This afternoon I felt like a deflated balloon.
One minute I was smiling and energized and when I switched the off button if I didn’t have a body I might as well have just fizzled flat and evaporated instantly.
If I wasn’t myself and I was one of my closest friends I would have walked me to a comfy bed and tucked me in. “You need a break, Julie. You have clearly been pushing yourself… and doing a good job, too, by the way.”
Instead I stumbled into the fresh air on my front porch and called Jennie, my friend who once lived around the corner in her “zen house” where I used to go to get filled up when I felt like an emptied balloon.
I didn’t vocalize all of what was bothering me, but later I spent time writing and old storylines poured off the end of my pen.
So many worries about not being good enough, not succeeding in what felt like a true sense, not making a difference…. and even as I write these words I have the compulsion to add a caveat, “I am not writing this so you will either reassure me or tell me I am being ridiculous, I am writing these words because at this moment, at this time, it was what I felt.”
Having high ideals and wildly wonderful dreams is challenging enough when the world feels familiar, but in this surreal time when we feel like nothing works like it did just weeks ago, it feels impossible.
Here’s the thing: even though it feels impossible, moving forward anyway – allowing ourselves to recharge and get back into our purpose and our vision and try again – is my most important work right now.
There’s no saying “wait until tomorrow” with this.
Today is tomorrow.
I rested my head against the back of my chair. That makes no sense, today is tomorrow. Except in reality, I started this yesterday and am editing today – so yes: today is tomorrow.
I also know that sometimes when things don’t make sense they make the most sense of all.
Hold onto your high ideals and your vision. Allow your purpose to sustain you. Open your arms, your eyes and your pen to catch your “what’s next” even if you don’t quite succeed.
It’s our time to stay in the game.
Julie JordanScott is the Creative Life Midwife. She inspires people to live their life as an artform and then take action towards their best results. Her specialty is writing – her easiest way to express what she does is this: She Coaches. You Write. Your Readers Win! During the 2020 Pandemic she is also leading daily Virtual Coffee Dates, Facilitating Intentional Conversation so people will feel less isolated during this time of social and physical distancing. You may register and attend the Virtual Coffee Dates by clicking here or the image below.