression – I have a relationship with depression, one I’ve had since childhood.

It often goes underground and becomes invisible. Occasionally it comes roaring to the surface as it has for well over a year now, but especially evident since January.

As a creative, depression can be especially brutal for me because a big part of my symptomology includes very low motivation and flat affect. This morning I sat at my desk and I willed myself to write and in the process it occurred to me there may be many of you out there in a similar situation.

What I was reminded of this morning is the effectiveness of creating mini-writing goals and games to move me from a space of not-writing to writing.

The net result? I feel better. I would love nothing more at this point than to know I helped someone else feel better, too. I offer these suggestions as possibilities. Please try them on and write with them, at least for a day or two or maybe even three.

Let’s Play Writing Games with Goals (and feel better in the process.)

  1. 1. Make your writing goal game as simple as possible: write one sentence. Then another, then another. Often with depression we can’t even begin to state a goal like we can when we are not feeling depressed. That once shining, glittering project gets fuzzy and grows into your scariest version of the abominable snow man and the loch ness monster combined. Your first writing goal? Write five sentences on the same topic. Doesn’t matter if it is a paragraph and it doesn’t matter if it makes sense. Five sentences. Period.
  2. Find one person to report to daily or almost daily. Be sure to determine if that person is a match for you. I had an accountability partner briefly but her energy literally stressed me out more than I was so it wouldn’t work at that moment in time. Find a compassionate person who has your best interest at heart who is capable of holding a flashlight alongside you to illuminate your greatest accomplishments, not the glaring weaknesses you may be prone to see first and foremost, always.
  3. When your own words are exceptionally stubborn, search for quotes on topics you would normally be inspired to write about and then hand write those quotes into your notebook or journal. It may sound odd, but copying good writing often leads to writing your own good writing. Perhaps pick up a favorite novel and start copying a favorite scene from it, word by word by word. This is a writer’s block medicine that works every time. Don’t think it will? Try it, without attachment and let me know what happens.
  4. Write what is around you in the precise moment you sit down to write. Allow yourself to have fun with what is around you. This morning, I wrote this while trying to figure out what to write:

I heard my coffee maker call out, “Come get your cup! Drink it! Feel better!” so I think I will. I can hear the sprinkler outside the window and if I close my eyes I can feel the moisture in the air against my skin and pretend I’m close to the ocean or river or a like, maybe, rather than my Bakersfield living room.

 I started the day working, aiming to be pleasant and gracious when I wasn’t feeling it, whittling away time with people I didn’t want to be with in exchange for a few dollars as I contemplated sunrise and the possibility of exchanging my time for a substitute teaching gig.

 I think about my writing goals – actually my goals in general, and I think about what one might do to light that passion fire again, to once again see the potential in a project one once loved and since has sputtered out – victim of lack of oxygen and fuel.

 I sit with my hands under my chin, my eyes closed, and realize I could easily choose to fall back to sleep, to let my mind go numb again but something nudges me from the inside to continue typing, to keep getting words out – to light the way for others so that when they feel less-than-optimal they may read these words and remember there is a better, more companionable way.

 5. Be open to enjoyment of the process. Depression is never fun and moments within it may actually be exactly the light we need to begin feeling better. When I actually write, I almost always feel better later. If you need help with this, we will be doing #5for5BrainDump livestream sessions on my Periscope Channel for the next two weeks. These WILL help you to write.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist  whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

 

 

 

 

 

 Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterest