I would rather feel a lot than be numb.
I know numb. I don’t like numb. It is like being asleep – eyes half open, heart shuttered, laughter muffled.
I lived this way for far too long: back when I believed in sacrificing all my hopes and dreams (except for conventional, acceptable ones.) For some people this was an agreeable Julie.
For me, It was like a slow churning road to a very sleepy life.
I notice my hands leave the keyboard.
I don’t like writing about that time – I don’t like remembering that time. A big part of me doesn’t remember many specifics from back then.
I remember bits and pieces like when I broke my arm the day I took my first roller skating lesson. I was 37. I wanted to be sure my children knew how to skate because there were lots of birthday parties back then at skating rinks and I didn’t want them to be the only children who couldn’t skate.
I was in a bright pink cast for a few weeks and as soon as it came off, I was back at the skating rink. I never got good, but I did actually skate backwards (on purpose) once and I learned to fall so I wouldn’t break anything.
I remember going to Open Mic night. Actually, that was later.
I remember the first time I bumped into the man who told me my assault wasn’t an assault, it was a miscommunication. He laughed at one of my pieces at Open Mic I didn’t realize was funny. I was just being me and yes, that is sort of funny. That was at Open Mic my first time and I was reading from my first ever ebook, a memoir called Don’t Let It Take Two Death Threats published back in 1999.
This was when I was coming out of my sleepy fog.
My first renaissance. I actually read How to Think Like Leonardo Da Vinci and back then I still believed in cliché versions of happy endings.
I don’t see that as a bad thing, actually. There are times I wish I still did believe in happy endings.
I need to write on that, actually, because I may still believe in them… just need a tussle or two to get my Santa Hat on straight. I still believe in him after all….. and the timer sounds saying “Time to pick up Samuel from swimming!”
(I would love to hear your insights on happy endings. Please leave me a comment if you have something to share.)
Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people’s creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming soon!
Contact Julie now to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.