What Ended?

This has been a year of loss. January dawned with a full slate of cool activities here in Bakersfield for me and some opportunities reaching beyond. It felt like I was back: showing up in the media, in public speaking, in gigs, in so many activities that enriched me.

It felt like the fogginess of 2017 was lifting, all that struggle and fear about getting everything perfectly together and helping Emma readjust and all of that was behind me and this would finally be my shot to be back to who I used to be, just a better revised version.

December 2017 had a couple glitches – one notable one I believe is almost a year old to the day from now but I lived through that, primarily unknown to others around me as it was too horrible to share the “what happened” so, as is often my practice, I didn’t.

I just realized it was also my second round of chemo. I tend to edit those episodes out as somehow irrelevant. Interesting. It was only on my forehead so I changed my hairstyle so as not to alarm people with what happens to skin when it is subjected to chemo lotion and moved along into January, 2018 with a well rehearsed smile on my face.

I was the featured poet at an Open Mic early in January and I was startled at the numerous not-so-great amidst that great and then things started to slide. Once again, I’m opting not to share details which I trust you will respect.

One after another, organizations I have respected, raised money for, spoken up passionately about, caused harm or damage to the people I love. I am not even thinking of myself here, I am thinking of my loved ones. Again, because these are organizations I have long supported and still believe in, I remained silent.

So what ended was my naivete. What ended was my belief that just because organizations seemed to share my values and my causes, they may also be tainted by fear and won’t do what’s in alignment with what they purport because of mismanagement or other reasons but worst of all, when a client raises her hand to say “Hey, what about?” they care more about covering themselves than following up with the client.

What am I letting go of this year?

I am letting go of expectations.

I am reminded it is individuals who make the biggest difference. Individuals are less likely to hide behind the type of fear that sits atop board rooms and bureaucracies. I saw this when I worked for local government and in 2018, I saw it very strongly with organizations with mission statements directly in opposition with how I witnessed them carry out their work in practice.

Again, I don’t expect organizations and institutions to be the ones to come forward boldly and in a satisfying manner. I don’t expect individuals to, either.

I do continue to have high expectations for myself, however.

I am late with this posting.

I wrote and rewrote and wrote again.

I am glad now to mark it complete.

I will do my best to not discuss these matters further and do not desire to open these chapters up, again. I am simply choosing more consciously and will continue to steward my time as I move forward, with love.

Beloveds – This is the place where I will have an ongoing list of links for my adventures in Art Every Day Month – a fun exploration of Creativity hosted annually by Leah Piken Kolidas.

I have no idea how this will manifest or take form – so for now, we have pretty much a blank space. The idea of this completely delights me.

Watch here as November is born, lived and then brought to conclusion.

Today I was in a conversation when one person used “discernment” and another person confessed not knowing what discernment meant. Considering it was the second day in a row a term I don’t think about much popped into a conversation I knew I needed to spend a few minutes tossing the meaning around.

I couldn’t just offer a trite, under done answer. IN that circumstance, no one gets any better.
The power of discernment is like a vat of wine aging just enough or a batch of chocolate chip cookies straddling the line between just the right amount of gooey and the perfect assemblage of crunchy.

The gooey may be seen as the ability to quiet oneself enough to hear the music accompanying the heartbeat. Sometimes it is just the rhythm or the beat, other times it may be the surprising throughline and other times a lyricist’s sweet contralto floats across the barriers we often raise up between one another.

The crunchy though – in the oven for the tiniest speck of time longer at perhaps the smallest nth of a degree higher brings the cookies of discernment to hearing and then understanding.

Actually eating the cookie and nodding your head in joy at the taste and texture and sharing the cookie – even if one wants the entire thing – that is the fully flowing power of discernment. Hearing and understanding and sharing what we’ve heard and understood and perhaps then seen and deepened and yes, acted upon whether or not it made sense to anyone except for ourselves.

The folks who do this are the inventors, the change makers, the ones others look at with their left eye scrunched up and their ride eye still. “What is she up to now?” the left eye asks, usually with distaste.

The right eye says, “I’m not going to miss a thing because I know the surprise more than likely will taste good.

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This blog post was inspired in part to this question from the #SpiritChat Twitter Chat hosted each Sunday morning by Kumud Ajmani (@AjmaniK ‏ on Twitter) . I’ll be responding to the questions throughout the week as a way to “keep up” with the chat I’ve been sleeping through lately because Sunday at 6 am is sometimes just a little bit too early for me.

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Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books,

performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.

I smell coffee brewing, or hear it. I hear coffee brewing may be more accurate.

It is Friday morning. There is no school today. I am incredibly grateful to not have to move from my house unless and until I dictate it is so.

My brain immediately clicks into planning mode and my soft, gentle, calming hush mom-of-a-newborn self-steps in to pat my back in circles, “No plans are necessary, love, follow the flow, follow the flow…” so here I am. Staying steady in my chair typing words into my laptop and allowing the feeling of whole, holy satisfaction to leak from my fingers.

I have a creativity date set for later today which I may postpone due to the sweetness that comes from having a free, meandering day. It has been a week of hyper programming that felt very unsatisfying much of the time. I may work tonight – and I may not. I feel the call to that brand of silly satisfaction with the knowledge I don’t HAVE to and I may CHOOSE to.

My heart asked me to write of utopia. That I will do today.

I will write of utopia and love, true narrative and form. I may paint or collage or allow my process to swallow the soles of my feet like just damp enough soil does when you stand there long enough, kissing it, appreciating it, allowing the connection to feel like another dawn.

I hear the coffee has stopped perking.

Time for me to go appreciate differently.

How will you step into your Mom of a Newborn persona today to treat yourself with loving kindness?

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.

 

 

“Remember the dignity of your womanhood. Do not appeal, do not beg, do not grovel. Take courage, join hands, stand beside us.” —Christabel Pankhurst

It is the Day of the Girl: a day I didn’t know existed.

I look at this little tiny girl image of myself and think how sweet and unknowing she was. She didn’t even know her bangs looked sweetly off kilter. She had yet to learn she had a cowlick and therefore bangs were never a good idea, anyway.

I laugh at that now, too – or would that be considered laughing WITH that?

I’m not sure: but Day of the Girl reminds me of my daughter as little girls and the times when I was more optimistic. I was until the last few years inherently I would say almost stridently optimistic. There is a part of me that wishes I still was that way. It made for a much happier overall Julie.

The thing is, I believe we choose the way we experience things.

I may choose optimism by stepping into a practice of gratitude for example.

This Julie-as-Director-Artist-Activist was optimistic to her core, even when she angrily threw her script down due to conflicts at

home while she worked to create a meaningful presentation of an important work.
When I look at the most recent image of me, I see the littlest Julie with the sweet bangs and the strident optimistic angry flare up Julie as well.

I have always believed and stood for equality and like Mrs. Pankhurst, don’t believe in groveling or begging.

I think what I need to remember is the courage of joined hands, especially joined hands with other women of all a variety of ages, abilities, ethnicities, persuasions, socioeconomic, faith and activist groups.

Dignity and honor as we rise, separately and together.

It is the Day of the Girl, a day I didn’t know existed. Now that I know, I celebrate the continued path to equality.

Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world.  She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!

To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.