How to Make Writing More Fun & Effective (Even if You Have Depression)

June 9, 2017 by jjscreativelifemidwife 1 Comment

Confession: I have an ongoing relationship with depression. I am not depressed, I don’t suffer with depression – I have a relationship with depression, one I’ve had since childhood.

It often goes underground and becomes invisible. Occasionally it comes roaring to the surface as it has for well over a year now, but especially evident since January.

As a creative, depression can be especially brutal for me because a big part of my symptomology includes very low motivation and flat affect. This morning I sat at my desk and I willed myself to write and in the process it occurred to me there may be many of you out there in a similar situation.

What I was reminded of this morning is the effectiveness of creating mini-writing goals and games to move me from a space of not-writing to writing.

The net result? I feel better. I would love nothing more at this point than to know I helped someone else feel better, too. I offer these suggestions as possibilities. Please try them on and write with them, at least for a day or two or maybe even three.

Let’s Play Writing Games with Goals (and feel better in the process.)

1. Make your writing goal game as simple as possible: write one sentence. Then another, then another. Often with depression we can’t even begin to state a goal like we can when we are not feeling depressed. That once shining, glittering project gets fuzzy and grows into your scariest version of the abominable snow man and the loch ness monster combined. Your first writing goal? Write five sentences on the same topic. Doesn’t matter if it is a paragraph and it doesn’t matter if it makes sense. Five sentences. Period.
Find one person to report to daily or almost daily. Be sure to determine if that person is a match for you. I had an accountability partner briefly but her energy literally stressed me out more than I was so it wouldn’t work at that moment in time. Find a compassionate person who has your best interest at heart who is capable of holding a flashlight alongside you to illuminate your greatest accomplishments, not the glaring weaknesses you may be prone to see first and foremost, always.
When your own words are exceptionally stubborn, search for quotes on topics you would normally be inspired to write about and then hand write those quotes into your notebook or journal. It may sound odd, but copying good writing often leads to writing your own good writing. Perhaps pick up a favorite novel and start copying a favorite scene from it, word by word by word. This is a writer’s block medicine that works every time. Don’t think it will? Try it, without attachment and let me know what happens.
Write what is around you in the precise moment you sit down to write. Allow yourself to have fun with what is around you. This morning, I wrote this while trying to figure out what to write:

I heard my coffee maker call out, “Come get your cup! Drink it! Feel better!” so I think I will. I can hear the sprinkler outside the window and if I close my eyes I can feel the moisture in the air against my skin and pretend I’m close to the ocean or river or a like, maybe, rather than my Bakersfield living room.

I started the day working, aiming to be pleasant and gracious when I wasn’t feeling it, whittling away time with people I didn’t want to be with in exchange for a few dollars as I contemplated sunrise and the possibility of exchanging my time for a substitute teaching gig.

I think about my writing goals – actually my goals in general, and I think about what one might do to light that passion fire again, to once again see the potential in a project one once loved and since has sputtered out – victim of lack of oxygen and fuel.

I sit with my hands under my chin, my eyes closed, and realize I could easily choose to fall back to sleep, to let my mind go numb again but something nudges me from the inside to continue typing, to keep getting words out – to light the way for others so that when they feel less-than-optimal they may read these words and remember there is a better, more companionable way.

5. Be open to enjoyment of the process. Depression is never fun and moments within it may actually be exactly the light we need to begin feeling better. When I actually write, I almost always feel better later. If you need help with this, we will be doing #5for5BrainDump livestream sessions on my Periscope Channel for the next two weeks. These WILL help you to write.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

How the Language of Every Day Creates…. Contentment, A-ha Moments & More

May 16, 2017 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

What would you say if I told you this post was built upon two five minute writing sessions and a life inspired by challenges and overcoming fear, a long held and unrecognized until recently addiction?

Here’s the thing: I believe in writing in 5 minute chunks. This is well documenting. Allowing words to flow and then massaging them later simply works.

In the next paragraph there is a quote by William Stafford. I read this quote and a poem (tomorrow a video of me reading it will be at the bottom of this post) and the rest of the words tumbled forth, musical notes accompanied by a five-minute exercise I created called the #5for5BrainDump.

Join me, now, on this word adventure.

“When you make a poem you merely speak or write the language of every day, capturing as many bonuses as possible and economizing on losses; that is, you come aware to what always goes on in language, and you use it to the limit of your ability and your power of attention to the moment.”

William Stafford

I challenged myself to write poetry this time: no institution or celebratory month is guiding me.

It is purely my desire to practice, my will to dig more deeply, bring to life my idea that poetry creation might help me to figure stuff out a little bit better than… not.

I have a word pool (a collection of words to stir up the process and serve as a sort of paint-on-a-writing-palette and my timer is moving.

Grind groove habit hang up “into” manner matter of course mode observance.

It (fear) comes upon me it seems without warning, like the breeze suddenly lifting my hair from my shoulders

Flirting with me, making me feel more than slightly feminine and deep inside my core whispers, “You are a girl, this is what it is, sink into that feeling of something else moving your hair, giving you that weightless out of control oh, doesn’t that feel just right” feeling and I stop, my stomach beginning to churn, “no, it isn’t like that it isn’t like that.”

Is it like the way you feel when you are dancing, grooving, moving your body in a way that feels slightly to the left of heaven and full steam ahead into paradise when you catch someone looking with the eyebrow raised just so and the tongue on the tip of the cluck so you skip a beat and stop and slow and sludge becomes the order of the day and you forget you love to dance and you certainly don’t get anything except regret back anytime soon.

It is a matter of course then? An item on the daily to-do?

Feel fear and be paralyzed, all the time?

How to invite fear and expand it horizontally and vertically in 5 simple blood curdling steps?

Take five doses of fear daily and be sure to get nowhere in life except frightened. Repeat doses daily, add another dosage if nothing happens.

I almost stop typing because it is so preposterous and I know the adage of “what we focus on grows” so I remind myself, “This is just a game.”

Passionate Possibilities otherwise known as my week long Daily to-do list:

When I feel fear creep into my space, take note of it. Pre-program responses such as these to say internally and aloud if it helps. . “Fear – I see you for who you are. You are not welcome here. Good bye! Today, I choose courage.”

When I feel fear creep into my space, I will feel my feet on the ground – every inch of connection noted to the floor, the carpet, the sand, the grass, the concrete and I will express gratitude for the feeling of connection. I will repeat, “Today, I choose courage.”

When I feel fear mocking my femininity through seduction or flirtation, I will note it and remember the potent heroes and sheroes of the feminine. I will reach my hands out and build a bridge with them. I will affirm myself, “This is a bridge over fear to courage. Today, I choose peace.” (The word after today I choose may change according to what feels the most resonant with that day.)

My five-minute-timer went off about three minutes ago.

I elected to continue writing because the insights were continuing to be born. I knew actively giving them space would net more benefit for me and for you, my readers, so I chose to stay with it because today I am choosing courage, peace, poetry and you and me.

Who will be brave enough to tell me about your fear or better yet, who else is brave enough to begin building that bridge from fear into courage?

Maybe you’ve built it partially before or maybe you just haven’t used the bridge you once built and it requires some slight adjustments.

In any and all of those cases, know I am here to listen, to sit alongside you and together we have the passion and collective power to craft intentionally toward your most vivid, aligned with your vision future.

To request an appointment with me to talk, text or message about my programs and upcoming possibilities, please fill out the contact form on my website.

The world is waiting for your words: you are worth taking the time to gain clarity and get your voice on the page and into the world now.

Coming Up: 30 Days of Writing Passionately

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-mediaartist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming through the end of 2017.

Love & Fear & Pain and How Writing Always Provides a Path to Feeling Better: Every Single Time

May 5, 2017 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

It happened again today, something happened that I long to write about but I don’t want to write because I don’t want to feel the pain of it.

I am still awake at 2:01 am. A fly is buzzing about my otherwise quiet room and I may open the window to tune into a bird who is singing outside the window, or was, before I attempted to construct this sentence.

I open the windows, I set my timer and the bird no longer sings.

A car drives by, a candle flickers next to me: no bird song.

What a moment ago brought infinite delight may so easily be clouded by unnecessary thought pollution: “I did something wrong, I didn’t appreciate the bird so the bird flew away. Perhaps the mulberries went stale from the power of complaints about them earlier today. My neighbor hates my mulberry tree and probably hates birds, too. Especially when they poop purple.”

I take my hands off the keyboard.

I listen to the silence, coaxing the bird back.

Here’s the thing: I can’t coax the bird back, I can only coax myself back to the keyboard, one word at a time. I remembered earlier today throughout the day, “I feel better when I write.”

The several days ago version of me must have known this version of me would be appearing, the version of me that gets buried in sadness, that gets tugged at by insecurity and worry and fear.

I was startled by the sound of applause, my timer setting announcing my five minutes of writing is done.

I examine my fingers, distraction addiction, and I decide to “re-up” for a second five minutes, focusing on love. Love as a prompt, I think, toning “love” in between sentences, phrases and quotes of love.

Like the Beatles singing, “All you need is love…” and the cynical version of me shoves a raspberry in her mouth and blows out in disagreement, blotting the thought from my consciousness. Love: is a many splendored thing.

I don’t understand lyrics and writing like that. What is a “splendored thing” anyway?
Reminds me of the many ways NOT to use jargon in writing. Splendid I understand, superb I get. These are good, more than adequate.

Splendored is silly almost junior high aged attempt to be smart sounding?

Love is. Love IS! That’s the perfect love sentence and in fact, is quite grounding.

Love is patient, as Paul says. Love is kind. Love is purple – lavender, the color of sunrise and sunset and transitions. Love will keep you steady during transitions and times of difficulty. Love sometimes leans in and holds you when you need it. Sometimes love wants to show you a slightly different way and you might even feel hurt by it (like the… and the applause comes again and I decided to stop before I ramble down that lane that might come across as negative.

It is 2:14. The time twice a day that remembers Valentine’s Day.

As almost always, I feel better now than when I started. Which is why I write and suggest, so strongly, other people write, too. Just let your words flow, don’t worry about grammar or syntax or rules you long ago learned and forgot.

Just move your pencil, your pen, your fingers on the keyboard.

And now I have a writing prompt for tomorrow.

Things just keep getting better.

The Struggle is Conceived in Your Mind and Cemented in Your “Buy In” + Lack of Intentional Action

May 4, 2017 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

Please, please, please may our lives move beyond memes and into three dimensional living?

I am trying to not be a pain in the derrierre. Truly. But there are certain lines I just can’t cross.

I have taken a stand against foul language as well as violent language. If marketers or even brilliant people say they have a killer program or they want to slay or kick (usually a version of a donkey) or the like, I just won’t consume that product.

So I felt a real “ick, no won’t get there” vibe with the word “struggle” and when a challenge I am in focused on my ideal client’s struggles and writing struggles into being so that I could slay them I just had to say no.

I am choosing not to do that.

I decided first I would try to play nice. I would do some research on synonyms for struggle and all would be well and I would transform my thoughts.

The exact opposite happened.

Synonyms for struggle all lined up with violence and battle and difficulty and all of those not-Julie-isms I realized there is a reason for this disapproval. There is a reason none of this sits well for me and I get blocked by it.

When I say I am aligned with peace and justice and equality and love, I need to use language accordingly.

Instead of struggle, I will choose to create with the word “Challenge” because that – my friends, is something I thrive on.

Why?

A challenge may be won by many.

A challenge may be embraced collaboratively: there doesn’t have to be one big kahuna, there may be a tribe standing in a circle and singing “kum-bay-a” as they reach the top if that fits.

When I was a kid my siblings teased me mercilously because I didn’t want to play the family softball games. “How about no score keeping this time?” I would offer up. “What if this time we don’t have winners and losers?”
Back then it was because I didn’t like having responsibility for making my team lose, but little compassionate sweet hearted Julie is still alive and well in middle-aged Julie.

I challenge you to pay close attention to the words you are using and the way you are using said words.

I challenge you to aim towards being the most successful person you may possibly be and perhaps even gathering a few others up in your reach and inspiring them to be ridiculously successful, too.

I challenge you to laugh, to love, to sing, paint, dance, hike, build others up with abandon. Wear tie-dye if you feel like it. Wear a three piece suit or carry a personalized Coco Chanel bag.

Or create a vision of yourself in your ideal place. Dream wide and deep and colorful.

Let’s do this – whatever your this is.

The world is waiting.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

The Literary Grannies Rise Because…. They Want Us to Be Free

May 2, 2017 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

It isn’t a secret I love literary grannies: women writers who forged a path so that my words would be more respected than they might have been without them. I’ve written about them, I’ve visited many homes and gravesites and workspaces.

I’ve shared their work, I’ve fangirled their books, I’ve searched for photos, made jewelry and mixed media art emblazoned with their faces. I love these women similar to how I have crushes on Albert Schweitzer and Henry David Thoreau.

Recently I’ve been thinking about my literary grannies more and more and after finding the opening quote from Anne Sexton, it only seemed right to continue my thoughts in poem form.

I created this prompt as well – which you may also see in my Instragram Feed or on my Writing Camp with JJS facebook page.

For The Others

“I am a collection of dismantled almosts.”
― Anne Sexton,

Have you heard the debate about 13 reasons why?

I wonder what Anne would say?

I wonder how Sylvia would spin it?

I wonder what Virginia and Sara might chime in when people made statements like “don’t watch” or “you must watch” or “we must talk about this” we must break down the walls.

A slight mist of a memory taps on my fingers.

“Remember Mr. Riordan (not exactly his name – the context here has given him a pseudonym(

gave your paper to the student teacher to grade.

Did she ever say anything to anyone about the story I wrote?

The story of suicide? The months later when I hid in a closet rather than go to school?”

No one said depression back then. No one suggested I might be fragile.

Might benefit from having someone of my own to talk to.

Someone who would listen without being afraid of what might dissolve

If I gave it voice.

My life now, becoming a love letter to her from the future.

I was a collection of dismantled almosts, like Anne.

And like Sylvia, I know the value of expecting nothing from anybody

Except for myself – now.

“If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.”

Sylvia Plath

This is for you, Anne.

And you, Virginia.

And you, Charlotte.

And you, Sara.

And you, Sylvia.

This is for the women who remain nameless –

= = =

Sara Teasdale is a favorite poet, a prize winning liteary granny, who committed suicide.

I also wrote this as a facebook status/note after seeing yet another commentary on why we should or shouldn’t watch the controversial Netflix series, “13 Reasons.” Here it is:

I’ve been listening/reading the conversation about “13 Reasons”, the Netflix series about teen suicide. Tonight when I read an article about it and how a counselor at Montclair Public Schools wrote a letter that was sent to all parents in their schools about it.

This reminded me of a short story I wrote in eighth grade about a girl attempting suicide. I got a decent grade, but I remember being disappointed I wasn’t pulled aside to talk. When I hid in a closet for four days during school hours to avoid going to school because I was bullied and taunted, it wasn’t talked about (to me) afterwards either.

After I graduated from Dana Hills high school, four classmates killed themselves. Discussed only in passing.

When Marlena was stillborn and I finally went to therapy and my therapist said the word “depression” in relationship to me I remember hearing my heartbeat crushingly loud in my ears. I could barely hear myself mumble that away. “This is situational…” I think I lasted two more sessions.

We need to talk openly about mental illness and grief. It isn’t drama or manipulation. It isn’t game playing. People with mental illness are not to be avoided and for goodness sakes, don’t ignore them – we all deserve to be heard. When I am in a depressed phase, having no one talk with me is beyond words sad.

I’m sleepy. Just wanted to say this before I went to sleep.

http://www.cnn.com/…/13-reasons-why-teen-suicide-debate-ex…/

Virginia Woolf and her sisters. She also died due to suicide.

Take a mini retreat in the canyon, perhaps… or in a local park.

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735

How to Find Inspiration – Discover Infinite Topics to Write About Today

May 1, 2017 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

Sometimes you need to find inspiration rather than hoping, wishing and praying inspiration will find you.

This morning I was inspired by the very experience of waking up in a different than normal room. It was a rare all alone morning. I was greeted by the sunrise to and in two hours was terrifically inspired and documenting playfully brought so many rewards, including this exact blog post.

Here is what the morning delivered to Instagram, first take.

Sunday morning in the Tank Room: my notebook, a steaming cup of coffee, windows with fresh chilled air wide open. The pages await.

The sadness and perceived failures of last week are gone. Processing is ongoing. The words are waiting right on the edge of my pen, the paper waits in joyful anticipation.

As a new week begins, take a moment to forgive yourself and have compassion as necessary for what was. Stand in the blessings of what is now – no matter how gloomy or sunny or pale and pasty it looks.

Take out your notebook and write. Start with gratitude or a description of where you are and simply move your pencil. Follow where it leads you.

Tips and Writing Prompt:

Review your weekend for gold nuggets and seeds for writing and reflection. On a fresh page in your writing notebook (or in a document on your computer) start a list from 1 – 10.

Recall moments that are continuing to show up because of either how they felt as they lived them or what your senses told you in the moment of experience.

I have many from this particular weekend because I finally got out of town after a long time of no visits anyplace other than my own four walls and places in the near vicinity, but this experience of nuggets and seeds for writing is something that happens every day, no matter where you are.

I will prove this by providing a list from my own life daily this week so that you may see this practice put into use.

I am setting a timer and giving myself five minutes to complete this list.

Feel free to do a quick review of any images you took, snap chat story pieces you told and Instagram photos and well as tweets and facebook conversations.

I made a fun and short youtube video. Do you want to watch it? Check it out by clicking on the image and visiting Youtube. Subscribe to me there.

These “throwaway” items may be exactly the seeds you need to create some content that inspires and delights your audiences.

I’m setting a timer to get my list done efficiently.

Amtrak to Fresno. Mimosas and for me, What was I doing with my phone?
Walking in the heat, ugh, didn’t like that part.
Poppies
A room of my own – sunrise haven
Living in a tree
Sun-moon-room
Hussle hussle hussle…. J
Undercover Uber
I felt old, so old

Little Julie writes in a windowsill
Two poems on one morning
I manifested this?
Syncronicity rules – this roost, this nest I’m finding myself in
Agriculture and politics
Do I fit in anywhere? No. And it doesn’t matter, really.
Why aren’t I doing this?
Confidence cluster (build it)
The magic carpet backpack
Blonde Chicana, cake and I need to connect more
Emma’s story intersects with my story
Need to reach out to contact Arcadia because that one faculty member won’t let go, isn’t appropriate and is being downright abusive.
Midsummer Damn I need to rent you
Can there be any more mulberries?
Pizza on the street and Chocolate cake in the Zen Meditation Tea room
Beer in red cups in a skate shop with a bunch of poets
He looked like that guy in 30something? YES! He did!
TIME!

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

Your Time is Now: Show Up & Follow Through Because This is How Satisfaction Starts

April 19, 2017 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

When I follow through and write like I say I will write, I am never disappointed. I am always glad – even if what comes out seems like the biggest mish-mash gooey meaningless slop of words, it is better than not moving my pencil, my pen or my fingers on the keyboard.

I know this is how satisfaction starts.

When I say, “I am going to write!” and I don’t – it is as if my hands get stuck in a tar-glue and I can’t move a thing. I can’t engage with my thoughts because everything gets heavier. Nothing is clear. It all slows down.

You might be thinking, “If I write freely, I might dislodge something I would rather forget!”

I’m slightly embarrassed to confess this, but I am guilty of not returning to yoga because the last class I took opened something up in me that caused me to sob so strongly I may have disrupted the class. I am yoga blocked even though I love it because of that similar fear I hear from writers.

I hadn’t realized that until right now.

So there you have it. I am with you in your writing block in my yoga block.

Who wants to join me in making an agreement?

How about it?

You “Yoga” (I’m using it as a verb here) or Write (or Yoga and Write – a truly tremendous combination) and I will as well.

How about we start on Monday.

For some reason, in my head, I am hearing. “I’m Tarzan, You’re Jane.”

I’m willing to take it one more deeply.

I’m willing to take and share a photo of me Yoga-ing. Starting Monday.

I just sighed at myself. Really? Julie, are you certain about this? You’ve done some crazy stuff before but… are you sure?

I am sure of this. I need several breakthroughs. The only way to create breakthroughs is to take specific, focused action. This I can do.

I know it.

Note to self: When I follow through and yoga like I say I will yoga, I am never disappointed. I am always glad – even if what comes out seems like the biggest mish-mash gooey meaningless slop of a pose, it is better than not moving my body on the mat.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

Check out the social media links above to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.

What do you want to write about, anyway? Hint: Being Present, Alert and Authentic Will Show the Way

March 8, 2017 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

Yesterday I sat on a bus stop bench in South Pasadena, pulled out my notebook and wrote, just wrote – captured the moment, the scents, the scene the rightness of my response to the tug of history I didn’t know and most likely will never know.

I wrote in South Pasadena on a bench I had never seen before pouring out words that will most likely never be read.

I looked behind me and noticed a wild, free form arrangement of purple and yellow star shaped flowers I later learned were lantana. I pushed my face into the flowers, breathing them in, slightly aware the people driving past wondered what this more-than-a-little-chubby-middle-aged-woman was doing and why was she so happy?

“Another off-the-course-of-reality” homeless person,” one of them might think.

I thought about my Granny, a long-time resident of South Pasadena whose one-time home would now be on the market for several million dollars if it was to sell.

I got in my car and responded to a call in what might be called the downtown section of her town where a metro train station now lives and a skateboarder named Brian waited for me to take him to North Hollywood.

I taught him the word “Country bumpkin.” He reminded me anyone you meet may be a writer, a poet, a person with a story to tell. I reminded him even older ladies you meet in Pasadena once skateboarded at the beach.

We are all connected, after all, there are no accidents – only synchronicity – and if we keep our hearts and eyes open, we will notice miracles awaiting our embrace day after day after day after day.

There doesn’t have to be a moral to the story, there is only and always and most importantly your story. Write it. Share it. Connect with others through it. Bring the world closer in the process. Feel happier. Smile more.

Isn’t that truly what we’re all after?

Here’s my blissful day in a snippet-by-snippet video. Fun!

Brain Dump to the Rescue – Especially when we are the least likely damsel ever –

February 23, 2017 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

Writing makes things right again, pure and simple.

Writing makes things tangible again, brings us back to real time rather than yesterday or tomorrow. Writing allows us to sort the facts from the fantasy, both idealized and frightening. Writing makes things right again, every time we allow ourselves the space to let our thoughts flow freely – you know what I’m talking about, I am sure of it.

Not laborious, face of the red-pen bearing grim reaper of words third grade teacher you would rather forget but words, flowing freely like the cursive e’s I didn’t even know were “e’s” scrawled along blue lined paper.

When I close my eyes and allow my memory to drift, I can still feel that paper across my lap, against the skin on my little four-year-old-thighs. “I’m writing,” I would say, I’m sure earnestly. “I’m writing” and I knew it felt good and I knew writing could make anything better.

It isn’t the actual mechanics though it is.

It isn’t the finding perfection, it is allowing the perfection and the imperfect imperfection to crowl quietly down your forearm and dive off the tip of your pencil or pen. “Julie, do you remember? Julie, do you hear what I’m saying? Julie… darling one…. Hi.”

I remember the first time I was in a psychiatrist’s office and my head was bent and eyes, downcast in a stew of numb disbelief, unnamed fear and the silent, unwhispered help I sometimes see in the faces of homeless people who have given up begging because it stopped working.

That dear psychiatrist but his face in a place where my eyes would see him.

That’s what words do, too.

Sometimes I don’t recognize it until the first re-read and I say, some level of surprise greeting my face, “I wrote that? That came from me?”

YES! The you buried underneath all the stuff people say you should be, the tasks others say “you should do that” all the beliefs that created this brick wall of unworthy which we want to deconstruct and make into a meandering path to what is actually true for you.

I found in my Brain Dump the other day “righting” for writing – and that’s how my words reminding me, “Writing makes things right, every time.”

Word-Love Play: Let’s Fall in Love with the Voluptuousness of Words Now

February 8, 2017 by jjscreativelifemidwife Leave a Comment

There are some words that make me swoon, like there are some smells that actually have been known to make me close my eyes and moan from someplace deep in my gut, beyond my physical hunger there is this place that understands the smell of rosemary and flour, a soft tickle of a breeze in the mid-summer desert heat, an especially tight harmony all land there and my response is a pleasure-sound from that ancient depths place within me that doesn’t even have a proper name.

(Perhaps its name IS a sound?)

Contemplative is one of those words.

Four syllables whose definition is pleasurable and the experience of it moving from my throat across my tongue and teeth and the sound like a prayer, “Con – tem – pla – tive” bursts forth, almost prayer like each time.

Is it possible to have a crush on a word?

I talk about spreading the word-love virus and I am serious about that. Words are potent and getting more adept at their use provides a power few understand yet. We are at a point of word-breakthrough here yet my fascination with contemplative feels almost like – dare I say it? – word lust more than word love.

Is this why I enjoy onomatopoeia, internal rhyme and assonance? I’m not a big fan of overused alliteration – too ordinary.

Oh, for a well-placed combination of vowel sounds. See what I mean. Say that aloud, “vowel sounds”. Now wait, this entire sentence. Say it! “Now say that aloud, “vowel sounds.” All those round, muscular “o” moments.

If you will excuse me, please. I need a drink of water and perhaps my notebook and some pens. And some uninterrupted time.

You understand now. I know you do.