“Any power this brutish beast has held will be finished. It will be exhilarating. It will be enlivening. It will be freeing beyond my current understanding of what freedom means.”
The quote above is writing from yesterday. I’ve devoted myself to writing out my personal narrative – and take direct aim at the self-destructive aspects of it so that I may fearlessly and fully express myself in all ways.
It is interesting what has happened today regarding this particular memory.
I have started rationalizing, refreshing “the good side” which is absolutely present. There were and are good memories and there are some practices I continue because of this friendship.
It is my habit to revisit what feels good and ignore what is not good, what is hurtful, what caused pain and is at risk of causing more pain.
So I sit back in my chair and listen to my body.
I remember being so swept up in how lovely the attention felt, especially directed at what I was enjoying as a part of this adventure we took together. This was magical, I thought, this was intellectual and spiritual and nature oriented and heart expanding and sure, there were aspects of it that were troubling and it is so easy to set those troubling aspects aside when one has been starved of the other constructive aspects for such a long time.
A pro and con list won’t work when one is moving deeply into soul space. It isn’t measurable in the same way.
Our society has a history of protecting the powerful from critique and the ones the powerful targets meanwhile is questioned about everything about the circumstance. It is like a person “gas lighting” byu others and by themselves to use the popular term from a long-ago movie where a man who seems like an honorable human is actually torturing his wife and making her fear she is going insane.
This has been a good day.
I will return tomorrow, for more. Refreshed by a good night’s sleep and some rest and replenishment, I will be ready.
Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in soon!
To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.
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