Today’s 5 minute writing came to me in a more circular way than my norm. I am on a retreat this week: I am still at home, but my focus is on curation and completion of content that has been hanging about, unfinished, in my “unpolished gems” files.
I started to write this after I had finished a couple unfinished videos and rewritten several poems from my upcoming collection. I opened my copy of “I Praise My Destroyer” by Diane Ackerman, re-read the opening stanza of her poem, “You will think this a dream” and within five minutes, another big breakthrough came to be. You may see yourself reflected in the process. Below is what I wrote:
It took me longer to get started than I am used to it taking.
I was settling in, diligently checking things off my massive to-do list, not wanting to be bothered with.. and here in the midst of my rather mindless writing that parenthesis of flame from my inner narrative rings out, loud and clear.
I don’t want to be a bother, so I…
Don’t ask for what I want.
Don’t allow the person I don’t ask to show me how much he or she or they actually care and want to actually do whatever it is I am not bothering to ask them.
Not so ironically, this is another of my deeply buried and believed to the soles of my feet and the soul of my heart, “My existence is a bother and certainly the pressure of my request or interruption in someone’s life is just that unbearable so instead… I just don’t.. I won’t… I can’t.” and that has become that has become that.
Concrete barriers that actually do have the capacity to crush me like the incredible shrinking walls scene about annually on most daytime soap operas.
I’ve only been writing for four minutes? This is completely unpleasant.
What if I wasn’t a bother?
My eye is now twitching. Why am I doing this again?
Oh yes, to shift in my belief.
The timer goes off and I give myself another minute.
If I didn’t believe my existence was a bother, I might not be so fearful when asking for help. My existence is a blessing.
My existence is a blessing.
My existence is a blessing.
When I believe my existence is a blessing, like I was just told this morning, making requests becomes a gift. Following through becomes restorative for all of us, and peace becomes a river that has found a way.
This instantly shifted from completely unpleasant to becoming a soft blanket and pillow, a reassuring smile and a thoughtful hug.
A five minute miracle that is allowing me to use the new mantra:
“My existence is a blessing,” and I may begin to use it more than the old, unconscious, destructive thought.
I am not a bother, my existence is a blessing.
My aim today with this writing was to inspire you to #1) Explore the power of reframing your personal narrative in order to simply feel better in general and to lead a more satisfying and productive life.
Please, join me now, as I take it on 5 minutes at a time for the next 30 days. This morning I was being challenged – so I started with a quote I found by an unknown-to-me woman. I googled “inspiring quotes for women and this is what I got. I set my timer for 5 minutes and started to write.
Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!
To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session or to request she speak at your next event, call or text her at 661.444.2735