Sometimes it feels like I am always rushing. Today I created a time buffer and I was still racing around due to a misplaced debit card I hadn’t discovered was misplaced until I was at the ATM halfway to my destination and I fumbled in my wallet for the absent card.
I managed to rush home and race back to the ATM and slide into place with ten minutes to spare, but in the midst of the rushing back and forth I was giving myself a quiet, calm pep talk.
“The old Julie would give up, the new Julie knows it is more important she show up and participate however that looks.”
“The old Julie would be critiquing her forgetfulness, yelling at her inability to be organized and with foresight to realize her shortcoming before it happened. The new Julie recognizes her own humanity and mirror compassion back at herself.”
“The old Julie would sentence herself to solitary confinement until some magical day when she started to ‘do better’ which is difficult to ‘do” when she has no measurement of social improvement in self-imposed exile. The new Julie is grateful she has a friend who invited her out, who she could safely confide in her dilemma, and who trusted her in every step she made along the way.”
My friend saved my seat: all was well. I filled myself with deep breaths. I made space to restore calm prior to the “main event” – absorbing new knowledge from the meeting I was attending, connecting with new people and old friends, deciding what applications to take with me afterwards.
When I was spit out from that womb of safety two hours later I was right back into the race, this time on mom-delivery duty.
Somewhere in those precious two hours my friend saw something in me that prompted her to text me saying “I keep learning new things about you. You amaze me!”
I texted back, “I wish I would amaze myself more!”
She gave me a smart suggestion I often overlook, “”Look at yourself from the perspective of other people.”
I sent a smile emoji and wrote, “I’m working on it….”
I’ve had a long practiced unconscious habit of not valuing myself.
I ask myself: How much praise from myself will it take for me to believe it?
It isn’t the amount of praise that matters, it is me believing these things about myself are valuable that matters.
What will it take for me to change these perspectives and transform them into beliefs? In the past I would harp on myself to create more evidence in order to manifest greater levels of belief in myself.
Maybe that is what I am doing without even knowing it.
Lately I have been spending more time in meditation. I have been purposefully feeding my spirit with a healthy dose of kudos from others. I have been pampering myself with loving self-reflection and spending time with people who like me not because of what I do, but because I exist.
These people remind me the world really is better because I am here in all my quirky, silly, unique-viewed, word-loving self.
I recognize healing like this doesn’t come overnight and it doesn’t come in one mountain top a-ha. It is a process it is a (choose your favorite journey, path, etc metaphor.) It doesn’t end, it integrates. It resurfaces for a variety of reasons none of which say “You are less than” or “you are not worthy” or “you are not enough.”
Healing comes in repetition, like the sunrise repeats itself every day.
Feeling better comes from multiple directions from multiple sources: different people at different times and different circumstances. Practice saying “This is all good” because it is, all good.
Julie JordanScott, the Creative Life Midwife, is a writer, a poet performer, a Creativity Coach, A Social Media Whiz and a Mother of three. One of her greatest joys include loving people into their greatness they just aren’t quite able to realize yet. She spent a year working as a leader of an Instagram Group and is now leveraging that experience to create a learning workshop/playshop experience about instagram based on having fun called Summer Lovin’ with Instagram. Click this link to find out more. To set up a complimentary exploratory session, please visit here. Be sure to follow her on Social Media platforms so you may participate in one of her upcoming events. You won’t want to miss a thing – your future self will thank you!